Andante, Andante: Please Don't Let Me Down
by Danilynn87
Summary: After eighteen years together, four children and one demanding career, Emma and Regina are in search for that flame that used to burn bright in their relationship. Marriage isn't always happily ever after and this couple is stumbling through a broken path wondering if they can learn to love again.
1. Chapter One

" _Sutton, baby, please just put this on, we are going to be late and we can't be late tonight. You know how important this is for momma," I plead with those defiant green irises glaring at me, challenging me like they always do._

 _"No," she sternly rejects the offered dress and rips the garment from my clutches. My daughter whips the dress to the floor and crosses her arms over her chest. "Why can't I wear pants like Henry and Noah?"_

 _"You wear jeans everyday, please, I'm just asking for this one night you wear a dress. We all have to dress nice tonight. Momma and I are wearing dresses and so is your sister," I persuade, but my daughter is the most stubborn one out of everyone in this household._

 _"I hate dresses mommy! You know that!" Sutton bellows causing her sister to jump slightly in the corner._

 _"Sutton Grace, I'm done arguing with you. I'm going to make sure your brothers don't need any help and when I come back, you better be in that damn dress," I demand, rising from my trembling knees of fury. I shuffle through the room and gently cup Harper's chin, guiding her big hazel eyes to meet mine. "Convince your sister," I softly whisper through a weak smile before exiting the room._

 _Sutton screams out her anger, inspiring me to close their bedroom door behind me. I close my eyes and exhale out all my stress, but then a soft pair of lips are pressing against mine, washing away all my worries._

 _"Come on, take a breather," Regina whispers into my mouth before she pulls away. My wife slips her hand into mine and ushers me back into our bedroom. "Close the door," she instructs and I obey her request. "Listen Emma, maybe we should stop fighting Sutton. She clearly feels very strongly about the dress situation."_

 _"It's one night. One night, Regina." I shake my head in annoyance and busy myself with helping my wife with her diamond necklace. "I know how important this event is for you. You and Ivy worked very hard for this benefit, our kids can dress nice for one evening," I scowl and release the chain behind Regina's neck._

 _"Emma," my wife breathes and spins around to meet my gaze. She smiles, a warm genuine grin and cups my cheeks. "I love you and I really appreciate you trying to make sure this evening is perfect, but maybe we need to come up with a compromise with Sutton, to help ease our stress for this evening."_

 _I breathe out a long shaky breath and twist my lips as I consider her suggestion. "R-Regina..." I stutter as my mind tries to formulate the words that are buzzing around in my head. "Do you...do you ever think that maybe Sutton...umm..."_

 _"Is gay?" She offers with one dark eyebrow raised in questioning. I slowly nod, while my wife simply chuckles in response. "Sometimes, she does remind me so much of you," my wife so kindly teases._

 _"Hey! I wear dresses," I counter and pry her fingers from my face. "Don't be a brat," I scold and swat my wife's thick bottom, producing a small squeal in return. "It's just, she wants nothing to do with dresses or Barbies, the complete opposite of Harper. I'm surprised she even plays with Harper, because she only plays with boys. She's constantly playing sports, which is great, don't get me wrong..."_

 _"I know," Regina agrees with a small smile. "She might be...or maybe she's just a tomboy, who knows, but she's eight now and I think we should allow her some freedom on what she feels comfortable in."_

 _"Yeah, I agree. I don't want her growing up to resent us or feel like she can't be who she is because we forced her to be someone else."_

 _"Alright maybe we can suggest some leggings beneath the dress as a compromise?"_

 _"Okay, I'll try. Can you check on the boys? Make sure their ties are actually on?" I question while Regina and I head toward the door._

 _"Of course," Regina happily complies before she abruptly spins me around and presses my back against the door. "I love you so much," she tenderly kisses my lips, "and our family no matter what."_

 _Thick, succulent lips press further against my mouth, commanding that I trust in her words. My hands fall immediately to her plump bottom where I pull my wife flush against my body and grope the woman in an animalistic need. Regina moans into my mouth, shamelessly forcing her core to grind against mine._

"Emma."

I rapidly blink away my tortured thoughts and scramble to sweep up the papers in front of me. My right hand flings open my desk drawer before I hastily shove the papers inside.

"Yeah," I croak out and wipe just below my eyes. I slightly shake my head and peer up at my friend lingering in the doorway.

"Hey, are you ready?"

"Yeah, yeah. Of course," I quickly stand from the office desk and dash across the room, checking the clock on the wall. "Where's Rubes?"

"She's going to meet us there, if that's alright?" Belle questions as we step out of the office.

I turn off the lights and close the door behind us before smiling at the brunette. "Of course that's fine."

"Em," she softly whispers my name as her hand lovingly rests on top of my forearm. "Are you alright?"

The corner of my mouth deepens from the sincerity in her voice and somehow I find the strength to fake a smile. "I'm fine," I lie and quickly turn around to exit the long hall.

I would give anything to go back in time when our biggest concern in life was forcing my eight year old to wear a dress. When we would wonder about our children's future and if we were raising them correctly. I so desperately want to turn back time and tell my younger self to slow down, that there was no need to rush, but Regina and I never truly understood the concept of going slow.

"Mom, where were you? We are going to be late?" Sutton scolds me as if _I_ am the child in this relationship. I roll my eyes in return and shove my moody teenager's shoulder toward the door.

"We are not late, relax," I drawl as my eyes sweep across the over sized foyer to count the people. "Where's Henry and Violet?" I quickly inquire when I notice their absence.

"Just on the porch," Sutton replies casually before reaching for the front door.

"I bet they are kissing again," Noah teases causing my nose to scrunch in distaste. I grip my youngest's shoulders and shake him playfully.

"Your chore from now on is to interrupt Henry and Violet whenever they are left alone," I inform my eleven year old who nods enthusiastically, ready to ruin his older brother's fun.

Belle and my daughters laugh as we step out onto the porch to discover Henry leaning awfully close into Violet's personal space. Noah untangles himself from my grasp and jumps right in between the two love sick teenagers, successfully tearing them apart. Henry groans and pushes his little brother while Noah laughs hysterically in return.

It's uncanny how much Noah resembles Henry. Both boys sport the same shaggy brown hair, but at least Henry attempts to style the mess now that he's seventeen and is constantly swooning over Violet. Both of my boys inherited my mother's dark green eyes and whenever I peer into them, I can see my mother all over again, instantly filling my heart with love.

The girls on the other hand are my replicas, especially Sutton with her long blonde hair and bright green eyes. The only way people can tell the twins apart are by Harper's big hazel eyes, but otherwise they are almost identical in physical appearance. However their personalities are night and day, since the moment they were born. Harper is still our shy, quiet one who enjoys reading and writing whereas Sutton is still outgoing, loud and very athletic. Despite their personal differences those two fourteen year olds, are as thick as thieves and will fight to their death to defend one another.

Belle and I load up the kids into the van and drive toward the high school. Harper and Sutton are freshman's this year and tonight is Sutton's volleyball game. Regina and I always make it a point that all our children attend their sibling's events, no matter what, for moral support. Tonight, is a very important game to determine if the team will be going to state or not.

"Mom?" Harper suddenly leans forward in her seat and hovers over my right shoulder. "Uh, is mom coming tonight?"

My eyes quickly flick to the clock on the dashboard and then back to the road. "I believe so," I reply and shrug casually, hoping to ease my daughter's worries.

Sutton will never question Regina's presence, whether it affects her or not, but Harper always seems to sense when her sister needs Regina there. My daughter falls back into her seat and catches a quick glimpse of her sister before focusing on absolutely nothing out the window.

I pull into the parking lot and park this hideous soccer mom van that I needed for luging around my children and all their friends. My kids climb out of the car and dart toward the high school as if we are late, even though we have plenty of time.

"Do you think Regina will make it?" Belle questions as she leans into my side and lowers her voice for only us to hear.

"I would think so," I mutter noncommittally and shrug off the question before my friend has a chance to pry any further. "Do you think Henry and Violet are official now?" I abruptly change the subject while we make our way inside.

"I think so, but I'm sure we will be the last to know," Belle scoffs out her annoyance and rolls those piercing blue eyes.

"Too bad you and Rubes never had more kids, we could've easily kept pairing off our children," I tease, our shoes squeaking against the cheap linoleum floor while we walk toward the gymnasium.

"Hey you two! Wait up!"

Belle and I quickly spin around creating this cringeworthy squeal against the floor. Ruby is running toward us down the hall like we are a couple of high schooler's once again. The lanky brunette leans forward and presses a firm kiss to her wife's lips, inevitably producing a deep shade of pink to paint Belle's cheeks. Even after all this time together they still act like they are in the honeymoon phase of their relationship and I admire that about them.

The couple has been our dearest friends for seventeen years now, ever since Granny began watching Henry at five months old. We have watched our children grow up together, we have enjoyed many double dates and they are truly the most wonderful people alive.

"Hey Ems," Ruby breathes slightly out of breath from her light jog and slips her hand into her wife's.

"Hey Rubes, thanks for coming."

"I wouldn't miss this for the world," she laughs lightly before I yank on the heavy gymnasium door.

My eyes pop open wide from the bleachers are already being filled for this game. The loud chit chatter fills the air and bounces off the walls as we enter. Henry, Violet, Harper and Noah are already sitting in the center of the bleachers, waving for us to join them. We nod and slowly begin the climb up the rickety stairs.

We take our seats behind the kids and revel in the positive energy buzzing through the gym. The excitement is contagious and it's so hard not to smile in this type of atmosphere. My eyes drift around the crowded room, examining the net set up in the middle of the court, but the teams have yet to make their appearance.

"There's mom," Noah excitedly points out to the corner of the overly crowded room.

My heart stops when my eyes land upon the woman in scrubs, still the most stunning woman to enter every room. Her thick raven locks are pulled back into a low ponytail, her face still flawless as ever with very little makeup. Those enchanting brown orbs gaze around the room until they land upon our family and I freeze.

Regina smiles softly at our family, light glistening against her enchanting eyes before she turns and walks toward the bleachers on the other side of the room.

"She didn't," Ruby huffs in my ear when I notice someone trailing closely behind. I quickly furrow my brows, shake my head and press my finger to my lips, insisting my friend keeps her mouth shut.

"Can I go over there?" Noah timidly questions, peeking over his shoulder with curious eyes.

"Of course kiddo," I happily confirm and sweep his long hair out of his eyes.

Henry and Harper glance over at their other mother with scowls etched upon their faces. "Well you're the only one," Henry mutters under his breath inspiring my hand to fling out to its own accord and smack the back of his head. "Ow! What the-"

"Don't even finish that statement," I threaten with a hard glare at my oldest.

"Should I not go?" Noah innocently questions, appearing puzzled on what is right or wrong in this moment.

"No, no," Belle, Ruby and I chant in unison from fear of confusing the young boy.

"Of course you can go over there. You're sleeping over there tonight, right?" I cheerfully imply with my biggest smile to ease my son's worry. He slowly nods while his dark green eyes bore into my soul, trying to decipher what he should be doing in this particular situation. "Go on kiddo, we will all be right here if you want to come back over," I encourage and squeeze his shoulder for support.

"Harper?" He turns his attention to his older sister with pleading puppy dog eyes. "Will you go with me?"

My daughter physically winces despite her best efforts to mask her emotions. Henry finally pries his eyes away from Violet and stares at his sister for her answer. Hazel eyes slowly shift toward inquisitive green, silently holding a private conversation because Harper has always been able to hold that ability with her siblings.

"Um, yeah Noah, I'll walk you over there, okay?" She quietly offers in which he happily agrees with. She exhales slowly and rises from the bleachers with her younger brother. "I'll be back," she mumbles with her hands falling to rest upon her brother's shoulders, guiding him through the crowd.

Once Harper and Noah are out of range Henry abruptly spins around and glares at me. "Seriously, you let him go over there, with her?" He spits through clenched teeth.

"She's your mother Henry," I defend, but even now I'm starting to hear the lack of confidence in my own voice after nine long months of this up hill battle.

"Yeah and I get that," he brushes off my claim and rolls his eyes. "But you shouldn't let Noah go over there with that-"

I quickly hold up my hand to stop whatever choice words my son may have. "I don't care how old you are, you're still my son so choose your words wisely."

Henry's nose scrunches as though he's fighting back the tangy stomach acid threatening at the back of his throat. Violet straightens her posture beside her boyfriend and pretends to study something far off in the distance while her mothers watch with great interest.

"Sutton is gonna freak out if she looks up in the crowd and sees Mom with _that woman_ ," he growls in pure disgust and even I can't hide the way my stomach flips and my face contorts painfully in absolute horror. "It's going to ruin her game, I'm going to say something."

My son pops up on his long limbs, but I am quick to grip his sleeve and tug him down. "Don't you dare make a scene. I'm not forcing you to go over there, but I will not have you stir up drama at your sister's game, do I make myself clear?"

Henry jerks his arm away and spins around in his seat. "Whatever," he grumbles and quickly stands up again.

"I said sit," I growl in a low challenging tone, for only our small group to hear.

"I'm going to get a snack," he spits and stomps away before I can berate him anymore.

"I'll...um...I'll make sure he doesn't go over by Regina," Violet nervously excuses herself and chases after my son.

A gentle hand to my back startles me for a brief moment until I realize it's Ruby. "Are you okay girl?"

"Ugh, no," I croak out and bury my head into my palms. "This is a nightmare," I groan and rests my elbows on my knees. "Why the hell would she bring her here?"

"Are they officially together now?" Belle tentatively inquires and the break in her voice is so damn evident it causes my entire body to deflate.

"I have no clue."

"Sit up, sit up, Harper is coming back," Ruby enlightens me as she swats at my outer thigh.

I quickly straighten my posture and plaster on my fakest smile. "Where's Henry?" Harper cautiously asks while she squirms through the crowd.

"Snacks," we all blurt out, provoking my daughter's one eyebrow to skyrocket just like Regina.

"Mmmkay," she mumbles and slides back into her seat in front of us.

"Noah stayed obviously," I point out, somewhat fishing for any information regarding their other mother.

"Mmhmm," she hums, but refuses to elaborate producing a scowl upon my face.

 _God I wish Sutton was here..._

"Thank you for bringing your brother over there."

Long blonde strands sway against her back as she simply nods in return creating an ache in my heart for my daughter to just open up. Harper has always been glued to Regina's side and I can only imagine how much this divorce is effecting her. I know only seeing her other mother on weekends is killing my baby girl.

Ruby lightly pats my knee expressing her support but my mind is too focused on another. My eyes dart over to the other side of the bleachers where my son is animatedly speaking to his other mother while that bitch Fiona smiles at my son. She flips her long, jet black, sleek hair away from her shoulders, that I know she spent some time styling, unlike my dull hair that was carelessly tossed into a low ponytail this morning. I hate her, I hate her pale porcelain flawless face, with those dark mysterious cat eyes and plump pink lips, laughing adoringly at my son. I can practically hear her stupid British accent that is an instant panty-dropper to anyone's ears.

I swallow thickly and force down the stomach acid clawing a path up my chest and tickling the back of my throat. I hate this. I hate all of this. Regina's words haunt me at night when I lie awake, alone in the bed we once shared.

" _We were never ones to take things slow."_

That simple phrase always made me smile like some stupid smug asshole. Now, I hate those words more than ever. God I wish we would have taken things slow. I wish we would have never rushed. I wish more than anything to turn back the clock.

I blink away the tears lingering in my eyes and notice Regina watching me intently. I quickly avert my eyes and focus on the court, where luckily my daughter is entering. The crowd begins to clap aggressively, drowning out the beating of my heart as it slams murderously against my sternum from my torment.

My daughter stands tall and full of confidence as she enters with the varsity team. Luckily, she did inherit all my genes, long lanky limbs that help her fit in with the juniors and seniors around her. We knew Sutton was special when it came to sports but we were completely shocked when she announced she made varsity as a freshman.

I clap, cheer and holler, overly enthusiastic for my daughter's wonderful accomplishments. I am so proud of this girl, I'm practically giddy in my seat.

A soft pretzel soon obstructs my view causing me to lean back in my seat. I peer up through my thick eyelashes and find my son looking everywhere, but in my direction.

"Here," he mutters under his breath and offers the snack once again.

"Thanks," I reply even though it comes off more of a question and accept the pretzel.

"Sorry...about earlier," he grumbles and flops down in his seat next to Harper with Violet right by his side.

"Apology accepted." I ruffle his hair and kiss the top of his head before he can swat me away and focus on the game with my family.

XXXXXXXXX 

"Twenty-five, all," my daughter's voice booms through the gymnasium.

Sutton tosses the ball into the air and leaps high off the ground. Her palm smacks against the ball, echoing through the gym while the ball slices through the air. Sneakers skid and shriek against the floor as the other team anticipates where the ball might end up, but none of that matters because the ball forcefully slams down between two girls before they have a chance to react.

The entire crowd roars with praise while everyone jumps to their feet. My daughter's team all high-five her quickly before the ball is back in Sutton's hands again. The crowd falls silent, allowing my daughter the concentration she needs while she spins the ball in her hands, preparing herself just as she always does before she serves.

"Twenty-five, twenty-four," Sutton's strong determined voice echoes through the room again before she serves once more.

The ball flies across the court, over the net and drops like dead weight near the back corner of the court. The crowd screams in delight and claps energetically while my eyes drift across the room to land upon Regina.

The brunette is anxiously swaying from one foot to the next. She was never really good at watching our children compete. The woman always becomes a fumbling, stressed mess in fear that our children may lose. Her eyes are solely focused on our daughter and my hand twitches in response, wishing I could hold her hand right now and we could experience this moment together.

"Game point," my daughter calls out catching my attention.

My eyes dart back to Sutton and watch as she methodically spins the ball and serves once again. The ball carries beautifully once again through the air, but some beanstalk in the back row bumps the ball off her forearms. Shoes squeak against the floorboards as girls run around, their eyes following the ball's every move.

My jaw clenches and my heart stops as another girl jumps high into the air and smacks the ball down. I hold my breath until a girl on our team slides under the ball and bumps it back into the air. Another girl runs beneath the ball and bumps it up even higher. Sutton jumps, stretching her long limbs before she smacks the ball down for a perfect spike. The other team misses the ball completely, granting my daughter bragging rights for the winning point.

The entire crowd screams uncontrollably, but I notice the way my daughter lands when she comes back down. Her ankle buckles under the pressure and she instantly collapses to the ground.

"Shit," I curse through clenched teeth and quickly squirm through the crowded bleachers.

I run down the stairs, the bleachers clinking and clanking the entire way down and I know my family is following close behind. Sutton's team and coaches are already forming a circle around my daughter as I make my way onto the court. In my peripheral vision I spot Regina running across the floor.

"Sutton! Sutton!" I scream as the anxiety rises quickly in my body. A small path clears granting me access to my daughter. I fall to my knees and place a shaky hand upon my daughter's back.

"Mom," she gasps while she holds her ankle tight with both hands. "God it hurts. It hurts," she hisses, her jaw flexing painfully tight.

"I know sweetie."

"Sutton, sweetie," Regina nervously calls out as she makes her way through the crowd. The brunette bends down and immediately turns her attention to the ankle, but our daughter is holding on for dear life. "Let me see, I promise I won't touch," Regina softly encourages while I continue to rub my daughter's back for comfort.

Sutton clings to her ankle as if the limb may fall off, inspiring Harper to sit beside her. "Let Mom look," she whispers, allowing Sutton the courage she needs to release her wounded area.

"Look at me," I gently command while Regina examines her swollen ankle. Emerald green eyes meet mine, but never once does my daughter shed a tear.

"I believe it's just a bad sprain, but we better take you in for an x-ray just to be on the safe side," Regina suggests while I nod along.

"You can bring her into my office, breaks and fractures are my expertise," Fiona cheerfully chimes in provoking my stomach to do back flips in protest.

"Thank you, that's very-"

"Hell no!"

"Sutton!" I quickly scold.

"I am _not_ going anywhere with _you_ ," she growls in her most threatening tone as she grips her ankle once again.

"Sutton," Regina softly murmurs, "now is not the-"

"No. No. Mom," my daughter's eyes flick toward mine. "Take me to the hospital."

"Sutton, Fiona is a pediatric-"

Regina is cut off again, but this time by our oldest son. "Stop, we are not causing a scene," he quietly says so only our family can hear. Henry bends down and scoops his sister into his arms. "Let's discuss this in the car," he demands and walks through the crowd of people without another word spoken.

I glance over at Regina who is still kneeling, dumbfounded on the ground. I frown before I scramble to my feet and take Noah's hand in mine. "Let's follow your brother," I suggest and nod for Harper to lead the way. Regina doesn't hesitate before she jumps to her feet and follows us out of the high school.

With every step I take I feel Regina's presence weighing me down. Every cold hard step against the slick floors, she's there following in my footsteps and sinking my heart further and further into oblivion. It's so much easier to pretend I'm alright when she's not around, but every time she's near I feel apart of my soul slowly dying.

I welcome the cool evening air with open arms to extinguish the flushed burn clawing up the back of my neck and cheeks. I fumble for my car key inside my jean's pocket and unlock the door for Henry. He quickly opens the door and gently places Sutton insides.

"We will meet you at the hospital then?" I meekly question, never turning around to meet those enchanting eyes.

"Emma, Fiona specializes in-"

"Harper, take Noah to the car please," I request and my daughter instantly steps in and leads her little brother to the van. I wait until the car door closes before I spin around to face my ex. "Sutton doesn't feel comfortable with _her_ , so let's respect our daughter's wishes and bring her to the hospital."

"Don't you think if Sutton did fracture something, Regina would send her to me anyways?" Fiona smugly replies. "That is where she sends all her patients as well."

"Wow Regina," Ruby begins but my ex immediately cuts her off.

"Oh so nice of you to finally speak to me," Regina quickly quips, her words dripping with sarcasm as she glares at Ruby with disappointment.

"Let's not do this now. Regina we are going to the hospital, you can either meet us there or don't come at all, I really don't care anymore." I roll my eyes and stomp away, forcing out my rage against the pavement so I can fake my best smile for the kids when I enter the car.

"Seriously Emma? Don't act like that, of course I'm coming. This concerns our daughter."

"Then I'll see you there," I quickly turn my attention to the annoyingly beautiful woman beside my soon to be ex-wife. "I suggest you skip this family affair. My daughter is in pain right now and clearly she doesn't want you in her presence."

I spin back around and climb into my driver's seat with all eyes on me, waiting, expecting, holding their breathes as they watch their mothers interact in a way they are still not accustomed to.

 _A/N: Ohhhhh, I know you guys are going to kill me, but please bear with me. I promise a beautiful ending, but you know me, I love writing about real life events and for the readers to fully feel these emotions it had to be this storyline. I think it's important to discuss what happens after the happily ever after. If you haven't read the first story please make sure you read Andante, Andante first._


	2. Chapter Two

" _Moms! Moms!" Henry bellows in sheer panic through our oversized home, that Regina insisted we purchase for our ever growing family._

 _Regina and I exchange fearful glances before we set down the food we were preparing to cook for dinner and both run toward our back door. Our eight year old, Henry, is carrying Sutton awkwardly and stumbling through the door with Harper hot on his heels._

 _"Moms!"_

 _"Ssshhh, Henry what's wrong? Your brother is sleeping upstairs," Regina gently states while I pull Sutton from his arms._

 _"She fell off her bike," he nervously explains while he watches me through concerned eyes where I might be bringing his little sister. "Her knee! Be careful her knee!"_

 _Harper runs to my side, never wanting to leave her sister too far behind. Regina bends down and brushes Henry's messy, sweaty locks to one side and smiles with so much love in her eyes._

 _"I'm so proud of you my little prince," she coos, creating a pink tinge to graces his cheeks, because he somehow is too old to be called her 'little prince' anymore. "You took care of your little sister and I promise she will never forget it. That's the type of person I want you to be," she gently presses her lips to his forehead and escorts him into the kitchen where I have Sutton sitting on top of the counter._

 _Our five year old is gripping her knee and whipping her braided pigtails from side to side as she cries out in pain. I'm slowly prying her fingers away to inspect the damage while Regina retrieves the first aid kit._

 _"Sutton, sweetie, let me look," I softly whisper but she continues to frantically shake her head._

 _"Don't hurt her mommy," Harper cries out in fear for her sister's wellbeing._

 _"Oh baby girl," Regina coos and gently cups Harper's chin, forcing her glossy hazel eyes to meet big brown ones. "We won't hurt your sister, we promise."_

 _"Okay," she sniffles and peers up at her tearful sister. "Let momma help you Sutton."_

 _Sutton slams her eyes closed, but slowly releases her knee granting Regina and I the permission to clean up her scraped wound._

 _"Is it bad? Do I have to go to the hospital?"_

 _"Are you going to have to cut off her leg?" Henry inquires completely serious._

 _"Yes Henry, momma's going to chop it off right here on our kitchen table," I tease earning myself a playful smack from my wife._

 _"Don't put those things into our children's heads," she scolds, but there's a faint smirk ghosting over her lips that instantly draws me in closer to steal a quick peck because I can never seem to get enough of those succulent red lips. She flashes me a shy smile before she turns her attention back toward our daughter. "I'm just cleaning the scrape and then I'm going to put a bandaid on and you'll be as good as new."_

 _"Which one you want?" I question as I dig through the kit and pull out a few options. "We have Ariel, Batman, Mickey Mouse or...a plain yucky brown one," I tease._

 _Sutton sniffles, her bright green eyes finally fluttering open to meet mine. "Batman," she whispers and I nod, knowing already this would be her choice. I slowly peel open the bandage and wait for Regina's signal for me to place Batman into position._

 _Regina kisses Sutton's forehead and I mimic her gesture as Harper tugs on Regina's shirt. "Momma, can I have Ariel for my knee?" My wife smiles a mile wide before she bends down and places the princess bandaid across Harper's knee so she matches her sister._

 _I lift Sutton off the counter and wipe away the remainder of her tears. "You're all better, ready to go play some more?"_

 _"No, I hate bikes," she spits and pouts out her bottom lip._

 _"That's why I don't ride bikes," Harper copies her twin's pose and scowls in return._

 _"Sutton, you have to keep riding, you can't let one scraped knee stop you," Regina softly explains with warm encouraging eyes._

 _"And as for you baby girl," I turn my attention toward Harper and point my finger at her. "You will learn how to ride a bike, you can't go through life not knowing how to ride."_

 _"Your it!" Henry screams and slaps Sutton's arm, completely distracting her from her worries._

 _"Not fair!" She cries out and takes off running after her brother, with Harper following close behind._

 _"Outside," Regina demands, "Let's not wake your brother."_

 _The children happily obey Regina's request, running recklessly outside with all their fears left behind. I smirk as I watch Regina clean up the mess we made and I'm quick to interrupt her. I grip her hips and spin her around, pinning her between the counter and myself. I press my body firmly against hers and capture those inviting lips into a passionate kiss._

 _Regina laughs against my mouth while her hands grip my face, pulling me in even closer to claim my mouth. Her warm tongue slips into my mouth and sweeps ever so delicately against mine, creating a guttural moan to stir within my chest._

 _"We make a pretty good team," I moan into the kiss inspiring her head to just nod along, never wanting to break apart our kiss._

XXXXXXXXX

"What the hell is taking them so long?" I grunt while my feet continue to pace across the small hospital section, closed off by only a curtain.

"Hospitals always take this long," Regina answers with extra snip in her tone, clearly insinuating that we could have been finished by now if we would have went to Fiona's office instead.

I bite down on the inside of my lip, my eyes drifting toward Regina who is sitting elegantly in the corner with Noah upon her lap. The uncomfortable tension is so evident in her frame by the way she's clinging to our son like he's her life line to keep her from falling apart. My heart aches to feel her comfort once again, my fingers tingle to hold her close and relieve our worries like we once did as a couple.

"Sutton Swan-Mills?" A young male nurse questions as he makes his appearance around the curtain. He must be in his early twenties and quite handsome with his jet black hair and bright blue eyes, instantly drawing out a blush across our daughter's cheeks.

Sutton straightens her posture and attempts to pretend that she isn't in any pain at all. "Yes," she softly replies while she fights against the smile spreading wide across her lips.

"Hi, I'm Derek and I was wondering if you would accompany me for a ride this evening?" The nurse playfully inquires while pulling up a wheelchair next to her hospital bed, generating a deeper shade of pink against her pale cheeks.

"Uh, sure...why not," she replies with a shy shoulder shrug.

"Someone finally rendering that big mouth of yours speechless, huh Sut?" Henry teases earning himself a rough punch to his bicep from his younger sister. "Ow, dude," he mindlessly rubs his upper arm while the nurse helps Sutton into her wheelchair.

"Knock it off you two," I groan.

The nurse Derek, chuckles to himself before he turns his attention toward Regina and I. "We will be back in about twenty minutes," he informs us and then wheels Sutton away with barely a goodbye from my ex and I.

"Henry, do you always have to tease your sister like that?" Regina scolds the moment our family is left alone in our private curtain space.

"I was just joking."

"You see that she's in pain, you couldn't just let that one go?" Regina continues to reprimand our son, inspiring an involuntary groan to stir in my throat because I know our oldest will proceed to argue with her.

Henry has always been strong willed, just like Sutton. As lovable as our son can be, he's just as defiant with a smart tongue. He reminds me so much of Regina with his stubborn attitude, it drives me absolutely mad sometimes. He's more Regina's son than Neal and I combined.

"You knew this game was important for her, you couldn't just leave your girlfriend behind," he spits in pure disgust as he leans against the wall, his eyes floating toward the ceiling because he knows damn well he will be in trouble for that remark.

"Henry, Fiona is _not_ -"

"This isn't the time nor place for this discussion," I quickly intervene, folding my arms across my chest to keep my erratic heartbeat in control. I hate these conversations more than anything in this world.

"No Emma," Regina quickly stands tall, forcing Noah off her lap and stalking toward me with fire burning in her eyes. "Now is the time." The brunette assertively steps closer toward Henry until she is standing directly in front of him, trapping him against the wall. "Listen to me Henry, I understand that this is hard for you and your siblings, but I will not allow you to disrespect me. Fiona is not my girlfriend," at that statement I have to physically strain myself not to roll my eyes because I know. She may not be the _girlfriend_ , but we all know she keeps my wife's bed warm at night when Regina's lonely. "She's a colleague, but if your mother and I decide to date other people you will _not_ be disrespectful, do I make myself clear?"

Henry's eyes stay glued to the ceiling, refusing to meet his mother's stern gaze. His pointed chin wobbles recklessly and I know those tears are lingering awfully close. He firmly presses his lips together to fight back his emotions and finally meets his mother's eyes.

"No."

"Excuse me?"

My eyes dart around the room to find Harper's eyes wide in fear and Noah's eyes flicking back and forth between his mother and brother with great curiosity.

"I said no. No, you don't make yourself clear. I will _not_ respect Fiona. I hate her and I know mom, I _know_ ," he growls and stands a little taller. "I'm not a kid anymore and I'm not going to pretend that her presence doesn't hurt mom."

"Henry-" I breathe out, slightly embarrassed of what my son might spill about our home life.

"No," he shakes his head and glares at Regina with nothing but hate pulsating in his eyes.

"Henry, you are still a child. You are still _our_ child and as much as our decision not to be together effects you, it's still none of your business," Regina strictly declares, her nose pushing further into our son's personal space.

"It _is_ my business, because you aren't there. You're never there, you never were. You never saw what I saw-"

"Henry, stop!" I coldly command, instantly snapping my son's mouth shut and causing everyone to jump slightly in the room. I have never been the strict disciplinarian, that was always Regina's expertise, but when I raise my voice my children know I mean business. "Enough. We are not doing this right now. Henry take your siblings down to the cafeteria, cool off."

"But Mom-"

"No _buts_ , move," I demand inspiring Harper to jump to her feet. She takes Noah's hand in hers and escorts him out from behind the curtain, Henry stomping his feet closely behind.

Regina runs a quivering hand through her hair and pulls out her hair tie in the process. She shakes out those free tresses and groans out all her frustrations toward our son. My ex grips the back of her neck and stares aimlessly at the ceiling and I know she's fighting back tears, but I can't find the strength to soothe her worries. That's just not who we are anymore. I'm not even sure if I know that woman that stands before me today.

So, Regina paces in thick silence while I nervously pick at the hem of my shirt, avoiding her eyes like the plague. The awkward tension is palpable and growing rapidly with each second the ticks against the clock. I've never heard silence this loud before and I beg for our daughter to return from her X-rays.

Regina is the first to speak up through the deafening silence. "I'm tired of Henry's constant back talking."

"Yeah well...he's hurting."

"He seems to believe this divorce is all my fault," she insinuates, demanding my full attention and forcing my eyes to finally meet hers.

"Is it not?" I challenge, one eyebrow slowly crawling high against my forehead.

"Oh don't start Emma," she exasperates and shakes her head furiously. "You're the one-"

"Alright, were back!" Derek cheerfully interjects, pushing Sutton through the curtain in her wheelchair. "The Doctor should be in any moment. How about I help you onto the table Sutton?" He politely offers creating another blush to break against my daughter's cheeks while she shyly nods.

"Thank you Derek," Regina kindly states while the nurse helps Sutton onto the table.

"No problem, good luck Sutton," he smiles brightly showing off all his white pearly teeth before disappearing behind the curtain once again.

"You guys are fighting again," our daughter deadpans with the infamous Mills' eye roll and reaches for her sore ankle once more.

"No sweetie, we're fine," Regina assures her and moves to comfort our spunky teen.

"Yeah, right. Whatever, where is the rest of the family?"

"They went down to the cafeteria for something to eat," I explain and shove my hands into my front pockets feeling the tension between Regina and I slowly suffocating my limbs.

Regina and I never fought in front of our children, not once during our sixteen years of marriage. We always made it a point to hide our problems and keep up a happy home until one night everything came crashing down around us. I'm fairly confident the night Regina and I called it quits, our children were outside our door listening to every word. That night haunts all of us and replays like a broken record every night before I go to bed.

"Sutton Swan-Mills?" A cool voice booms sternly into the room as the curtain whips open. "Doctor Mills."

"Good evening Doctor Belfrey," Regina instantly greets her former mentor and I scoff under my breath from the improper name. She's still _Swan-Mills_.

My eyes flick toward the older woman and I must say, Doctor Belfrey did not age well. Puffy bags are drooping below her tired raccoon eyes with deep lines etched into her pale face. Her hair is almost all grey now and in dire need of a style and I can't help but think this is in Regina's near future if she doesn't slow down at work.

"Well my my my, where has time gone?" The older woman questions as her eyes take in our daughter. "You look just like your mother," she comments and flashes a smile in my direction.

"I get that a lot," Sutton grumbles and rolls her big green eyes.

"And your other mother's personality I see," she mocks before she turns her attention toward her clipboard. "Well I reviewed your X-ray and luckily it's just a bad sprain."

"Oh good. When can I play volleyball again?"

"Slow down, I believe your mother will agree when I say at least four weeks," Belfrey firmly instructs with her beady eyes narrowed pointedly.

"What? Mom, please no. State is in two weeks. I didn't just win that game for nothing!" Our daughter hastily complains.

"I'm sorry sweetie," Regina softly coos as she delicately runs her fingers across our daughter's forehead. "You don't want to mess up that ankle so you can't play ever again, do you? You have three more years of high school to play."

"Sutton it's for the best," I agree to stay on the same page as parents and appear as a united front, even though that's hardly the case.

"This is so unfair," she gripes and folds her arms across her chest. "I got my team to state, I deserve to play!"

"Life is unfair," I spit without truly processing my words. My eyes suddenly flick toward Regina who is watching me closely. I shake my head and hastily turn my attention toward Belfrey. "So crutches for the time being?"

Belfrey explains what I need to do while Regina comforts our daughter, already knowing what needs to be done. Soon we gather our stuff and our children, walking slowly to the car in silence so Sutton can adjust to the crutches.

I unlock my van and notice the children are awkward lingering between mine and Regina's SUV. I spin around on my heels and gesture for the kids to climb inside.

"Uh...it's Friday night," Noah whispers mostly to himself. I flinch from his words, realizing I was so caught up in everything I completely forgot it's not my night.

"Momma?" Sutton softly whispers and I know already she's about to ask something big, because the kids haven't called Regina ' _momma_ ' since they were very little, unless their temperatures are very high. "Can I go home with mom tonight? I just want to be in my own bed."

Whether Regina's heart is cracking painfully into thousands of little pieces, she does one hell of a job masking her emotions. She inhales sharply and musters up her fakest smile before she nods curtly. Sutton's eyes quickly flick toward her sister, who is nervously swaying beside her.

"Can I stay with Sutton?" Harper weakly requests while she fiddles with her zipper on her jacket.

"Of course baby girl," Regina smiles through her glossy eyes so I busy myself because I could never stand to see that woman cry.

I hold out my hand and help my daughter into the van with Harper on the other side to help with her crutches. My heart hammers in my chest because I know what's to come and I'm fairly confident Regina does as well.

"Yeah...ummm..." Henry begins awkwardly.

"You can all stay home tonight, it's fine," Regina agrees, but I know in her heart it's not fine. I know she's dying on the inside and she would give anything to take care of Sutton tonight like she always does when our babies are sick or hurting.

"Hey mom?" Sutton calls out to Regina as Noah climbs into the back row and Henry jumps into the front seat. Regina hums softly, probably too terrified to use her voice out of fear from her emotions bubbling over. "Can you maybe come by the house tonight?"

My face falls as I lay Sutton's crutches down on the floor of the vehicle. A cold shiver runs down my spine as sheer panic explodes through my mind.

"Oh um..." Regina trails off so I take a chance and peek over my shoulder to gauge her reaction. Those damn alluring eyes trap me in that same spell I fell for all those years ago and my head nods in agreement without my proper consent. My eyes flutter close as I hear Regina whisper, "sure sweetie."

"Great," my daughter breathes out all her apprehension about her request and slumps back into her seat. "Thanks, moms."

My lips press together in a tight lipped smile as Regina and I nod politely and I close the back door. I jiggle my car key in my hand nervously and attempt to breathe through my anxiety of having Regina in our home again after nine long months. Of course she stops by to pick up or drop off the kids, but she only lingers in the foyer, never stepping foot across the entryway and always ringing the doorbell. Ringing a doorbell to a home in which she purchased, a home she choose for our family to grow in. A home she swore was our _forever home_.

"So...I'll...see you at...the house," I stammer as too many emotions swarm through my tired brain.

"Of course," she smiles politely and nods curtly before stepping backwards toward her car. I breathe out an awful, uncomfortable smile and shuffle backwards as well until I reach the driver's side of the van.

I softly close the door behind me and start my engine, my head hanging low as I try to breathe through my anguish.

"You okay ma?" Henry softly whispers, his head hanging just as low to meet my eyes.

"Yup," I lie to my son's face and pull out of our parking spot, ready to get this night over with.

XXXXXXXXX 

We enter the home we once shared for the first time together in nine months. Regina was the one that found this place after we discussed having more children when Henry was born. We knew we wanted three children, but Harper and Sutton being twins really threw us for a loop, but like the love sick puppy I was for Regina, I wanted more babies with the woman.

At first, I hardly noticed Regina's long hours because I myself was busy. I had a newborn constantly in my arms while chasing around twin girls that Henry constantly insisted on riling up just to annoy them. As Noah grew and the three older ones where in school, I noticed just how lonely my life had become. Not in every aspect, because I still had Belle, Ruby and Ivy as friends, but the attention I craved was from my wife.

That's when I noticed her extended work hours and the added day because her practice was just growing so popular. Ivy and Regina constantly held benefits for children in need and soon their patient list was booming. Everyone wanted to bring their children to Regina and Ivy and neither pediatrician wanted to push their patients off on other doctors when they specifically came to see them.

Soon, their office hours were from nine in the morning until five thirty at night, which would be fine, if Regina came home after that. The two doctors would stay late, filling out proper forms from their busy days, ordering supplies and preparing for the next hectic day. Regina even opened her office on Saturday's which just meant less time for me, because when she was available, all that free time was devoted toward our children, which I can't complain about.

"Uh, you can help Sutton upstairs if you'd like," I timidly offer while all of us remove our shoes in the entry way.

"Sure," she nervously agrees and I watch as her mind works on autopilot to place her white, comfortable, doctor shoes where she always set them down when she entered our home for fifteen years.

I swallow thickly and quickly avert my eyes so I don't drown in the longing for my life I so desperately want back. I clear my throat and find something to distract myself with.

"Noah, why don't you head on up and get ready for bed. I'll be up in a few minutes," I suggest while all my children watch me like I'm some sort of animal at an exhibit.

"Okay mom," he mumbles and climbs the stairs two at a time, most likely wanting to remove himself from this awful situation we have found ourselves in.

Not one person says anything before my kids all climb the stairs, Regina and Harper helping Sutton every step of the way. Luckily my phone begins to ring to distract me from the torture climbing my stairs right now. I slip my phone from my back pocket and answer without checking the caller as I make my way toward the laundry room to busy myself.

"Hello."

"Emma dear," Cora gushes into the phone and instantly I suck in a cold, icy breath. "How are you?"

"Uh...I'm..." I glance over my shoulder at the bottom of my staircase and sigh heavily. "I'm alright."

"You don't sound alright. How was Sutton's game?" Just the corner of my mouth deepens from this wonderful woman and her constant attention she proves for my children.

"Well, she killed it," I confess and begin loading the washing machine. "She was fantastic, she served six times in a row, untouched, but then game point it was back and forth. She spiked the ball and won the game, but she landed on her ankle wrong and we ended up in the emergency room tonight to make sure nothing was broken."

"Oh my goodness, please tell me my little girl is alright," Cora gasps and I cannot help the smile this woman brings to my face.

"Yes, she's alright," I pour the laundry detergent in and softly close the lid. I spin around on my heels and lean against the rumbling machine. "Just a sprain, she should be just fine."

"Well that's wonderful to hear my dear. Listen Emma, I don't think we will be able to make Christmas this year."

"What? Why?"

"Well beside the fact that Henry and I are just old now, but my lovely husband hasn't been doing so well lately," she sadly responds causing my back to stiffen out of fear.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Oh nothing, nothing to worry about. I just don't think it's wise for us to travel like we used to."

"Well maybe we can come there," I suggest and fold my arms across my chest to keep away the ache in my heart from missing the older couple. "It's been a long time..."

"Too long my dear, Noah was four the last time you came to Sicily," she sternly accuses and there goes the last piece holding my heart together. I deflate out of shame and disgust.

 _What happened to my life?_

"Really? He was four? Ugh, that's terrible," I groan and squeeze my eyes shut to block out reality, only focusing on her warm soothing voice.

"I bet my boy doesn't even speak Italian? And what about the girls, do they still remember?"

I groan and shake my head. "Truthfully? I have no clue."

"Emma!"

"I'm sorry, life sort of...got in the way," I weakly defend feeling like a scolded child all over again. "But now I think more than ever the kids and I should come visit."

"I think you should as well my dear."

"Sorry for interrupting," Regina's timid voice startles my eyes wide open, causing me to jump against the machine. "Sorry," she apologizes again when my eyes meet hers. "Did you need any help with the laundry?" She shyly questions as her eyes drift to the pile behind me.

"Is that my daughter?" Cora interferes, her voice becoming awfully serious.

"Yes," I reply into the phone and beg my eyes to peel away from my ex lingering in the doorway, but I can't find the strength.

"Tell her that I have been trying to get ahold of her," Cora coldly remarks.

"Your mother said she's been trying to get ahold of you."

"I know," she bows her head in shame and shakes all those raven tresses that my fingers itch to run through and my nose craves to inhale the warm familiar scent. "I've been busy."

"She's busy," I deadpan producing a sorrowful sigh from my ex.

"I don't give a damn, I am her mother!" Cora screams into the phone, loud enough I have to pull the device away from my ear and there's no doubt in my mind Regina heard her infuriated mother.

Regina leans into the phone, her eyes casted down toward the floor. "I'll call you tomorrow morning mother."

"You better young lady!"

"Mother I'm forty-four years old," she lazily replies.

"I don't care if you're eighty-four!"

"Alright, alright, I will call you tomorrow."

"Good. Emma?"

"Yeah, I'm here," I mumble into the phone and place the device against my ear again.

"I'll speak with you soon. Have a nice evening," she taunts, knowing damn well my night will be filled with horrendous awkward silences, uncomfortable longing looks and confused feelings.

"I'll speak with you soon, ma. I love you." She expresses the same loving goodbyes before I hang up my phone and shove it into my back pocket.

"I didn't mean to intrude, I helped Sutton into bed and then came back down because I just..." she stops dead in her tracks and nervously tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, the most endearing gesture ever.

I know. I know all too well what she's thinking. She believes she's not welcome in this house anymore and that her presence is a nuisance in my eyes. I swallow down that sick feeling of uncertainty and fake my best smile.

"It's fine," I wave off the insinuation and clutch nervously onto the edge of the shaking washing machine.

"Would you like some help?" She nods toward the pile again and just like that my body shudders from her close proximity.

"Oh...no, it's fine. I got it."

"I don't mind-"

"No it's fine Regina," I quickly reject the offer, reminding myself we were just about to argue not even an hour ago in the hospital before we were interrupted.

"Alright, maybe I should go," she implies and my heart plummets.

I hate so much how indecisive my heart and mind are. As much as I want her gone and out of my life, I find myself constantly drawn to her. Always pleading in my mind for her to stay and never leave me again while begging that she just leaves my mind for good.

"Okay," I mutter and push off the washing machine to walk her to the door.

"Emma," she quickly spins around on her heels, almost bumping into me, but I'm quick to take a step back. There's a look of dread in her eyes and I know she's either going to start a fight or stall for whatever reason. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For allowing me to come over tonight," she kindly replies with a hint of hope glistening in her eyes.

"Well it was your night," I mumble and watch as her face falls inspiring my head to cock to the side in confusion.

"Right." My ex lingers in the doorway not once making an attempt to move, but I can't be this close and not have her in my arms.

"I'll walk you to the door," I offer and brush passed her, her lavender familiar scent wafting passed me and melting my heart just like the first week we met.

We walk in dead silence, our feet padding across the hardwood floors. Hardwood floors that Regina remodeled a few years ago, because the previous flooring was scuffed and painted with memories from our children growing up. Deep indents, scratches and stains all things that make up life are now gone from our sight.

I watch carefully as Regina bends down and sits at the bottom of the staircase just as she always did to tie her work shoes every morning. I have to bite down on my bottom lip to stop any tears from forming. I remember so vividly how I would stand in this very position watching her tie her shoes each morning while I waited with her coffee in my hand and the children would be putting on their shoes as well before school. I would hand her the thermos, kiss her goodbye and watch them all leave together for their day.

 _When did I stop making her coffee in the morning?_

"Emma," she softly whispers tearing my mind away from the past.

"Hmm?"

"Will you bring the children over tomorrow? If they are up for it?" She nervously questions as she gazes into my eyes.

"Yeah, of course. They will come, all four," I mindlessly reply, too overwhelmed by my current emotions crashing into my body.

"Okay, have a nice night."

"You too," I mutter and softly close the door behind my ex.


	3. Chapter Three

_A/N: Before we start I just want to say thank you to everyone for supporting my stories. I know this story might be hard to read at times because of the angst, heartache and slow burn, but they won't be sleeping together and all their problems disappear. They will work on rebuilding their relationship. So thanks again, I truly appreciate every single comment, they all mean so much to me and keep me writing!_

"Mom."

My eyes instantly pop wide open and despite the simple fact that I know it's my son, my body scampers backward and my heart thumps widely in my chest.

"Noah," I groan through my sleep induced voice and peek over at the clock on my night stand, glowing six in the morning. "Kiddo, it's too early," I protest and fling the comforter open so my son can crawl into bed with me.

My youngest scrambles into the warmth and presses his back against my front so I can hold him close and wash away whatever fears that are haunting him right now. My fingers lazily tread through his thick hair while my lips stretch forward to kiss the back of his head gently.

"Mom."

"Hmmm," I reply even though my eyelids are growing heavy and slowly drifting closed. My mind begging to take me away into a far away land.

"How come nobody wanted to go to mom's last night?" He innocently questions provoking my arms to tighten around his scrawny frame and pull him in ever closer.

"No kiddo, it's not that. Sutton was just hurt and upset and she just wanted to be in her own bed. Then of course Harper had to copy her, because we know Harper," I lightly tease to help soothe his sorrows. "I'm pretty sure Henry was just wanting to be near his sisters and make sure they were okay, that's all. No big deal. I'm taking all four of you over there once it's actually time to wake up," I deadpan and place another reassuring kiss to his head.

"Okay."

"Noah, you know you can stay with your mom whenever you want to. Just tell us. You don't always have to follow in your sibling's footsteps. I suggest you don't anyways, because they are cranky, like all the time." My son breathes out a small laugh through his nose and squirms in closer to the warm sensation seeping from the comforter. "I love you bud, no matter what, okay?"

"I know. I love you too mom."

"Okay good, now let's sleep a few more hours before it's time to get up," I suggest and snuggle into my youngest, absorbing every second of this moment because I know in my heart I don't have too many of these cuddles left with him.

XXXXXXXXX 

"Let's get a move on kids," I scream up the elaborate staircase encouraging my children to finish up whatever they may need to pack for Regina's.

Although she is renting a spacious townhome with enough bedrooms for each one of our children, the kids have never fully committed into moving their possessions over there. They usually spend Friday night to Monday morning with Regina, every weekend packing a bag for their stay. I'm not sure if they are just hoping that this divorce is temporary or maybe they are too terrified to move some of their things because then that would be admitting defeat and having to face the harsh reality.

Noah's heavy trampling down the stairs are the first set of feet I acknowledge, followed by Henry's. I peer up the long, winding staircase and watch my boys shove each other playfully while engulfed in some sort of game of chase.

"Cool it boys, we don't need another trip to the emergency room," I groan while slipping on my sneakers.

"Hey ma, can I talk to you for a minute?" My oldest nervously questions as he shrugs his backpack even higher upon his shoulder.

"Sure kid. Noah, get your shoes on," I turn my attention toward the stairs and raise my voice for the twins to hear me. "Sutton. Harper. Let's go!"

I nod toward my young man and I swear my heart breaks every time my mind processes just how tall he is now. I hate that he's slightly taller than me, it makes me long for those days when he was nestled tightly into my embrace and I could protect him from the world.

I follow my son into the kitchen and study the way his posture grows rigid and he's fumbling nervously with his backpack. I raise one eyebrow in confusion, but I wait patiently for him to come to me with his worries.

"This...this has been rough lately," he begins, his tongue stuttering over the words he's trying so desperately to communicate.

"I know kid," I sigh, but he's already cutting me off and continuing with his speech.

"I mean, it's different for me." My face contorts to match the perplexed thoughts swarming around in my brain. "I have three homes now. I mean...my dad is Sutton, Harper and Noah's dad too, but he's really only _my_ third parent. I just...they...they don't have to be split up between three homes now. I'm seventeen and by next year, none of this will matter anymore because I'll be in college, but right now...this is hard." My son's broad shoulders slump from his admission, the pain and hurt from finally admitting the truth consuming him whole.

My mouth immediately forms a sorrowful frown because, god, this is never what I wanted for my children. Never in a million years would I have ever thought this is where my life would have turned out. This is not the path I ever thought possible for Regina and I, but here we are and I don't know how I'm going to survive this.

"Kid, I," I choke on my own horrible excuse because there's nothing I can say or do to make this any easier on my son. I want to take all his pain away and protect him from the animosity, but I can't...I don't know how. "I'm so sorry."

"I know ma. I know you're hurt too and you're doing your best. I...I know the difference between your smile and your fake brave face," he mutters mostly to himself causing my heart to plummet to the pit of my stomach before the damn organ crashes brutally into my intestines.

"Henry," I grip his shoulder and squeeze some love into his tense muscle. "What can I do to help you?"

"I-I...I'm seventeen...can I just stay here? Do I have to continue going back and forth between three houses? It's so exhausting," he pleads, his dark green eyes full of pain and...exhaustion, like he just confessed.

"What about your dad and mom? They are going to want to spend time with you? They're going to miss you."

"It's not like I'm going to ignore them. I'll still visit with them, I'm just tired over being forced to a different home every weekend. It's unfair that I'm with you during the week and then every other weekend I have to share my time between mom and dad."

"I know Henry," I squeeze his shoulder even tighter to keep myself grounded and from completely losing my mind right now. "I'm so sorry. I never wanted it to be like this." My son simply stares into my eyes, silently begging to ease some of his troubles and heartache and I can't help but cave. "Please go to your mom's today and I promise I will speak with her and your dad about coming up with something more comfortable for you, okay?"

"Alright," he complies, offering a half of a smile in return before shuffling passed me.

I take this moment alone to calm myself from the searing pain piercing my heart. The last thing I want is to cause pain for my children, but I'm not sure how to navigate through these treacherous waters. I feel as though I'm lost in an ocean of rough waters, with only a tiny raft below me and one tiny wave can send me toppling over. I could read all the books about divorce and helping your children cope, but the truth is every child is different and every child deserves an answer that best suits them.

I inhale one deep breath through my nose and exhale slowly before I exit my kitchen and fake a smile for my children. I fiddle with my keys as my feet stumble across the hardwood floors.

"Alright, Noah, do you have your uniform for karate this afternoon? Harper, you have your guitar for your lesson," I note while Noah and Harper nod along. "Alright let's hit the road."

I bend down and lift Sutton's backpack onto my shoulder and hold the door open for my kids to exit our home. Henry and Harper help Sutton down the front porch steps while Noah takes off running toward our car. I lock up the front door and sigh, feeling the dread of having to have a conversation with Regina about Henry.

XXXXXXXXX 

My fingers twitch subconsciously deep within the confines of my jacket, discreet from Regina's curious eyes as we stand upon her doorstep. To a home that isn't hers, a home I shouldn't be dropping off my kids every weekend, but I do and I curse myself every day for this inevitable moment that occurs every week.

The heavy door swings up, revealing a stunned brunette as her mind tries to process what her eyes are explaining. Those mesmerizing, rich chocolate irises pop wide open while her thick lips part, as though she may have some argument ready to come pouring out.

"I told you I'd bring them," I mutter softly, encouraging her mouth to snap shut and morph into a genuine smile that she reserves just for our children.

 _A smile that was once only meant for my eyes before our children, before the chaos of life._

"Of course." Regina steps aside allowing our children to cross the threshold, with Sutton wobbling behind on her crutches. "Are you hungry? Did you eat breakfast?"

Regina's motherly concern steps into place from her utter shock that her children actually showed up this morning after last night. I close the door behind me and offer Sutton's backpack to my ex, who quickly takes it off my hands.

"They all ate, but umm do you think we can speak in private for a moment?" I timidly request, catching everyone's attention in the room.

All eyes are on me with skepticism etching deep lines into their faces. I can only assume Noah is optimistic for a reconciliation, while Sutton presumes a fight will occur and Harper is over analyzing every facial expression Regina and I have to offer. Henry flashes me a weak smile, knowing this has to do with him and darts up the stairs, granting Regina and I privacy.

"Of course," Regina fakes her new plastic smile that is beneficial for our children and is only ever directed at me now a days. "Children, head upstairs for a few minutes while your mother and I speak." Our kids nod and exit without any words spoken. "Would you like some coffee? I just made a full pot," she kindly offers and gestures for me to move toward the kitchen.

"That would be great, I didn't have a chance to make some this morning," I ramble, just to fill the air with something so we don't drown in the deafening silence.

I need to say something, because walking through this house feels foreign to my body. Despite the fact that it's a lovely home, well decorated and cozy from Regina's style, it isn't our home. And I hate the fact that it holds my ex wife and my children when they should be in our home, with me.

I have never stepped foot into this house and now I am reminded as to why. There is an eerie sensation tingling up the back of my spine and I just know in my heart this place isn't right. I can practically feel the gaping hole in my heart, it's spreading with each step I take further into this house and confirming that Regina has moved on and she's no longer mine.

Regina steps around me and proceeds toward her cabinets. I plead with myself not to stare at her backside as she stretches on her tiptoes to reach her coffee mugs, but apparently I'm a sucker for pure torture. I suck the corner of my lip between my teeth as my eyes crawl toward her plump bottom and it's so abundantly clear by the way my entire body flushes that I've gone far too long without sex.

My eyes suddenly wander to Regina's hands, where she prepares our coffee. I study the way she pours the vanilla creamer into a mug, knowing exactly where to stop for the perfect combination that will indefinitely awaken my taste buds. My heart sinks into the pit of my stomach, watching her prepare my coffee exactly how I like it, because she was once my wife and she knows me better than she knows herself.

"So," Regina exhales and spins around, offering the steaming cup of coffee.

I gratefully accept the beverage, my mouth curling upwards into a soft, genuine smile. I notice right away how Regina freezes, her breath hitching in her throat and forcing her lungs to stop breathing, while her eyes lock onto mine. We both are immobile, time seems to stop around us and I swear the universe just stops while too many buried feelings come clawing their way back to the surface once again.

Regina quickly shreds through the intimate moment when she spins back on her heels to busy herself with her own coffee.

"So, you wanted to speak with me?" She inquires, forcing a deep breath out of my mouth.

"Yeah, it's about Henry," I begin, encouraging my ex to turn back around to face me. Her face is suddenly stern with worry about our son, her fingers turning white from clutching her mug too tightly. "He pulled me aside this morning, he..." the words die on my tongue because as much hostility Regina and I hold against one another, I never want to hurt her with our children. "Henry doesn't want to keep going back and forth on weekends. He's seventeen now and in eight months he'll be off to college. I think he just wants to enjoy his senior year with his friends on the weekend and not have to be dragged between three different homes."

I take a chance and peek up through my eyelashes at Regina. A cold hard mask is firmly set into place and I don't think I've seen that frigidness since the night we met when she held a shovel to my head. I squirm anxiously in my seat under her intense gaze and fiddle with my coffee cup as a distraction.

"What about Neal? Will he still be visiting with him?" She questions vacantly, sending chills to run down my spine.

"I asked him and he said he will still see you guys but he doesn't want to be forced every weekend. I think he's just looking for some normalcy before he leaves for college."

"That's a piss poor excuse, he can still come here on the weekends and hang out with his friends. We live five minutes apart," Regina harshly defends, slamming down her coffee mug against the marble countertop.

"Don't get snippy with me, this isn't my fault. He came to me this morning before we left, it's not like I'm brainwashing the kid, this is how he feels," I snap, not wanting to be blamed in Regina's eyes for something else yet again.

"And you don't think Henry avoiding me on weekends is going to affect our other children?" Regina pushes herself away from the counter and stalks toward me like a predator seeking out its weak prey. "If you allow Henry to stop visiting, don't you think the girls will follow in his footsteps and soon Noah as well?"

She folds her arms defiantly across her chest and scowls, informing me that I just started a battle and she's ready to fight. I inhale sharply and breath out the longest breath of annoyance.

"No, I don't believe that. I think the other three will still want to see you every weekend. Besides they don't have a choice, they are kids."

"That's very comforting Emma."

"Jeez Regina, you act like I'm forcing Henry to stay away. It has nothing to do with you, he wants the same for Neal as well. He's almost an adult and I think we should allow him to make this decision on his own. I guarantee he will still visit all the time."

Regina shakes her head, her index finger and thumb firmly pinching away the stress building at the bridge of her nose. I know Regina, and I know she's absolutely crushed, Henry is her baby boy and always will be. They always had a special bond, since the first time he peed on her and it's a beautiful relationship that I always adored. I know she's hurting and I know I'm going to receive the brunt of her heartache.

"Henry!" Regina screams through her townhome, startling me in my boots. I sip my coffee quietly and wait for our son to make his presence known.

"Uh, yeah?" He peeks his head around the corner, slightly wincing knowing what's to come.

"Come in here please," Regina orders, "we have some things we need to discuss." Henry nods appearing awfully nervous as he crosses over into the kitchen. "Sit," she instructs, pointing to the stool in front of the island and he obeys immediately. "Henry," her voice lowers and softens all at once for her little prince. "You don't want to come on the weekends anymore? Did last night truly upset you that much? Because I can assure you, Fiona is not my girlfriend."

"No mom, that has nothing to do with it. I-I just am so sick of being shuffled between three homes. It's so annoying. I hate it," he grumbles with those sorrowful eyes begging up at his other mother for pity.

That face and those eyes always were Regina's weakness. She visibly softens right before my very eyes and frowns in response to our son's plea. My ex steps around her counter and pads across the kitchen floor until she's standing directly in front of our son. She cups his chin gently and slowly guides his face to peer up at her.

"Henry, I won't ever force you to come here on weekends, but you have to understand, not seeing you every day kills me," she whispers for just them, but I hear it all and those words stab through my heart like a jagged piece of glass. "It's bad enough I have to wait five days to see you, but now, knowing I won't even have those two measly days on the weekend...well it just hurts."

Henry rips his chin away as if his mother just burned him with a sizzling iron. His dark brows pinch angrily together, but all I see is hurt in his eyes.

"Yeah, because when you lived with us you were always around, right?" He scoffs, his upper lip twitching into a dangerous snarl.

"Henry," she breathes as though she was going to scold him, but her heart just wasn't in it anymore. "I was there to kiss you goodnight every evening," she argues, but her voice is wavering under our son's venomous glare.

"That doesn't mean you were there. We hardly saw you during the week, even Saturday's are split between work and home. The only day we actually see you are Sunday's, so why should it matter if I'm here on weekends or not?"

"Because, you are my son and I still want to spend time with you."

"Whatever," he mumbles and forcefully pushes back his stool, generating a cringeworthy shriek against the floor. Our son stands tall, taller than either of us and stomps toward the staircase.

"Henry Daniel!" Regina shouts, instantly immobilizing our moody teenager. "We are not finished." Henry spins around abruptly and stands rigidly in the doorway, impatiently waiting for Regina to continue on. "Enough with the attitude! I don't know who you think you are, but you will not continue with this back talk. Do you understand me?" She growls and folds her arms over her chest as an intimidation tact, but I know it's to protect herself and keep her body from falling into pieces upon this very floor.

"Yes," he mutters under his breath and falls silent, inspiring Regina's foot to tap murderously against the cold wood. "I'm sorry," he mumbles knowing that's what Regina is waiting for.

"I mean it Henry. I will not tolerate this behavior anymore."

"Okay," he breathes expressing his annoyance and frustrations. Regina doesn't add on anything else so our son takes this as his cue to leave.

"Just give him some time Regina. You know he loves you. All the kids adore you, they just...it's hard for them," I softly defend, but even I hear the uncertainty in my voice because I have no clue as to what I am doing.

"I don't see them snapping at you and refusing to spend time with you," she quickly retorts, lashing out on me just like I expected.

"That's because I'm with them twenty-four-seven. They aren't stupid Regina, they understand completely why we split."

"Here we go again Emma, keep blaming me. This is exactly why our children are against me right now."

"Jesus Regina, I'm not forcing our children to hate you! Stop making me out to be the bad guy," I bellow, raising my voice louder than I initially anticipated.

"I can't! You've already painted me as the villain in this situation," she matches my volume and grips her biceps unbearably tight. "I should have never allowed the children to stay with you Monday through Friday."

I roll my eyes and step closer into her personal space, shaking with rage from her ignorance. "Oh right, because you have _so_ much time on your hands for them during the week. What's the point of them being here while you are at work? At least when they are at home they are with me and I can be there for them!"

Regina's eyes flutter closed while she takes a few calming breathes. "Go Emma. I'm done arguing with you."

"Fine," I mumble and quickly bolt out of her house to escape yet another argument that will spoil my mood for the rest of the weekend.

XXXXXXXXX 

"Well this sucks," Neal chuckles into the phone, but it's a sad laugh filled with heartache. "I mean, to be honest, I expected this. I knew it was only a matter of time before Henry stopped visiting, I'm actually surprised it hasn't been sooner," he admits through a deep groan.

"That's because you have his dirt bike held hostage at your place. Don't think I don't know about your tricks," I tease causing Neal to laugh an honest, heartfelt chuckle.

"Touché Ems. I'm really surprised he doesn't want to even visit Regina though. And I'm gonna be totally honest here, when you two split I thought for sure our kid was gonna live with her."

"I know," I sigh heavily and slump further into the comfort of my couch, aimlessly picking at the blanket draping over my legs. "I think he saw how hurt I was and how quickly Regina left that he is just placing the blame on her. I tried to explain things to him as best as I could, but he's seventeen."

"Honestly Ems, until someone is in that situation for themselves, I don't think they really can sympathize. It's too complicated."

"Yeah," my fingers pick at a loose string and will myself to stay strong and keep those pesky little tears away for just one night.

"Hey, so I'm really sorry I missed Sutton's game. I texted her and told her I had an important meeting about my new building. I'm so excited for you guys to see this new design, Ems it's breathtaking," he proudly divulges and I can hear his mouth cracking into a bright smile.

"You were always an amazing architect, I'm sure the kids will love to see your latest creation." I smile to myself and pull the blanket even higher to smoother away the dull ache of heartbreak. "She understood though, no worries. You make all her other games."

I sigh heavily and continue on with the story, explaining all about Sutton's unfortunate incident and everything that took place last night. We proceed to chit chat, mostly because I'm bored and alone. I always hate when my family isn't home, as much as I should be enjoying this time to myself, I can't stand listening to the obnoxious silence that lingers in the air. I almost crave the sounds of my kids arguing from upstairs.

After I hang up with Neal, my phone begins to ring with an unexpected caller. "Hello?"

"Hey girl," Ivy's drawls and I can tell she's distracted by something on her end, most likely work related just like her partner.

"Hey Ivy."

"So, Regina has the kids tonight, right?" She inquires while the ruffling noise of papers turning fill the background.

"Yeah," I slowly reply anticipating a demand that surely I don't want to partake in.

"Good, let's go out. It's been awhile."

"Ivy, please-"

"Shut up, I'll be at your place in ten minutes, tops. Be ready," and with that, she hangs up on me, never allowing me a choice in the matter.

I groan and complain to nobody but myself as I throw the blanket off my body and trudge grumpily up the stairs to make myself more presentable. Workout leggings and an oversized hoodie isn't exactly socially acceptable at the bars Ivy insists on.

I work on autopilot, showering, dressing and even styling my hair, something I haven't done in quite sometime. Between four kids and my part time job, I just can't seem to ever find enough time in the day to actually take care of myself. My kids have always been well dressed and groomed to perfection, while I look like Miss Hannigan from Annie; ruffled hair, sloppily dressed and on the brink of insanity.

 _God, no wonder Regina lost interest in me..._

I admit, I may have let myself go, so to speak, but I wasn't fully conscious of the fact until recently. When the twins were born, Regina and I agreed that I would stay at home with the kids, while she worked. At this point I still had enough energy to properly take care of myself. When Noah was born, I was at home all day with the twins and an infant and there simply wasn't time to style my hair or even take a nice long shower. Some days, I didn't even have a chance to shower, but Regina was working so much that it didn't bother me. It was just me and my four kids around the house, nobody to impress.

So, I was a stay at home mom of four kids, all under the age of six, until Noah started first grade. By that time, I was about ready to rip my hair out and I needed something to do during the day while my kids were all at school. I found a part time job at a dentist office, that didn't interfere with drop offs or pick ups from school. At least this gave me some motivation to shower and dress more appealing than workout clothes all day. However, Regina still didn't seem to notice my appearance at all.

"Emma!" I blink away my thoughts and take a deep breath before meeting Ivy downstairs. "Damn girl, you look hot tonight," she compliments, for once pulling her face away from the small screen displayed in front of her.

"Thanks...so this dress is alright then?" I inquire, neurotically tugging at the hem of my dress in fear my ass might be hanging out.

"Skin tight, black leather dress? Yes, that's perfect for the bar I picked out tonight," she deadpans but there's a ghost of an evil smirk curling at the corner of her mouth. My friend reaches out, her fingers lifting the ends of my soft spirals. "I like the curls, I haven't seen these in quite some time," she insinuates with one perfect eyebrow creeping up toward her hairline.

"Yes...well...I needed this," I murmur and shove her toward the door before she has a chance to hassle me some more.

XXXXXXXXX 

"Thank you," Ivy seductively purrs to the handsome waiter as he drops off our drinks. The muscular man with dark eyes and even darker hair smiles broadly before his eyes cast down, suddenly becoming awfully shy. I roll my eyes and drag my Long Island closer so I can suck up as much of the drink as humanly possible in one gulp. "So," Ivy chirps, my eyes flicking toward hers and noticing the waiter has vanished. "How are you doing?"

I roll my eyes again and keep sucking the alcohol through the straw as though it's my oxygen to breathe in this dark and dingy club. Ivy's eyes are on me, judging, examining and somewhat impressed with my ability to drink. I slurp until my straw is screeching with just air bubbles left and I push my empty glass toward the middle of the table.

"How do you think?"

"Talk to me, please."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Emma, I know you two are hurting," her hand reaches out, but because Ivy has never been the most affection person, she pulls back and rests her hands upon the table in front of her. "I understand that you probably think I'm not here for you, because I've known Regina longer, but that's not true. We are going on seventeen years of friendship now, you're my best friend too and I'm worried about you."

"You should be," I muse and make direct eye contact with the waiter, silently pleading for him to come back with another drink.

"So, talk to me. Tell me what's going on," she implores with the most heartfelt expression I think I have ever seen grace this woman's face.

I sigh heavily and fiddle with my fingertips as a distraction. "I need to ask you something and if we are as good of friends as you say, then please be honest." She nods and sips her martini, waiting for me to proceed. "Is Regina officially with Fiona?"

Ivy's face scrunches in either distaste or disbelief, but I'm not too sure just yet. She slowly sets down her glass and shakes her short loose curls all around her head.

"As far as I know, no, they are not together. Why do you ask? Did something happen?" She sternly questions as her body leans just a smidge closer into the table between us.

"She brought her to Sutton's volleyball game last night. I mean...seriously? That's...it's..."

"Disrespectful."

"Thank you!" I happily agree and slump back further into the leather seat behind me.

My friend fiddles with the stem of her glass as she mulls over this new piece of information. Her eyes are cold, almost vacant while she becomes lost in thought and I just watch her closely until she's ready to share what's on her mind.

"I'm actually surprised Regina would do something like that, but I believe since she did bring her, than she must truly believe in her mind that Fiona is only a friend. There's just no way Regina would bring a date to her daughter's game, that's not like her," she defends while the waiter approaches and drops off another drink for me.

I smile grateful and wait for Ivy to order another round as well before I speak again.

"But she's screwing her," I lamely protest and pull my drink close to my chest. My lips immediately surround the straw and begin sucking, knowing I need this liquid courage to guide me through this topic of conversation.

"Well that's true," Ivy cheerfully replies, causing my stomach to recoil.

"Thanks for the empathy asshole."

"Listen Emma, I'm going to explain to you how Regina works."

"Oh, because I didn't know everything about my wife for the last seventeen years, right?" I disapprovingly mock, but Ivy chooses to ignore my childish behavior.

"Regina has never been good at being alone. The minute she is single, she latches onto someone and fucks her problems away. That's who she is and how she has always operated."

"She does not 'fuck her problems away'," I use air quotes to stress my blatant mockery of the accusation and roll my eyes yet again.

"Okay Emma, lets break this down." Ivy slides her drink out of the way and straightens her posture. "High school, Graham, did she ever tell you about him?" I nod and stare into those big brown eyes, terrified I might not know the whole story. "She dated Graham all through high school. They were in love and inseparable until he moved to Minnesota to become a sheriff," she huffs out her annoyance while I exhale a sigh of relief because I knew all of that. "Enter Jeff, who she continued to sleep with constantly even though he was bat shit crazy, just to ease her troubles about missing Graham, until Robin came along. You know the history of Robin...enter you," she points her finger and smirks maliciously like she just received a card in poker that's her ticket to the winning hand. "She was crushed, devastated about Robin's affair and what did she do? Fuck you to ease her troubles...correct?"

"We were so much more-"

"It doesn't matter what you became, she slept with you to calm the torment her heart was going through. Then you guys broke up, and what did she do? She slept with Robin to stop the ache in her heart. Now you two are near the end of a divorce and what is she doing?"

I stare dumbfounded by my friend's theory and boldness behind her impression of my ex. Her eyes grow wide and her eyebrows skyrocket, while she waits for me to answer. My nose twitches in distaste as I force out those gruesome words.

"Sleeping with Fiona to fill the void," I grumble under my breath before closing my lips around my straw and finishing off my drink.

"That's right. She doesn't love Fiona. They aren't in a relationship. When Regina is lonely, she uses the woman. I'm not saying that it's right, but I just want you to see it for what it is. Nothing more," she stresses as her hand finally reaches across the table and lands upon mine for moral support.

"You sure?"

"I guarantee. I am even willing to bet Fiona caught Regina outside of work and tagged along without much of Regina's approval. I know she's been interested in Regina for quite some time now, but Regina has never really given her the time of day until recently, but it's not what you are thinking," she reassures me with a loving tap to my hand. "How about we find you some fun tonight, huh?" Ivy pulls away from my hand and glances all around the room for a suitor.

"No, no. Please, just thinking about touching someone else makes me physically nauseous," I groan and bury my face into my arms, because truthfully I don't trust myself not to burst into tears right here in a crowded bar.


	4. Chapter Four

" _Momma," his timid little voice stills my hand encouraging my eyes to trail across the floor until I find my son lingering in the doorway._

 _"Well hello my little prince," I cheerfully greet my four year old and wave him over._

 _Henry rushes toward the vanity, full of contagious energy causing my hands to pop out so I can pull him into my lap. I lift my adorable son into the air and sit him on top of the vanity next to my makeup._

 _"Posso aiutare?" He innocently questions if he can help, producing a broad smile to break across my lips. I lean forward and place a gentle kiss to his forehead before brushing his hair to one side._

 _"Sempre il mio principe,"I happily concede, with my most commonly used phrase with my son. 'Always my prince.'_

 _I gently take my son's hand and place a brush into his tiny little fingers. I guide his hand to allow the brush to sweep against the chestnut eyeshadow. I then proceed to drag the small utensil against my eyelid, creating a small giggle from my son's lips._

 _"Bella," he softly whispers, filling my heart with a warm liquid of unconditional love._

 _"Grazie," I thank him and kiss the tip of his nose. "I love you so much Henry."_

 _"I love you too momma. You going out with mommy tonight?" His round face tilts to the side and he's far more adorable than any puppy out there._

 _"Yes, Nana and Papa are going to watch you tonight. Can you help them? I think Sutton and Harper might be a handful for them." I wink dramatically for my son and watch as he nods enthusiastically._

 _"I take care of my sisters! I'm a big boy now."_

 _"As big as you think you may be, you'll always be my baby boy." I scoop my son into my arms and cradle him as if he was still the infant I met here in Sicily four years ago. I attack his face with loving kisses producing the cutest squeals of baby giggles. "See, always my baby."_

 _Henry places his little hands upon my cheeks and smiles from ear to ear. "I love you momma! I'm always your baby!"_

"Momma?"

I blink and lift my heavy head from my palm to meet the sweetest hazel eyes staring back at me curiously.

"Good morning baby girl," I greet my daughter and follow as she sweeps into the kitchen and claims the seat beside me. "Did you sleep well?" My fingers lift to their own accord and brush her long golden locks, that remind me so much of her mother's, away from her shoulder.

"Not really," she sighs as she turns into my touch.

"What's wrong Harper?" I softly question and lower my head to meet her eyes once again.

"I just want you to know that just because Henry doesn't want to visit on weekends anymore, doesn't mean we all feel the same. I know Noah would never stop coming and you know Sutton and I wouldn't even consider it."

I can't stop the frown forming upon my mouth as I listen to the sincerity in her loving voice. "I really hope so baby girl. I love all of you so much and I don't want you to feel like you're caught in the middle."

"We know that, even though sometimes it may feel that way, we know you and mom are trying your hardest to protect us." My frown instantly morphs into an adoring smile while my fingers play with the ends of her long hair, just as I have always done with her.

"I really appreciate the vote of confidence," I murmur as I connect our foreheads together. I inhale sharply, absorbing the sweet scent of lavender knowing she still uses my shampoo. "I miss you so much Harper Hope."

"I know. I miss you too, we all do. It's just only right that we live with mom, she's home when you can't be. We know you have to work." Tears fill my eyes so I squeeze them shut to keep the liquid from ever falling. My bottom lip quivers recklessly while I focus on breathing through my pain. "It's okay momma, we won't ever stop loving you."

The words tumble from my mouth without my permission, but this is Harper and we have always been so close and open with one another.

"I feel like I'm losing you guys and it's killing me. Henry can barely speak to me without snapping and Noah looks so unsure if he should even be talking to me..."

"They're just boys, they're stupid," I breathe out a small laugh and pull my daughter close to my chest, hoping her warmth can break through this awful icing pain I've felt since I've been away. "Sutton and I understand."

"I love you so so much," I vow and squeeze her with all my love.

"D-do...should I ask mom if I could stay here for a little while?"

"No!" I blurt out and pull her away from my chest. I sniffle away the threatening tears, clenching onto her shoulders while I gaze into her beautiful hazel eyes. "You need to stay with your siblings. I won't allow you guys to split apart. Do you understand me?"

Harper simply nods just once, her eyes drifting away so they don't reveal her true pain. Our private moment is soon interrupted by footsteps and Sutton's crutches clinking against the stairs. Harper quickly fumbles back into her seat and composes herself just before her sister and their best friend enter the room.

"Good morning Sutton, Clarke. Did you sleep well?" I question happily, that is until I observe Sutton's eyes dart toward her sister's.

The twins seem to hold a private conversation with their eyes alone, but both girls mask their true feelings rather quickly before I crack their unbreakable code.

"Fine," Sutton grumbles.

Clarke sways nervously beside Sutton, running a twitchy hand through her unruly blonde hair. Sutton has been friends with this young girl since they were in sixth grade. She's been Sutton's only friend that's a girl, my daughter has always been friends with boys only. Never have I ever seen this young girl look so uncomfortable.

"Thanks Mrs. Swan-Mills for letting me sleep over last night. I'm just gonna walk home now," she hastily replies, her feet already shuffling backwards out of the kitchen.

I furrow my brows and watch as neither one of my daughters mutter goodbye or offer to walk their friend to the door. "Have a nice day Clarke, we will see you soon," I smile and watch as she rushes out of the door like we may be contaminated with some incurable disease. The minute the front door closes, I turn my attention toward Sutton. "What was that about?"

"Nothing," she defensively declares, but I see the guilt painting across her prominent cheekbones.

"Sutton Grace, I am not stupid," my eyes flick toward hazel eyes in questioning, "Harper, what happened with Clarke?"

"It's nothing to worry about mom," she softly assures me, but I'm still not buying these brush offs.

"Yeah," Sutton scoffs, obviously tortured by something that must have occurred last night between the three girls.

My daughter storms off, hobbling in a rush out of the kitchen and disappearing into the den, most likely because she doesn't want to climb the stairs again. I turn my attention back to Harper and narrow my eyes.

"What happened between Sutton and Clarke?" I interrogate causing my daughter to squirm in her seat.

"It's fine. They will be just fine," she murmurs before standing tall from her chair. "I-uh, have some reading to catch up on," she lamely replies and scurries out of the kitchen before I can resume drilling her for more information.

It would appear that I need to speak with Emma about our twins, even though we had yet another fight last night. We just can't seem to push our feelings aside and not end up yelling at one another whenever we attempt at a civil conversation.

XXXXXXXXX 

Noah wraps his scrawny arms around my waist and rests his cheek against my chest. My youngest sighs heavily and squeezes one last time while I gently rub his back.

"I love you mom."

"I love you too honey. I will see you Friday, okay?" I plaster on my fakest smile and fight against the lump forming in the back of my throat, sufficiently blocking any and all oxygen to my airways.

Noah nods slowly and pulls away from the comfort of my arms before he takes off running up the stairs. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of a frown curling at the ends of Emma's mouth, but I quickly avert my eyes. Discovering the true heartache in those shimmering green eyes is far worst than dealing with the emptiness I face everyday. She was once my wife and no matter what agony wedges it's way between our relationship, her pain will always be mine.

"Bye mom," Harper offers a quick hug before she darts up the stairs as well, matching her brother's tempo. For once, in all of fourteen years, Harper leaves Sutton behind, creating an awful taste to linger in my mouth.

Sutton presses her thin lips firmly together, trapping whatever cruel words she has for her sister within her mouth. I lean forward and press a delicate kiss to her temple and whisper my love for her. She flashes me a weak smile and it comes and goes faster than a bolt of lightening.

"I'll help you up," Henry provides some comfort for his sister and lightly pats her shoulder. "I'll see you soon mom," he mumbles mostly to himself and just like that I feel my heart cracking from the fear of when I will actually see him again.

"Of course Henry," I comply, because truthfully I don't have much energy left in me to argue anymore. I decide against any physical contact as my insecurities of our relationship take over my mind.

Henry's seventeen now and he's showing his independence more and more. I'm just unsure if the distance I am feeling with my son has to do with his age or this divorce instead. So, I fight against every maternal instinct swimming through my blood and smile at the young man that used to be my little prince.

The corner of his mouth deepens and his eyes show the torment his mind is struggling through. I can only imagine the tug of war his thoughts are consumed in as he tries to decipher what it is he truly wants. Much to my disappointment, my son turns away and leads his sister up the stairs. The heavy thud of my heart colliding with my chest is enough to generate a physical wince as he walks away and just like that he's no longer my baby boy.

The moment the children are out of range, Emma turns to me, concern painfully etched into her pale skin. "What's going on with Sutton and Harper?" She folds her arms over her chest and grants me her undivided attention.

"I honestly haven't a clue. I tried to speak with both of them this morning when I noticed the distance and snippy glares, but both refuse to open up," I thoroughly explain, just as confused as she seems to be.

"Huh, well that's not like Sutton, she normally says whatever's on her mind."

"I know," I whisper while my eyes drift down toward our feet and I rack my brain for some answers I know I will never find. "Clarke slept over last night and I have an inkling that she is the reason why the girls are fighting."

"You don't..." Emma trails off as those inquisitive green eyes double in size. "Uh...you don't think something happened between Clarke and Sutton and maybe Harper found out do you?"

"Are you really suggestion our fourteen year old was-"

"No, no, no, god no! I just...maybe they kissed our something and Harper walked in on them."

I mull over Emma's suggestion, forcing my lips to twist and turn in despair. Emma has always questioned Sutton's sexuality since she was younger and I can't deny some of the signs, but I'm just not sure if this is what is affecting our girls right now.

"Do you really think Harper would be upset by that?"

"Well...no. I just...maybe Sutton asked Harper to keep it a secret and she doesn't want to."

"It never crossed my mind that Clarke..." I sigh heavily and close my eyes for a brief moment. "Are we going to have to stop allowing them to have sleepovers then?"

"I-I don't know," Emma groans inwardly and drops her arms to the side, completely defeated. "Why is this so hard? Aren't we lesbians?" I exhale, a mix between a chuckle and my frustrations.

"Yes, but we were in our mid twenties when we acted upon those feelings. Being a teenager...this is just different. Besides Emma, we still don't even know for sure."

"I'm sure we will find out soon. I highly doubt Harper will keep this from you."

I offer my ex a small smile, a gesture she slowly mirrors, producing a thick tension to swarm around us like a suffocating wool blanket over our heads. I don't understand how every time her eyes meet mine, the world stops around us and waits...for what? I don't think I'll ever know, but I know she feels the sensation too. I see it in her glossy emerald eyes and soft pink pout. I have to look away because one more longing look and I'll cave.

"I should be going," I softly conclude and take a small step backward.

"Of course," Emma agrees, her arms quickly fumbling to cross over her chest yet again and my fingers itch to break apart that barrier. I long to shove her arms to her side and pull her against my chest to wash away all her pain, but I can't. She would never accept my touch again, I've made sure of that. "See you Friday," she mutters while I step out of the home that was once mine and she shuts the door, excluding me from my family once again.

XXXXXXXXX 

The leather wheel slides through my fingertips as I turn into my driveway, noting the black BMV waiting. I breathe through my confusion and park my car with a heavy heart.

Every time I leave my house...Emma's house, my heart breaks all over again. Each time I subconsciously linger, hoping she would offer for me to stay just a little while longer. Nonetheless, it's a point that has yet to come and in my heart I know it will never. Emma's made her decision and it's so blatantly obvious that she's never going to allow me back into her heart, let alone our home...her home.

I climb out of my car, provoking my colleague to do the same. I hardly even smile, but that doesn't stop her mouth from morphing into a seductive smirk.

"I figured you could use a pick me up," she suggestively purrs as she stalks toward me on those towering black heels.

"Why because my weekend with my children was cut in half this visit? I lost out on Friday night because Sutton hurt her ankle and Sunday night because the girls had projects that they so conveniently left at home and needed to finish," I complain, dragging my feet toward my front door with Fiona following right behind.

"I know," she breathes over my shoulder while I angrily jab my key into the hole to unlock my front door. Her long fingers invade my personal space and delicately brush away my hair from my shoulder. "I'm sorry Regina," she husks, sending a puff of air to tickle against my ear. "I know you're upset," she whispers and rests her chin upon my shoulder, slowly stretching her lips to place a gentle kiss just below my ear.

"You have no idea," I grumble under my breath and push my door wide open.

"Why don't I help you forget," her sultry tone sparks a fire in the air around us and sends a wave of warm flames to run down my spine.

Fiona grips the back of my neck with force and pulls me into a searing kiss that's full of pent up sexual desires and lust. She slams my back into the door and kisses me with every ounce of raw sexual tension on my front porch. I shudder from the intensity she always seems to bring when she shows up uninvited.

My hands still struggle with the idea of touching another woman, but my heart needs this distraction. My fingers dig deep into her hips and escort her into my home, before anyone sees us out in the open.

Her warm tongue prods and claims my mouth while I fumble to kick the door closed behind us. Never once do her lips or tongue falter, while my body is trying to catch up to her state of arousal. With Fiona, there's always this dark ominous need of desire when we are together. It's never about making a connection, or being intimate or falling in love. What we share is a craving for release, raw sexual tension and animalistic sex. Nothing like the slow, gentle and loving touches of Emma.

Fiona walks me backwards through my living room, her fingers diligently working their way down the buttons upon my blouse while she feverishly kisses me. She tears away my blouse while we blindly scramble through my hallway and I unbuckle her shiny black belt around her tiny waist. My fingers shake as I unclasp her button on her dress pants while her palms hungrily grope my breast.

A deep moan stirs in the back of my throat and despite my best efforts to keep the sound hidden from the other woman, she hears it. Fiona maliciously chuckles against my lips as she pushes me through my bedroom and slams the door shut.

XXXXXXXXX 

_Warmth presses into my back and engulfs me in a velvety embrace of love. Tantalizing fingers dance across my skin and disappear into my soft cotton shorts. Hot air brushes against my ear before the sweet scent of vanilla clouds my sleepy mind._

 _"Baby, wake up," she whispers just as her index finger glides across my folds. I groan in return and bury my face into the pillow. "Come on baby, I know you're not sleeping, you're just being a brat..." she taunts and skims her finger over my clit._

 _"No Emma, I'm not faking!" I grumble and quickly turn onto my stomach, but she refuses to remove her hand from my pants._

 _"You love to fake sleep," she chuckles innocently into my ear and presses her lower region against my bottom. "Come on, we have a little time before the kids wake up and you promised we would work on us."_

 _"Emma, I'm so tired...please let me sleep a little longer," I protest and cuddle further into my pillow, because three hours of sleep from working on a new study just isn't enough sleep._

 _"Nope, I love you too much to give up on our sex life. Turn over."_

 _"No."_

 _"Don't be a brat," she husks in a low deep tone that awakens every nerve ending hidden away in my underwear. Emma firmly smacks my ass and flips me over in a split second. "We are not going to be one of those couples that lose interest in sex," she declares as her hands run up my thighs and finds purpose on my waistband. In one swift motion, Emma removes my pajama bottoms and smirks, fully proud of herself. "I'm fighting for us."_

 _I chuckle softly in response and watch as her pink tongue pokes out and sweeps across her dainty lips creating delicious tingles to buzz through my tired limbs. Her fingers travel up my thighs and spreads me wide open for her and her insatiable desires._

 _"Emma, seriously, I'm exhausted," I whisper, but she shakes her head in response and dips down between my legs._

 _My heart pounds furiously as I watch her long golden mane cover my bare legs. Despite the foggy sleep clouding my judgement, my clit throbs for her attention. I buck my hips without truly thinking and exhale loudly as her tongue gently tickles my bundle of nerves._

 _My body shudders violently from the sensation, knowing its been far too long since that area has been attended to. My eyes flutter closed, my head tilts back further into my soft pillow and my hand treads through her messy locks._

 _"Oh yes," I moan as Emma works over my most sensitive nub, licking, sucking and driving me insane._

 _My body flushes with extreme heat while my gut clenches tightly, but my mind races with too many concerns to focus. I shake my head and try to relax, but all I see are charts, homework and that sad look that's been filling my wife's eyes._

 _"Relax baby," Emma whispers against my mound, her breath cooling the thick liquid clinging between my thighs._

 _"I-I can't," I huff and abruptly sit up, forcing Emma to stumble back. "I should be getting to work and we need to get the children ready for school," I quickly list the reasons for my objection and run my trembling fingers through my hair._

 _"Stop, all of that can wait," Emma calmly states, inching her way up my legs and closer to my flushed face._

 _"No, it can't wait."_

 _"Yes, it can," she whispers and nudges her nose against mine. "The kids are old enough to get ready on their own, besides, we have a half an hour before any of us need to be up."_

 _"Em-"_

 _"Ssshhh," she brushes her lips softly against mine, barely enough to claim as a kiss, but plenty to tease and crave more. "I know you can't cum because you're too stressed, please just relax."_

 _"I don't have time Emma. I-" I move to turn away but my wife clenches her legs tightly around my thighs._

 _"I love you."_

 _I sigh, feeling some of my tension melt away. I slowly turn my head to meet her pleading eyes. "I love you too, Emma." Before I can even finish her name, those delectable lips are on mine again._

 _"Let me be your wife, not your roommate." Her lips drag softly against mine filling my heart with so much love._

 _"You are my wife," I vow and cup her cheek, "but I have so much work I need to get done."_

 _"All of that can wait," she leans into my palm and sighs, relishing in my gentle touch. "What do I always say?"_

 _I groan, but she narrows her eyes, instantly desisting the sound. "To live in the now, because we are not promised tomorrow," I recite as she nods along._

 _"Exactly," she presses her mouth against mine, but more firmly this time around. "And right now, I love you and I want to feel you again." Her palm reaches out and splays against my chest between the valley of my breasts, absorbing the thumping of my erratic heart. "I need to connect with you again, don't you see that I need you?"_

 _"I know," I croak out but she cuts me off again with another tender kiss._

 _Her top lip rests against my bottom lip while her silky bottom lip explores the skin below my mouth. A small hum tingles between our connection while her lips stroke my bottom lip, initiating prickly little thrills to consume my bloodstream._

 _"I love you," she compassionately confesses again, her warm breath soothing my fears about the day ahead. "I want you," she continues as her lips skim over my chin and vanish somewhere below my jawline. "I think about you," her lips sail across my neck, "all day," she breathlessly moans, closing her mouth against the base of my neck. "I get so turned on thinking about your teasing smile," I groan as her lips slowly paint my chest with wet open mouthed kisses. Her teeth scrape against my flesh between my breasts, encouraging my hand to reach out and tangle in her long locks. I hold her head close as she nips and kisses a path to my left breast._

 _Dark black pupils dilate and absorb the sparkling green in my wife's eyes as she stares up at me. A wave of arousal floods my center and flutters against my clit again as I watch my wife devour my breast. The scene before me is erotic, but the intensity in her eyes and the intimacy between us is far more pleasurable._

 _I swallow thickly, my hips slowly swaying, seeking out her attention. "I miss you," she breathes, her mouth skimming down my abdomen, never fully committing to kissing my over heated flesh. "Do you know how much you turn me on, just by looking at me?" She drawls, sounding completely lost in the moment. "I just want to worship your body."_

 _My heart slams over and over again into my chest making my breathing shallow as I watch her sunshine tresses descend further down my body. "I want to watch your body writhe beneath my loving touch." My grip tightens in her wild locks as her tongue connects with my bikini line, wetting my tingling skin. "I need to hear your sexy voice coming apart and screaming my name," she claims as her wet tongue trails over my mound._

 _"Emma-"_

 _"Don't think, just listen to the sound of my voice and the feel of my lips against you."_

 _"I love you," I reply._

 _"Then let me love you," she whimpers, her eyes fluttering closed before she exhales against my soaked center._

 _My muscles tremble viciously as her nose brushes against my wet folds. I hold onto her head as though she's my life raft, keeping my head above the water before I drown completely in my sorrows from the stresses of everyday life._

 _My wife's talented tongue gathers up my thick arousal that's just for her and hums in appreciation. "You taste so fucking good," she groans, provoking another deep shudder to rack my needy body._

 _I keep my eyes locked onto those gorgeous vibrant locks in disarray, studying the way her head bounces up and down. Her tongue firmly presses into my clit as she slithers one slender finger into my core._

 _"Oh fuck," I croak out, the words barely slipping passed my lips as I throw back my head in pleasure._

 _"Do you still want me?" She softly murmurs before she sucks my throbbing bud into her mouth._

 _"Y-yes..." my voice quivers as I roll my hips, seeking more of her love._

 _"Then why do you ignore me?" Her finger stills deep inside me, so close yet so far from the thrust I need._

 _"I-I don't know."_

 _"Tell me why," she tenderly, but sternly commands._

 _"I'm...I don't know, I'm stressed from work and tired from the kids. I..."_

 _"You what?"_

 _"I'm sorry. I don't mean to," I whimper as my body screams for her touch. I don't think I have ever craved her body this much and I think she knows exactly what she's doing to distract me from work and focus on the now and my pleasure._

 _"Because you assume I'll just always be there," she exhales against my entrance sending chills up my spine, forcing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand tall._

 _"I-I...yes...I'm sorry," I whine persuading her mouth to devour my mound while she adds another finger into my desperate core._

 _I am only forced to assume that my wife seeks truth because she ignores my confession and resumes her glorious skills. Her long fingers pump slowly, but trigger my sweet spot deep inside each time while simultaneously licking my bundle of nerves as quickly as possible. The awaited sensation is almost too much and my body begins to squirm up the bed and away from her mouth._

 _"You're so sexy," she moans, sending me over the edge from her confession alone._

 _"Oh god Emma," I scream, quickly slapping a hand over my mouth to keep from waking our children._

 _The warm liquid releases violently from my center, but Emma doesn't hesitate to lap up all of me. She peppers my skin with meaningful kisses until she lands upon my lips._

 _"I love that I can still make you scream my name."_

 _"I love how you know me so well and you are the only one to ever get me to relax and actually finish when I'm too stuck in my own head."_

XXXXXXXXX 

"I know you're stressed," Fiona mumbles as she curls into my side. "Do you want a glass of wine? I can go grab a bottle," she seductively whispers as she rolls her sticky body on top of mine.

I swallow hard and force my eyes to peel away from the ceiling above to meet her gaze. "Sure," I utter, my voice cracking on the tiny word. She leans forward and pecks my lips quickly.

"Alright I'll be back," she happily announces, rolling off the bed, shamelessly naked and strutting through my room with all the confidence in the world.

My arms fling across my face to keep my eyes hidden from the cruel world around me. I fight against all the unwanted emotions rumbling beneath my skin and the tears building in my eyes. I miss my wife so much, but there's no turning back now. I have to keep pushing forward if I ever want to get over Emma Swan.


	5. Chapter Five

"Guys, I'm home," I call out to my kids and toss my keys onto the side table near my front door. I kick off my shoes and softly close the door behind me just as I do everyday when I return home from work.

Henry is old enough now that he can keep an eye on his younger siblings for an hour after school before I return home. Since Henry is a senior, he drives his sisters to and from school and then he waits for Noah to come off the bus when he gets home.

I shuffle into the dining room knowing my kids are probably in there either snacking or working on homework. Like I anticipate, Henry is typing away on his laptop, while Noah is stuffing his face with popcorn and Sutton has a book open with her assignment out.

"Hey guys. Where's Harper?"

"She's upstairs," Henry responds without his fingers ever taking a break against the keyboard.

I sigh understanding all too well that the girls are still arguing about something they refuse to speak about. "Noah, Henry, can you give your sister and I a minute please?"

"Can I eat this in the living room?" Noah questions with one eyebrow raised, reminding me so much of his other mother.

"Yeah bud, just don't spill."

He nods and scurries off without a complaint, while Henry packs up his work and heads upstairs. I slide into the vacant seat next to Sutton, my body facing her to express my full attention.

"What?" She huffs in annoyance while her eyes stay trained to her textbook. She nervously taps the eraser of the pencil against her worksheet, silently revealing just how anxious she is about this conversation.

"What's going on between you and Harper?"

"Nothing."

"Come on Sutton, enough," I exasperate and close the book in front of her, demanding her undivided attention. "Obviously something is going on and I want you two to stop fighting."

My moody teenager slumps back in her chair and glares at me with those piercing green eyes. She's assessing me, debating with herself if she can trust me to divulge in her secret. So I wait patiently, with a warm smile in hopes that she will explain whatever it is that's bothering her.

"We will work it out, but it's between Harper and I," she vaguely answers, but holds my gaze to appear confident.

"And Clarke?" I inquire rather quickly. My daughter's thin lips press firmly together as her brows furrow and she's fighting against whatever inner turmoil is tormenting her. "Fine," I scoff and turn my head toward the hallway. "Harper Hope! Come down here please," I yell up the stairs and examine the way Sutton's face hardens even further with her fury.

My daughter defiantly crosses her arms over her chest and remains stubbornly quiet. Her cold eyes drift away from my face to concentrate on absolutely nothing across the room.

Harper's light and steady footsteps pad down the stairs and cross the hall before she enters the kitchen, nervous as ever. She lingers in the doorway not wanting to fully commit to this circumstance.

"Sit," I order and straighten my posture against the chair. Harper folds her arms across her chest just like her sister, but she seems smaller and more terrified than Sutton. Harper slowly slides into a chair at the opposite end of the table and sighs. "You two need to explain what is going on. You both know I can't stand to see you two fight, so we are going to work this out."

"There's nothing to work out," Harper weakly defends but her soft hazel eyes are staring aimlessly at the table, clearly avoiding eye contact.

"Both of you need to stop lying. Your mother and I are not stupid, obviously something happened, but there's no need to keep secrets from us. Whatever it is, you can tell us," I gently explain.

Harper's eyes flick toward Sutton in what I believe is questioning, like her sister needs to make the decision. The fear and worry in both of their eyes in enough for me to know this is bigger than anything they have ever experienced before. Sutton nibbles on the corner of her bottom lip before her body pops upright and her glare turns cold.

"Clarke is...my only friend!"

"Oh yeah right," Harper mocks and rolls her eyes, "like the entire freshman class doesn't worship the ground you walk on," she coldly remarks.

"Clarke is different."

Both girls fall painfully silent and to be honest I'm a little lost. "What happened with Clarke?" I softly question.

"Nothing!" Both girls snap at me, successfully snapping the last branch of patience I had left for their quarrel.

"If I hear either one of you say, _nothing_ , one more time, you're both grounded. Now stop lying and tell me what's going on," I firmly demand.

A big part of me wishes Regina was here. There was always a tone in her voice that snapped the kids into submission. She held a kind of authority that every parent wishes they could have. Sometimes she could just look at them and they would jump in their seats if they were misbehaving.

Hazel eyes bore into green and I know they are doing that twin thing, but I swear these two can communicate telepathically. Both eyes seems to be pleading and urging but neither one wants to make the first move.

"Sutton, are you jealous that Harper and Clarke might become friends and you would be excluded?" I take a shot in the dark, but by _jealous_ , I am actually insinuating that my daughter might have feelings for the other girl.

"No, it's...it's not like that," she mumbles.

"I don't understand why you all can't be friends?"

"It's not like that mom," Harper begins and picks nervously at the edge of the kitchen table. "It's not like Sutton isn't the most popular girl in school," she utters under her breath. "Every boy wants to hang out with you and every girl wants to be you."

Sutton sits up like a pole was just shot up her spine. She leans into the table and stares at her sister in disbelief. "None of that matters to me. Clarke is my only true friend."

"It's not like I'm doing this to annoy you," Harper softly rebuttals and the hurt upon her face is too evident for her twin to ignore.

"Harper," I turn my attention to those warm hazel eyes, the corners of my mouth turning down into a frown. "Can I speak to your sister alone for a minute?"

"Fine," she breathes and slides off her chair with barely a sound. She trudges through the kitchen and quietly walks back upstairs.

"Sutton," my daughter refuses to meet my eyes. "Sweetie, please look at me," reluctant green eyes flick toward mine and I can see the battle she's fighting against in her mind, I just wish I knew what the situation was truly about. "If there is anything you want to tell me, please, open up. You know I will love you no matter what. I promise, I won't be mad, just please, tell me," I implore with all my emotions finally seeping through to the surface, because I just don't want my daughter to hurt any longer.

"I can't."

"Yes, you can," I breathe and fumble closer to wrap her hands into mine. I gaze into her eyes and hold her tightly, silently begging for her to reveal the truth. "Listen to me, if this has to do with Clarke...and maybe you feeling something more, than please tell me. You know your mother and I would never judge you, just be honest."

"What?" She breathlessly responds in what appears to be shock or disbelief.

"I'm just-"

"You think I have feelings for Clarke?" She deadpans, her face growing rather confused with each second that passes.

"Well, I-"

"Seriously? That's what this is about? You think...you think I'm into girls?"

"It's alright-"

"I'm not," she quickly interrupts me yet again and shakes her head. A small puff of air escapes her lips and to my ears sounds more like a chuckle. "Wow." Suddenly she's scrambling to her one foot and tucking the crutches beneath her arms.

"Sutton, wait a minute. Let's talk," I suggest and reach out for her arm.

"Does mom think the same thing?"

"Uh..."

"Unbelievable," she exasperates and rocks on her crutches to scurry away from me.

"Sutton, please. Let's just talk about this for a minute."

"Nope, I'm good. I think I want to be alone right now."

"Sutton," I whine and follow her hobbling body toward the stairs. "I'm sorry if I offended you, I was just trying to help. I didn't want you to feel alone."

"I never thought I was," she declares as she hops up the first step.

"Can I please help you?"

"No, I'm fine. I just want to be alone right now," she scoffs and hops up the next step.

I lean against the banister and watch as my daughter struggles to climb the stairs, exerting all her energy just to make it to the top by herself. I stand there, studying her every move just to make sure she doesn't hurt herself even more. Then I watch as her exhausted body fumbles into her room before she slams the door shut to prove a point.

 _Mother of the year..._

XXXXXXXXX 

" _Sutton..." Regina drags out our daughter's name while her speculating eyes take in the new girl standing beside our daughter. "Who is this?"_

 _"This is Clarke, she just moved here from Montana," Sutton shyly introduces us and nervously tucks her hair behind her ear while biting her bottom lip._

 _"Well, it's nice to meet you Clarke," I cheerfully greet the young girl who smiles kindly in return._

 _My eyes flick toward Harper who is standing awkwardly behind Sutton, always in her sister's shadow. She's breathing rather heavily while her eyes are cast down to the floor below, and I can't help but wonder if she feels threatened by Clarke._

 _For the past eleven years, the only girl Sutton has ever showed interest in was her own sister. Otherwise, our little tomboy was always running wild with the boys, ignoring dolls and dresses like the plague. I can almost guarantee Harper is feeling rather insecure about her relationship with her sister if Clarke steps into the picture._

 _"D-do...you wanna see my room?" Sutton asks softly earning herself a small nod from her new friend. Both girls take off running, leaving Harper behind._

" _Baby girl," Regina softly coos and grips our daughter's chin firmly, forcing those hazel eyes to meet hers. "Don't you want to play with them?"_

 _"No," she turns her head, rejecting her mother's loving touch. "I rather hang out with Noah," she unconvincingly announces and storms off without another word._

 _"I already can't handle their attitudes, what the hell are we going to do when they are actually teenagers?" I laugh and wrap my arms around my wife, resting my chin upon her shoulder._

 _"I haven't a clue," Regina spins around in my embrace and drapes her arms over my shoulders. "But...I believe we have other matters to address, like Sutton having her first crush and Clarke not returning her feelings."_

 _"She's a Swan," I flash my wife a shit eating grin and lean forward, enclosing the gap between us. "She'll win the girl's heart in the end," I confidently state before capturing those plump lips between mine._

XXXXXXXXX 

"Thanks for coming by," I anxiously offer as I close the door behind Regina. My legs are wiggling like Jell-O and my heart is pounding achingly fast, but I choose to ignore my irrational emotions and focus on the now. "I think I screwed up."

"You think?" She accusingly scoffs and kicks off her white sneakers. "I thought we agreed to keep quiet and let _her_ come to us, when _she's_ ready."

"I know, I'm sorry, but you didn't see the look on her face and I was trying to get them to communicate," I defend, but my ex has that eyebrow corked up with her arms folded across her chest and I feel worse than our scolded children.

"Emma, they are almost fifteen now, we can't force them to kiss and make up like we did when they were little. They have opinions and minds of their own now," she calmly reasons while her arms fall to her sides to appear less threatening.

"I know, but...god how I wish they were little again," I groan and shove my trembling hands into my back pockets.

A shy, warm smile slips across those pouty red lips and I hardly even register when my tongue sweeps across mine in need. Regina must notice right away because her eyes dart toward her feet as she clears her throat.

"Let's go speak with her together," she recommends and waits for me to lead the way up the stairs.

As if she doesn't know where Sutton's room is, and I wonder how awful it must be to feel like a stranger in your own home. I wonder if she even considers this place her home anymore or if that's just a distant memory now, just like our relationship. I push all of that aside and climb the stairs with Regina behind me, barely making a sound.

When I reach the top step, I make my way toward Sutton's room and knock lightly against the closed door.

"Sutton, sweetie, may we come in?" Regina lovingly questions, receiving a small hum in response of approval.

I quickly open the door and walk through with Regina right behind, closing the door for some privacy. Our daughter is lying on her bed, peeking over her laptop and rolls hers eyes at us.

"Are you here to offer your unconditional support as well? Ready to wave the rainbow flag high in my honor for everyone to see?" She sarcastically mocks and turns her attention back toward her laptop.

"No, we didn't have a chance to buy one and we didn't want to risk taking down the one on our roof for the entire neighborhood to see," Regina quips right back in pure sarcasm and sashays across the floor until she perches herself at the edge of the bed. "Put your laptop away, we would like to talk to you."

"Moms, I don't feel like talking, I just want to be alone right now. Besides, don't you two have more important things to discuss, like whose turn it is to start the next fight?"

"Knock it off," I scold and rip her laptop from her legs. I place the device onto her desk and drag the chair next to her bed so we can have a chat. "Now, lets talk about why you became so annoyed when I suggested you might have feelings for Clarke? Are you ashamed?"

"What? No," she shakes her head violently while her face pinches painfully together.

"Are you upset because you wanted to discuss this on your terms, when you were ready?" Regina clarifies, blatantly taking a jab at me and I end up rolling my eyes at her.

"No, it's because I _don't_ have feelings for her. I don't like Clarke that way," she defensively articulates and crosses her arms across her chest. "Stop assuming-" her words are cut off by an assertive knock at the door.

All our heads snap toward the sounds as Harper peeks her head inside. "Sutton, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Harper, we are talking to your sister right now," Regina kindly declines that objection, but Harper ignores her mother and confidently walks toward the bed.

"Please just give us a minute," she pleads, her hazel eyes glaring at Regina with determination.

Regina glances my way in which I shrug in return. We both rise and quietly leave the room, shutting the door behind us. The minute that door closes, I'm surrounded by the suffocating fact that I can't playfully touch Regina or pull her into my arms for a tender kiss. I need a distraction, anything to take my mind off the fact that she's so close, but isn't mine. I lean my ear against the door and feel the sharp sting of a slap against my bicep.

"You can't spy on them," Regina whispers.

"Oh yes I can, I pay the mortgage, my house, my rules," I defend and lean further into the door.

"I pay the other half of the mortgage and I say it isn't right," she demands and tugs on my arm to pry me away from the door.

So many cruel words tickle my tongue and beg to be released, but I bite down and force myself not to utter one single insult.

"I can't hear anything anyways, Harper speaks barely above a whisper," I grunt and fold my arms over my chest, pouting that I can't eavesdrop on my children.

"You're such a child."

"Yeah well, you're a brat," I retort without truly thinking. It was such a reflex comment that I didn't really have time to process the stupidness behind uttering the small phrase.

A deep sigh escapes through my ex's nostrils as her chest rises and falls very clearly. I swallow thickly, feeling that disturbing sensation of anguish fill every portion of my extremities. My body tenses as my fingers dig deep into my upper arms while I watch Regina straighten her posture to compose herself. That little nickname always did far too much to both of us and I was completely out of line for allowing it to work it's way back into our daily conversations.

"I-I'm sorry-"

"It's fine," she coldly replies, explaining just how _not fine_ she truly is.

I offer her a weak smile, but she just stares at me like she wants to push me down the flight of stairs behind me. We stand in the most uncomfortable silence known to man kind as we wait for our twins to finish up. Finally, after the silence has gone on for far too long, I decide to knock.

"Are you girls done?" I call out encouraging Harper to open the door and allow us back in.

"Harper and I are done arguing. We discussed everything and we both understand where the other person is coming from," Sutton maturely explains, confusing both Regina and I.

"You sure?" I question, narrowing my eyes at Sutton upon the bed.

"Yup. And I'm not gay, so no need for a pep talk or the welcome committee," she happily responds while Harper nods and remains silent next to her.

My head slowly turns to gauge Regina's reaction. Her dark eyes are squinting at our twins as she attempts to read their minds. She hums, mostly to herself in confusion, but doesn't say one single word.

"Alright," I take a powerful step forward and wag my index finger between both blondes. "I don't believe either one of you and eventually your lies will come out." Both sets of eyes grow wide, but their lips remain sealed, tighter than any bank vault.

Regina steps forward, engulfing each one in a hug with a gentle kiss, whispering _I love you's_ , before she leaves for the evening. I walk downstairs and wait for my ex to say goodbye to the boys as well.

The uncertainty of my daughter's secret fogs my brain and has me seeking out a bottle of wine. I dawdle into my kitchen and pull out a chilled bottle of white wine. Without actually thinking about much of anything but my daughters, I begin pouring the alcohol, wondering what the hell they are keeping from us. My short nails tap against the glass as I inspect every detail of our previous conversation for some clue.

"Is that second glass for me?" Regina's timid voice shreds through my thoughts and snaps me back to the now.

"What?" I blink and watch as Regina points to the counter. My eyes follow her direction until I land upon an extra glass of wine.

"I-uh, didn't realize I poured that," I slowly pick up the glass and stretch it out for my ex to claim.

"Thank you," she shyly replies and strums her manicured fingers against the glass, clearly just as nervous as I am.

We both are unsure where to take this moment, so we avoid. Avoid eye contact, staring aimlessly into glasses of wine like maybe the answers will suddenly float to the surface and save our souls. Avoid, spewing just any old words, thinking maybe they will be stupid or inappropriate in some way.

"Thanks again for coming by, even though it seems to have been pretty pointless," I shrug still avoiding her captivating eyes that will surely steal all the air from my lungs and cause me to float away.

"No need to thank me, you know I'd do anything for my babies," she shakes her head as though I'm silly and takes a small sip of the cool liquid.

I take a chance and peek through my eyelashes to examine the way the glass rests against her painted ruby red lips. Her hand is trembling slightly as she pulls the alcohol into her mouth before she swallows, somehow persuading my mind to dream about assaulting that long neck with delicious kisses.

"Emma?"

"Hmmm?" I quickly realize I must be staring and blink away my blissful hallucination.

She smiles sweetly with a glint of mischief in her eyes telling me that I was caught so obviously staring. "Please don't ever hesitate to call me," she takes a tentative step forward and gazes down into her glass once more, but her eyes aren't the issue anymore, it's the alluring scent that always warms my heart and soul wafting in the air around us. "I may not be in this house anymore, but this is still my family and I don't ever want to miss out on anything."

I swallow, producing an audible gulp for both our ears to hear. I try to blink away from the trance I'm finding myself in, but I can't find the strength to look away, I miss her so damn much.

"I know," I concede as my eyes fall to her chest, rising and falling rhythmically under her blouse.

"Eyes up here Miss Swan," she taunts through her breathy sultry tone, inevitably making my knees grow weak.

"It's Mrs. Swan-Mills," I sternly correct her despite my quivering limbs and hot cheeks from embarrassment.

"That's right, you have yet to sign the divorce papers," she husks and sips her wine like this information doesn't affect her.

"Who said I didn't sign them?" I exasperate and roll my eyes just to irritate her.

"My lawyer," she deadpans and steals another inch between us, increasing the sizzling heat sparking between us.

"Well they are signed," I huff and slam back more than half of my wine.

"Alright well why don't you go grab them and I can drop them off on the way to work in the morning," she offers with a cocky undertone.

"I can't, they aren't here...they're at work," I declare and finish off the rest of my drink.

"Mmmhmmm," she hums and follows my lead to finish off her glass as well.

"Look-"

"It doesn't matter, I'm in no rush," she quickly states and waves off any excuse I was about to vindicate. I survey the way she spins the stem of her glass between her fingers and doesn't attempt to make a move to leave. Against all my instincts screaming furiously in my head at what a fool I am, I pour her another glass. Her eyes dart to mine immediately and I swear I see them glisten with thick emotions. "Thanks."

"Of course," I shrug casually and refill my own glass as well. It's a novelty that we aren't screaming at one another right now and I just want to bask in this moment. The only problem is, I have no idea what to say to her anymore. "So..."

"I can't believe neither one of those girls will rat each other out," she laughs and for the first time in forever she sounds genuine and unguarded.

"Really Regina?" I deadpan and narrow my eyes. "Those two could be walking toward an electric chair and they still wouldn't nark on one another.

"You're right," she muses and greedily indulges in her wine.

"I know I am...I'm always right," I tease and lean closer into her personal space, because it's so hard to keep my playful side at bay when she's this close. "You would be wise to start listening to me," I taunt with a salacious grin spreading wide across my face.

"I'm going to have to respectfully disagree. You aren't always right, Mrs. Swan-Mills," she over annunciates and smirks fully proud of herself. _And god do I miss our playful banter_. "You'd be wise to acknowledge that."

"Yeah well ignorance is bliss I guess," I mumble because truthfully I cannot think of one clever quip back between her close proximity, seductive perfume and that beautiful smile spread wide across her face.

"Clearly," she mutters under her breath and slowly sips her drink. Her eyes seems to drift away to somewhere I am unsure of before sets down her glass. "How's work?" She suddenly asks and it's the most mundane question she could have inquired about, but I guess it's a safer option to avoid another argument.

"It's fine. Same old, same old," I recite and bounce my head around from the boring daily grind of work. "Ivy told me you two are interested in hiring some young pediatrician...um Ashley was it?"

"Yes, she seems very lovely and all the children adore her. They look up at her like she's some princess. I think she would fit in very well in our office."

"Well that's wonderful Regina," I smile sincerely and can't help but reach out and squeeze her upper arm.

"Thank you Emma, I really appreciate the support."

"I've always supported your work, Regina," I softly acknowledge, but her face turns cold and her eyes flash with an anger I'm used to seeing now a days.

"You may have in the beginning, but that quickly changed," she coldly remarks provoking my hand to release her arm.

"You have it all wrong, Regina. I always supported your career, all I asked was for you to balance your home and work life. There's a significant difference."

Those sexy lips purse out in mistrust as her eyes scan mine for some inkling that I might be lying to her. I hold her gaze, almost challenging her to call my bluff because I need her to understand, I don't want her to believe our divorce was something entirely different.

Regina sighs and shakes her head, her eyes fluttering close for a moment to regain her composure. When her eyes cautiously open, I notice the vacant look in them.

"I should be going. Thank you for the wine."

"You're welcome," I shrug my shoulders again and take a generous step back from her space.

We fall silent, both finding the hardwood planks below ungodly fascinating. Regina abruptly spins on her tip toes and strolls out of the room with hesitance lacing each step. I can almost hear all the whispers in her head of uncertainty as her feet pad across the floor.

I turn my head and stare blankly at the stairs so I don't have to watch my ex wife sit down on the bottom step and tie her shoes as she always did before. I can feel her gaze upon me, probably perplexed by my sudden avoidance, but I can't look at her any longer without feeling that pull. I so desperately want to drag her up those stairs and hold her all night long like we used to.

Regina slowly stands and brushes at absolutely nothing on her pants, just a nervous tick making itself known. I unlock the front door and open it wide for her to step through. She takes a few steps and hesitates over the threshold.

"Thanks again," she offers and flashes me the most sincere smile, showing off her perfect, pearly white teeth and I ache to feel them against my flesh once again.

"Of course," I fake a smile and I can guarantee the expression on my face is pure pain. "Have a nice night."

"You too, Emma."

 _Just like that, she's gone again and it hurts just as much as it did the last time we said goodbye._


	6. Chapter Six

" _Mom, have you seen my volleyball uniform?"_

 _"No, Sutton. Check your dirty clothes again," I reply without truly comprehending the words tumbling from my mouth as I pull out the chicken from the oven._

 _"The dirty clothes? Mom, I need it tomorrow!"_

 _"Well I don't know what to tell you Sutton. How many times do I have to remind you guys to bring down your laundry?" I angrily scold and toss the dinner on top of the stove while Noah's whining irks my headache even further. "Henry! Do you have to tease your brother? Just stop, okay!"_

 _"I'm just messing around," Henry shoves Noah producing a yelp from my youngest that pierces my temples and forces my eyes to slam shut from the agony. "Don't be such a baby, Noah!"_

 _"I'm not a baby!" He screams back at my oldest and slams his palms against Henry's chest will all his might, just barely pushing my oldest. Henry chuckles in response and extends his arm, palming Noah's little head and keeping his younger brother at bay while Noah tries ruthlessly to squirm closer, his fists swinging with rage. "It's not fair that you're bigger than me!"_

 _"Dammit Henry!" I kick the oven shut and spin around on my heels. "Both of you knock it off!" I bellow finally grasping my kids' attention and stilling their actions. "What is the matter with you two? Go wash your hands before dinner!"_

 _"Mom, I still can't find my uniform."_

 _"And whose fault is that Sutton? It's your responsibility, find it!" I snap and turn my attention back toward our dinner._

 _I glance at my phone on the counter and note that it's six thirty, and I can't postpone dinner any longer. I press the small circle that lights up my phone and frown when I discover no new messages._

 _There was a time when Regina would be late for dinner and she would call, explaining thoroughly what she needed to do while I listened and told her it was no problem at all. I would feed the children, then would come their routine baths before bed and I would end up tucking them in by myself. After so many years of that, the phone call was long forgotten and I would receive a text message instead saying, 'I'll be late'. I would reply a simple, 'okay' and resume my normal routine. Now, I'm noticing, I don't even receive a text anymore and if I want to know how late she will be, then I have to text her._

 _"Mom, do you want me to set the table?" Harper shyly questions, approaching me from the side to ensure she doesn't startle me as I was lost in thought._

 _"Please," I whimper, trying my hardest to suppress a frown that's tugging at the corners of my mouth._

 _After my daughter sets the table and I plate everyone's dinner, we all finally sit down to eat. I attempt to engage with my children, asking how each of their day's went, but after that I'm far too exhausted to even think of anything else to say. Not to mention the pounding in my head that refuses to give me a damn break no matter how many aspirin I consume._

 _Just as we are finishing up with dinner, the front door opens with the loud clink of Regina's keys clashing against the table. I groan inwardly, a reflex action from being so furious with her for not having the decency to shoot me a text._

 _My wife enters the dining room and greets our children, each one receiving a kiss upon their heads while I fake my best smile. All four of our children are buzzing with energy, each one trying to win Regina's attention with a 'cool' story that happened at school today._

 _"Your dinner is on the stove," I mumble, receiving a simple nod in return as my wife leaves the room to retrieve her plate._

 _Regina sits down with her dinner and immediately begins answering emails on her phone, never taking a moment to actually eat her food. After five minutes of the children chatting and Regina so lost in her phone, I stand up and clear my plate._

 _I trek back into the kitchen and rinse my plate, shaking with pure rage from my wife's ignorance. Not only, did she not offer a simple text explaining her tardiness, she walks in, completely ignores me and then dives right back into work, essentially avoiding our kids too, despite her best efforts to pretend to be listening._

 _I toss my plate into the dishwasher and decide I really don't give a flying fuck if I wash the dishes or not tonight. I'm so tired of the same routine over and over again for the past fifteen years. I storm back into the dining room, but attempt to calm myself for my children's sake._

 _"Noah, upstairs, you need to shower. Sutton, bring down your laundry basket and Henry you need to finish your essay," I thoroughly instruct, persuading my kids to jump into motion._

 _"Momma? Are you going to say good night tonight?" Noah innocently questions, breaking Regina's eye contact from her screen._

 _"Of course honey, I'll be up there shortly," she responds with a smile before her eyes drop right back to her phone._

 _Once our kids head upstairs, I glare at the back of my wife's head, wondering what the hell happened to us._

 _"Are you going to eat this or not?" I snip with attitude and reach for her plate._

 _"Yes I'm going to eat it, will you just give me a minute. I need to finish this last email," she exasperates, her fingers furiously tapping against the small device._

 _"Whatever," I mumble and stomp out of the dining room, leaving Regina to eat by herself._

 _The anger that's been festering inside for far too long is finally bubbling up to the surface and there's no stopping the rage that's rapidly forming._

 _At first, I didn't mind Regina's long hours. I understood that she was providing for our family and building a better life for all of us. I appreciated her hard work and dedication. I admired her strive to be the best doctor out there and I was so very proud of her. However, as time passed us by with barely a blink of an eye, I noticed her attention on me was less and less._

 _I started to crave her attention; waiting for her to ask how my day was, or kiss me on the cheek with a sappy smile. I longed for her to touch me without me begging like a dog in heat. Nothing I did ever caught her attention and I was slowly loosing my sanity._

 _After Regina and I said good night to our kids, we slipped into bed with her laptop firmly in place upon her legs. I listened to her fingers tapping away, irking me closer and closer to the edge of a cliff where I stumbled to keep myself in control. Finally, I jump up in bed, startling my wife in the process._

 _"We need to talk, I am not happy here," I blurt out because I just can't take being ignored for one more second._

 _"What's wrong?" She pouts, appearing all innocent, but I can't find the strength to sympathize._

 _"Please put the laptop away before I chuck it across the room."_

 _"Alright, you're being a bit dramatic," she rolls her eyes, but obeys my request, placing her distraction on her nightstand._

 _"I am not being dramatic. I'm so sick and tired of your work following you home at night, tagging along through dinner and wedging between us in bed," I point out with my entire body trembling with rage. "Are you honestly happy?"_

 _"Well...no, but I have to work..."_

 _"And I get that, I really do but I miss us and something's gotta give here. I'm trying to be honest and explain that I'm miserable."_

 _"I know," Regina sighs, her eyes casting down toward her fiddling fingers. "I see how distraught you've been and I thought I just needed to give you some space, I just assumed you were stressed with the kids and needed alone time."_

 _I place my index finger below her chin and guide those beautiful eyes up to meet mine. "I do need alone time and a break from the kids, but not from you. I need you. I need you to be my sanity and saving grace. I need your love and attention. Do you not love me anymore? Are you not attracted to me?"_

 _"God Emma, please don't think that. Of course I still love you and I swear I'm still attracted to you, I'm just stressed myself. I don't really know how to turn off the stresses from my day."_

 _"You need to manage your time differently between work and home. You need to leave your work at work. Maybe just one night a week you work late or hire someone new, anything to help ease your work load. This isn't healthy Regina and I'm worried about you."_

 _"I know, Emma," she breathes and bows her head to avoid my eyes._

 _"I love you very much and I don't want to lose you."_

 _"You won't, I promise. I love you so much. I promise I will work on us," she vows, resting her forehead against mine. "I vowed to prove my love to you everyday and I sort of lost us along the way. I'm sorry, I swear I will work on us."_

 _And she did, for about one week..._

XXXXXXXXX 

"Emma!" Regina's voice booms through our, no, my home. I furrow my eyebrows fully concerned because she hasn't entered this house without knocking in nine long months.

"In the laundry room," I call out as the water runs and fills the machine.

She doesn't take the time to remove her shoes, because I can hear her sneakers squeaking against my clean hardwood floors. It's not like her to enter a house without removing her shoes so I know something important is about to occur.

"Emma, how dare you!" She growls, heaving with venom dripping from her words.

"It's nice to see you Regina, please come in," I sarcastically snip as I continue loading the washing machine with Noah's dirty clothes.

"Oh shut up Swan-"

"Swan?" I repeat in shock, because the last time we spoke we were on good terms. Silly me for thinking that it would actually last. "What crawled up your ass and died?"

"When were you going to tell me you are taking the kids to Sicily for Christmas break?" She snaps, stilling my actions, my arms hovering over the washing machine with a pile of clothes. "Oh, so you are fully aware that you are wrong for keeping this a secret?"

"I wasn't keeping it a secret, Regina," I huff and drop the remainder of clothes into the machine before slamming the lid shut. I wince slightly from the loud vibrating clash and spin around to face my ex. "I haven't even booked the tickets yet, but yes, I'm taking the kids to Sicily for Christmas." Regina's face hardens as she snarls with pure rage. "I don't know if you are aware, but your parents can't travel to the states this year. They are getting older and it's too hard for them. It's easier for us to go there. Besides," I brush passed Regina and lift the laundry basket full of clean clothes onto my hip. "It's been _way_ too long since we last went there," I sadly explain and exit my laundry room, my ex hot on my heels as we make our way into the living room so I can fold these clothes.

"Emma you can't just take them! You know I can't take off work during the dead of winter, that's when most kids are sick. I'm not going to miss out on Christmas with my children!" She demands, but I remain calm because my mind is made up and I _know_ it's the right thing to do.

"You could take off a week if you truly wanted to," I deadpan and toss the basket onto the couch. "You choose not to. Listen," I turn around to face the reddening scowl that is definitely about to murder me in my sleep or right this very second, either or. "We haven't been to Sicily since Noah was four. Four! He's eleven now."

"Emma-"

"Let me finish," I strictly command and hold out my hand to seal her lips shut. "When I found out I was pregnant with Henry, I wanted to stay in Sicily. I moved to New York for _you_ , for _your_ career so we could be a family. You promised we would visit Sicily as much as possible and we did, until the twins were born. I don't like where things have ended up in our lives and I get that life gets in the way, but this was one thing I wanted for our children. I wanted them to grow up speaking Italian and be educated with culture. I don't even know if the girls still speak Italian anymore, heck I don't even know if I remember."

"But-"

"No, but's, Regina. I'm taking our children to Sicily for two weeks over break. They need to spend time with Cora and Henry and most of all they need a break from this life. We all do," I mumble and cross my arms over my chest, feeling a tiny bit insecure of what I just confessed. I don't ever want her to know how much I'm hurting or how broken I truly am from our divorce.

"You cannot take the children without my consent. Christmas evening is suppose to be my day, it's in the custody papers," she exclaims, her face growing more deadly by the second and turning a light shade of purple.

"Papers that haven't been filed yet," I deadpan.

"Oh so that's why you haven't signed, so you could take the children-"

"Don't be petty Regina," I growl and narrow my eyes, "you know I would never stoop so low."

"Do I?" She challenges and steps closer into my face, lighting a fire of burning rage to ignite beneath my flesh.

"Tell me right now that the kids don't need this," I bellow enclosing the last bit of space between us. "Tell me that this trip isn't in the best interest for our children. Come on Regina, be that selfish of a person who would deny their kids a fucking break because she doesn't want to take off work. Come on Regina, tell me how it's best that our kids stay here over Christmas so you can spend _one_ night with them, instead of them spending two weeks on a farm, laughing and finally for once forgetting about our terrible divorce."

Regina's nostrils are flaring with each word I spit in disgust. Her face is beet red, her breathing erratic and it's hard to ignore her hands clenched into tight fists at her side.

"Fine, you win again Emma. Take my children away from me _again_ ," she wails before she storms off, pounding her feet against the floor and slamming my front door shut.

"Fuck!" I scream as I pick up my laundry basket and chuck it across the room, clothes flying out and scattering across the living room floor.

I drop to my knees and rock forward, my forehead connecting with the cold hardwood below. My arms lock protectively across my lower abdomen to ease that searing pain jabbing into my gut. I squeeze my eyes shut and hold my breath to ward off any tears that are flooding to the surface.

"Mom?" A soft timid voice resonates in my ears and crushes my heart all over again, because I _know_ my kids heard that argument.

"Yeah kid," I sniffle and push myself off the ground, faking another grin that I've grown accustomed to by now.

"A-are you alright?" Henry whispers as he timidly shuffles into the room as though he's about to approach a baby deer.

"Yeah, of course." I shake my head and avoid his curious eyes because I know the look in those beautiful green irises will crush me all over again.

"I heard you and mom arguing again," he murmurs while I busy myself with the thrown clothes across the floor.

"It's fine kid, please don't worry about it. I promise by tomorrow everything will be just fine," I vow and continue tossing clothes onto the couch to be folded.

"No, no it's not. I know you're upset."

"Seriously Henry, your mom and I argued, nothing new. It's between us and by tomorrow all will be forgotten," I grumble and flop onto the couch.

My son slowly sits down beside me and nudges his shoulder against mine. His eyes are glued to his feet, but his mouth begins spewing comforting words to help ease my sorrows.

"Mom, I know this is really hard for you. I know you're hurting and I know you're upset. You shouldn't have to constantly put on a brave for us. It's okay to cry," he thoughtfully explains, persuading my head to rest against his broad shoulder.

Just like that, my body caves and finally releases all the tears I've held in for so long. I try to keep the tears and sobs in control, but I've kept all these emotions bottled up for too many months to count and now they just need to pour out of me to alleviate some of the pain.

Henry tentatively wraps his arms around my shoulders, so unsure of what he should do in a moment like this. I've never truly cried in front of my son before and I can only imagine the thoughts running through his mind right now. I always tried to be brave and strong for my children, I never wanted them to see me this way. I'm sure Henry hates seeing me like this, but I'm at an all time low and frankly I just don't give a damn anymore.

"I'm sorry Henry," I cry and bury my face into his shoulder from the embarrassment washing through my body.

"Mom it's okay. We all understand, well all know it's really hard and I know you still love her."

"I do," I murmur and curse myself for sounding like such a damn fool. I need to be angry and remember all the bad times to keep me motivated, to push me through each awful day that awaits for me. "I'm sorry, you don't need to be seeing me like this."

As much as I would love to stay close to my son right now for moral support, I pull away, wiping my tears and nose from the unwanted liquid.

"So, we are going to Sicily for winter break?" Henry questions, ducking down to meet my eyes.

"Yes. We all need this vacation. We need to get away from...all of this," I gesture around us while my son nods slowly. "It'll be good for all of us."

"Except mom," he mutters under his breath.

"I know, but she can come along. Nobody said she couldn't meet us down there," I confirm and distract myself with folding clothes.

"She can't take off work."

"Well when we come back you guys can celebrate Christmas at her house," I suggest.

"I just feel bad, she'll be all alone..."

"She won't be _all_ alone," I acknowledge. The room becomes way too quiet so I glance at my son and note just how dark his eyes have become. I assume he's thinking his mother will be spending her lonely nights with Fiona so I quickly do my best to cover up my mistake. "She will have Ivy, Belle and Ruby."

"I guess," he shrugs noncommittally and I know he doesn't believe a word I am saying. "Did you tell the others yet?"

"Not yet, I still have to purchase our tickets, but we are going. Nana and Papa are too old to travel all this way now. It's good for everyone," I reiterate to help ease whatever is on his mind.

"I know mom. Sonno eccitato," he chuckles mostly to himself, catching my full attention. My eyes grow wide as a soft pink tinge tickles his cheeks.

"Henry," I sigh through a sappy grin, "I haven't heard you speak Italian in forever kid. I'm excited too!"

My son laughs, a carefree, unguarded chuckle that warms my cold, broken heart. I lean forward and kiss his forehead, allowing my lips to linger for just a moment so I can take in this precious moment between my son and I. He's almost eighteen now and I'm not quite sure how many more of these delicate moments we have left.

XXXXXXXXX 

"Come on in dad," I smile sadly and nod my head, inviting him inside.

My father pauses, his icy blue eyes studying my face before his hands clasp onto my shoulders. He ducks down in search of my sorrowful eyes and for the first time I actually see the age etched into his face. I frown as my eyes take in the crinkles embedded around his eyes with small bags just below. His once firm, chiseled jawline is now hidden away by his soft droopy skin. There's permanent laugh lines drawn all around his mouth and my heart clenches tightly in my chest. My eyes flick up towards his blonde locks which are now painted with grey streaks and I wonder where the hell did time go?

"Ems...you look...tired," he comments with a frown that I assume matches my own. My father pulls my into a soothing hug where I sink down and place my ear against his chest to listen the rhythmic steady beat to calm my insides.

"Thanks dad, you look old and like shit too," I snark, earning myself a deep chuckle in response. He squeezes me tight before releasing me and shoving me playfully into my own home.

"I'm glad you called."

"You didn't have to come over," I state and close the door behind him.

"You're my daughter, of course I did," he professes and follows my sluggish footsteps into the living room.

"Would you like some coffee?" I point toward the kitchen before I take a seat, but he shakes his head.

"You sit, let me make the coffee. I have been taking care of myself for the past nineteen years now," he muses before disappearing into the kitchen before I can mutter a word.

 _Nineteen years my mother has been gone?_

The tears are building far faster than I can detect. I trudge toward my couch and slump down, covering my tired limbs with a fleece throw blanket. I sigh and cuddle into a cocoon, knowing it's the only feeling lately that keeps my body from quivering from stress.

It's not long before my father appears with two steaming coffee mugs in hand. "So, tell me what happened this time?" He sternly commands and slips the warm mug into my hands.

I happily accept the cup, wrapping my cold fingers around the cup to absorb the calming heat. I inhale sharply, relaxing from the sweet hazelnut aroma. "Cora mentioned my idea about visiting Sicily this winter break," I lazily reply and stare into the creamy coffee.

My father sits beside me, his eyebrows drawn in concentration and supplying his undivided attention. "And you didn't tell Regina?" I shake my head in shame and avoid is stern eyes. "Why not Ems?"

"It's not like I was deliberately keeping the information from her," I exhale loudly and shake my head. "I was still waiting for my vacation request to go through at work. And truthfully, I didn't think it would matter. We are visiting _her_ family. She should be thrilled I'm taking the kids on a nice vacation to see her parents, away from the mess we call our lives. The kids need this, dad. They need a break," I demand.

"And you."

"Yes, and me," I admit. I slowly sip my steaming cup of coffee and sigh as the warmth spreads through my chest and relaxes my anxious muscles.

"I think you need this more than anyone." I offer a small nod, but continue to stare into my coffee mug like maybe there's a portal that might open up and suck me back into a time when Regina and I were actually happy together. "My opinion, yes you should've mentioned something sooner to her, but I think this trip is much needed for your entire family. The kids are big now, it's not like they still believe in the magic of Santa. If she doesn't want to take time off to make the trip as well, then she can just see them when you guys get back."

"That's what I said. Besides, it's only one evening that she is giving up anyways. She'll be working the entire time the kids are on break. She just..." I groan inwardly and roll my eyes, "she gets so mad and so worked up. She acts like I'm stealing the kids from her and poisoning them against her." My eyes finally flick toward my dad's imploring for him to believe in my words. "I would never do that to her."

"I know Ems," he concedes and reaches across the couch to pat my blanket covered knee. "But you need to understand how she feels right now. Regina has always been one to be in control and right now I'm sure she feels like she's not in control at all. She had to leave her home, a home she built specifically for her family. She had to leave her children behind and we both know how much those children mean to her. Imagine only seeing your children on the weekends, it would kill you Ems."

"I know," I exhale through a shaky breath as my vision blurs before me from the damn tears yet again. I bite down on the inside of my lip to stop the uncontrollable quivering.

"I understand both sides and I know this isn't easier for one rather than another. You both are hurting, you both are sacrificing and you both are broken. I also know that you are my daughter and one stubborn woman. I can only imagine how short you are with her in fear of opening up and getting too close again." My mouth pops open to protest, but no excuse seems sufficient enough so my lips snap shut. "I know you're just protecting your heart, but maybe you need to stop being so distant with her so you two can actually coparent properly."

"I don't know how," I profess as the tears sting my eyes and finally spill over the brim. "Every time she's nice to me, I-I just want to beg her to come home." I hiccup and allow a small sob to break passed my lips. "And I can't live like that again. It was too hard," I sniffle and furiously wipe away the tears clinging to my flushed cheeks.

My father pulls me against his warm chest and holds me as though I'm that five year old little girl again sporting pigtail braids. His fingers tread lightly through my messy locks and gently massages my temples to stop my constant running mind.

"It hurts now and it will hurt for a long time, but eventually the pain will subside. Little by little," he breathes and rests his head on top of mine, "day by day the ache will fade. There will always be a lingering sensation, but I promise it won't always be this bad," he vows, causing more tears to violently escape me.

And I cry and cry while my father holds me, keeping my broken pieces together as much as he can.

 _A/N: I've had a few people messaging and asking how long this story is so I thought I'd add this little note. It's 29 chapters and complete already. I hope you are all enjoying! I promise it definitely gets lighter as the story continues._


	7. Chapter Seven

" _Regina, if you continue assaulting your clothes that way I can't promise I will be able to protect you when they come seeking their revenge," I tease while my wife furiously scrubs at her blouse over the washing machine._

 _Her brows are furrowed expressing her concentration, causing that adorable little vein across her forehead to pop. She huffs, forcing a ragged breath up her lips and scattering a few loose strands from her face. Despite the murderous scowl consuming her face I still believe she's the most beautiful woman out there._

 _My wife refuses to acknowledge my playful banter proceeding with her fierce scrubbing. I wrap my arms around her waist from behind, pushing her against the machine and latching my lips onto her neck. Regina abruptly pushes me away, rejecting my touch, leaving me stunned and shocking my soul._

 _"I'm trying to get the blood out of this expensive blouse, I've had a very trying day Emma," she spits coldly, eliciting a nervous energy to tremble through my veins because she never speaks to me in this manner._

 _"I'm sorry," I whisper and reach out, gently placing my hands on top of hers to still her anxious actions. "Let me help you," I insist and pull the garment from her reluctant white knuckles. "What happened today?" I softly inquire and spray some stain remover onto her blood soaked blouse._

 _She exhales loudly and visibly shudders beside me. "It was just a stressful day, nothing you can do to fix," she remarks in a tone that leaves an unsettling sensation deep within the pit of my stomach. We fall silent for a moment because I don't want to open my mouth and irritate her even further. "Listen Emma, I don't think we can travel to Sicily this year."_

 _My eyebrows draw painfully close together as I peek over my shoulder at my agitated wife. "Why?" I simply question, remaining as calm as possible._

 _"I don't think it's feasible," she breathes and nervously runs a quivering hand through her long tresses. "With the first year of my own practice and Noah just being born...financially," she trails off and rubs the muscles behind her neck that I imagine to be knotting from the stress._

 _"Are we struggling?" I meekly question and hate myself for not being more involved with our finances. Regina has always been the one to manage our accounts and bills, even when I was working._

 _"Not...really..." she stammers causing me to believe she's lying just to save me the stress. "We will be fine. It's just a lot right now and I don't think we should be spending money so carelessly."_

 _"Alright, if you think that's best than that's what we will do. Maybe your parents can visit us?" I suggest while my eyes are strained to her bottom lip she's worrying between her teeth. "Regina," I drop her shirt into the washing machine and turn around to face her. "Do I need to go back to work?"_

 _"No, no, Emma you just had Noah. You need to stay at home with the kids. Besides, it wouldn't make much sense. All your earnings would go toward daycare. We will be fine," she assures me and places a quick peck to my cheek._

 _The kiss is nothing like the usual loving, sensual kisses I'm accustomed to and my heart sinks from the distance between us._

XXXXXXXXX

"Are you sure you're okay?" Cora questions with her motherly concerned tone powerfully consuming through the phone line.

"Yes, ma," I exasperate with a small chuckle attached to the end. I shake my head and continue packing my suitcase. "I think you're getting forgetful. I work at a wonderful dentist office and I have this ex wife who is a successful doctor who owns her very own practice. I don't need you paying for our plane tickets," I teasingly explain with my phone tucked firmly between my ear and shoulder.

"And my darling...stubborn ass daughter will not be accompanying you?"

"Of course not," I chuckle despite the ache clenching my heart tightly from the idea of visiting Sicily without Regina. "How dare you suggest she leaves her patients during the busy season."

"One day your sarcasm will run out and then what will you be left with my dear?"

"A broken heart," I breathe and instantly stop packing my suitcase. I slump down onto my bed and exhale all my anguish.

After a brief moment of silence Cora speaks up again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you my dear. Let's discuss your flight, when will you be arriving?"

I fall onto my back and stare aimlessly up at the ceiling above. "We should be arriving around nine in the morning. It's been sometime since the kids have been on a plane so I thought an overnight flight would suit us best."

"Are they nervous about the travel?"

"Noah is a little bit, he doesn't really remember ever being on a plane, otherwise the others don't seem to mind."

"We will be at the airport waiting for you all to arrive." A small squeal escapes my mother in law's lips. "We are overjoyed to spend the next two weeks together. It's been far too long my dear."

"I know ma. I miss Sicily so much. Would you believe that I actually miss being on a horse," at the acknowledgement we both chuckle softly, a giddy grin breaking across my lips.

"I'm sure Bandit will take to your family rather quickly," Cora comments and I can just hear the smile dancing across her mouth.

"I can't wait to take the guy out," I confirm and day dream about the wind in my hair and leaving all my worries behind me as I race toward the sunset of that old familiar field.

XXXXXXXXX 

"Are you sure you can't come mama?" Noah modestly inquires as he peers up at his other mother. His dark green eyes are blinking, batting those long thick eyelashes, persuading Regina's mind to follow him.

"I'm sorry honey, I have to work," she concludes and pulls our youngest into a tight hug. Her soft pink lips are for once free of makeup as they linger in our son's shaggy hair. "I'll see you as soon as you come back," she vows before Noah pulls away and swings his backpack over his shoulders.

Regina takes her time hugging and kissing our children goodbye while I stand off to the side twitching like some caffeine junkie. My stomach is flipping sending wave after wave of nausea to crash through my body. This isn't right. Nothing about this moment is right in my mind.

Sicily is _our_ place. That's where Regina and I fell madly in love. Where we spent an entire summer enveloped in each other's arms, learning every secret and detail that made us who we are. Our place where our first son was born and Regina proposed. Our place where we were wed and vowed to spend the rest of our days just as much in love and proving that eternal love for the rest of our lives.

Instead, we've parted ways. Broke our vows. Destroyed our love and happiness. And now, I'm on my way to our home, without the one person who should be by my side every step of the way.

"Please call me when you land," Regina pleads with her fears pulsating in those big brown eyes.

I blink away my train of thought and nod politely. "Of course," I murmur and gather our luggage to push through this awkward moment. I just need to force some space between us before I lose my mind.

The kids say one final goodbye and wave to their mother as they shuffle their things into the airport. I'm following behind, but then a warm hand is reaching out. I glance down and watch as her delicate fingers curl around my forearm. My body sparks and sizzles from the contact because it's been forever since the last time we touched.

"Have a safe flight Emma and please take care of my babies," she implores in a tone that provokes my eyes to flick up toward hers.

The sun is shining down in just the right angle, washing over her flawless face. The light illuminates her eyes into that warm honey color that always seems to kick start my heart. I swallow thickly and examine the way her emotions are displayed so vividly across her face. Her eyes glisten with tears clinging to those worried eyes and my heart breaks all over again.

"I always do," I softly reply and offer her the most sincere smile I can muster up over my aching heart. "Merry Christmas Regina," I whisper causing Regina's breath to hitch.

I slowly pull away from her gentle touch and walk away before I cave and cancel this whole trip.

XXXXXXXXX 

" _Noah, you have to stay in your seat," I hiss, lifting my son back into his seat, provoking his little feet to kick viciously in protest._

 _Henry's eyebrows skyrocket as he watches his little brother flail about and whine pathetically. My hand flings over his tiny legs to still his actions before he kicks the back of the seat in front of him._

 _"No, mommy!" He cries defiantly, causing every head nearby to turn and glare at us._

 _From across the aisle my wife leans over in her seat and pouts as she watches our son rebel against me. She stretches forward across the aisle and rests her hand on Henry's armrest._

 _"Noah," she sternly calls his name but there's still a soft motherly tone wrapping around her voice. Our son pouts, folding his arms across his chest and snaps his head toward his other mother. "You need to stay in your seat. I know this is a long plane ride, but you have to be good, okay?"_

 _"I just want to get up Momma," he whines with his full bottom lip pouting out. "I feel weird," he grumbles bringing his knees closer to his chest._

 _I sweep his hair to one side and lean down to kiss the crown of his head. "We are almost there bud, I promise," I mumble into his thick locks._

 _"I want momma," he cries, sniffling back his tears._

 _"Okay honey, I'll come over there," Regina agrees while unbuckling her seatbelt. I follow her lead and scoot passed my boys into the center aisle. Regina slips into my seat and I claim hers next to the girls. "What's wrong Noah," she coos and pulls our four year old into her lap, stroking his hair in a soothing manner._

 _"My ears hurt and my tummy feels weird," he complains into her chest._

 _"I know, flying isn't always fun. Drink some water," she encourages with his special Buzz Lightyear water bottle. Our son accepts the water, but whimpers again into Regina's loving arms. "It'll all be over soon," she vows, running her fingers methodically through his hair until he falls asleep in her lap._

XXXXXXXXX 

"Mom."

I jolt awake, forcing my eyes to spring to life and take in the dark atmosphere around me. I blink away the sleep and turn my head toward my youngest.

"Noah? Is something wrong?" I lazily question and stretch out my sleepy limbs as much as I can in the confines of a plane.

"I don't feel right."

I frown and run my fingers through his hair before clamping my palm over his forehead. "You don't feel warm," I note out loud and take in his sleepy appearance.

"I know. I just...I don't know how to explain it. I just don't feel...right..." he stammers as he does his best to explain what he may be experiencing right now.

I glance to my left to check on my other three children across the aisle. All three are fast asleep, Harper resting her head on Sutton's shoulder and Sutton curled into Henry's arm. I smile fondly at my adorable teens and turn back toward Noah.

"Do you feel nauseous?" I softly whisper, conscious not to disturb the rest of the sleeping plane.

"Yeah, kinda," he mumbles, pulling his knees to his chest.

"Alright bud, I have something for you." I reach into my backpack and pull out a water bottle and some crackers anticipating that he might not feel so well on the plane. "Drink some water and try to get a couple of these crackers down," I instruct while handing both items over.

My son nibbles on the corner of a cracker as his head falls to rest against my shoulder. I drape my arm around his shoulder, pulling him in closer as my fingers glide through his hair like he's still my baby boy. I place a kiss on top of his head as my eyes drift closed.

"I wish mom were here," my son mutters halting my conscious from drifting back to sleep. I sigh and kick myself for wishing the same thing.

"I know, bud."

XXXXXXXXX 

With heavy feet and sleep still hanging over my family like a darkening cloud, we file one by one off the plane. I trudge behind my cranky daughter who is trying to wobble through the crowd with her crutches, huffing and puffing out her frustrations as people bump into her and step directly in front of her as though she cease to exist. I duck my head to hide the smirk that's spreading across my face from the similarities between Sutton and Regina.

"Oh my," I hear that old familiar gasp ringing in my ears and my emotions bubble far too quickly to the surface.

I don't know how just the voice of this woman is already sending me to the brink of tears. I swallow down all my overwhelming emotions and glance up to discover Cora and Henry waiting with open arms. Instantly, my vision blurs as my oldest wraps his arms around his grandmother. Cora chants the word _beddu_ , over and over again while attacking his face with aggressive kisses, declaring just how handsome he is. The woman has never appeared so small and fragile than in this moment with my son towering over her. She helped raise him the first year of his life, so I know in my heart he shares a special bond with her that the other children don't seem to have.

Regina's father pulls Harper and Noah into a loving hug while Sutton and I trek our way closer. Cora kisses each one of her grandchildren through a dazzling smile that's consuming her entire face. Finally, I sigh and drop my bag next to me. My mouth curls down as more tears fill my eyes and Cora holds out her arms.

I rush into the smaller woman's embrace and wrap my arms securely around her neck while her arms reach behind my back. She pats me lightly before she squeezes, forcing more tears to trickle down my cheeks and land upon her shoulder. I inhale sharply on instinct and allow her warm scent of baked apple pie to wash over me. I can only imagine what goodies she has baked for our arrival.

"Don't you dare cry on me young lady," she sternly scolds, but I know this woman and I distinctly hear the laughter hidden away in her tone.

I sniffle and squeeze her once more before I reluctantly slip out of her arms. My mother in law doesn't allow me to disappear so quickly though. Her cold hands slide up either side of my cheeks and holds me firmly, wiping away my happy tears.

"Oh how I've missed you my dear," she confesses through a watery smile.

I chuckle while I'm sniffling to keep my leaky nose from causing a bigger mess and smile lovingly at the woman who is my second mother. "I know," my fingers curl around her delicate wrists and squeeze some reassurance into her touch. "I've missed you too."

"And what about me? Am I just chopped liver to you?" Henry chuckles his deep joyfully laugh as I quickly untangle myself from his wife and hug the older man as tight as possible.

"You look good Pops," I comment and pat his pack playfully. "I'm not going to lie, when Cora said you two were growing too old to travel this year, I thought for sure I would find you with one foot in the grave."

My father in law curls his upper lip in distaste, just like his daughter and shoves my shoulder playfully. "Mind your manners, Emma. Last time I checked, you aren't so young anymore either." My nose scrunches in disgust. "Forties, right? Just keep inching your way closer to the finish line," he teases.

"Alright," I growl and bend down to pick up my backpack while all four of my children laugh at my expense. "I'm not _that_ old."

"Time only moves faster from here on out," Cora chimes in as she gestures for us to vacate the airport. "Soon, you'll be our age."

"Oh god," I groan in the most pathetic tone and follow my in laws back to their car.

XXXXXXXXX 

"We will let you get settled, but as soon as you are all done packing I expect all of you in my kitchen," Cora smiles fondly with her husband's arm draped lovingly over her shoulders.

I smile at the older couple and wonder how the hell they remained so happy after all these years. Henry was mayor of his town and Cora owned her own restaurant, so when the hell did they have time for one another. Granted, they only had their one perfect child to raise, unlike the four Regina and I couldn't wait to have.

"I promise," I reply as my feet shuffle toward the addition that was once my home. I peek over my shoulder just needing one more minute before I am faced with a tower of unwanted emotions. "As long as you promise that you have cannolis for me," I tease earning myself a small nod in confirmation from the older couple.

I smile and turn my attention back toward the addition that isn't so tiny anymore after the Mills added onto it. My hand reaches for the doorknob and I plead with my fingers to stop quivering in fear. I quickly turn the handle in hopes that my children won't see the apprehension pulsating through my blood right now.

The door swings wide open with a small creek that informs us just how old this place is. That old familiar scent wafts through the air and its Cora's floral scent mixed with her cleaning supplies.

 _Still attending to this place once a week I see._

As much as I beg myself not to...my eyes slide over to the queen size bed that Regina and I once shared. A wicked pain surges through my chest like a hand pelting it's way through my sternum and stealing my heart; squeezing the organ unbearably tight until I no longer have the luxury of a simple breath.

So many glorious memories flicker across my mind, but all I can truly see are raven locks in disarray, enchanting brown eyes glowing with love and affection and tan smooth skin. The calming scent of the ocean breeze somehow fills my nostrils, along with the scent of sunscreen, lavender and Regina's familiar scent when her legs are parted.

It's suddenly suffocatingly hot and sticky in this room, despite the nippy temperature from outside. My cheeks flush crimson as a sweat breaks along my neck and hairline.

"Uh, mom?" I blink and whip my head around to find four curious eyes glaring at me. "Are you gonna move so we can all go in?" Sutton questions, leaning heavily onto her crutches.

I swallow the massive lump swelling in my throat and step aside for my children to enter.

"You alright, ma?" Henry inquires, clasping a hand upon my shoulder and dragging my mind back to the now. "You look like you've seen a ghost," he laughs and sweeps passed me not truly caring for an explanation.

 _And oh god did I see a ghost._

Her ghost of our passed is going to haunt me every single day while we are here and I wonder how stupid I was to plan this trip and think her memory wouldn't consume my every thought here.


	8. Chapter Eight

_I tap my fingers impatiently against the corner of my phone, over and over again as I continue stealing glances over the screen at my wife. My so called wife who is sitting at the other end of the couch, lost in another world, consumed by her phone and technology._

 _I scoff to myself, but she either pretends she doesn't hear my annoyed grumble or she genuinely is too wrapped up in her work to pay any attention to me._

 _Technology and her phone are my biggest enemy in this marriage. She's too invested in what the screens in front of her has to offer to even notice me anymore. So, as the idiot I am, I decided to force a taste of her own medicine down her throat. I downloaded far too many books onto my phone and decided to bury my face in the glowing screen just as she always does._

 _I have come to realize that my revenge came back and bit me in the ass. Regina didn't even notice my neglect the least bit and it wasn't long before I found out that she actually was happy that I decided to take an interest in reading. She very specifically told me that now I can read and she can attend to her work and she doesn't have to feel guilty anymore._

 _I exhale very loudly again and watch as her eyes remain glued to the screen upon her lap. I gently place my phone down next to me and blatantly stare at my wife wondering how the hell we ended up here, sitting on a couch, ignoring each other, night after night._

 _I smirk to myself and slowly pop the button of my jeans, tearing away the denim from my flesh and forcing the zipper to drag down at a snail like pace. I glance up, excited to see Regina's reaction, but quickly frown when I discover she hasn't moved the slightest bit._

 _My hips buck off the couch as I shimmy my skinny jeans over my bottom, down my thighs and discard them on the floor beside me. I wait. I glare, my eyes almost burning with a searing hot pain for her to just glance my way, but she doesn't._

 _I furrow my brows and groan inwardly, furious that she doesn't even notice that I just removed my pants. My hand immediately falls to the inside of my cami where I pull out just one heavy breast. My eyes flick toward my wife, but her eyes are scanning over something while she anxiously nibbles at her thumbnail._

 _So, I wait...with my pants off and one tit hanging out. I wait and I wait until the clock ticking on the wall is blaring in my ears and my skin is crawling in disgust. I yank my tank top over my chest to cover myself back up and leap from the couch like a match was just lit beneath my bare ass._

 _"Are you fucking kidding me?" I snap, finally grasping my wife's attention. Her eyes crawl toward my direction, but it's so painfully obvious that she doesn't want to actually look away from her laptop. Her head tilts to the side as her tired eyes meet mine and never once do they drift down to my exposed legs. "My pants are off...my boob was just hanging out and you still don't notice me?"_

 _She blinks. I hold my breath. Her eyes slowly drift down and come to the realization that I'm half naked. My skin prickles from her intense gaze, but it's not a sensation I've been craving. No, instead it's a sickening feeling, like I actually want to smack her across the face for being so ignorant and now I don't even want her touching me anymore because I am that disgusted with our relationship._

 _"Sexy," she comments with a lazy smile._

 _"You're unbelievable," I gruff and snatch my jeans off the floor._

 _"Why are you so mad?" She asks as her eyes drift back toward her screen, expressing how she actually doesn't give a flying fuck what my reasoning is._

 _"Since you love working so much, why don't you spend the night at the office? Why bother even coming home," I snap as the color red seeps into my brain and fogs my vision. Rage vibrates in my blood and for once, I somehow caught her attention. Her eyes dart toward mine and all I see is danger in them._

 _"Knock it off Emma, you know I can't neglect the office-"_

 _"Oh but you sure as hell can neglect me. Whatever, I'm going to bed," I lean down and Regina for some reason thinks I'm actually stretching for a kiss. Instead, I punch her shoulder playfully, "see you in the morning roomie," I emphasize dramatically earning myself a spiteful glare._

 _"That's not funny," she growls._

 _"Isn't that what we are? Roommates? Friends?"_

 _"Emma," she drawls out my name in her most threatening tone, but I just turn around and head upstairs ignoring her completely._

XXXXXXXXX 

"This place is called Pizza? How cool is that?" Noah laughs as he skips across the concrete below on his toes while his eyes roam over every building towering over his head.

I laugh and ruffle his shaggy hair playfully. "Not pizza," I shake my head and slowly annunciate the name properly. "Pi-a-zza del Duomo." Noah nods along and repeats the name causing me to cringe. "Man, I really let the ball drop with you."

"Thanks mom," Noah sarcastically huffs provoking our family to laugh lightly.

"That's what happens when you're the fourth kid," Henry struts next to his brother, his hands buried in his light jacket as a smirk slips across his lips. "Everyone sort of forgets about you."

"Hey!" Noah lamely protests and lunges toward his older brother, but Henry dodges him and takes off running through the main plaza.

"Cool it guys!" I bellow, but both boys ignore me. Noah angrily chasing his brother through the streets while Henry laughs and consistently dodges his brother each time Noah is about to catch him.

"Why are boys so dumb?" Harper mutters under her breath as her hazel orbs sweep across the intricate details of the Catholic Cathedrals.

"They are just programmed that way," I laugh and slowly rock on my heels from the nervous energy clawing it's way up my spine.

I remember this tourist trip with Regina like it was yesterday, when in fact it was eighteen years ago. My stomach turns from the notion that eighteen years passed me by with a blink of an eye, so I try to focus on something else. Some of the conversations about the history has become lost in my mind after all this time. I desperately try to recall everything my ex taught me about this fascinating city, but my mind is drawing blank.

All I see is her radiant smile dancing in the warm rays of the sun as it slowly descends from the sky above. I can distinctly hear the rich, velvety husk of her laugh as she bumped her shoulder playfully into mine, still unsure of the heat sparking between us as we walked through the city. Warmth spreads from my wrist and I can almost feel the weight of her fingertips pressing into my skin as she pulled me through the crowd, my feet eager to keep up with her every move.

"I...your mother knew so much about this place," tumbles recklessly from lips causing my children to stop in their tracks. "I-I am sorry, I don't remember as much as I thought when I suggested this tour."

"It's alright mom," Sutton replies with a reassuring smile.

"Yeah, uh..." Henry's eyes flick around until something clicks. "There's this four wheel drive tour that heads up Mt. Etna. Why don't we check it out? I'm sure there's a tour guide and that would be kind of cool to go up a volcano."

"Oh thank god," Sutton breathes. "I cannot stand hobbling on these stupid crutches anymore."

"Sure, that sounds fun," I agree and breathe out all my trepidation about this visit.

 _Finally something new that won't remind me of Regina._

XXXXXXXXX 

My body is buzzing from the adrenaline swimming through my veins or maybe it's from the Jeep shaking as we climb up the historical volcano. My fingers are locked in a death grip around the handle above the door while my other hand is clenching the center console in fear.

"Oh man this is so much fun!" Henry screams while the three stooges in the back are laughing hysterically.

"Why the hell did I let you talk me into allowing you to drive?" I shriek as Henry purposely hits a bump in the road causing the vehicle to pop in the air. "You need to slow down kid, we don't want them kicking us out of this tour."

"Chill mom," Henry's hand shoots up and gestures toward the car in front of us. "I'm just following along with the rest of the group. We're fine."

My heart is pounding so fiercely in my chest I'm certain this is how I'm going to die, on a freaking Jeep my son is driving.

"Do you have to hit every bump?" I scold as my fingers tighten around my support, indefinitely cutting off my circulation.

"Since when were you the uptight one?" Sutton inquires as she leans into my seat.

"I am not uptight!" I defend and whip around in my seat to glare at my irritating children.

"Maybe grandpa's right, maybe you're just getting old..." Harper adds on with a smug expression that reminds me so much of Regina.

"I wanted four children and now God is punishing me for being so greedy," I hiss inspiring all four of my kids to laugh at me.

I turn back around to face forward again and smile to myself. It's been far too long since I heard the sweet sound of all my children laughing together, as a family. I sigh and slowly close my eyes, taking in this moment and knowing I made the right choice for this trip.

The car slowly rolls to a stop, the crunching sound of black rock grinding with the thick rubber tires below. Everyone involved with the tour climbs out of their vehicles to admire the nature surrounding us.

"Monte Fontana," the tour guide calls out with his arms stretching wide through the brisk air.

It's astonishing how the rough, black rocks on one side that were once torched in scorching lava, are now engulfed in a forest of green trees around it. For a moment I am struck stunned by the idea that the rubble beneath my boots was once melting by the fiery liquid running wildly down the mountain.

The tour guide continues his speech about the history along with the height and wilderness that is painting the picture around us. However my eyes are straining on the high peak off in the distance kissing the afternoon sky and the valleys still stained in destruction.

I glance behind me to discover Sutton leaning heavily against the Jeep so she doesn't have to use her crutches and of course she appears utterly bored. Harper is lost in her own world gazing out into the tranquil space that's aligned with jagged cliffs. For once she seems at peace with who she is and not completely drowned out in her sister's shadow. My eyes crawl across the valley where I spot Noah balancing on a charred rock with Henry offering his hand for support.

My heart constricts painfully, wishing Regina could be here to watch our children finally relax. I quickly toss that thought out of my mind and smile to myself knowing I planted those smiles on their faces, I did what was best for my children.

"Alright, lets climb back in and head to our next destination," the instructor calls out kick starting everyone's feet to scurry back to the vehicles.

My children climb back into the car and despite the unsettling sensation weighing down on my intestines, I slip back into the passenger side. Henry jumps into the driver's seat and starts the engine once again. My son glances my way for just a moment with excitement sparkling in his dark green eyes and flashes me the goofiest smirk, creating a loud bark of laughter to break through my lips.

"You ready?" He questions and shifts the Jeep into drive.

"Absolutely not!" My son completely ignores my apprehension and slams his foot against the gas pedal, slamming everyone back into their seats. "Henry!" I scold as my hand instinctively snaps into the air to find the handle to hang on to.

Henry simply laughs, along with his siblings in the back as the tires trudge through the rocks, jostling the car from left to right. My jaw clenches painfully tight as I hold on for dear life, cursing myself for allowing my son to drive again.

The engines roar loudly as we continue to scale the massive mountain side. The sound of crunching rocks fills the air and covers us in a thick dust. My son insists on crashing against every bump and dip the valley has to offer generating contagious giggles to fill the air from each one of my children.

Finally, the Jeeps in front of us come to a complete stop, ending the terrifying joy ride. I tumble out of the car and thank my lucky stars we made it without popping a tire.

"Everyone come grab a hard helmet and flashlight," the tour guide calls out once again and pops open the back of his vehicle.

"Sutton, do you want to join us?" I question knowing she's been in pain today.

"I'm fine out here," she waves her hand seeming unaffected that she will miss out and pulls out her phone, quickly snapping pictures from the nature all around.

"We will be back shortly," I confirm while my other three children are gathering their equipment.

Soon, we are following the tour, our feet carefully trekking through extinct craters toward the lava cave. As we enter the old cave, the cool air nips at our cheeks and sends shivers down my back. I flip on my flashlight with my children following the lead and aim toward the pitch black cave.

"La Grotta del Gelo. This specific cave was where ice was produced many centuries ago," the man educates us as we follow him through the dark path with only our small flashlights to guide our way.

High above the side of the mountain in a black cave, the air is significantly colder. I wrap my arms firmly across my chest and shudder, wishing I would have brought a warmer jacket. Even though I know this is a tour that occurs several times a day I still can't fight against the eerie suspicion tickling at the base of my neck.

"Mom!" Noah enthuses as his soft glowing beam skitters across the jagged edges of the cave. I follow his line of sight and point my light in the same direction. "Look at this!"

"Noah, be careful please," I gently delegate, "it's a sheet of ice below us."

"He's fine mom, it's not like we have never seen ice and snow before," Henry chuckles as he glides effortlessly passed me, his boots skating across the thin ice below.

"Boys," Harper murmurs, leaning into my side. "Sutton would've liked this, I'm going to take some pictures."

"Sounds good baby girl," I beam and turn my attention back to my youngest. His thin fingers are reaching out, slithering down the ice that's clinging to the walls. The moment our flashlights shine against the thick ice, the sculptures shimmer like diamonds in a mine. "This is beautiful," I sigh in contentment finding myself drawn to the frozen liquid before us.

"It's so cool!" Noah bellows, his small voice carrying through the dark cave and bouncing loudly off the icy walls.

"Literally," Henry laughs and shakes his brother's helmet playfully.

XXXXXXXXX 

After our fascinating and what I found to be educational Jeep tour, we hurried back to the Mills' farm. Spending far too much time in the ice cave froze our bodies from the blood running through our veins all the way to the bone.

"Come on in my dears," Cora kindly instructs as she helps the children hang up their coats. "I just brewed some homemade hot apple cider."

"Thanks ma," I smile through my chapped lips, my muscles still trembling from the bitter cold.

"I just brewed a pot of coffee for you," she absentmindedly mutters as her tiny hands run furiously up and down Noah's arms to warm him up. "Sutton, I think you should go sit down, I would like you off that ankle."

"I know Nana," she sweetly smiles at the older woman and allows Cora to pepper her cheek with loving kisses.

Sutton swings on her crutches through the warm cabin with her siblings following behind into the kitchen. The sweet aroma of apple cider travels delicately through the air with a hint of fresh coffee beans.

I bounce up and down to keep warm and blow my hot breath against my pale fingertips. My feet numbly pad through the beaten path like I did so many years ago and help Cora with the drinks.

As I pour the steaming golden liquid into four mugs, Cora sprinkles the top with ground cinnamon. She smiles to herself and I know her heart is overjoyed with the comfort of her grandchildren present once again. My lips stretch into my rosy cheeks while I nudge my shoulder softly into the older woman. She glances through her tired eyes and hums softly.

"It's so wonderful to have you back dear," she whispers before picking up two mugs and bringing them to my daughters first.

I sigh, full of love and tranquility and bring my sons their drinks as well. Just as I'm setting the warm beverages down, my father in law bursts through the back door full of energy.

"Finally back," he comments with his smile just as broad as his wife's. His nose and cheeks are tinged a vibrant red creating the illusion that maybe Santa does exist. "How was the Jeep tour?"

All four kids start rambling off their favorite parts, each one growing increasingly louder as they attempt to speak over one another. Henry and Cora both chuckle and nod along, hanging on every word and glowing with love.

"Henry, would you like some coffee?" I offer knowing he must be just as cold from hanging outside in the barn.

"I would love some," he replies, but his eyes never leave his grandchildren's exuberant faces. I prepare my coffee along with his, still remembering how he takes his caffeine boost, only one sugar, no cream. "How about a nice game of Monopoly tonight?" He suggests and already his face is lighting up like a single firework in the night sky.

"I don't know Pops," I drawl and place his beverage down in front of him. "I think the kids had a pretty busy day." Four groans erupt louder than the engines on Mount Etna this afternoon. "It's just one night guys, we had a very busy day and I think we should call it a night. We have two weeks here," I remind my disgruntle children and roll my eyes at their consistent moaning.

"Listen to your mother," Henry scolds with a pointed glare at each one of my kids.

"Ma, I'm seventeen. I don't need a bedtime," Henry complains with his hard defiant mask firmly set into place.

"I'm not saying you need to go to bed kid. I'm just saying you guys should go back to our cabin and relax for the rest of the night. Aren't you guys tired? I'm freaking exhausted," I whine and tighten my grip around my mug, relishing in the warmth spreading through my tired, freezing muscles.

"Not at all, I'm still pumped from that drive," Henry beams before turning his attention toward his grandfather. "Papa you should've seen these torched rocks and small divots of craters that I was hitting."

"It was so cool," Noah adds on. "The Jeep was rocking all over the place!"

"I swear the car was gonna tip at one point," Harper laughs as she throws her older brother an amused smirk.

"I'm just thankful I didn't have to hobble around too much," Sutton exasperates but her face is still full of cheer.

"This is so wonderful," Cora gushes while leaning over in her chair toward my oldest. She smiles like he is the most precious thing in her world and kisses his cheek with force, as if she might be dreaming and needs to feel his chilly cheek to confirm his presence. "I am so happy to have my home filled with laughter again."

XXXXXXXXX 

"Now that the children are asleep, would you like to talk," Cora kindly offers as we curl up onto her couch.

Her husband had retired to their room as well but made sure the fireplace was roaring to life with fierce flames. She drapes the same old throw blanket across her petite legs and settles into the spot next to me. We both turn so we can face one another while I sip my coffee and she holds onto her tea.

"What would you like to discuss?" I inquire even though I know exactly what is on the older woman's mind.

"Oh come now, don't play the fool with me young lady."

"Cora, I'm forty-two, I have four children and an ex wife, I'm not some young lost girl anymore," I sigh and wish that I _was_ still that person. I would take Cora's scoldings over this life of torment any day.

"I don't give a damn, you and Regina will always be young in my eyes. Now, tell me what's been going on," she lowers her voice into a soothing tone that I just can't help but comply to her request.

"Nothing really," I shrug as my eyes find the creamy colored liquid swirling around in my cup. It's almost hypnotizing as it drags slowly and I find myself lost in nothing but a cup of coffee. "I've been trying to stay busy...to distract myself. Other than that, everything is the same."

"That doesn't sound convincing at all. You miss her," and it's not a question, it's a blatant observation from the exhausted lines embedded into my mouth and around my eyes.

"Of course I miss her, ma," I breathe out my inner turmoil that's been twisting my gut into a slinky for the past nine months.

"Emma," Cora whispers, but my eyes are focusing on the liquid that's come to a stand still, no longer swirling from my spoon. The older woman waits patiently, her eyes strained to the top of my head and the silence stretches on. Slowly, I peel my eyes away from the mug and meet her pitiful gaze. "If you are so miserable without her than why don't you suggest trying again?"

A quivering breath escapes my parted lips, encouraging my mother in law to place a comforting palm against my knee. Her small thumb sweeps across denim, chasing away my fears.

"It's not that simple," I shrug once more while my thumb nail scratches the side of my mug as a distraction. "I can't ask for her back."

"But you can my dear," she lightly counters with a soft smile.

"No," I firmly demand, "I can't." I shake my head and exhale the frustrations bubbling to the surface. "I may be miserable right now, but at least I'm not drowning."

"Drowning?"

"Yes, Cora," I implore with my exhausted eyes reaching hers. "I was drowning in that marriage and I was clinging to every lifeline available, but not once did she ever reach out her hand for me. Do you have any idea what it's like to be ignored and neglected by the one person you thought would always be devoted to you. You know how happy we were and in love, but all that faded. I desperately tried to fix it, but every day she slipped further and further away."

Scolding hot tears prick my eyes while my nose tingles from holding back my heavy cries. My fingers are trembling just as they always do when my failed marriage spills over my lips. I swallow the dry lump wedging it's way in the narrow path of my throat, provoking a tear to tumble down my cheek.

"I did...every-thing," I croak out through a stutter and hide behind the palm of my hand. I squeeze the bridge of my nose and internally berate myself for my constant crying. "I became so desperate for affection, I continuously threw myself at her, but again she never noticed. I'm the least important thing in her life and I couldn't...I can't be that person anymore. I felt like...like...a nobody. A shell of a person."

"My dear," Cora gently sets down her tea on the table behind the couch and pulls me into a hug. "I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry that she wasn't there for you."

"Even when she was home, her face was hidden behind some screen," I explain through my sniffling nose. "She was no longer present in our marriage and I couldn't continue on. I gave her enough warnings and she would always vow to work on us, but somehow I would be shuffled to the side, over and over again."

"That girl is going to drive herself into an early grave," the older woman mutters as I slowly untangle myself from her warm embrace. "Her life is going to be very lonely if she doesn't take a moment to stop and notice the world around her. I've told her this time and time again." Cora shakes her head and reaches for her tea once again, slowly sipping and shaking her head at her daughter's ignorance.

"She's obviously not too lonely," I mumble under my breath while my eyes roll automatically from the thought of that bitch in Regina's bed.

"Pardon me?"

"She is already seeing someone, her name is Fiona."

"I'll kill her."


	9. Chapter Nine

_A/N: I know some of you have been questioning Regina's fidelity and time for Fiona but not Emma. I promise all of this will be explained. These two will not just kiss and everything will be resolved/ignored. They will discuss all the issues and work for their relationship. With each chapter you will learn more about Regina, Emma and Fiona. Somethings aren't how they appear. Now on to the story, enjoy!_

 _The warm evening sun is quickly slipping from its thrown in the sky creating a velvety pink and orange hue to blanket across the city below. The heat emitting from her sultry body is coating my back as her fingers dance across my abdomen._

 _"Ti amo," her deep bravado hums against my ear, producing little goosebumps to rise just from her confession of love._

 _I groan and melt into her loving embrace while her fingertips skate across my flesh below my tank top. A powerful heat explodes through my veins and swims violently with my blood as she tests the limits._

 _"Gina," I lazily mutter, my eyelids falling closed from her seductive touches. "What are you doing?" I suspiciously question when her fingers tease just below the waistband of my jeans._

 _"My parents are watching the kids this evening, that means you are all mine," the demand of ownership in her voice turns me on from feeling neglected for so long._

 _"Yeah, but," my breath catches in my throat as her fingers glide effortlessly down beneath my delicate underwear. Her fingertips are silky soft as they skim over my bare mound. "Horse," I shudder incoherently as her middle finger grazes my slick slit._

 _"He won't even notice," she breathes hotly in my ear before nipping the soft lobe with her pearly white teeth. I groan involuntarily, my hips swaying to their own accord, shamelessly pleading for more of her teasing touch. "Puoi essere tranquillo?"_

 _My heart pounds like a fist to a wooden door in the still of the night. I know she can hear the organ thumping away while my breathing turns erratic. I'm almost panting, from the provocative curl around the simple question, asking if I can be quiet._

 _"I highly doubt it," I blurt out just as her middle finger leisurely drags up my center and skims teasingly over my clit. I swallow, creating an audible gulp between us and I can so clearly hear my wife smile behind my ear. "You're pure evil."_

 _"Ti piace," she bluntly claims that I like it and somehow I cannot find the strength to rebuttal when her finger is lightly brushing against my needy bundle of nerves. "Your goal, is to stay as still as possible so we don't spook Rocinante."_

 _"I-" I shake my head viciously, while the soft pad of her middle finger presses further down against my most sensitive area. I grit my teeth and push my back further against her chest upon our sturdy horse. "There's no way," I complain._

 _Her sharp teeth graze my ear lobe once more all while her finger draws slow sexy circles over my throbbing clit. "You can, I know you Emma, better than you know yourself," she vows and it's the sexiest thing I've heard on top of a horse._

 _Her free hand that, up until now was squeezing my left hip bone, snakes it's way toward my jeans as well. That one hand works diligently to pop the button undone, her tongue licking the shell of my ear simultaneously and sending more delicious shivers down my spine. Her middle finger slips away from my greedy bud and slides through my wet folds. She curls that finger perfectly, burying herself deep within my silky walls._

 _I moan, a little too loudly, but what really catches my attention is the sound of my zipper dragging down at a snail like pace. Regina just granted herself better access to my core, but that hand isn't done with me just yet. While her middle finger slowly slides deep inside and then extracts at an even slower rate, her free hand slips beneath my shirt._

 _Her free hand yanks possessively on my bra, exposing my heavy breast in the process. Her skillful fingers instantly press into my flesh, grazing my nipple before she gropes my breast with vigor. I gasp, slamming my eyes shut while I allow my senses to consume me._

 _"Is this what you want Emma?" She moans into my ear as her finger begins to pick up its pace. She's pumping in and out, creating a delicious sound as her finger swims in my thick arousal that's always just for her. My head is spinning from the overwhelming stimulation while her thumb pads across my erect nipple. "Tell me, is this what you want?" She repeats again, stilling both hands against my buzzing body._

 _"Y-yes," I pant, throwing my head back against her chest inspiring her hands to go back to work. "You know I want you Regina."_

 _"And you should know I want you too," she sternly demands, but I'm too lost in my arousal to notice her tone. Her palm clamps down against my clit, causing me to curse under my breath. "I want you everyday," she places a small kiss to the sensitive spot behind my ear. "But I'm trying to build a future for you and our kids," her teeth sink into my flesh, producing a glorious mix between pleasure and pain. "I need you to understand that," she whispers softly while she continues to pump into my core and caress my naked breast._

 _"I do, you...you know...I do," I whimper no longer being able to follow along with the conversation._

 _My hips buck forward as the warm tingling sensation builds in my lower abdomen. I bite down hard on the corner of my lip to keep from screaming as electricity sparks through my bloodstream. Her palm presses down more firmly against my aching clit spreading another wave to crash down upon me. The heel of her palm furiously rubs against where I need her most all while she slides another finger deep inside of me._

 _"Fuck," I gasp and gyrate my hips to match her speed. "Oh fuck," I groan as my body explodes with what feels like liquid hot magma. I shudder against her touch as I release all over her dirty little fingers._

 _"I love you Em, I always will," she promises into my ear before her soft lips skate down my neck and cherish the slick skin below._

XXXXXXXXX 

"So you're Bandit," I conclude as my heavy feet trek through the loose hay surrounding the horse's gate.

My muscle memory leaps into action, instructing my feet to climb onto the gate like I once did seventeen years ago. Somewhere in the back of my mind I'm still expecting to see the rich chocolate horse with a long white snout and those sensitive big black eyes. I'm convinced I will see him stretching forward to nuzzle against the palm of my hand, but that image is quickly torn away.

A smaller jet black steed stands before me, watching me curiously as I lean forward on the wooden gate and sigh. I have no doubt that this new horse and I will quickly become friends, but that doesn't stop the ache in my heart from missing Rocinante. That horse was Regina's childhood companion and soon became my best friend, especially when Regina left for New York. He was always there for me, my confidant, my most favorite secret keeper.

"Well, I can see why they named you Bandit," I comment as my hand slowly reaches out for him to greet me. "Nobody would ever see you lurking in the shadows," I chuckle just as his black snout nudges my hand. "Hey," I softly sigh and allow the comforting touch of this gentle animal.

Rocinante passed away five years ago from old age and it still pangs me to know Regina and I weren't here for him. Even though he's an animal I still feel as though our presence would have been more comforting for him. I remember that tragic day as if it were yesterday. Cora called me to inform us, because again, Regina was too busy to answer the damn phone for her mother. When I told my wife, she continued working, hardly paying any attention, until later that night she broke down in a heavy sob that ripped my heart apart. I'm not sure, but I think between the guilt of not visiting Sicily more often along with the stress of work, she completely lost it that night.

The tips of my fingers graze through the coarse hair, allowing myself to completely let go in this moment and enjoy the relaxation. I sigh while Bandit exhales through his nose as well, already bonding with me.

"Hey."

I whip around from the sudden interruption to discover my father in law and oldest son lingering in the doorway. I smile softly at the pair and continue stroking Bandit's black nose.

"Hey guys, what are you two up to?"

"Not much," my son replies entering the barn with hands shoved deep inside his coat pockets. "I was thinking about going for a ride, if I remember that is," he nervously says as his dark green eyes drift up to meet the curious black ones.

"I'm sure you still remember my boy," my father in law replies, strutting confidently into the barn to clasp his hand upon my son's shoulder. "Just take it slow at first until you become familiar with the sensation again."

"Yeah of course," Henry replies and reaches his palm out to properly greet the large animal. "He seems smaller than Rocinante, or was I just small and not really remembering correctly?" He questions absentmindedly while he becomes lost in petting the new horse.

"He's smaller than Rocinante," my father in law acknowledges, pulling a saddle off the shelf. "But he's just as strong and definitely faster," he chuckles as he prepares all the necessities for my son's ride. "He's a curious fella, always wanting to explore. He's young and full of life, I believe you two have that in common."

My son offers a small weak smile, but then he catches Bandit's eye and for a moment they share a little secret that tugs my son's smile even wider. I smile at the sweet exchange and pat the strong horse before me, silently expressing that I trust him with my baby.

"Damn kid, when was the last time you were on a horse?" I ask, helping Henry senior saddle up Bandit.

My son hums quietly as his thin lips twist, his mind tripping back in time to count the years that have passed. "Maybe when I was ten?"

"Oh boy," I breathe and roll my eyes, "you sure you're ready for this?"

"He will be just fine my dear," the older man promises as his hand rests against my shoulder to settle my anxious nerves. "You'll be surprised how quickly he adjusts. He was two when we first put him on Rocinante, correct?"

"True," I sigh, feeling my heart constrict from the idea of my son being two once again.

I miss those days so much, when he was so small and would constantly cuddle between Regina and I. A time when the three of us were inseparable and full of laughter. A time I do desperately wish I could go back to every night while I lay awake, tossing and turning between the cold sheets of my bed.

"You coming ma?" Henry playfully inquires, forcing my eyes to meet his. A little sparkle of excitement flashes against those dark eyes and persuades my mouth to turn upright into a giddy grin.

Soon, I'm watching as my father in law instructs Henry how to properly mount a horse. His body must remember every detail because my seventeen year old climbs upon Bandit as though no time has passed at all between him and a horse. I smile proudly at my young man before his eyes drift to gauge my reaction and then he's smiling just as brightly back at me.

The older of the two begins delegating exactly what he expects from my son and reminds him of the most important details to control his horse. Henry listens intently to his grandfather while he pats Bandit lightly, still bonding with the new horse.

"I swear I remember all of this Papa," Henry vows, "can I please just take him around the farm now?"

Henry senior reaches up and lightly taps my son's leg with a warm smile tugging at his lips. "I think you're ready," he assures and takes one step back. "Slow at first young man," he sternly commands with his eyes narrowed pointedly.

"I know," Henry sighs while his fists hang onto the reigns a little bit tighter than a moment ago.

Henry gently kicks Bandit, encouraging the horse to begin their adventure together. I thought for sure Bandit would take this opportunity and dash across the field, but he shows restraint, walking calming through the open expanse. My son follows his specific instructions and leads Bandit around the farm, never increasing speed until he makes two full complete circles.

"See Papa, I got this," Henry brags as his feet connect with the dark animal below, motivating Bandit to pick up his speed.

Bandit begins trotting around the open field, creating an exuberant grin to mold into my son's cheeks. Henry hasn't appeared this relaxed in quite sometime and the notion makes my heart swell and ache all at the same time. I'm so ecstatic to see my son's worries wash away, but then again it's utterly depressing knowing that he's been so miserable lately.

"Very nice young man," Henry shouts to his grandson as he inspects every movement my son is making. "Shall we make this horse very happy?" He calls out with a sly smirk.

My son nods enthusiastically as my heart ceases in my chest and my muscles tense. Despite feeling confident around horses now, it's still nerve wrecking to see my son up there after all this time has passed. Of course, nothing phases Henry and he kicks Bandit once more, provoking the horse to take off into a steady gallop.

I bite my bottom lip and nervously fold my arms across my chest, watching as my son beams even brighter than before. If I'm not mistaken, Bandit is smirking beneath my son as well, enjoying the freedom and the wind in his mane.

As much as I hate it, my mind wanders to my ex wife and I can't help but think that maybe Henry is wishing she were here to see him handle this new horse like a pro.

XXXXXXXXX 

"Did you guys have fun baking with Nana?" I question as I begin clearing the table from dinner, my old habits consuming my body and working without truly thinking about my actions.

I desperately need a distraction from the single chair that sat next to me all during dinner, glaring at me with the heavy weight of my wife's ghost. Just that one chair vacant during a family dinner that Regina should have never missed.

"Yeah!" Noah enthuses as he swallows his last bite of lasagna. "We have so much good stuff for tonight!"

"Harper and I baked the apple pie by ourselves, we just followed Nana's written recipe while her and Noah worked on some cannolis," Sutton explains as she piles some plates together to help clean up.

"I am sure it will be delicious," Cora praises as she sweeps by Harper and places a kiss on top of her head and then proceeds to repeat the same action with her twin.

"I'm excited," I laugh while I start methodically scrubbing the soapy sponge against the dishes, just like I always did after dinner, except this time I'm missing my partner. "I'm ready to pig out on some sweets and play Monopoly."

"I call car!" Noah screams, startling everyone in the room.

"You can't just call the car, we haven't even opened the box yet. Besides I should be the car, I'm the oldest," Henry lamely explains while I simply roll my eyes.

"Need help?" Harper sheepishly questions over my shoulder, slightly startling me.

"Oh...uh, sure baby girl," I step aside allowing her some room in front of the sink as well. "I wash, you rinse," I delegate while she nods her agreement. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," she softly whispers and focuses on her task at hand.

"If you two can't figure this out, than I'll be the car," my father in law states after my boys continue arguing back and forth. "Now, Henry, go grab the game." My son nods and complies without another word about the stupid car piece. My son sets down the game in front of his grandfather and slides back into his seat. "We need a banker," he claims as he opens the box and smiles fondly at all the memories springing to life from the game and floating back to him. "My wife here...she cannot be trusted," he quips with an accusatory finger wagging in her direction.

"Oh this old song and dance," Cora groans as she prepares the after dinner drink for her and her husband. "It's time you find a new line my dear, because no one here seems to be biting," she quips with all the confidence in the world.

I snicker to myself, remembering the couple's playful banter that I always admired when I was younger. A tingling sensation over comes me and suddenly I'm well aware that I am home again. I smile inwardly and hurry to finish the dishes so we can enjoy a family night.

XXXXXXXXX 

"I would like to purchase this," Cora regally informs us with her chin held high and a wicked smirk across her face.

"Boardwalk! Every damn time!" Her husband bellows and tosses his agitated arms up in the air.

Cora smugly offers her money across the table toward our banker, who we all voted for, Harper. My daughter smiles and places the money properly into their respectable slots before handing over the blue card that always infuriates Henry senior.

Cora dramatically fans herself with the small card and laughs at her husband's disgruntle expression. "Even this card smells of money," she taunts producing giggles from everyone around the dining room table.

"Well it's a good thing we are married," Henry states with a broad smile. He leans into his wife and teases her right back. "What's yours is mine, sweetheart." Earning himself a playfully shove from the tiny woman.

"Alright, my turn," my oldest announces as he sweeps the dice off the board game and rolls with excitement. "Seven," he reads and drives his car across the board until he stops and frowns to himself.

"New York Ave. that'll be seventy dollars, big bro," Sutton maliciously taunts with her greedy hand extending toward Henry.

"Not cool Sut," he groans as he angrily pulls out his money and slaps the pretend colorful cash into her palm.

"Look at that Pops, my son inherited your poor sportsmanship," I tease with an evil smirk before popping a bite of the sweet apple pie into my mouth.

"I am not a poor loser," he grumbles and reaches for my plate, pulling the small dish across the table and creating a deep frown upon my lips. "Don't talk back to your elders otherwise you lose your dessert," he playfully states before he jabs his fork into my apple pie and steals a bite for himself.

"Hey!" I lamely protest through a deep frown embedding into my cheeks like a small child. My heart swells from the tiny interaction, remembering this is how my father in law and I always interacted, but then my heart is sinking remembering how I've been away for far too long. "Get your own piece," I demand, leaning across the table to snatch my dessert back, "or is your wife watching your sugar intake?" I taunt, forcefully stabbing my fork into the gooey sweetness. Slowly, I raise the fork to my mouth and hum as I relish in the sweet flavor, tormenting the older man beside me.

The table breaks out into a joyous laughter that tingles through my bloodstream and warms my body with love. I watch as my children completely relax from all their worries and inhibitions, barking out full belly laughs that they cannot seem to control. I'm simply laughing from the carefree chuckles exploding from their mouths and I can't help but wonder when they laughed this hard. The teasing wasn't something to be laughing this hard over, but I believe each one of them are just giddy from the energetic buzz filling the atmosphere.

"What's so funny?"

The entire room falls silent as every head snaps to attention to the voice interrupting from the doorway. I attempt to swallow, but my throat declines the small action and I swear my mouth has quickly been wallpapered with scratchy sandpaper. My heart pounds furiously through the silence that seems to be stretching on for eternity and it's painful how not one person has found the courage to respond yet.

The air just went from euphorically blissful to a palpable tension that's crackling like sparklers on the Fourth Of July. I blink through the confusion and notice how my ex is swaying nervously in the doorframe, clenching and unclenching her anxious fists hanging awkwardly beside her.

"Mom?" Noah inquires like he's still unsure if the rest of the room is seeing what his mind is telling him to believe is real.

"Hi honey," she breathes with a ragged breath of relief.

It doesn't take much else for my youngest to be on his feet and padding across the kitchen to engulf his mother in an overbearing hug that almost knocks her tiny waist to the ground. Harper quickly sprouts up from her chair like a flower basking in the warm sun and soon Sutton is following her sister's lead, hobbling on one foot, leaving her crutches behind.

Henry glances in my direction and I offer him the most genuine smile to help persuade him into lifting his butt off the chair to greet his mother. I know this is what he wanted, I know after seventeen years of Regina always by his side and spoiling him rotten on Christmas, he didn't want to miss this year with her. So, I slowly nod toward my son, inspiring his feet to push off the floor. His wooden chair scrapes painfully against the thick floorboards below as he stands tall. The twins are still hugging their mother tight, but soon all eyes are on Henry.

Regina smiles softly at our oldest and waits, waits for him to come barreling into her like he did when he was a rambunctious ball of energy or wait for him to nod in her direction and continue sulking in her presence like he has done for the last nine months.

Finally, Henry sighs and moseys toward his mother with his fingers twitching by his sides. The twins release their brunette mother and find their way back to their seats just as Henry slowly wraps his arms around Regina's tiny frame. I don't think I've ever seen Regina appear so small before as she clings to our son, absorbing all the love he has to offer right now.

"Regina," I eventually breathe out as my brain decides to jump back into action. "W-what...are you doing here?" I stammer like a complete fool and wait for the burning blush of embarrassment to creep up my neck and paint my cheeks.

"There's no way I could miss Christmas with my children," she replies, pulling Henry's face away from her shoulder and kissing his forehead.

"Well, we are glad you are here mom," Henry quietly replies as Cora and her husband stand up and tug their daughter into their loving arms.

"Oh my darling, have we missed you," Cora gushes with her eyes glossing over and her voice thick with lingering tears.

"I knew you wouldn't let down your family," her father whispers into her ear, but I hear him loud and clear and somehow that small acknowledgment clenches my beating organ until my heart can no longer find a steady rhythm.

Regina slowly pulls away from her parents, desperately trying to fight against the overpowering surge of emotions. She sniffles and eyes the board game behind her father as a simple distraction.

"Monopoly?" She questions with a pathetic chuckle at the end to appear casual about her surprise arrival, but I know she can sense my eyes on her and I know she can hear the million questions rambling around in my mind. "And look at all this dessert."

"Harper and I made the pie," Sutton proudly claims with a goofy grin that actually scares me from how similar it resembles mine.

"Nana and I made the cannolis," Noah adds on with a smile that consumes his entire face.

"Wow," Regina eyes the sweet treats and rests her hand upon Noah's shoulder. "They look so delicious honey," she praises and squeezes some love into his little body.

My eyes are straining on her sad smile that's inflicting her flawless face with sorrowful frown lines around her mouth. The wobble in her voice may go unnoticed by the rest of the family, but this my wife...my _ex_ wife...and I know her better than anyone because she was once mine, for eighteen long years. She's happy to be here and she knows she made the right decision, but she's kicking herself for already missing so much of this trip. I see it, I see it flashing like bright red ambulance lights in her darkening eyes and I wish I could reach out and tell her that it's okay because she's here now.

But...it's not okay. _We_ are not okay.

XXXXXXXXX

"So, I'll just sleep on the couch mother, if that's alright with you?" Regina inquires as she hangs onto her suitcase like her life raft, somehow keeping her afloat through these treacherous waves that have now become a constant in our life.

"Why don't you stay with your family," Cora suggests, provoking my nails to dig into Sutton's shoulders as she stands in front of me.

Those green eyes peer over her shoulder and flick across my face, judging the fear that is so clearly written across my face. I try to remain impassive and stare blankly ahead, but my daughter nonetheless reads me like an open book.

"Mom," Sutton begins, dragging her intrusive eyes away from my face and focusing on her other mother. "Why don't you sleep in my room with Harper and I can sleep with ma," she kindly suggest, releasing the breath from my lungs that I didn't even know I was holding.

"Yeah mom, that way you can still stay with us," Harper agrees.

"Emma?" I flinch and blink slowly as I dig up whatever courage I have left buried in my soul to actually look my ex in the eyes. "Is that alright with you?"

"Mmmhmmm," I hum and nod my head pathetically like a bobble head.

"Great! We haven't been in one house for...forever!" Noah reminds us with a wide toothy grin.


	10. Chapter Ten

_The warm soft glow flickers off the dark walls as I slowly light the last candle. I smile to myself and take a moment to relish in this peaceful atmosphere. The house is completely silent as the time crawls closer to the middle of the night, our children fast asleep while I prepare a night for my wife to just relax._

 _I glance at my phone again, noting it's almost midnight and hoping she will come sweeping in our bedroom door any minute now. All the lights are turned off, but I know she won't miss the illuminating twinkling coming from our ensuite._

 _The bathtub is filled with extra hot water, just the way she likes it. The calming scent of lavender fills the steamy room and washes away any nerves clawing their way to the surface. For some reason I'm oddly nervous about this little surprise._

 _My eyes wander down toward the skimpy silk lingerie, the vibrant ruby red clashing against my pale skin. Goosebumps pop all along my flesh, knowing that hungry animalistic glint that will sparkle in Regina's eyes when she sees this little number._

 _I take a gander at my phone again, noting the minutes slowly passing me by. I sigh, tentatively dipping my hand into the scolding water to test the temperature, confirming that my bath is now just lukewarm. I yank my hand out of the translucent waters and wipe my arm on a towel nearby. I can always refill the tub, I conclude, not wanting to put a damper on my mood._

 _So, I sit and I wait for my wife to come home. I wait until the bath water runs cold. I wait until I can no longer inhale the sweet aroma of lavender. I wait until the small tea light candles begin to flicker out._

 _Disappointment isn't a word good enough to explain the heart ache I'm experiencing as I finally give up and pull the drain from the tub. I watch as the water slowly is dragged through the opening and swirls as it leaves the tub. My heart beating furiously in my chest from the anger pulsating through my veins at my wife, yet again._

 _I begin blowing out the candles one by one, with my hot breath excessively exhaling from pure rage. I stomp around cleaning up the bathroom before I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror._

 _A sexy, silky, red dress on display, pushing my breasts together with the bottom of my ass hanging out for my wife to notice me. My cheeks are flushed from the fury stirring deep inside my gut and I just stare at myself. Pathetic is the only word that rings loud and clear in my mind._

 _I grit my teeth and storm off, slamming my feet against the floor as I go. I reach for the hem of the naughty outfit and rip it from my body like the material was digging deep into my flesh, tearing my skin apart. I toss the dress to the ground and rummage angrily through my dresser for an over sized t-shirt._

 _I huff and puff, more furious than the big bad wolf as I climb into bed. By myself. Again. With all my pent up rage, I force the duvet on top of my body and curl up into a ball, protecting myself from the outside world. I swallow thickly as that familiar sensation pricks my eyes. I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing the tears to spill down my cheeks once again._

XXXXXXXXX 

"Good morning my dear," Cora sings as I trudge grumpily into the kitchen from the lack of sleep I endured last night.

I spent the entire night tossing and turning, knowing that my ex wife was just down the hall sleeping in our daughter's bed. It's been too long since we last slept in the same house and my skin was itching all night to climb out of bed and sneak into hers. It was pathetic how miserable I was because I just wanted to hold her in my arms again.

"Morning," I mumble back and sip my steaming hot mug.

"Are the children up yet?" She absentmindedly questions over her shoulder as she scans over the ingredients in her refrigerator to prepare another extravagant breakfast.

"Yes, they were right behind me," I gently set my coffee down on the counter and begin pulling out skillets and utensils to help Cora. "Maybe they stopped off at the barn," I continue and shrug not truly caring this early in the morning.

"And Regina?"

I groan to myself, even though I know my mother in law can hear my disgruntle protest loud and clear. "I highly doubt she'll be up anytime soon. I guarantee she's too exhausted from all her work and stress, her body is going to _make_ her sleep like the dead."

The front screen door slams shut, informing us that my kids have finally made their way inside, except it's awfully quiet for four big mouths. I place one pan on top of the stove and begin peeling apart the bacon. My eyes flick toward the doorway to discover Regina lingering awkwardly over the threshold.

"Good morning mother...Emma," she breathes my name like the simple sound is far too complicated to pronounce and I flinch from the pain clenching in my chest.

"Good morning," I quietly reply and quickly avert my eyes down to my task.

"Well good morning dear, Emma was just saying that you were going to sleep in today," Cora smugly divulges on our private conversation, causing my entire body to flush. "I should have bet money on that claim," she teases as she sweeps through the kitchen and places a delicate kiss to her daughter's cheek.

Regina clears her throat awkwardly and it takes all the strength I can muster up to avoid her enchanting eyes. "Yes, well, I don't have the opportunity to see my children much anymore so I didn't want to waste a minute," she confesses, forcing my eyes to snap toward hers.

When I finally meet her gaze, she's already watching me closely. Those big brown eyes are glistening with thick emotions as we stare intently at one another. Another wave of heat rushes violently beneath my skin and I know I have to break this trance before I melt for her all over again. I offer her a weak smile and quickly fumble for the bacon once again.

"Speaking of, where are your children?" Cora inquires as she beats the eggs in a large bowl to prepare scrambled eggs.

"They are out in the barn with Rocinante," Regina hums, her adorable bare feet padding across the kitchen floor for a cup of coffee.

Then I freeze and furrow my brows. "Uh..." I stammer as I try to find the right way to acknowledge her mistake. "You mean Bandit," I blurt out instead like an inconsiderate fool.

"What?" Regina asks, but her mind is focusing on her hand pouring the dark liquid into her mug.

"You said Rocinante, you mean Bandit," I gently explain, still avoiding eye contact.

The room falls silent except for Cora's heavy sigh. I bite the inside of my lower lip while my nose scrunches out of fear of what's to come. I know how much that horse meant to her and I'm sure she didn't even notice her slip up. His name probably just rolled off her tongue like one of her medical words.

I peek over my shoulder and watch her tense shoulders slump uncharacteristically. "Yes, I meant Bandit," she exhales slowly and I can so vividly see the way her mind is short circuiting from her exhaustion. "Is there anything I can help with?" She suggests just to move past her slip up and change the subject.

I quickly snap back to the sizzling bacon in the pan and slowly turn the pieces back over. The front door bursts wide open again with our children chatting happily with each other and just like that all the tension evaporates from the tiny room.

"Why don't you start the French toast darling," Cora delegates and I can't help but roll my eyes at her obvious demand to force Regina and I to stand next to one another.

"Do we really need eggs and French toast?" Regina grumbles, but she hardly finishes her sentence before both our boys are screaming an assertive, ' _yes_ '. "Alright, fine," she exasperates, but there's a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth and I know it's because her children are near.

I remove myself from the stove for just a moment to grab more creamer for my coffee, while Regina prepares the French toast. Noah is standing in the middle of the kitchen swinging on Sutton's crutches and giggling while Harper and her twin are deep in a private conversation. Henry rushes passed me so he can make it to the coffee pot before I can while I'm closing the refrigerator door behind me.

When I spin around I find myself face to face with my ex, completely startling both of us. "Sorry," she mutters, her thick eyelashes blinking rapidly in surprise.

"Excuse me," I softly whisper as I attempt to squeeze passed her and Noah swinging hazardously, but for some reason my feet just aren't moving.

"I just needed some milk," she explains while tucking a thick piece of hair behind her ear and god do I wish those fingers were mine. I miss the way her silky strands skimmed across my flesh as I brushed her hair away from her beautiful face. "Emma?" I blink away my thoughts and hum in response because suddenly my tongue is far too big for my mouth to even attempt words. "The milk."

"Right," I nod and decipher how I can squirm out of my trap. I glance to my right and come face to face with Henry, grinning like an idiot from ear to ear behind his coffee mug. "Move," I demand and slightly shove his shoulder causing him to bark out a laugh.

"You might wanna check the bacon, I think it's burning," Henry chuckles to himself before he leans into my side and lowers his voice, "or something else is on fire."

"Don't be gross." My entire face scrunches as I brush passed him and begin working on flipping the bacon once again.

Henry follows me toward the stove and leans against the countertop, watching me carefully. "I meant your face is on fire. You could not be more red right now ma," he laughs against his mug and slowly sips the steaming cup.

"Either go sit down or finish this bacon for the family," I coldly retort, inspiring my son to back away from my apparent flushed face with his hand held up high in surrender.

As Henry steps away, it isn't long before Regina is back, slapping the gooey bread onto the skillet. Our children's voices are filling the air to compensate for the awkward tension building around us, but I swear I can still feel all their curious little eyes raining down on my back. I swallow against the suffocating lump in the back of my throat and focus all my attention on the bacon.

 _How the hell am I going to survive a whole week with her so close to me?_

"Emma?" I jump, throwing my hand recklessly against my chest to keep my heart from escaping my chest. "Sorry," she mumbles to herself while I watch her nervously sway out of the corner of my eye. "I was just wondering if you had any plans today?"

"Plans?"

"Yes, with the kids," she further explains and for some reason the weight of disappointment thuds angrily in the pit of my stomach, because there's still some stupid flicker of hope buried in my soul that maybe she would want to spend time with me.

"Oh, uh...I don't believe so...nothing set in stone."

"Great, maybe we can take them to Piazza del Duomo-"

"I already took them there, we also did the Jeep tour up Mt. Etna," I ramble as my eyes stare aimlessly at the grease sizzling and popping in front of me.

"Oh, alright. How about the Roman Theatre, that's something we haven't done before?"

"We?" I croak out as if a frog stole my throat and instantly I feel the warm rush of blood tingle my pale cheeks from embarrassment.

"Y-yes, if that's alright with you. I think the children would enjoy having both of us around without us arguing all the time. Don't you agree?"

"Of course I agree." I breathe out all my mental torment and begin placing all the cooked bacon onto a plate. "I think it's a great idea Regina," I conclude and turn away before any other stupid comments slip passed my lips.

XXXXXXXXX 

The golden rays are almost too bright against the Sicilian sky, but I'm welcoming the sun with a smile upon my face and basking in the warmth it's providing against the bitter December air.

Sutton decided to sit this tourist event out and spend sometime with Cora, learning to make her homemade Sicilian sauce for pasta tonight. Her ankle must have been bothering her, despite her instant denial, so we chose not to push the subject any further.

Of course Noah is running down the streets full of energy with Henry right by his side, teasing him and playfully nudging him. Harper is walking alongside of Regina and I, her hands shoved into her coat pockets as her eyes sweep across every architectural building Catania has to offer. Our daughter's face lights up with every detail she studies and I can't help but wonder if she inherited that from Neal.

"Harper," Regina breaks through the silence but those hazel eyes are still consuming every curve, every structure, with astonishment. "You really seem to be enjoying the architectural aspect of these buildings," my ex notes as she too is absorbing everything this magnificent city has to offer.

"I love it, it's so...stunning," our daughter breathes with a broad smile slipping across her thin lips.

"I think you will really enjoy the Roman Amphitheater," Regina replies as her pearly white teeth shine bright against her parted red lips.

"Did you two ever come here together when you lived here Mom?" Harper curiously questions as her eyes flick in my direction. She's beaming with pure excitement and I know she's eager to hear about our time spent here before her and her siblings were born.

"Actually," I peek around Regina and smile at my beautiful daughter, "we never did make it here. I'm really excited myself to see this place." Harper nods along, satisfied with my answer, but the strain in Regina's throat as she swallows thickly resonates like a drum to my ear.

I take a chance and glance at my ex, my eyes scanning over her soft features as she remains focused on our destination. There's a light pink tinge brushing at her high cheekbones and I find myself wondering what could be flashing across that beautiful mind of hers. Even though she probably doesn't notice, I see right away how she's nibbling on the inside of her bottom lip, worrying about whatever is tormenting her brain as we arrive at our destination.

"Boys," Regina hollers, stilling both sets of feet ahead of us. "Over here," she points to the spot ahead of us, guarded by the metal rails.

Henry and Noah jog to where the three of us are standing and lean against the old hand rails. I take another step forward next to my youngest and place my hands upon his shoulders from behind.

"It's kinda small," Noah boldly comments as he leans on his tip toes to peer further down.

I mimic this action as well and peek down into the pit below. The scenario before me is somewhat of my expectations from the oval shape of the stadium built out of marble, lava stone and brick. Stone seating is descending all the way down into the pit of the arena, now wrapped in green vines and ivy from years of decay. However my son is correct, it's quite small and only a portion of the original Amphitheatre is left behind.

"Well, this was originally built in the second century, a lot of time and destruction has occurred since then. That includes seventeen volcano eruptions from Mt. Etna," Regina educates our family as we all peer over the railing into this pit of historical culture.

"How did the lava not destroy this entire building?" Harper questions, but she's so enveloped with the history surrounding her I don't think she truly realized her mouth was formulating words.

"It's a miracle actually," Regina breathes and that simple little sound demands my attention over the outstanding sight before me. My eyes flick toward my right to steal a glance of this amazing woman. "The lava never truly reached this building," she informs us through a content smile.

As my eyes take in her relaxed smile and her warm honey eyes, glowing in the bright sun, I'm suddenly all too aware that it was a moment like this in our past that made me fall in love with her the first time. We were both fresh out of complicated relationships and we had just met the night before, but I know in my heart when she dragged me all around Catania educating me on the history, that was the moment I fell head over heels in love with Regina Mills.

Big brown eyes slowly crawls their way into my direction understanding completely that I am watching her and remembering our beautiful past together. Regina swallows a harsh audible gulp when our eyes meet while my heart ceases in my chest. We are both trapped in a gaze that's pulling us down memory lane, demanding that we never forget about our time in Sicily where we fell in love. Emotions thick with heartache bubble up to the surface and lodge painfully in the back of my throat and I swear it's suffocating me. I can't seem to take in one simple breath as my eyes gloss over.

My ex offers me a small watery smile and I know she feels it too. We have always been so emotionally connected before four children and one demanding career interfered and stole all of that away. Her pain was once my pain and my heartbreak was hers, but all of that was washed away, until now.

"Moms!"

Regina and I flinch, our muscles trembling slightly before we both whip around to discover three sets of eyes watching us carefully.

"Sorry, what?" I murmur completely dazed from another time...another world.

"Can we go down there?" Noah asks, ignoring the awkward tension fizzling between our family.

"Sorry honey," Regina sighs and grasps his pointed chin, "if we want to, we would have to book a tour. Maybe another day," she suggests while her thumb methodically sweeps across his small chin.

"This is just amazing," Harper gushes as she leans a little closer into the hand rails. "Think about it," she absentmindedly states as her eyes roam over the ancient ruins. "How many centuries and time periods this one theatre has seen and now it's all in ruins and I can't help but wonder how beautiful it was back in the day."

"It had a good run," Henry chuckles, "but now, it's destroyed."

"Not destroyed," Regina rejects the accusation as her eyes gloss over and she becomes lost in thought. "Everything is always beautiful at first and we don't always anticipate what's to come, but sometimes life and natural disasters break down that beauty. Even though there's not much left, it's still standing, despite everything. After everything this building has been through and seen, there's still hope because it's still here. It's still beautiful, you just have to look passed the jagged edges and overgrown weeds from neglect. It's still a masterpiece."

I find myself absolutely enthralled by Regina's speech and I swear there is some hidden meaning to her monologue. I can almost feel her pleading with me to believe in her words and that maybe she was actually speaking about us.

Suddenly, my eyes are filling with tears and the lump in the back of my throat has completely blocked off my oxygen supply. I tear my eyes away from Regina and quickly wipe away any wetness before my family can see. I take one deep steady breath to regain my composure and wrap my arms around my youngest.

"Alright, who's ready for the fish market?"

"Fish?" Noah groans, "gross!"

"It's not just fish, honey," Regina chuckles as we follow her lead down the streets of Catania.

XXXXXXXXX 

Aged grey stone walls scale high above our heads as we walk the narrow path into La Pescheria, the fish market in Catania. The overpowering scent of salty ocean waters and slimy fish fill the air, causing scowls to produce upon my children's faces. I glance over at Regina, but she's already turning to meet my gaze, both of us with smirks playing at our lips from our children's obvious disgust.

"Momma?" Harper calls over her shoulder as her head tilts back just a fraction to study the sculpture before her. Regina hums softly, slowly breaking apart our brief eye contact and follows our daughter's line of sight. "What's this fountain called?"

Henry and Noah lean onto the silver metal hand rails, their eyes inspecting every detail of the white marble raining down into a magnificent fountain. A young man stands tall at the top of the fountain where the translucent waters pools at his feet and tumbles down the extravagant sculpture below his feet. On either side, below his feet there are two other men upon their knees enveloped in the rain cascading around them. And again, I'm in awe by the intricate detail of this sculpture.

"This is called Baroque Amenano Fountain. It was named after a river but sadly that was buried after one of Mt. Etna's eruptions," Regina explains as her eyes scan the tremendous marble before us.

"You're so fascinating," I mumble as I become lost in the history of this marvelous city once again, but all too quickly I realize my mistake and freeze right on the spot.

Regina nervously chuckles besides me as her head falls forward, forcing her dark tresses to rain down around her face, shielding that beautiful blush I know is being hidden. "Thank you," she mutters, her eyes finding our shoes more interesting than the ancient history surrounding us.

"Sorry," I whisper, shoving my hands deep into my coat pockets.

My ex nods curtly just once before she turns on her heel and begins our adventure into the market pace. The children quickly scramble to follow their other mother, while I stay behind, willing my cheeks to cool down from the embarrassment of my big mouth.

"Ewww, look at that swordfish hanging!" Noah points out with the absolute look of disgust taking over his childlike features. Regina and I laugh lightly, avoiding more awkward glances while we follow our children. "You swore there was more to the this place than the disgusting smells and dead fish," he complains while he pretends to gag and throw up on the street in front of him.

"Oh knock it off," I laugh and shake my head.

"There's wonderful fruit and vegetable stands just a little further up. Why don't you kids run ahead and pick out some food to bring back to Nana's?" Regina suggest as she pulls out some money and offers the cash to Henry.

"Alright, sounds good," Henry agrees and leads the way for his siblings to follow along.

Regina and I pause for a moment before we slowly stroll behind our children. I'm so thankful my hands are busy tugging at loose strings in my coat pockets so my ex doesn't see my fingers trembling, itching to reach out and hold her hand as we walk the streets like we once did eighteen years ago.

"So," I drag out the small word as my mind fumbles for something to say through this mess of silence. "Uh, how did you manage the time off?"

Regina inhales sharply as her eyes stay glued to the back of Noah's head, keeping a close eye on our children. She exhales slowly and thrusts her hands into her long black pea coat as well.

"Well, we hired that new woman, Ashley, so despite my apprehension, Ivy and I discussed how Ashley would be taking on some of our patients if we are not available."

I catch a glimpse out of the corner of my eye how Regina's shoulders quickly tense from the small amount of information she just divulged in. I have to avert my eyes because I know this is so terribly hard for her and I just want to reach out and hold her to assure her that everything will work out in the end, but I can't, it's just not us anymore.

"And...you're okay with that?" I question even though I already know the answer, but I don't want us to fall into silence once again.

"No, not really, but I have to be. I can no longer work Saturday's. Henry was right, I only see my children on Sunday's now and that's simply not acceptable. Hopefully if things work out, Ashley can cover Saturday's."

" _If_?" I stress with a little more snippy attitude than I intended.

"Yes, if," she confirms assertively. "I don't know how well everything will turn out," she sighs and I can feel the heavy weight crushing upon her tired shoulders.

"But why is that different now? You've been working like this for eight years now," I inquire as my heart rate slightly increases and for some reason I grow defensive.

"I know, but...never mind. Why don't we discuss something else? How's work with you?" She hastily changes the subject, but I'm not following along, I'm still stuck on the issue of her deciding to work less now that we are about to divorce. Why the hell didn't she do this a year ago, when I was begging and pleading with her to spend time with our family?

"No, no," I stop dead in my tracks and turn to face the woman that used to be mine. My fingers move to their own accord and curl around her forearm to still her from walking away from this conversation. "Why now? Tell me," I demand, my grip tightening around her sleeve without my mind truly recognizing the action.

"Emma," she sighs, her eyes still avoiding mine, like if she takes a chance and meets my gaze she will instantly vanish from this planet.

"Regina, I need to know," I sadly plea, the emotions already bubbling up in the back of my throat, but I swallow them down, pretending to be brave. "Please."

"It's nothing really," she shifts her weight uncomfortably from one boot to the next and peeks over her shoulder to check on our children. When she knows that they are only a few stands ahead of us and perfectly safe, laughing at something ridiculous, she finally meets my glossy eyes. "Look Emma," she wiggles her arms free from my clutches and neurotically curls a chuck of hair behind her ear.

"God Regina, if you say it's because of Fiona-"

"What?" She shrieks and shakes those thick raven locks hazardously. "No! Why would you assume that?" I open my mouth to spew hateful words about her "colleague", but Regina's still shaking her head and cuts me off before I have a chance to speak. "No, Emma, it's just, when we were together, I was able to come home every night knowing my children were in their beds upstairs. Even though I didn't spend the entire day with them, the comfort of knowing they were there was always enough. Now...now I hardly ever see my children, except for Sunday's really and knowing that they aren't home when I come home at night..." the acidity words die upon her tongue and she tries so hard to swallow the foul taste back down.

She peers over her shoulder again at our beautiful children, that we created and raised together and suddenly the silence is deafening and the crumbling ache in my heart is far too much. My eyes fill with more insistent tears and I hate how much I care about her wellbeing after all this time apart.

"I need to spend more time with them," she croaks out and the weight of her words thump heavily in the pit of my stomach. I think I might be sick. "I can't keep assuming everyone will just be there when I decide to come around, if I don't show that I'm willing to try." She swallows and it's the harshest sound I've ever heard rip between us. "I already lost you. I'm on the verge of losing Henry. I-I can't keep going on like this," she finally admits, sending my heart soaring, but then she spins on her heel and rushes away from me before I have a chance to blink.

And from a far, I watch Regina wrap Noah tightly into a motherly bear hug while he laughs without a worry in the world. I watch as she leans forward and kisses Henry's cheek and for once he doesn't shy away. I watch as she curls Harper's long blonde hair around her finger just as she always did, like she used to do with me before our children were born and I melt for this woman all over again.


	11. Chapter Eleven

"So my dear, how are you doing after spending the entire day with Regina?" Cora inquisitively questions as she places a warm cup of hazelnut coffee down in front of me.

I eagerly accept the cup, wrapping my cold fingertips around the ceramic mug and quickly taking a cautious sip to wake my mind up from another restless sleep last night.

"I'm fine. It was fine," I reply mostly on autopilot and relish in the warm tingling sensations spreading through my chest and warming my bones.

"Did you two speak?" Cora fishes around for more information with her full attention upon me as she slips into the seat next to me.

"A little...yeah." I shrug noncommittally and focus on indulging my coffee.

"Well you my dear are just useless. I should've interrogated the children first," she muses with a sly smirk before she sips her hot tea delicately.

"Don't you dare," I sternly object, but she simply just laughs in return just as the back screen door swings open, grasping our full attention.

The delicious sound of Regina's rich laughter fills the warm cabin and tickles my fluttering heart. My lips stretch across my cheeks almost painfully as I watch how happy my ex is strolling into her parent's home with her father laughing right behind her. That is until an awful nose curling stretch wafts through the air.

"Ew, you two stink," I protest and scowl into my coffee mug, hoping the hazelnut will outweigh the dead fish scent. "Did you bathe in a sea of dead rotting fish?"

"Ah, so you do notice the smell," Regina's father chuckles as he sets down his fishing gear.

"Of course I smell that, it's horrible," I groan and bury my face into the front of my hoodie.

"If I recall...now correct if I'm wrong," Henry begins with a mischievous grin plastered across his jolly face. "...but there was a time when you said you hardly noticed the scent."

"Ah yes," Cora smiles wickedly while my brows furrow painfully together in confusion. "You said the scent didn't bother you. You even allowed Regina to wrap her arms around you and kiss you, full of dead fish," she muses as she sips her tea casually, her chess piece falling into place, ringing _check mate_ , loud and clear while I turn ten different shades of red.

"Why did I ever agree to come here. You two be nice or I won't bring your grandchildren anymore," I threaten, only persuading the older couple to laugh in my face.

"Mother please don't make this more awkward than it needs to be," Regina sighs, her mood effectively dampened as she trudges her way toward the coffee pot to pour herself and father a cup each.

Regina pours one mug and then pauses, pulling out her cell phone to check either emails or maybe even texts, I truly don't know anymore. Cora abruptly stands tall and marches over to her daughter with fury pulsating from her tiny frame. She snatches the phone away from Regina's grasp before my ex has a chance to even protest.

"Mother-"

"No, here, in this home, there are no phones. We spend time with one another and enjoy each other's company. We listen to each other, we laugh, we poke fun, but we do _not_ have our noses buried into some cell phone."

"I have-"

"You don't have to do anything, but provide your undivided attention to every single person in this family. Do I make myself clear?"

Regina coolly folds her arms over her chest with those succulent full lips pouting in protest while her one eyebrow inches it's way higher and higher. I smirk to myself, knowing how much Regina is going to hate being away from her devices, so I sit back and watch with amusement.

"I am not a child mother."

"No, but your children are and they won't be like that forever," Cora states causing Regina's face to fall and her shoulders to slump in defeat. "There was a time when you would visit often my darling and you never checked your phone. When Emma lived here I wasn't even confident you owned a cell phone. You can survive without this," she pats the phone and shoves it into her robe before walking away with her chin held high. "Capisci?" She questions again if Regina understands her new rule.

Her daughter rolls her eyes like a stubborn teen and finishes pouring her coffee before she joins us at the kitchen table. Henry sits down beside his wife, placing a sweet kiss to her temple and I smile at the gesture.

"But seriously, you two stink," I protest again to liven up everyone's spirits.

"I'm not going back into our cabin just yet to wake up our cranky teens," Regina huffs while strumming her fingers against her morning caffeine.

"You should totally go cuddle with Sutton like that," I laugh lightly just imagining the scenario play out, "she would be so pissed."

"Tempting," Regina hums with an all too familiar smirk sliding across those malicious lips and together we share a laugh.

"So my darling," Cora begins, "how long will you be staying? The full two weeks?"

"No," Regina sighs provoking my eyes to dart in her directions to listen intently on her explanation. "I'll be leaving the day after Christmas. Just one week."

"Well it's better than nothing," Henry happily replies and reaches across the table to gently pat her forearm. She offers him a small smile and nods, relishing in her father's support.

"He's right," I agree and duck down to meet those enchanting cocoa irises. Her eyes flick toward mine in a heart beat and hold my gaze. "It's better than nothing and it means everything."

XXXXXXXXX 

" _Happy Mother's Day," the deep rich bravado of her sultry voice wraps around my tired limbs like vines around an old building, protecting it and keeping it warm from the cruel world around it._

 _An unsolicited moan rustles in my chest while my long extremities stretch to their own accord. "Happy Mother's Day to you too," I sleepily reply through my hoarse voice that's still on the brink of endless dreams._

 _Silky pillow lips brush against my ear, her hot breath tingling across my flesh before her teeth capture the shell of my ear, lightly biting down as her front presses further into my back. Provocatively her seductive hips roll against my firm bottom, eliciting another moan to quake in my chest._

 _"You have to wake up, Em-ma," her tongue drawls out my name in a teasing manner that instantly lights a match in the pit of my stomach. My body flushes from the flame that's burning bright and flickering against the throbbing between my thighs._

 _Another uninvited groan stirs, but this time breaks against the seal of my lips as I push my bottom against her warm center. The heat is sticky and pulsating from her tangible desires inspiring my body to spin around in her embrace so I can hold her close._

 _Blindly I reach for her face and press my lips against hers, sixteen years together and I have every inch of my treasure mapped out to perfection. My eyes remained closed, still half asleep, but my lips are fully awake, pressing with immense force into hers because this is a rare occasion that my wife is waking me up for a change._

 _An animalistic moan vibrates between our lips and I'm completely unsure who the owner is nor do I truly care. My left hand slithers between her warm cheek and the soft pillow while my right hand snakes a path over her cheek until my fingers are treading through her thick raven locks. I don't have to open my eyes to know what the tangled mess looks like, it's one of my favorite things about her and I've had her unruly morning hair memorized since our first night together back in Sicily._

 _"Em," she slips in between our frantic kiss, but I only see this as an opportunity to slide my tongue into her mouth, not to break apart our connection. Her tongue is just as eager as I had hoped for, swirling against mine and fighting for the upper hand, persuading my hips to grind forward seeking more of the woman I love. "This," she mutters, "has...to..." she finally turns away and breaks our kiss, panting heavily. "...wait," she declares with her cheeks flushed and her pupils dilated and god does she look breathtakingly gorgeous._

 _I lean forward to steal another kiss, but she scoots back and presses a finger to my mouth, producing a frown upon my tingling lips._

 _"Hold that thought," my brows furrow in confusion before I playfully open my mouth and scrape my teeth against her soft flesh. My wife rolls her eyes, but her smirk is a dead giveaway that she still adores my playful side. "You need to get up."_

" _What? Why?" I complain and pull her closer to steal her warmth. "It's Mother's Day, I deserve to stay in bed all day," I defend through a full pout._

 _"I know, but the children and I have a surprise for you," she muses full of confidence and I know she is proud of herself. "They'll be in here any minute with an elaborate breakfast we spent all morning preparing."_

 _"But I'm enjoying the way you woke me up this morning," I whisper and hastily push forward to steal another kiss before she can protest. Her full lips grow into a wide smile against my mouth while I kiss her feverishly._

 _"That was nothing compared to what I have in store for you," she claims while pushing forward to dominant our kiss._

 _"It was better than nothing and it means everything," I confess while I take back the power and roll her onto her back. I smile down upon my beautiful wife who is radiating with pure love. "I love you and this small affection is all I've been craving."_

XXXXXXXXX

"I wish it was summer," I confess through the thick silence that's keeping a buffer zone between Regina and I. "I would love to take the kids to the beach."

"The beach where we shared our first dance as a married couple," Regina states with all the confidence in the world, quickly popping any hope I had for keeping our conversation simple and stress free today.

My eyes snap toward her direction to discover my ex standing tall, radiating confidence with her hands resting upon her tiny waist. To be discreet I bite down hard on the inside of my lower lip as my greedy eyes absorb those long olive toned legs that I know are silky smooth from the many times they have skimmed flirtatiously over mine. A black bikini bottom is hardly doing its job to cover her plump bottom and I have to plead with myself not to roll my eyes at the thought. My eyes travel up toward her tight abdomen that's on full display with each defined muscle clenching deliciously as I shamelessly gape at her goddess figure. I find myself at the swell of her breasts, pushed up and together to create the allusion of being a lot fuller than they truly are, but I know exactly what's hidden away. I have to bite down harder on my lip to keep my tongue from poking out because dear god I want to run my tongue inside that black bikini cup.

Regina clears her throat, snapping my eyes back toward hers and shredding through my inappropriate daydreaming.

"Yeah, that would be the one," I mutter as my muscles coil painfully tight from my anxious nerves.

"Our first kiss as well," she proudly acknowledges and struts away without another word.

"I am _not_ your biggest fan right now," I claim in defiance expecting to metaphorically slap that stupid cocky grin off her face, but instead she smirks over her shoulder.

"Yes you are," she demands through a wide toothy grin, "you dedicated an entire song to me about it," she proudly states before she elegantly steps down into the pool, submerging herself into the blue liquid until she swims toward our rowdy children.

I growl under my breath at her smart mouth and arrogant attitude while I angrily remove my shorts and tank top.

We decided this morning that we would take the children to an indoor pool since it was far too cold to be swimming outside and it was always one of our favorite activities when we visited Sicily. At first, when Regina suggested the idea, I wanted to curl up and die knowing I would have to be around her all damn day in a bikini.

My ex wife is always on the go between work and our children so it's only appropriate that she hasn't gained one single pound in the last eighteen years. Not to mention that my body was the one we used recklessly to bear our four children. I'm the one that had to work out religiously and eat healthy after each child to burn off the baby fat, while my wife's body stayed untouched in perfect condition. I don't even want to think about my poor vagina after three births. Then my small scar across my bikini line from Noah and his c-section.

I groan inwardly again, feeling all those unwanted insecurities creep up my spine like a slimy, slithering snake. I shudder at the thought of Regina being repulsed by my body after all these years and then comes the whispers all over again. The unrealistic reason why Regina stopped touching me. I am fully aware that her lack of attention was solely from work, but that doesn't stop my mind from drifting away and thinking that maybe it was because of my body.

"Ma!" Henry bellows as he pops up from the water with Noah balancing upon his shoulders. "Aren't you coming in?"

I swallow and fake a small smile and despite my fears, I nod along. I nervously rush toward the stairs in the shallow end and quickly drown myself to hide away my body. I need a moment to regain my composure so I dive under the water and swim beneath the surface to help wash away my vulnerability.

I slowly rise from the waters, wiping the chlorine liquid away from my face and combing back my long locks with my hands. When my eyes flutter open, I am face to face with a very serious Regina.

"What?" I snip and self consciously wipe at my face again. Those full lips slowly morph into a giddy grin, but she quickly bites down on her lips to desist the act of smiling. "What?" I demand again, but she shakes her head vigorously, causing her small bun to bob on top of her head.

"Nothing," she lies straight to my face and quickly swims away.

"Bull," I call her bluff and chase after her into the deep end.

"Playful banter or on the edge of a break down?" Sutton mumbles toward her siblings who laugh in return, but I choose to ignore her.

I quickly swim toward Regina at the other end of the pool and lower my voice for only her to hear. "What were you smirking about?"

"Nothing," she shrugs, but that stupid grin is still plastered across her face, mocking me. Her brown eyes are glowing playfully and I can honestly say that I haven't seen Regina this relaxed since the twins were born.

I reach out and playfully smack the bun on top of her head. "Then why are you still smirking?" I demand an explanation while she dodges away from my hand smacking her bun for a second time.

"It's just been awhile since I've seen you wet," she quips before she dives under the water and swims back toward our children leaving me absolutely flabbergasted.

I'm not sure which content I'm suppose to be taking that phrase from, but there's only one way that I heard her declaration and it's producing a blazing heat against my cheeks. I groan to myself and slowly submerge myself into the cool water to extinguish the instant ache between my legs and the burn against my cheeks.

I whimper beneath the water, creating small bubbles to float and pop at the surface before I swim toward my children. Before I make my way to the surface I pinch Harper and Sutton's legs creating little yelps above the water. I slowly rise, but am instantly greeted with wave after wave of water pelting my face.

"Hey!" I bellow as I attempt to block the water raining down upon me.

"Payback," Sutton quips just as I reach out and grip her wrist, pulling her flush against my body.

"No rough housing," Regina coldly demands, quickly falling back into her distant ex wife persona and ultimately confusing my foggy brain. "You don't want to screw up her ankle even more," she says with her eyes narrowing pointedly at both my daughter and I.

"Mom, my ankle is much better, I swear."

"It's almost been two weeks now," I softly rebuttal but Regina's hard glare is enough to persuade my hands to release my offspring.

"Rather safe than sorry, especially if you want to play throughout high school," my ex states as her eyes follow our daughter's body floating away from my embrace.

"I know mom, I know," Sutton exasperates fully annoyed from the set back her ankle has caused in the last two weeks.

"Hey!" Noah screams just as Henry falls back into the water forcing his younger brother off his shoulders and breaking through the awkward tension lingering over our family.

Noah hits the water with a big splash thoroughly soaking us all over again. When Henry pops up he's chuckling while Noah is still whining his protest.

"Hey mom," Henry begins, wiping away the water clinging to his dark lashes, "ma said she was going to take us to visit Rosalie."

Regina's head snaps in my direction in utter shock while Noah's little voice pipes up. "Who's Rosalie?"

My ex quickly flicks toward our youngest and I fear the woman might end up with whiplash from her hasty movements. "Oh dear, we never told you stories about Rosalie?" She softly questions as her face visibly relaxes. Our son shakes his long sopping strands, forcing me to realize this boy is in desperate need of a trim. "Well, Rosalie was an elderly woman that Nana met when she first moved to Sicily. She was a kind old woman-"

"Whoa, whoa, lets not leave out stubborn and prejudice," I quickly interject causing Regina to straighten her posture and her jaw to harden.

"She was not prejudice," she demands. "She was just...old and set in her ways. Besides, let's not speak ill of the dead," she reprimands me like a small child.

"I'm not, I'm just being honest here."

Regina blows out a heavy breath of frustration and rolls her eyes at me. "Your mother, just didn't like the fact that she couldn't understand what Rosalie was saying around her."

"Not true, I didn't like when she called me a _medigan_."

"Are you not?"

"Yes, but that's just-"

"You shush, I'm trying to tell a story," my ex says while our children's heads snap back and forth like they are watching a tennis match.

"Ma, it just means not Italian," Henry laughs under his breath while we all float in a circle.

"I know what it means kid, thanks," I deadpan only causing my oldest to laugh a little bit harder.

"Anyways," Regina draws out the word and focuses back on Noah. "She was a very kind woman who looked after Nana when her and Papa first arrived. She adored our family. Absolutely loved your brother and sisters."

"I don't really remember her," Harper vocalizes with her hazel eyes struggling to recall a single memory of the older woman.

"No, you wouldn't. She passed away when you were three," I gently explain through a sad smile.

Despite our differences, I still found a special place in my heart for the bold woman. She was stubborn and a pain in the ass, but I did love her. My eyes slowly crawl toward my ex and I find myself thinking that she too is stubborn and a pain in my ass, but god do I still love her.

"So how are we gonna visit a dead lady?" Noah so bluntly questions, inspiring our entire family to bark out obnoxious laughs.

"I suggested that Henry and I visit her grave," I reply through a hearty laugh.

My eyes wander back toward Regina who is wiping just below her eyes and I ache to kiss that smile that I haven't seen in far too many years.

XXXXXXXXX 

After a day spent swimming full of laughter and awkward glances, we went back to the Mills farm to shower and change. We spent the later afternoon in a cafe stuffing our faces with excited chatter bouncing from one child to the next while Regina and I listened intently and laughed along. Never once did we have a chance to tell a story or chime in more than an agreeable comment. Our children were just overflowing with joy and I know it had everything to do with Regina and I together again.

After our late lunch, we strolled the busy streets of Catania. The cool evening air painted in a plush pink as people scrambled passed us to squeeze in their last minute Christmas shopping before the jolly morning sneaks up on us. Noah mostly filled the Sicilian air, his voice bouncing happily off the buildings as we walked toward the cemetery.

Regina followed her mother's instructions to guide us through the field expanding wide with grey gravestones all around. My ex finally found the one we were looking for, Rosalie Russo. Our family often visits my mother's gravestone so this is nothing new for our children.

Regina said a few words, mostly chatting away about our children, praising them endlessly as she arranged an assortment of vibrant flowers next to the gravestone. Our children stood next to us, respectfully quiet and polite with small smiles upon their faces. Soon, my family was all saying goodbye as I lingered for just a moment, asking Rosalie to watch over Regina for me.

Eventually we made our way home, just in time to help Cora with dinner. A wonderful family meal filled with carbs, extra dessert and lots of teasing laughter. My father in law built a lively fire after dinner for our family to enjoy in the living room.

"Ma, don't you want to help?" Harper questions as she places another jagged puzzle piece in its correct spot.

"I'm stuffed," I groan and stretch my legs across the small couch.

Harper and Sutton are intently working on one of Cora's old puzzles of Chicago's skyline, while Noah and Henry are in the middle of a never ending game of War. Regina is perched at the end of the other couch, mindlessly playing with the ends of Harper's long golden strands.

"Can I braid your hair like I used to?" Regina softly inquires.

Her eyes are glowing that warm honey color from the fire burning brightly against the side of her face. She seems content yet lost all at the same time, provoking my head to tilt to the side as I study her concerning features. Her expressions are screaming for me to notice, but I'm not quite sure what she's thinking anymore and god do I hate that feeling. I used to know this woman inside and out and now, I'm struggling to read one damn facial expression.

"If you want," Harper mumbles and shrugs noncommittally as she snaps another piece into place, encouraging Regina's fingers to begin their work.

I examine how her fingers know exactly what to do, sliding easily through our daughter's soft strands just like they always have since Harper was very little. Regina begins French braiding those long locks, a happy smile tugging at the corners of her perfect mouth.

"Who is ready for a scary story?" Cora waltzes into the living with her husband following behind carrying a bowl of popcorn.

"Yum, popcorn," Noah acknowledges as he and Henry reach for the bowl.

"How can you two eat right now? I feel like I'm going to puke," I complain, tossing a hand protectively over my swelling stomach.

"Please don't my dear," Cora muses throwing me a pointed glare. "That's a brand new couch." My mother in law smirks while I roll my eyes and she claims the seat beside me while her husband sits next to Regina on the other couch. "Now, how about a story about your mothers?"

Regina and I both jerk our heads to glare at the older woman taunting us maliciously. "You said a scary story," I remind her through a clenched jaw from my anxiety about what this woman could possibly spew from her teasing mouth.

Cora chuckles and lightly pats my knee, shaking her head. "Trust me my dear, I have plenty of stories of you and Regina that would indefinitely scar your children."

"Mother!" Regina bellows, her brown eyes tripling in size while her father laughs and drapes his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a tight hug.

"Ma, you have a few good years left in you, don't make me take you out back and put you down before your time," I sarcastically quip even through my eyes are flashing dead serious, but her and her husband are laughing like a couple of hyenas.

"Tell us!" Noah excitedly replies, blissfully blind to the tension surrounding him.

"God please don't," Henry grumbles around a mouth full of popcorn.

"How about you stick to something funny?" Sutton suggests over her shoulder while her and her sister work dutifully on the puzzle.

"Funny?" Cora repeats with a wicked grin already sliding into place and I immediately feel all the blood pool from my face. "Like the fact that both your mothers thought they were so slick with sneaking around despite the fact that their necks were black and blue." My heart slams murderously against my sternum as my eyes flick toward Regina, who has abruptly stopped braiding Harper's hair. "I mean honestly, vampires leave less of a trail."

"Mother," Regina growls under her breath while the twins snicker and Henry groans inwardly.

"That's not the kind of stories I wanted to hear," Noah firmly states with his hand frozen in mid air full of popcorn.

"How about we tell embarrassing stories about you, Ma?" I counter as I lightly bump into her shoulder.

"You don't have any my dear," my mother in law smugly replies with her chin held high. "Or we could discuss the first time Henry peed on you."

"Nana! Come on," Henry groans in shame as a small blush sweeps across his cheeks.

"I think I'm actually going to call it a night. I'm pretty tired this evening," I politely excuse myself forcing all eyes to peer up at me as I rise from the couch.

"Aw come on mom," Sutton whines, "just stay a little while longer."

I muster up my brightest smile even though my eyes are drifting toward my ex. "I'm just tired, we have plenty more nights together," I assure my family before making my rounds, kissing each one of my children on top of their heads. "Have a nice night guys," I smile and quickly exit the cabin before anyone else has the opportunity to argue with me.

The moment I step into the bitter evening air, my feet scurry across the beaten path back toward our addition. I just couldn't handle being a happy, loving family any longer today. It's too painful to know that all these laughs along with the quality time we are spending together will soon be ripped away in just a few short days. My heart is aching knowing this is only temporary and I couldn't sit by another minute to listen to even more wonderful stories about our lives together as a happy family, because that's simply not the case anymore.

I quickly tumble inside, shuddering from the cold and change into some sweats to warm up my trembling muscles. Exhaustion is fogging my mind and I don't hesitate to crawl into bed, but so many thoughts are conflicting in my head right now to even attempt sleep.

I curl up on one side and pull the comforter protectively over my shoulders as I scroll through my contacts. My finger lightly connects with the screen and I wait patiently for someone to answer.

"Emma!" The sweetest voice accompanies the cheerfullest smile with sparkling blue eyes dancing with excitement.

"Hey," my lips already sliding into a content smile as another brunette leans into the view.

"Hey girl!" Ruby laughs before she disappears in the background, bouncing around the kitchen speaking animatedly to their daughter, Violet.

"Hey Rubes!"

"How's Sicily?" Belle inquires as she perches herself up onto a stool and grants me her undivided attention. "Violet tells us you guys are having a blast. Oh and Regina showed up, huh?"

"I guess it's safe to assume Henry and Violet have been talking everyday," I laugh lightly while Belle nods enthusiastically. "Well, yeah, we...uh...are having a really good time. I think the kids are really enjoying the historical stuff."

"I bet. I'm sure they are also really enjoying you and Regina together," she adds on with her eyes narrowing waiting for me to either reject the assumption or gush like some love sick teenager.

"Yeah they are," I sigh heavily and scoot further down into the comforter, seeking more warmth for comfort.

"Uh-oh," Ruby groans in the background. "What's wrong?" She deadpans loud enough for me to hear her.

"Nothing...I mean we are getting along rather well."

"And..." Belle over annunciates the small word encouraging me to continue with whatever rant is pleading to come out.

"Nothing..." I sigh once more feeling the weight of the world upon my shoulders. "I don't know. Everything," I mutter.

"Thanks for the explanation," Ruby hollers playfully while Belle giggles at her wife.

"Ugh," I groan and roll me eyes, but honestly I love these two women so very much. "I don't know...it's weird...and there's this awkward tension that is always there no matter what. And I swear she's flirting and fuck it's confusing," I exhale loudly as if I'm forcing all my emotions out of my lungs and praying they won't ever return to my body.

"Well," Ruby begins as she strolls back over to the phone, squishing her head next to Belle's so I can see her. "Regina has always been flirtatious. I mean sometimes I swear she is secretly coming on to everyone in the room. It's the way she speaks or maybe it's her deep raspy voice...or maybe..."

"Or maybe you should learn when to keep your mouth shut," Belle snaps as she playfully swats at her wife's bicep with her piercing eyes rolling in annoyance.

"I'm just saying," Ruby weakly defends before she plants a rough kiss to Belle's cheek. "You know I love you."

"Mmmhmmm," Belle hums to appear angry, but the smirk tugging at her lips is a dead giveaway that she truly isn't bothered by Ruby's confession.

"Uh, a little help here," I softly interrupt, grasping the women's attention.

"Sorry," Belle mumbles before she straightens her posture and grants me her undivided attention. "Maybe she's had a change of heart. Maybe she misses you or maybe being in a room with you again is just bringing all of those feelings back. Sicily is your place together, I'm sure it's hard to deny the lingering feelings in a place like that."

"I know," I croak out because Belle is right and my own emotions are quickly rushing to the surface and I hate myself right now for being so emotional all the damn time. "It's just...so confusing," I admit through a voice that's barely audible because the tears are clinging to the back of my throat and strangling what little energy I have left about my ex, out of me.

"I know girl," Ruby softly complies, both women adorned with matching sad smiles.

"Just talk to her, maybe something positive will come out of this trip," Belle suggests full of way too much optimism.

"I highly doubt it," I grumble and quickly change the subject before I break down in tears all over again.


	12. Chapter Twelve

_My eyes strain upon the glowing screen as I read over tiny black words that I swear are shrinking right before my very eyes. I blink, dramatically squeezing my eyes shut to regain some focus and continue methodically scrolling further down the page._

 _"Regina?"_

 _"Hmmm," I respond instinctively, but not truly paying any attention as I debate with myself over this contract._

 _"Regina!"_

 _I reluctantly tear my eyes away from the screen and peek around the computer to offer my attention. I slowly pull the glasses away from my nose and pinch some life back into the aching bridge._

 _"What can I do for you?" I inquire._

 _"What are you still doing here?" I furrow my eyebrows in confusion and seek out the time in the corner of my screen. "Emma is going to kill you," Ivy acknowledges as she strolls into my office and slides into the chair opposite of me._

 _"Shit," I mutter, slowing raising my fingers to massage the ache pulsating against my temples. "I didn't realize what time it is," I confess through a deep sigh. I groan inwardly, reaching for my glasses once again to slip them back into place. "I was so wrapped up in this new lease," I begin to explain as I offer the contract over to my partner._

 _"I've read it over," she informs me as she accepts the packet and flips through the sheets once more._

 _"What do you think?" Ivy's mouth pops open to reply, but I don't really have much time, I should really be heading home. "I believe that the man is out of his damn mind if he thinks he can raise our rent this high. It's absolutely absurd," I complain as I begin shuffling through more papers piled upon my desk._

 _"Well, we've been here since the beginning. We couldn't afford to purchase our own building at the time when we started this practice."_

 _"I know, but don't you think we should look into it now. We most certainly can afford it," I mumble as I find the papers I was in search for._

 _"Yes, but we have a prime location and do we really want to move everything," Ivy whines, expressing her usual fear of commitment while I roll my eyes at the grown child before me._

 _"Also, have you gone over the new insurance plans?" I lean across my desk to offer the new papers and snatch back the lease from Ivy's hands. "I was doing my research on the different variations of insurance plans," Ivy accepts the stack of papers and begins skimming the words in a rush. "I think we should consider accepting state."_

 _"Are you insane? Do you understand how many more patients that would demand? There's not enough time in one day."_

 _"I understand your concern, but we need to think about those babies out there that are in dire need of proper exams," I rebuttal._

 _"Absolutely not Regina. We would need to hire an entire staff. Listen," Ivy leans forward in her seat and lays down the stack of papers in front of me, "I completely understand where you are coming from, your heart is in the right place, but Regina, come on, you're already on thin ice with Emma. You need to slow down," she slowly commands as if I'm hard of hearing. "I don't think it's possible."_

 _I sigh heavily feeling utterly torn and run my fingers roughly through my hair. I slump back into my seat and glance back at the clock once more, knowing I'm in for an ear full when I return home. Either that or the silent treatment which is far worse than my wife screaming at me._

 _I absolutely detest when she avoids my eyes when I slip into the house after a long night. She spends the entire evening purposely ignoring me and slamming stuff around like a spoiled toddler, but I can practically see the spiteful words tumbling around in her mind like damp clothes in a dryer. Then the next week is unbearably uncomfortable and awkward between us while we both refuse to speak to one another until she finally explodes like a cork popping from a champagne bottle on New Years Eve, raining her anger down on me like the bubbling liquid._

 _"Alright," I lean forward once again and yank the papers from Ivy's hands. "Well we still should be looking into the new plans, there's a lot of details that I am trying to go over. I've been doing my research on the best options."_

 _"How about Monday morning we go over everything regarding insurance."_

 _"Sounds great," I confirm while I begin neurotically fixing the papers upon my over crowded desk. "I also would like you to consider my proposal about purchasing a building. By now we are well established and we are simply just wasting our money on rent each month."_

 _"I will think about it," Ivy vows as she pulls her phone from her pocket and begins scrolling at who knows what. "But seriously Regina, go home," she softly instructs before she stands tall and saunters toward the door with her head buried in her screen. "Have a nice night."_

 _"Good night Ivy," I reply, slipping my glasses from my nose and mentally preparing myself for what's to come with Emma._

 _Neatly, I arrange the paperwork, shut off my computer and gather my belongings to head home. It's just after eleven, the children will be asleep when I arrive home and hopefully Emma will be too so she doesn't know exactly what time I crawl into bed tonight._

 _I turn off all the lights and lock the door behind me before roaming the empty halls. My sneakers squeak against the freshly polished floors, because by now the cleaning service has already come and gone for the night. Just before I reach the door I find one other person locking up her office as well._

 _"Another late night Regina?" She questions sweetly over her shoulder as she pulls the key from the lock._

 _"Don't judge me when you are sneaking out at the same time," I laugh lightly, pausing against the cool door to wait for my colleague._

 _"No judgement here." She smiles with a flash of mischief beaming from her face. "I understand what it takes to run your own practice," Fiona assures me as she strolls over to the front door to meet me. I smile politely and nod, holding the door open for her before we both step out into the chilly evening air. "You know with all these dreadful hours I think we deserve a break, maybe one night we could meet up for a few drinks?"_

 _I smile curtly and follow Fiona down the sidewalk toward our parked cars. "As nice as that sounds, I just don't have the time. Any free moment I find, is quickly filled with my family."_

 _"How are your children?" She kindly asks completely dropping the subject of a girl's night out. "They must be so big now."_

 _My lips morph into the broadest smile just thinking about my adorable children. "They are, Henry is sixteen, Sutton and Harper are thirteen and Noah is ten now." I sigh heavily, but beam with unconditional love and pride for my children. "They are so wonderful."_

 _"I bet, they have always been the sweetest," she praises with a small smile as we walk side by side through the parking lot._

 _"I really have Emma to thank, she's such a marvelous mother. She's with them twenty- four-seven and honestly I don't know how she does it."_

 _"This is true," Fiona complies before she stops in front of our cars and turns to face me. "But you raised them as well, it's about time you take some credit." A soft smile pulls at her lips, but for some reason I panic inside, something seems a little too friendly with the way she's gazing into my eyes. "I hope Emma knows how lucky she is," she slowly says while unlocking her car door._

 _"Thanks," I mumble uncomfortably as I take a step back and quickly unlock my car door as well. "Have a nice night Fiona," I hastily ramble and pop my door open._

 _"You too, Regina. I'll see you tomorrow," she sweetly replies before sliding into her front seat._

 _I climb into my driver's side as well and start my engine. As the car roars to life my mind replays the conversation from moments ago in my head. It could just be my subconscious at work, but I feel as though every time I speak with Fiona she becomes more and more flirtatious with her longing looks. I shake my head from the idea and toss my car into reverse, reminding myself to keep a safe distance. Not that I would ever cheat on my wife, but I rather be safe than give Fiona the wrong idea and cause unnecessary drama._

 _When I finally arrive at home, the house is dead silent and if I didn't know any better I would assume this house was vacant from my family. The thought leaves a bitter taste in my mouth as I climb the stairs, hating the idea of not coming home to my family every night. My work is trying and demanding and just knowing they are all at home waiting for me is the best motivation to keep me pushing through each day._

 _When I reach the top of the stairs, I turn to the first door on the left which is already cracked open. I smile when I spot my youngest curled up tightly into the fetal position. My feet tip toe softly against the plush carpet as I make my way inside his room. Quietly, I bend down near his bed and slowly pull the comforter further up his body. Delicately, I run my fingers through his long hair and place a sweet kiss to his temple, whispering, I love you._

 _I sneak out of his room and proceed to check on the twins. Sutton is sleeping upside down in her bed while Harper is cuddled tightly in between a mess of blankets. I smile to myself and softly close their door, strolling toward my oldest's room. Henry is sprawled across his entire bed, softly snoring with his shaggy hair falling over his eyes and I stop for a moment and wonder where time has gone. He's almost a man now and I so vividly remember a time when that little boy was constantly perched on my hip, cuddling against my chest. I sigh heavily and gently close the door before I make my way toward my bedroom._

 _My muscles tense immediately as I reach for the doorknob, unsure what I might find on the other end. I hate seeing that vacant look in Emma's eyes when she glares at me for working late. I take one deep breath and enter our room, quickly closing the door behind me._

 _My eyes immediately find Emma in the dark with her phone illuminating her soft pale features._

 _"You're up," I mutter under my breath and rush toward my dresser to pull out my pajamas, hoping to avoid her wrath._

 _"Mmhmm," she hums with rage rattling against the back of her throat._

 _I know I've disappointed her again, but does she not see that I'm doing all of this for our children. I may not be here, but I'm expressing my love by providing for our family. Suddenly rage vibrates beneath my flesh and I quickly retrieve my pajamas and stomp toward the bathroom to change._

 _I quickly change, my fingers trembling uncontrollably because honestly I'm so sick of walking on eggshells in my own home. It's absurd how furious Emma becomes when I'm out working late, it's not like I'm cheating on her or in a bar every night instead of coming home. I shake my head and decide I really don't want to argue tonight and I'm utterly exhausted so I will ignore her just as she ignores me._

 _I exit the bathroom and avoid her eyes at all cost before I slip into my side of the bed. My wife doesn't say one single word as I squirm around the bed to adjust my pillows and sheets. I glance at her phone to see what she's doing and my heart sinks when I read the name of the article, "How to bring love back into your marriage."_

 _I swallow thickly, feeling that old familiar rush of hot tears prickling against my eyes. My chin wobbles recklessly, so I bite down hard to stop the threatening sobs. I quickly turn my back toward my wife and beg the tears to slip away before I face her again, but exhaustion swallows my body whole and soon I'm fast asleep._

XXXXXXXXX

I glance to my right, taking a moment to memorize her in a light I haven't seen for quite some time. That adorable goofy grin is painted across her pink stained cheeks, creating the deepest dimple that causes my lips to tingle with need to pepper that indent with kisses. Her golden loose curls rest against her red leather jacket, slightly tamed from her grey beanie above.

"That's the one," she breathlessly confirms as her eyes soak up the large evergreen towering over our family, but all I see is her, shining brighter than that tree, even if it was dressed up in the brightest holiday lights.

"I agree," Sutton comments while Harper nods along behind her.

"Alright my boy," my father begins and kneels down before the massive tree, "Are you ready?"

Henry nods enthusiastically as he too falls to his knees to help chop down our Christmas tree. With only three days left until Christmas we decided now would be a good time to decorate. Usually my mother jumps on the Christmas decor the day after Thanksgiving, but she waited for us and that makes me wonder how long she knew my family would be coming here for the holiday.

I watch with my heart lodged in my throat as my son chops down his first Christmas tree because back home, we have had the same fake one for sixteen years now. However, my father takes his time, carefully explaining what to do and taking every precaution to ensure my son's safety.

The twins are watching through wide eyes next to Emma while Noah remains in front of me with my arms locked securely around him. As worried as I maybe for my son and father, my eyes keep crawling over toward my ex, like I'm half expecting her to strike up a normal conversation or maybe even provide a playful familiar shove. Nonetheless, she remains rooted to the cold hard ground, stiff as a board with her eyes on the overwhelming tree.

Soon, we all are helping my father and Henry strap down the evergreen on top of my father's truck.

"Regina, I think your end is too loose," my father bellows from the other side of the truck. "Can you pull a little tighter?"

"It's as far as I can pull," I shout back, just watching the top of his head nod over the green branches.

"Try to pull just a little more," Emma delegates causing me to groan inwardly.

"It's as far as it will go," I firmly state.

"Just try, Regina," Emma exasperates fueling a fire deep within my agitated soul.

 _The circulation in my fingers has already completely vanished, but sure Emma, let me pull some more just for you._

I growl under my breath and use my anger from our divorce to inspire my strength to tug this rope tighter. I jerk on the rope, stumbling back just a little bit, but then I realize there's no more ground and I find myself hurling backwards.

"Shit!" Emma shrieks just before I feel my ass connect with the frozen ground, sending a sharp pain shooting through my ass and up my back.

"Dammit," I groan as I roll over to one side and furiously rub my throbbing tail bone.

"Shit Regina, are you okay?" Emma nervously questions, rushing over to kneel down beside me. "Didn't you see the ditch behind you?"

I groan while my eyes creep up to meet her wide eyed gaze with anger pulsating like little red laser beams. "Obviously not Em-ma," I harshly snap as my palm continues to rub the sting away.

I watch through my hot gaze as Emma's thin lips slowly disappear before my very eyes. She sucks those delectable lips between her teeth and bites down viciously to keep her snickering at bay, but I see it. I see the smile embedding into her cheeks and the way her green eyes are glistening with amusement.

"Don't," I demand coldly while holding up one finger.

"Mom! You okay?" My oldest yells over the car but Emma and I are both too invested in this moment to tear our eyes away from one another.

Then a tiny, but distinct snicker tumbles through her rosy freckled nose. "Emma," I warn, jerking my finger closer into her personal space.

Her nostrils are twitching, her cheeks are quivering, her chin is trembling and it's all making it nearly impossible for me to fight against my own laughter. Finally, Emma crumbles and barks out an obnoxious laugh. I quickly drop my gaze to the ground and shake my head, pleading with myself not to laugh.

"Come on, that was really funny," she giggles like she did when we first met, ultimately sending my heart soaring because with that sweet sound I never stand a chance.

I laugh lightly, tossing my head back to gaze up into the sky, because I know if I gaze into those stunning green eyes, I will cave and pull her into a searing kiss.

"You're an idiot," I mumble instead, but she just shrugs, not affected at all.

"Come on." Emma stands tall and holds out her hands offering to help me up. I glare at those long fingers and shudder slightly knowing what they are capable of. "Let me help you up," she whispers, noticing my hesitation.

I cautiously place my hands in hers and hate myself instantly for feeling so much from such a simple, _friendly_ touch. "Thank you," I murmur, finding myself in a foggy daze from her close proximity and sweet vanilla scent swarming around us.

"Uh, you might wanna...uh," she leans to one side and pointedly narrows her eyes at my bottom.

I quickly snap my head to one side and observe the way my ass is covered in dry leaves, dirt and dead grass. I groan and hastily swat the mess away.

"Need a hand?" She cheekily inquires, rocking playfully from her heels to her toes like a small child.

I tsk while shaking my head. "You gave up the right to cop a feel in public, don't you remember?" I coyly respond never once looking in her direction.

"So then in private...that's okay?"

"Oh shut up Swan," I groan, spinning around on my heels to shove her back toward the car.

As we trek through the leaves and dirt I notice every single set of eyes watching Emma and I intently, accompanied by sappy grins that explain far too much.

"All set my dear?" My father chuckles as he rounds the car and climbs into the driver's seat.

"Of course," I softly reply and do my very best to avoid every single set of eyes as I climb into the car.

XXXXXXXXX 

When we arrive back home, my mother has every Christmas decoration laid out neatly for us to set up along her cabin. The warm tangy aroma of hot apple cider is swimming through the air. The lights are all dimmed, but the string of colorful Christmas lights help brighten up the living room while cheerful Christmas music fills the air. I glance around and notice not one frown is present at this time. I smile to myself and hang my coat with the rest of the family.

My father and my son carry the Christmas tree into the living room to ground it while Emma and I busy ourselves in the kitchen with handing out the apple cider.

"How was the trip? Everyone come home with ten fingers and ten toes?" My mother innocently questions as she joins us in the kitchen.

"Fingers and toes are in tact, but I'm not so sure about everyone's ass," Emma chuckles to herself as I glare at her out of the corner of my eyes.

My mother laughs lightly even though she has no idea what my ex is speaking of. "Care to elaborate my dear?"

I groan to myself and decide I rather save myself some embarrassment and tell the story instead of Emma. "It's really nothing of importance," I begin while I focus my attention on sprinkling cinnamon instead of amused green eyes. "I didn't realize there was a small ditch behind me and I lost my footing," my eyes flick toward bright green ones that are dancing with laughter. "That's all, no big deal."

"Your face was priceless," Emma laughs and slowly nudges her shoulder into mine to lighten my dampened mood.

My lips twist to their own accord as I fight off the tickling of a smile. "Don't act like you weren't worried," I scoff while rolling my eyes, but Emma knows me better than anyone and she knows my eye roll was playful. "I saw the look of panic on your face as you ran toward me."

"Don't take the kind act to heart, I was just terrified of having to raise four children on my own."

"Oh don't be so dramatic," I retort, but my lips have already morphed into a giddy smile and there's no wiping it away at this point.

A soft hum resonates between Emma and I, cracking through our small moment and forcing our eyes to land upon my smug mother. Emma swallows thickly and shakes her head before carefully lifting two hot mugs and exiting the kitchen.

"So things went well today," and it's not a question, it's a cocky statement from my mother who believes she knows everything.

"It was...fine," I shrug casually, "I guess." My mother hums softly again causing my eyes to flick toward her delighted ones. "Stop that," I demand coldly before I too snatch up the apple cider and join the rest of my family in the living room.

Emma already handed her mugs off to the twins so I offer one to Noah and set down the other on the table for my oldest when he's finished helping his grandfather.

"I believe we are all set," my father happily states as he stands up and takes a step back to admire the tree.

"It's perfect," my mother announces, strolling into the living room with tea for herself and coffee for my father.

She smiles brightly at the massive Christmas tree while slipping a steaming mug into my father's hand. He happily accepts the cup while draping one arm around her tiny shoulders. She smiles up at my father with such pride while he mirrors her imagine with love beating strongly between them. My father places a loving kiss to her lips before they both gaze upon the tree once more.

As sweet as the moment is, my heart is aching and I swear I can feel the life being squeezed out of the small organ. How did my parents do it? How the hell did they last this long? I swore Emma and I were just this madly in love so how did we fall apart?

"Children," my mother breaks through the silence in the room as everyone's main focus was on the beautiful tree standing tall before us. "Why don't you start setting everything up? Wherever you want to place the decorations is fine by me," she encourages with a grin that I swear is about to split her face in half.

Harper is the first to jump at the opportunity, her hands immediately drawn to an old Mr. and Mrs. Claus that I remember from when I was a little girl. Noah finds some fun window decorations and Sutton begins stringing up lights around the fireplace with Henry.

"Emma, Regina, why don't you two work on the lights around the tree," my father instructs.

"Sure Pops," Emma eagerly agrees and snatches up a colorful set of lights to start with.

My mother and father sit down on the couch and watch as we all partake in the holiday spirit. I know how excited they both are to have their home filled with this much joy and laughter again so I don't say a word about working with my ex again.

"I don't think we've strung lights on a tree since the year after Henry was born," Emma starts the small talk as she stretches on her tip toes to reach the top of the tree.

"I know, we had it made back home, just plug in the tree and it was good to go," I reply, patiently waiting for her to hand off the string.

"Man we are lazy," she giggles to herself and passes the lights in my direction. "I kinda like this, there's something magical about setting everything up. It kinda puts me in the holiday spirit a little more."

I hum my agreement while I focus on adjusting the string in just the right spot. I take my time making sure I'm satisfied with where the string is laying and pass the lights back to Emma. I wait a moment and meet her at the back of the tree to claim the lights once more, but I stop while we are hidden back there.

"Hey," I lower my voice for only her ears to hear. Curious green eyes flick to mine and it doesn't go unnoticed how those mesmerizing eyes flick down toward my lips for a moment. "Um, did you bring all their Christmas gifts here?" I quietly whisper, inspiring her eyes to flick back up to meet mine.

"Uh," she clears her throat awkwardly and nods slowly so her mind has time to clear from the fog of her easy distraction. "Yeah, I did. It's not like they have huge toys anymore, you know?" She whispers as she leans just a smidge closer, offering her warm vanilla scent to waft around our intimate bubble.

"I brought their gifts as well," I confirm.

My words slowly disappear between us and all that's left is an undeniable amount of palpable tension. It could be the cheerful Christmas energy filling the air or maybe her playful side that she's been so willing to offer the past two days or maybe it's the simple fact that I still love her with all my heart, but none of that truly matters because I know in this moment she feels exactly what I am feeling. A sexual tension is building in the small space between us and it's sparking and crackling and pleading for us to just give in.

Emma is the one to break through the barrier and snuff out the light sparkling between us. She clears her throat awkwardly and shyly holds up the lights for me to take off her hands. I smile cordially and accept the lights, falling back into my spot.

We continue to work in silence, dutifully stringing the lights and then the tacky silver garland that my mother insists on. The Chipmunks begin singing about a plane that loops the loop, inspiring each one of my children and their mother to sing along in their most ear piercing tones. It was always a Christmas favorite of Emma's and our children have always shared her enthusiasm for the silly song.

"That song will forever remind me of you," I softly whisper as I lean into Emma's side. She smiles and sips her coffee to hide the red blush creeping up her cheeks, but it's too late, I've already seen it. "I was thinking," I begin, startling the nervous woman beside me, "maybe we can go into town tomorrow and pick out a gift for each of the children from both of us that will remind them of Sicily."

Emma's smile puts the Christmas lights to shame as she beams with pure joy and it's absolutely breathtaking.

"Sounds like a plan."


	13. Chapter Thirteen

"Before you go dear, may I have a word?" My mother in law kindly requests as I slip into my leather jacket.

I flip my curls over the red leather and slip my beanie onto my head, careful not to disrupt the curls I created and didn't take _that_ much time to style. Not that I care...or am trying to impress anyone...

"Sure, what's up?" I question and slip my gloves into place.

"Henry and I received this gift card to a wine tasting and you know my husband," she rolls her eyes playfully but smiles with nothing but love. "Anyways, I was wondering if you would like to come with me tonight? This will also allow Regina some time alone with the children."

"Oh...uh, sure. Yeah, that would be great ma," I smile and lean forward to place a delicate kiss to her cheek. "I should get going though, Regina's in the car waiting."

"Of course, now don't ruin the surprise for Regina, I want to tell her myself. I don't need you taking all the credit for her bonding time with the children. You can have Regina take the truck home and I can meet you in town later."

I roll my eyes at the older woman and check my pockets for my keys. "Alright, I'll see you tonight," I confirm and quickly slip out the door.

My fingers twitch anxiously as I jiggle the keys in my pocket to distract myself from the butterflies swarming my stomach like bees buzzing around their honey filled hive.

 _This is not a date. This is not a date. This doesn't mean anything. She's just trying to coparent. Why did I curl my hair again for this?_

My eyes peek through my long lashes that are dressed in thick mascara...because this is not a date. Through the truck's windshield I find Regina checking her impeccable makeup in the visor's mirror. Her plump lips are smacking as her fingertips dab gently just below her long lashes and instantly my face breaks into a shit eating grin.

 _It's a casual date..._

My feet scurry across the dirt and dry leaves as I fumble for the car handle. The door creaks confirming its true age while I climb into the driver's seat. I focus on closing the door and starting the engine while Regina flips the visor closed and shifts uncomfortably in her seat, knowing she was caught.

"Ready?" I nervously question as the beat up truck roars loudly to life.

"Yes," she simply replies while I shift the vehicle into drive and we make our way down the long winding road.

Not even a full minute passes by before my fingers are reaching for the radio to kill this deafening silence. The first station that crackles through the speakers is country. I smirk to myself and listen for the exaggerated scoff from my ex, knowing all too well how much she doesn't care for it, but even still she makes no move to change the station.

"So...any particular items you have in mind?" I question as my fingers neurotically strum against the leather steering wheel.

"Not really. I was thinking maybe we would shop around until we found something that would work for each."

"Harper's been very intrigued by the architecture here, so maybe we can find something in that area," I suggest and out of my peripheral vision I can see Regina smiling and nodding along to my recommendation.

"Noah has been raving about the ice cave you took them to, maybe we can find something with that."

"Perfect."

I smile feeling absolutely content in this moment and even though there's lingering tension, I still can honestly say I'm more relaxed with her by my side. I rather have her here and slightly uncomfortable than my mind running rampant with thoughts of her back in New York for the holidays with only Fiona. The thought alone makes my skin crawl and causes my body to squirm in my seat.

"Are you alright?" Regina softly inquires turning her attention toward my fidgeting limbs.

"Yeah, of course," I lie and continue tapping my fingers anxiously against the steering wheel.

The rest of the drive into town is silent between us, the country music filling the void that neither one of us could find the courage to break through. I park the truck and together we climb out of the car and walk side by side along the street.

The air is bitter cold today, stinging my cheeks and whipping my hair, but the buzz around town with holiday spirit is enough to distract my mind from the temperature. Regina of course looks as calm as ever, never effected by the snippy cold.

Again, we are silent and it's slowly killing the mood and truthfully demoralizing as we continue to walk side by side. The warmth radiating from her along with her calming scent of lavender is tempting enough to pull her flush against my body and steal her heat, but I refrain and pray that she'll pick a store soon.

Luckily someone somewhere heard my plea.

"How about this one?" She gestures toward a small shop, with her hand still in her coat pocket. I nod and follow her into the store, noticing how she opens the door politely for me.

The small shop is cluttered with trinkets and souvenirs, but there's something oddly comforting about this cute hole in the wall. Regina sweeps effortlessly across the hardwood floors while I breathe in the burning incense.

"Emma, look at this," Regina quietly calls me over, kick starting my feet to oblige. Regina holds up a glass sculpture that's sparkling like the ocean against the hot summer sun. "I think this would be perfect." She doesn't say for who, but I know.

"Noah," I comment and slowly peel the item from her clutches. "I love that it's Mt. Etna, he's going to get a kick out of it," I explain as my fingers glide across the clear sculpture.

"It's even cool to the touch, like the ice cave," Regina adds on producing a smile to form upon my lips.

"Sold," I laugh and grip the present even tighter. "Let's see what else we can find."

We skim across the different selection of items, most decorated in vibrant colors that make you feel like you're dancing on a rainbow and I know they are all too loud for our children. I just so happen to stumble across a man and a woman clay set that has me burst out laughing. I set down Noah's gift and gently pick up the couple.

"Regina, I found the perfect gift for Henry," I state with a straight face, well the straightest I can attempt as I struggle to suppress a giggle.

Regina sweeps behind me and peeks over my shoulder, ecstatic that I found something until she sees the item. She scoff under her breath completely appalled only generating another laugh to break from my lips.

"We are _not_ giving that to our son," she boldly demands, but I can't stop snickering at the old couple holding up _welcome_ signs because the old lady's chest is hanging out on full display, painted nipples and all.

"He's almost eighteen, this is hilarious."

"Absolutely not."

"Okay then, I'm buying them for you."

"You're impossible," she complains and rolls her eyes, but she's still hovering over my shoulder and I can tell she's on the brink of laughter.

"And you're a brat," I conclude, peeking over my shoulder to gauge her reaction. I know I probably shouldn't have said it, but we were both finally relaxing and enjoying the moment and I just needed to push us past the awkward phase.

"And you love it," she confirms without skipping a beat and strolls off to wander around the store, as calm as ever.

I smile to myself because I definitely won that round and place Mr. and Mrs. Inappropriate down. I snatch up Noah's gift and rush to catch up with the gorgeous brunette who is radiating with joy this afternoon.

We search and search, but come up short in that specific store for any other gifts for our children. So we purchase the glass volcano sculpture and continue our journey to the next store.

A more upscale storefront comes into view. Both our heads fall back to read the modern sign hanging from above in perfect cursive. Regina nods slightly confirming this is our next stop and I happily tag along.

A small chime rings elegantly above our heads as we take in the higher end items and black and white checkered marble floors. Regina leads the way, eyeing items carefully and we both notice a lot of the same souvenirs as the last shop.

"Hey, how about this for Harper?" I inquire as I lift a model of one of the Cathedral Churches. "She was really into all the details," I absentmindedly remark as my fingers skim across the jagged edges.

"This is perfect," Regina agrees with a warm smile that I can't help but offer back and just like that the godawful tension is slowly dissipating.

Regina carries the souvenir carefully as we continue to browse the shelves. My fingers ghost over the shelves as I examine each item mentally ticking off each one that just isn't right. I stop dead in my tracks when I spot a small model of a rainbow colored Christmas tree.

"If you say this for Sutton then I know you hate our children," Regina husks over my shoulder eliciting a breathy laugh to tumble from my mouth without my permission. I distinctly hear her lips parting and cracking into a smile before I turn around to face her.

"Actually, I was thinking you might need this for your house."

"I'm fairly certain everyone I know has received the memo regarding my sexuality, thanks to you," she smirks deviously while her eyes flash with mischief and I swear those cocoa irises just roamed greedily over my body.

Ice cold goosebumps pop along my skin before a vicious heat spreads rapidly through my veins. I attempt to swallow but my mouth is far too dry and this temptress is refusing to break eye contact, doing far too much to short circuit my brain.

The heat that's burning up my chest and setting up camp upon my cheeks is overwhelming. I can only imagine how red I am at the moment, probably putting Rudolph's nose to shame.

"Did I finally render your smart mouth speechless?" She whispers as she leans in just a hair, but it's enough to send her hot breath to wash over my cold lips like a velvety blanket.

"No," I murmur, but the way my voice cracks on the minuscule word shows my true colors. I swallow again and then proceed to clear my throat to compose myself. "And don't you ever forget who had you switching teams without a second thought," I confidently retort, provoking her eyes to drop down to my lips once again.

"Bella!"

Regina and I both jump, startled by the abrupt intrusion, because yet again we found ourselves completely lost and caught up in the moment, neglecting the world around us. We both slowly turn to find a scruffy face beaming with pure enthusiasm.

"Augusto," Regina breathes as her face morphs into a polite smile.

"Come va?" Our friend questions how we are doing as he pulls both of us into an overbearing hug that practically knocks the wind out of me. Augusto lightly kisses both our cheeks and smiles even wider if that's possible.

"Stiamo bene, grazie," Regina kindly states that we are fine, but I can't help but wonder if he knows about our divorce.

Augusto smiles broadly and continues to ask about our children, especially Henry. Regina answers all of his questions in Italian, her tongue as fluent as ever, leaving my body a trembling, over heated mess. It's been way too long since I last heard those sing song words rolling effortlessly from her tongue and it only reminds me what that tongue is capable of.

"Emma?" Regina softly whispers pulling me from my inappropriate thoughts, "are you feeling well? You seem very flushed."

I blink. I blink again. Then I notice how Regina and Augusto are both staring at me curiously. I clear my throat and slowly nod. "Va bene," I reply that I'm just fine for Augusto to understand and fake my best smile, but even I can feel the weakness quivering at the corners of my mouth.

Regina offers Augusto a small smile and politely says our goodbyes, earning us both small pecks to our cheeks before our friend leaves the store. My ex slowly reaches in the tiny space between us, but her hand freezes mid air as a worrisome expression flashes across her face. Her thick lips purse out before she determines to press further and run her fingers delicately across my forehead before she palms the warm flesh.

"Are you sure you're feeling alright? You are rather warm," she notes mindlessly as her doctor instincts kick in and her eyes are professionally scanning my face for signs of illness or distress.

I softly smile and just allow this delicate moment to play out. "I'm fine, I promise. I'm probably just warm from the hat," I conclude as my eyes drift up toward the beanie upon my head.

She nods curtly and quickly drops her hand causing my heart to drum faster from the lack of her touch. "Well let's continue shall we?"

My head slowly bobs up and down because again I'm finding myself completely trapped under her spell. I continue to follow her around like a lost puppy, because I can't seem to focus on anything but the tingling sensation from where her hand was moments ago.

Regina soon finds a keychain that isn't too flashy for Henry. It's a bottle opener, since he will be off to college in a few short months, that is mapped with the Catania skyline. It's a very practical gift considering we have a key to his new car so he can drive safely back and forth from college.

It takes us sometime, but soon we find a unique bracelet that is made strictly from lava rock. The charcoal grey stones are formed into small spheres and the item is simple yet exactly Sutton's style.

I quickly glance at my phone and realize I have to meet Cora in a half an hour. "Hey, uh sorry to cut this short, but I have to..." my mind completely blanks on a lie that Cora instructed me to tell. "Um...do some personal shopping," I mutter and quickly kick myself because now she probably thinks I'm going to buy her something for Christmas.

"Uh-okay," she drags out the small word not at all buying my lie. I hastily fumble for the keys in my pocket and place them in her hand.

"I'll see you at home," I smile to ease some of her confusion. "Your mother might have a surprise for you," I divulge a little information, helping her face relax just a little more.

"How will you get home?" She kindly inquires as we exit the small store.

"It's not like I haven't walked up that hill before," I laugh lightly as I follow her to the truck. "Don't worry Regina, I'll be fine. This _was_ my home one time." This declaration paints an adorable grin across her chilly cheeks.

"Yes, it was," she agrees and pops open the rickety door. I quickly lean forward to place our bags inside then take a step back.

"You enjoy the rest of your evening Regina, I'll see you later."

"You as well Emma," she breathes, just barely above a whisper as she climbs into the truck.

I watch as she slams the heavy door and fumbles to start the engine. I shove my hands into my pockets and rock back and forth from my heels to my toes.

I kind of hate Cora right now for interrupting the fun afternoon I was having with Regina. I only have tomorrow and Christmas Day left with her because I know when she leaves back to New York things will quickly go back to the way they were.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

I glance down at my phone once again, that's laying on the bar top in front of me and shake my head at my mother in law's tardiness. I debate with myself if I should call the older woman, thinking maybe she forgot, but then again that woman is as sharp as a tack and I highly doubt she forgot about me.

I strum my fingers against the shiny wooden surface as the bartender passes by once again. My eyes flick up to meet her questioning gaze and for a moment I find myself staring inquisitively into her sparkling crystal blue eyes.

"Would you like another? I'm sure your date is just running late," she kindly suggests as she places another wine glass in front of me. She pulls a bottle out from under the counter causing the ice to clink against each other.

"Not a date," I firmly declare as she pours the chilled white wine elegantly. She smiles to herself and slowly slides the drink in front of me. "Thank you," I smile brightly because I can already feel the fuzzy buzz swimming around in my brain from my first glass. Damn Sicilian wine.

"Not a date?" She laughs lightly and leans down on her forearms. "Well then who on Earth is standing you up?" She sweetly questions and for a moment I truly notice how thick her Sicilian accent is.

"My mother in law," I reply flatly as my eyes dart toward my phone once again.

"Maybe she's upset with you because you took off her son's ring," she teasingly insinuates as her eyes flick pointedly toward my naked finger.

I subconsciously reach for that finger and slowly rub the area like I can still feel the weight of the white gold band and heavy diamond that I carried around for seventeen years.

"Well first of all, it's her daughter, not son. And second, we are separated...almost divorced," I mumble self-consciously under my breath because I absolutely hate speaking on the subject.

"Well, I mean I don't know you, but I would definitely have a hard time kicking someone as gorgeous as you out of my bed," she laughs to herself and slowly rises from the bar top. My cheeks instantly flush crimson as I watch this pretty blonde strut away with nothing but self assurance.

"I'm looking for an older gentleman, my father," the rich sultry voice rings loudly in my ears, causing me to spin around so quickly on my stool that I almost land my buzzed ass on the floor.

"Regina?" I blurt out and watch with great interest as my ex's head snaps in my direction.

"Emma?" Her faces contorts painfully into bewildered as her heels click viciously against the marble floors below. "What are you doing here? I thought you were shopping?"

"That was a lie," I bluntly reply as my eyes inspect her flawless smokey makeup. "Your mother told me to tell you that so she could surprise you with an evening alone with the kids."

"Did she?" Regina inquires in an untrusting high squawk as her painted ruby lips purse out dramatically, and there goes my heart, fluttering away.

"What are you doing here?" I mutter as I reach for my glass of wine to calm my twitchy nerves.

"My mother told me that my father wanted to treat me this evening at a wine tasting and that he was already here waiting for me."

"Well it seems your mother just played us." I lift my glass high in the air and smirk. "Congrats Cora, you sure fooled us," I cheers to absolutely nobody and slam back the rest of my wine. "Alright, shall we go and give her a good scolding like we do with our children?"

I reach into my pocket and pull out some cash to pay for my drinks, but Regina's delicate fingers are gently resting against my hand to still my actions. My eyes flick to hers in wonderment as she holds up a plastic gift card.

"Well my mother did hand over this card," she smiles wickedly creating a sloppy grin to spread into my cheeks. "And she is watching the children..."

"A night away from the kids, drinking? I would be out of my damn mind if I rejected this offer," I laugh lightly as I stumble to my feet, the potent Sicilian wine definitely effecting my mind more than usual.

"This is your mother in law?" The bartender curiously questions with one eyebrow raised high. "Then I would love to meet your ex."

"Excuse me?" Regina coldly responds without a moment of hesitation.

"No, no," I shake my head viciously, but that only sloshes the alcohol around and blurs my concentration. "This is my wife...my ex," I blurt out like a damn fool, most likely embarrassing Regina and myself, and I would totally care if the alcohol wasn't making me feel all warm and bubbly inside.

"I was going to say you seem about the same age," the bartender laughs like we are old friends and leans forward on one hand. "I hope you enjoy your evening, you seem like you need it," she smiles sweetly then proceeds to push herself away from the counter to attend other customers.

"She seems..."

"Nice," I finish the sentence for my ex and begin walking toward the host to be seated.

The distinct clicking of heels rushes behind me to catch up and then comes the warmth draping over my back as she leans forward to whisper in my ear.

"Flirty."

"Well lucky for you, you gave up that right to worry about it," I shrug casually and hold up two fingers for the hostess.

A loud annoyed huff breathes into my ear, but I continue walking, focusing on the feet in front of me because the restaurant is slowly tipping to one side.

"How many drinks have you had already?" Regina bitterly asks as she removes her jacket angrily and drapes it over her chair.

"Two," I respond with a cheeky smile and slide into my seat opposite of her. "These Sicilian wines are gonna kick our asses tonight," I happily conclude just as a bus boy sweeps by to drop off our waters.

"Well one of us needs to drive home. We can't call my parents, we have their truck," Regina explains with her motherly mask set into place.

"We can walk, it's not like we haven't done that before. Remember the first night we went out and stumbled home wasted?" I chuckle to myself and quickly reach for my ice water because my cheeks feel like they are on fire.

 _How high is the heat on right now? Is there a fireplace nearby that I'm unaware of?_

"How could I forget?" She smirks, her eyes cast down to the leather bound menu in front of her. She picks anxiously at the corner and it's so clear that her breathing has become labored in a matter of seconds. "That was our first night," the words instantly evaporate from her tongue into thin air, provoking my eyes to glance up from my water.

"Ahhh to be young and reckless again," I cheerfully acknowledge before sipping my water again.

Regina only hums in response before a waiter dressed in a crisp white shirt with a black vest, accompanied by a black bow tie greets our table. His mouth is spewing rapidly in Italian while I just gape up at him with my alcohol induced brain. Even though I know I comprehend what he's saying, I'm far too gone to understand right now. Thankfully my wife, _ex_ , is rushing to my rescue and answering everything he needs to know for our tasting.

The man scurries away to prepare our first selection while I smile lazily at Regina. Her Sicilian tongue still lighting a match way down deep between my needy legs.

"I really hope we can be honest and enjoy our time this evening," Regina begins the conversation as she nervously arranges her napkin upon her lap. "We were just getting along so well today," she sighs, really grasping my attention and finally sobering me up just the slightest.

"Of course," I lean further into the table and offer my best genuine smile, "I would love that as well," I agree wholeheartedly and watch as her face softens and breaks into a shy smile.

"I can't believe my mother set us up," she chuckles and sways those long raven locks all around her face.

"I can, I kind of have an inkling that she tricked us into this trip as well," I explain, inspiring the brunette across from me to scoot just a little closer.

"How so?"

"Well, I could be wrong here, _but_ as I recall, she claimed her and your father weren't healthy enough to travel to the states. Now, it could just be me, but they seem perfectly normal," I bluntly acknowledge causing a small giggle to slip passed those desirable lips. "I mean your father cut down a damn Christmas tree for heaven's sake," I slam down my palm and roll my eyes. "This was a scheme by your slick mother."

"Touché Emma," she laughs lightly, flashing those beautiful white teeth that should be scraping across my neck right now...

 _No! I cannot think that way, I need to sober up._

The waiter strolls by, with two glasses and gently sets them down in front of us. He pops off the cork from the wine bottle and begins slowly pouring the dark white wine into the glass. I observe how he hardly pours enough, but then again this is a tasting and I should probably slow down anyways. However my instincts take over and I quickly snatch up the glass while the waiter is rambling in Italian about this specific wine.

I press the cool glass to my bottom lip and suck down the chilled liquid. Regina's eyes narrow in my direction as her brows furrow murderously. I almost choke on the wine from her intense glare, but somehow regain my composure, tearing the glass away from my mouth.

"What?" I whisper as the waiter excuses himself and rushes back into the kitchen.

"Emma, it's a wine tasting," Regina exasperates.

"I know and that's what I'm doing, I'm tasting."

"No," she softly rejects my rebuttal and shakes her head in disappointment. "You need to treat each wine with special attention. You can't just suck down each glass, it's considered rude. You need to swirl it around, open it up, smell it, examine the color and then _sip_ it," she thoroughly explains while I blankly stare at her.

"Alright," I slowly comply, "duly noted." She nods politely and then proceeds to follow her own detailed instructions.

The waiter quickly pops by again with a weary smile lingering at his lips. He sets down two new fresh glasses and then uncorks the new bottle in hand. He pours the liquid and I immediately notice the lighter color than the previous wine. I wait patiently for him to finish his monologue and leave the table before I reach for the glass.

This time I obey Regina's request, slowly swirling the liquid in my glass. I press the rim just below my nose and inhale the sweet floral aroma. My eyes flick toward Regina who is mirroring my image and catches my gaze. We both smile, holding back our full laughs before we remove our glasses from underneath our noses. We then proceed to sip and admire the way the alcohol tickles our palates.

"This one is so much better than the last one," I conclude.

"Yes, the last one was very dry," she agrees and smiles softly.

"So, are you enjoying your vacation?" I question, genuinely curious and sip my wine once again, watching her carefully over the rim.

"I am, thank you." She too accepts more of the wine before she sets the glass down and swallows slowly. "I love seeing the children's faces light up. They are so happy here."

"They really are," I nod along and set down my now empty glass. "I know you were hurt when you found out, but do you see now? This is exactly what I hoped for."

"I know Emma," she sighs heavily and readjusts her napkin to distract herself from the thick tension sure to rise between us. "I knew from the beginning that it was the right thing but I lashed out because the thought of not spending Christmas with my children broke my heart."

"I know," I exhale slowly and deliberately avoid her eyes as well. "I'm glad you joined us though. It means everything to them."

My ex nods slowly, her eyes still fixated on the cloth draped protectively over her thighs as she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. I can feel the hesitation vibrating off her insecure body and I mentally plead with her to just open up.

"And you?"

I swallow thickly and blink at my sudden foggy state. I watch her carefully wondering if I misheard her. My fingers play with the stitching across my denim jeans as I work my way through my confusion.

"What?"

"You said it means everything to them," her eyes finally crawl slowly to meet my puzzled gaze. "And does it mean anything to you?"

"I-" my mouth pops open like a fish out of water, but nothing is tumbling out, so I quickly snap it shut and try to sort out my rambling thoughts. I swear my head is like a tennis match, different emotions rallying back and forth too quickly for me to follow along. My shoulders slump as I release a ragged breath and decide I should probably just be honest. "Y-yes. It means something to me," I finally confess. "You seem to quickly forget that it was the simple gestures I was looking for."

I reach for my wine glass and frown when I remember the damn thing is empty. My eyes dart around the room for our waiter and smile in relief when I spot him headed our way. Again, he repeats his previous actions but this time we are offered a smaller portion that's painted a very light red tint.

Soon, the waiter is done with his speech and scrambling away and I'm thankful to be lifting the glass to my mouth once again.

"I'm trying," Regina quickly blurts out, grasping my attention before the alcohol reaches my tongue.

"Hmmm," I hum into my glass, sounding muffled before I pull the liquid into my mouth.

"I'm trying to be more present," she vocalizes as her fingers twirl the stem of the glass and she stares aimlessly into the new liquid. "That's why I hired Ashley. That's why I came here. I know I've been absent and Henry screaming in my face was a wake up call."

My heart free falls into the pit of my stomach, landing with an impressionable thud causing a wave of nausea to wrack my body. A massive lump is swelling in the back of my throat creating scolding hot tears. Before I know it my inner thoughts are trickling out of my mouth like a leaky faucet.

"But I wasn't good enough to wake you up? All my begging and pleading wasn't enough for you to realize what you were doing was a problem?"

Regina rapidly shakes her head as her eyes flutter closed. "No, no, Emma," she stammers and snaps her eyes open to make sure she's staring directly into my glossy eyes. "That's not what I meant, I just...it's so hard to explain." She reaches across the table, but her hand simply lingers in the middle, never coming in contact with mine. "You were my wife and I earned your love in the beginning, but your love for me faded and I accepted that. People fall out of love everyday. Henry is my son, he's suppose to love me unconditionally, until he didn't and that was a slap to my face. He's the one person that shouldn't have ever lost his love for me and he did. He hated me, he might still hate me. And to see that look in his eye and know I screwed up so badly that my own child doesn't even love me anymore," her voice cracks hazardously and I know there's tears lurking around the corner. She shakes her head and sniffles back her emotions.

We fall silent, with her head hanging low and my eyes burn as I stare so hard at the crown of her head. Instinctively I chew on the inside of my lip and ponder what to make out of this. For some reason, I totally understand what she's trying to convey because I'm a mother as well.

"Henry doesn't _hate_ you, he'll always love you," I begin, forcing her watery eyes to meet mine and I swallow. "He's hurt. He's spent a lot more time with you than the other children and was with you constantly before work took over. He's...he's just...hurt."

"Well I can't stand that look in his eye, it's bad enough I have to see it in your eyes," Regina concludes as she hastily reaches for her red wine.

"Can we maybe push all this aside and just enjoy our night out," I quickly find a distraction, picking at the seam on the cloth napkin and continue. "Can we pretend for one night that everything going on back home isn't our reality here?"

"I accept your proposal," she hastily agrees with a warm smile.

So, we force all that pain aside and focus on our wine tasting. We compliment the different variations of wine while turning our nose up at the ones that are just too potent. After our three quarters mark, the alcohol is consuming our veins and filling the air with laughter.

"Remember when you head butted me and I had a fat lip for days," I laugh while loosely dangling a deep red wine between my tingling fingertips.

"That was awful," Regina pouts through her flushed cheeks and slightly tussled hair. Her lipstick is almost completely worn away, left on each and every one of the glasses we have experimented with and making her mouth even more desirable. "I felt horrible, I was still so nervous around you at the time."

"Yeah, but you were so cute," I confess while lazily pressing the rim to my lower lip and downing the rest of my drink. "I just wanted to squeeze you and plant kisses all over you," I laugh while her deep chuckle vibrates between us. "I miss when you were shy and unsure."

"I was far from shy."

"Eh," I shrug one shoulder and move to set down my glass, clinking it dangerously against my water glass. "You were shy at times and it was the most adorable thing ever."

"So you're saying," she lowers her voice and leans across the table, forcing the swell of her breasts to spill over the top of her deep maroon dress. "...that if I were to become uncharacteristically shy right now," she timidly curls a chunk of hair behind her ear as her eyes flick down to the table to play off her proposal, "...then you would squeeze me tight and pepper my body with warm kisses?" She innocently asks and it's the softest she has ever spoken, crumbling my body into a mess of lust and need. I almost whimper, but I refrain to maintain the upper hand.

"Nice try," I smirk and lift my water glass to cool my insides that are very clearly on fire right now. "It's gonna take a lot more than a shy smile to win these lips."

"We'll see," she quips, her tone flipping from timid to cocky in a split second. I squint my eyes at her like I'm trying to read her mind, but she just laughs at me and soon I'm laughing along like we did when we were younger. "Should we head back?"

"Probably, if I drink anymore there's no way I'm climbing that hill."

We catch the waiter's attention and pay the bill, thanks to Cora. We slip into our coats and don't really think twice about the bitter cold weather nor the strenuous climb ahead.

The minute my body hits the brick wall of frigid temperatures, I'm quickly reminded how drunk I truly am. I stagger for a moment and find myself gaping at a pair of black stiletto heels.

"How the hell are gonna walk home in those?" I bluntly question and point at the accused like a small curious child.

"With the poise and elegance of a queen," she remarks with her chin held high, forcing out another bark of laughter between us.

"Alright, let's walk Evil Queen."

"Evil?" She shrieks while I continue walking down the street. "I am far from evil."

"Well, tell that to my heart," I spit over my shoulder and shove my hands into my pockets.

"I thought we were putting that all on hold tonight," she whines from behind me, causing my feet to halt dead in their tracks.

I spin around to find my ex pouting and the small gesture melts my heart. I take a few steps back and stop right in front of her. My fingers itch to curl around her biceps, but I beg myself to remain still.

"I'm sorry, you're right. I suggested the idea, I shouldn't have thrown that in your face tonight," I genuinely declare as her eyes struggle to find mine. I can tell she's bubbling over with regret and I'm finding myself struggling to keep her at bay. "Hey," I reluctantly remove my hand from my pocket and grasp onto her upper arm, but she still refuses to meet my eyes. Somehow, through the fog of wine and too many years spent together, my nose brushes against hers, persuading her to meet my eyes like we did so many years ago. "Don't let my big mouth ruin this night, we were having fun," I confess.

Those enchanting brown eyes flutter to meet my gaze and when I find them, they are glistening with tears. My heart stops.

"I'm so so sorry Emma," she cries through a wobbling voice thick with wetness. "I never meant to hurt you. You're the last person in my life that I ever wanted to disappoint," she vows as her tears finally break and tumble down her rosy cheeks. "I-I honestly don't know how we got here. I swear I love you," she blurts out.

I don't think twice, I just lunge forward and pull her as close as humanly possible into the tightest hug imaginable. A harsh sob breaks from her throat, forcing her hot breath to coat my bare neck. My muscles quake recklessly, but I hold onto her and bury my face into the crook of her neck. I cry silently into her shoulder and wonder myself how we wound up here if we still feel this much after nine months apart.

We hold each other in the busy streets of Catania where our love first bloomed and cry for that love we lost. No words need to be spoken, because we both understand that the only thing we both need is to be held in one another's arms. We mourn together for a marriage we thought would last a lifetime and somehow we bond once again over a tragedy.

"Come on, it's cold outside," I whisper into her ear and sniffle away my tears, before we trek the never ending hill.

XXXXXXXXX 

We quietly peel away our jackets and shoes, both of our eyes flicking back and forth to make sure we don't wake up Sutton in the process. When we have finally finished, because the alcohol delayed our perception, we stand awkwardly gazing at one another with intent longing behind our eyes.

"I actually had a really nice night," I whisper and this time I don't even attempt to hide my broad smile.

Regina slowly curls her thick tresses behind her ear and smiles shyly, and it's so genuine and so utterly adorable I find myself tugging her hips, encouraging her to step closer. She staggers slightly before she wraps her arms around my neck, smiling at me like I am her whole world and my heart is racing and my palms are sweaty and my inside are turning to mush.

"I had a very nice evening as well. Thank you for staying." My grip tightens in the warm fabric resting upon her hips.

"Thank you for putting a cork in that thing," I roll my eyes and gesture like our divorce is lurking in the shadows of our cabin, ready to pop out and spoil the moment at any given time.

"Of course," she murmurs as her eyes fall to my lips, forcing my teeth to suck my bottom lip into my mouth.

And it would be so easy, so fucking easy to just lean forward and kiss her like she was mine again, but she's not. It's not even that she's no longer mine, but the fact that she's someone else's. I blink away the now and take a small step back, hating that look of disappointment washing over her soft features.

"So, where did you put the gifts from earlier," I quickly change the subject and avoid her sorrowful eyes.

"Under the bed," she replies as we walk closer toward the bed we once shared that is now occupied by our daughter. "Hey," her raspy voice crackles through the dead of the night, "...what's in that shoe box..."

"What?" My nose crinkles as I watch her bend down on the opposite side of the bed from where our daughter is in a deep slumber.

Regina quietly falls to her knees and reaches under the bed to pull out this mysterious shoebox. I move without truly thinking, meeting her on the floor and growing stiff when I see the box.

"Oh my god," I breathe, my hand flailing between our bodies to desist her actions.

"What?"

"You don't know what that is?" I harshly whisper and fight against my laughter.

"I-" her eyes fall to the box that has a picture of shiny black high heels. Through amused eyes I watch as her orbs double in size. "I-no-you took this home," she hisses in a hushed whisper.

"I did not," I shake my head defiantly. "I didn't know our last time here was going to be our last," I declare and rip the top off the box.

"Oh god."

I reach inside and pull out the black sleek toy that hasn't been used in over seven years. "It's still so shiny and clean, do you think Cora cleans it every week when she routinely cleans this cabin," I muse, earning myself a rough shove that ends up with me on the floor, giggling into the throw rug.

"Shut up Swan," Regina scolds as she lunges on top of my body, I try to stifle my laughter, but it's just too funny.

"Swan-Mills," I laugh even harder encouraging Regina's thin fingers to attack my ribs ruthlessly.

A small groan erupts into the night and stills mine and Regina's actions. We stay perfectly still as we wait and listen, straining our ears to listen for our daughter's mumbling. After a few moments of dead silence, we breathe out our relief as Regina's head falls forward to rest against mine.

The world around us stands still and the only thing that lets me know that this Earth is still moving are the shallow breaths escaping her lips. Carefully I shift so I'm no longer on my side, but with my back against the hard floor and Regina's heavy weight on top of mine. Tentatively, I reach up and curl her silky soft strands behind her ear.

"How are you just as beautiful as you were eighteen years ago?" I profess without truly acknowledging that I stated them out loud.

"I could ask you the same," she smiles warmly and leans into my touch.

Suddenly, I'm falling again and I'm all to aware, yet I don't even mind. However, the more I stare into those mesmerizing eyes, the more I can feel that divorce crawling in the shadows upon the floor. It's slithering like a monster under a child's bed, eager to sneak up on us and frighten us to our very core.

I shudder as an image of Regina and Fiona flashes before me and quickly I'm scrambling to stand up; away from Regina, away from the monster crawling on the ground, away from Fiona.

"I'm sorry, I-I can't do this," I blurt out, a little too loudly and I wince in fear of waking our daughter.

"I-I understand," she replies so sweetly, but I see it in her eyes, she doesn't truly comprehend why. She doesn't know that I'm thinking of Fiona. "I should go to bed."

"Yeah," I exhale slowly and immediately regret not jumping on the easy opportunity. "Good night Regina."

"Good night, Emma."


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Muffled voices whisper lazily into my heavy brain, but the idea of actually waking up and facing the world is all the inspiration I need to keep my eyes slammed shut. It's not that I'm terribly hungover, but all the variations of wine feel like they teamed up to suck all the fluid out of my head. My temples aren't pounding too fiercely but there's definitely a dull ache thumping.

The whispers continue, dragging me further and further away from my dreamless sleep and that's when I decipher who is speaking around me. Regina and Sutton. I crack one sleepily eye open to discover Regina sitting at the edge of the bed, running her fingers through our daughter's long tangles.

"W-was it a date?" Sutton whispers as quietly as her voice will allow, producing an expression that's half frown and half smile from my ex.

"It was a nice evening out for your mother and I to push passed all this stuff around us," Regina vaguely responds before she bends down and places a lingering kiss upon those sun kissed locks. "Breakfast?" She murmurs into Sutton's hair and waits for our daughter to nod before she pulls away.

I stretch my stiff extremities and groan into my soft pillow, breathing in that floral scent that's all Cora. "You're making breakfast?" I croak out through my thick sleeping voice, as Sutton scrambles off the bed.

"How long have you been up?" Regina sharply interrogates, her cheeks slightly flushed from the idea of her confession being heard.

"I just woke up," I lazily smile and reach for Sutton's arm, quickly tugging my daughter back into bed with her groan of protest. I pull Sutton flush against my body and squeeze her very tight. "You making breakfast?" I repeat through a small chuckle.

"No," she grumbles and pretends to fight against my hold, but I know it's only halfhearted because she doesn't get very far. "Mom's gonna make breakfast for us," she declares and squirms a little closer into my embrace, producing a giddy grin across my face. My lips already stretching forward on instinct and bury a kiss into her messy hair.

I glance up at my ex who's shifting uncontrollably next to the bed because this was always our thing. Ever since our kids were babies we always spent time in the morning cuddling with them, squeezing them tight with our love and peppering their chubby cheeks with kisses. Now, all I see is hurt and uncertainty in Regina's distraught eyes and without truly thinking, I'm patting the mattress in front of Sutton.

One perfect eyebrow furrows down in confusion while the other skyrockets in questioning and Sutton and I both find ourselves giggling at the perplexed expression on Regina's face.

"Just get in here," I laugh, encouraging Regina to take the bait.

She slides onto the bed, strictly above the covers for proper distance and nuzzles her nose against our daughter's. I can only imagine Sutton's thoughts, thinking she's far too old for this, but she doesn't move one single muscle and I know it's all for her mothers. Of course it's for Regina and I, because Sutton has always been so sharp on picking up social cues and I know she just wants to see us together again. So, if she needs to bite the bullet and pretend she's a small child once again to ensure her mothers close proximity then she's happy to play along.

"You both reek of wine," Sutton huffs her annoyance, causing Regina and I to belt out carefree laughs.

"Well your morning breath isn't roses sweetie," Regina rebuttals, while I snicker into soft golden locks.

"Whatever," Sutton groans and attempts to wiggle free, but I hang on tight. "Come on mom, I'm starving," she whines, persuading my arms to loosen around her tiny frame.

Our daughter scrambles off the bed and Regina and I watch with great interest as she tests the weight upon her ankle. She smiles to herself and we know she's feeling much better this morning.

"Can I walk without them?" She asks as her dazzling green irises flick toward Regina.

"Sure sweetie, but if that ankles starts to give you any problems throughout the day, promise me you will use your crutches," Regina pleads as she props herself up on one elbow to watch our daughter shift her weight between each foot.

"I promise," Sutton smiles with relief washing over her face. "I'll see you guys at Nana's," she says before she turns toward the door and I have an inkling she's trying to allow us privacy in the bed alone.

Regina and I both snap our heads to gauge the others reaction. I'm sure Regina is finding a wide eyed ex wife with painted red cheeks, just like I am finding in the awkward moment. Regina's face is completely impassive though so I offer her a weak smile.

"We're coming," I hastily reply, forcing Regina and I both to spring out of bed.

XXXXXXXXX 

"Good morning my dears! Merry Christmas Eve!" Cora beams with pure enthusiasm as we stroll into the kitchen. "No crutches sweetie? Wonderful!" She praises while reaching for Sutton's cheeks and pulling her face closer so she can plant one rough kiss to her flushed face.

"Thanks Nana."

"Merry Christmas Eve," I sing song and make my way to the coffee maker.

I reach into the cabinet and retrieve two coffee mugs before filling them with the fresh brewed caffeine. I pour hazelnut cream into mine and just a dash for Regina.

"Is that for me," she whispers in her deep seductive tone creating a delicious wave of chills to tickle up my spine. I smile, not able to control my face any longer and peek over my shoulder at the flirtatious brunette.

"I don't know," I wipe away my smirk and slowly swirl a spoon into her mug to mix the creamer. "Have you been naughty or nice?" I innocently inquire before I drag the spoon away from the cup and slip the warm metal into my mouth. Those spell bounding eyes are glued to my mouth as I slowly slide the spoon from my tongue, licking the tip for good measure.

Regina rests her chin upon my shoulder and hums dramatically. "I've been sooo nice lately," she claims, her voice drawing out each syllable and curling her tongue to sound like pure sex is dripping from each word.

I swallow just to make sure my voice doesn't crack like a preteen during puberty. "You have," I conclude and offer her the steaming mug, winning myself a dazzling smile.

Regina and I both smile at one another before we both turn around, coming face to face with two sets of amused eyes gaping at us. We both jump slightly not at all expecting Cora and Sutton to be listening to our private conversation or intimate moment.

"I'll-uh-make some pancakes," I rush out while Regina sweeps across the room, completely unfazed by the intrusion.

"Sutton," Regina sweetly calls to our daughter, who's still grinning like the Grinch when the grand scheme to steal presents washed over him. "Why don't you help me cut up some fruit for toppings?"

Our daughter nods and gathers up a collection of strawberries, blueberries and bananas to decorate the pancakes I'm beginning to prepare.

I'm fairly certain I'm not the only one who doesn't notice when Cora slips sneakily out of the kitchen. That is until the cabin is booming with Christmas music and I'm one hundred percent positive my meddling mother in law chose this song specifically to rub in mine and Regina's face.

I flick my eyes up to watch, completely unamused as my mother in law strolls back into the kitchen, her chin held high with a certain poise that only a Mills can properly possess. I glare at her while my jaw grinds my teeth together and I try to telepathically berate that older woman.

" _I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know. Make my wish come true, all I want for Christmas is you..."_

Cora hums uncharacteristically to the song as she prepares her glazed honey ham for dinner this evening. I groan inwardly before my patience snaps and I find myself instructing Sutton to go wake her siblings for breakfast, granting Regina and I alone time to scold Cora. The moment the front door slams shut, I spin around on my heels and glare at the older woman.

"Alright ma, enough," I calmly command even though my muscles are all tight and twitchy from the uncomfortable conversation that's sure to unfold.

"What?" She innocently questions while shrugging her shoulder casually, never once breaking eye contact from the meat in front of her.

"Oh come on mother," Regina rolls her eyes, but her hand continues to slice the fruit to perfection. "We know you set us up last night, we don't want you meddling in our relationship," Regina exasperates, but her voice sounds tired and doesn't hold one ounce of bite.

"Well of course I set you two up," Cora rubs her hands furiously in her towel before she turns around to face us properly. "I have to meddle because you two are both being absurd, once again," she snaps and whips her towel down onto the counter with fury.

"We are not being absurd," I hastily snap because what's absurd is that my feelings are being played down to a foolish quarrel. "Things didn't work out and you arranging a date night or playing cheesy Christmas music isn't going to fix that," I demand and quickly cross my arms over my chest from feeling far too vulnerable and exposed in this moment.

"And don't think we don't know about you lying to us to force this trip upon us," Regina adds on, but again her lackluster voice isn't too threatening.

"I don't care what you know, _I_ know that I made the right choice for both of you _and_ your children." Cora straightens her posture and squares her shoulders before her finger comes out wagging between us like we are two small children once again. "Tell me when is the last time either of you saw those children smiling so brightly and laughing so hard," she commands so fiercely that neither Regina nor I can produce words to follow. "I'm no fool my dears, I know you two are still madly in love and it's about time you both stop wasting time and get your shit together!"

"Mother, I-" Regina begins, provoking my eyes to flick toward hers. Her cheeks are slightly flushed and her eyes are shifting wildly unsure where to land, but Cora pushes on, ignoring her daughter.

"And you," she steps closer toward Regina, stilling her daughter's hands from slicing the fruit anymore. "Don't think that you are going to slip out of this house without an earful from me. After Christmas, before you leave we are going to have a long talk about your behavior. I just didn't want to ruin the holidays, but now..."

"No, no, ma," I quickly interject, "the holiday isn't ruined. I swear."

"And don't think I'm done with you either," Cora snaps before she briskly turns around and finishes working on her ham, not another word spoken.

My nose scrunches up from the awkward tension flitting freely through the air amongst us. My eyes crawl slowly toward Regina while I bite down hard on my bottom lip. Her lips are parted, as she breathes through her bewilderment, her eyes lost on nothing in particular as her mind reels.

There's so much that needs to be said between us. I feel the heavy burden pressing angrily down upon my chest, but Cora is right, we shouldn't ruin Christmas. We should be celebrating that our whole family is together. So, I force down any lingering thoughts about my divorce or about Regina and vow that I'm going to enjoy the day, no matter what.

XXXXXXXXX 

After a filling breakfast, like every morning here in Sicily, Regina and I clean up and begin helping Cora with preparing dinner for this evening. While the kids work together to make Christmas cookies. My mother in law went all out this year with different icings, sprinkles and molding for the best decorated cookies around.

"Henry, can you start bringing in the presents from our addition?" I call over my shoulder as I help Regina layer the sweet potatoes dish.

"Sure mom," my son agrees while brushing his hands clean from the mess around him.

"I will help you my boy," my father in law offers, following my son out of the cabin.

"Noah, who is honestly going to eat those cookies?" Harper softly inquires even though her voice is thick with disgust.

"I will," he shrugs, unaffected by his sister's scrutiny.

"You'll take one bite and want to throw up from the amount of sugar you added to a _sugar_ cookie," Sutton deadpans.

"It'll be good, why don't you try?" Noah lifts the cookie up toward Sutton who instantly bats the treat away in horror.

I peek through my eyelashes to catch Regina's soft smile and sparkling eyes as she listens to our children playfully argue. I can't help but stare at her beauty as she just effortlessly radiates love. She must sense my gaze because soon her eyes are drifting up to meet mine. She breathes out a small sound of contentment as her lips spread even wider. I smile back, because I just can't help it anymore and soon she's lightly bumping into my shoulder with a sly smirk taking over her face. I breathe out a small laugh just so she knows the touch is okay and right now, _we_ are okay.

"Noah stop!" Sutton demands, breaking through my thoughts and slamming me back to the now.

"Just try!" He laughs, wiggling the cookie that's oozing red and green icing in her face. "Come on Sut, just one bite."

"No, I don't want it," she rebuttals as her back bends painfully to dodge the unwanted cookie. "Stop it!"

"Noah," Regina sighs even though her face is still warm with love. "Please stop. Leave your sister alone."

"I just wanted her to try my cookie," he mocks being rejected and hurt, sniffling dramatically, "I worked so hard on it," he pretends to pout, but Sutton just shoves his shoulder and rolls her eyes.

"Shut up," she complains while her brother just laughs in return.

"Okay my dears, almost finished?" Cora questions as she closes the oven once again from checking on her ham.

"All set mother," Regina says while I sprinkle the last of the brown sugar on top.

"Wonderful."

Cora sweeps next to her daughter and steals the tray to pop in the over as well. I glance down at my hands smeared with butter and covered in brown sugar. I smirk to myself and without another thought, I swipe Regina's nose with the sweet mess.

"Emma!" I smile a mile wide as our children whip around to see why their mother just squealed.

"Hey momma," Noah laughs lightly, his finger pointing to his own nose, "You have a little something, something..." he trails off as his laughter takes over.

"Thanks honey," she softly says while her eyes dart around the counter to wipe her nose with.

However, I misread the situation completely because soon Regina's movements are rushed and I find her finger dipping into a can of bright blue icing. I scramble quickly to grip her wrists, spreading the scratchy brown sugar all over her soft flesh.

"Don't," I strictly command, with my fingers wrapped securely around her dainty wrists, suspended in mid air.

"What's the matter Emma," she fake pouts like our youngest, pursing those delicious lips out as far as they can possible go. All I see is my lips connecting with hers. "You can dish it out, but you can't take it?" She teases, wiggling her wrists to free herself while our children giggle behind us.

"You don't want to start this war, you know I'll win," I coldly remark, but the twinkle in her eyes that just flickered like a diamond caught in the light tells me that she knows I'm just playing.

"Oh you have no idea what I am capable of," she husks, teleporting me back in time when we had just met, rolling around in the sheets with our flesh burning bright from our wet kisses and insistent teeth.

"She's pretty tough ma," Noah laughs while Sutton and Harper just beam at us with ever growing grins.

"I can take her," I demand and fumble quickly to wipe more of my sugary fingertips against her face. Regina squirms, bending her back as far as possible while I still hang on tight to her wrist.

"You're correct, I was completely out of line for meddling," Cora deadpans as she breezes passed us, full of smugness. Regina and I quickly break apart because we refuse to offer Cora the upper hand here. Regina stalks toward the sink to clean her nose while I quickly follow to wash my hands. "Children, can you please start cleaning up the decorations?" Cora kindly instructs before she waltzes out of the room to help the guys with the presents.

"You're gonna get us in trouble," I whisper playfully, earning myself a wolffish grin from my ex.

Suddenly, I feel her foot connecting with my ass and again I'm reminded of a time when we would wash dishes at this sink. We were so enveloped with one another, we couldn't stand for our bodies to ever be apart. Even with her hands deep in water and full of bubbles, we would still be bumping hips or playfully kicking each other.

"Well if you stop looking at me like that, then maybe we won't be in any trouble," Regina weakly defends, inspiring my foot to lift this time and connect with her bottom.

"I'm not looking at you, don't be so self involved."

"Emma, please," Regina whispers catching my full attention. My eyes crawl over to my left so I can make sure I don't miss a single word. "You can't keep your eyes off me," she says with conviction before she turns off the running water. "I-I just don't know how to respond because I'm so shy," she smirks maliciously while I groan from her obvious mock from my confession last night.

"You're the worst," I grumble under my breath.

"Are you too done flirting?" Sutton blatantly calls us out, jerking Regina and I apart.

"We-weren't-that's-not-" I stammer while all three sets of smiles are smirking just like their brunette mother. "Be nice or no presents," I firmly demand.

Noah just shoves a cookie in his mouth still blissfully ignorant to what goes on around him while his sisters hold my gaze in challenge. A sudden ping from someone's phone interrupts the awkward stare down. I glance around knowing it's not my phone and watch as Harper scrambles to retrieve hers from her back pocket.

Hazel eyes glow brightly from the illuminating screen, before Harper quickly moves the phone so nobody around her will see. Her twin exhales loudly and rolls her eyes while Regina and I watch in wonderment. Our daughter doesn't even say a word as she strolls out of the kitchen, Sutton stomping behind her.

"What the hell was that?" I inquire, mostly to myself, but my son takes the liberty to answer.

"I think Harper has a boyfriend," Noah inspects his cookie as he speaks mindlessly and takes another bite. "She's always texting and acting all squirmy when she reads her messages." He shrugs not at all enthused by the topic and dawdles right out of the room without caring what we have to say on the subject.

I squint my eyes at the back of my son's head, baffled by his claim. "You don't think..." the words vanish from my tongue before I can even comprehend how I wanted to finish the sentence.

"I think she would've came to me," Regina murmurs under her breath.

Harper has never been boy crazy, always too invested with her homework, just like a certain someone I know. Our baby girl has always been painfully shy for us to think she has a boyfriend, especially before Sutton is dating, is a little surprising.

"Hmmm, maybe she's just talking to a boy. Doesn't mean they are dating," I conclude while Regina nods curtly.

"Exactly, doesn't mean anything."

XXXXXXXXX 

Christmas Eve dinner was a success, one memory I don't think I will ever forget. Between the soft Christmas melodies drifting through the air to the dim lights and glowing holiday decorations, Cora really knows how to set the mood. Our family was on cloud nine, buzzing with vivacious chatter and hearty laughter that couldn't stop tumbling from our lips.

After dinner, we consumed far too much homemade apple pie and everyone pitched in to clean up the mess. Regina and I whipped up some hot chocolates, decorated with whipped cream and cinnamon on top, our specialty on every Christmas Eve. Despite everything we are going through, I'm so thankful that we are spending this Christmas together. We have yet, to spend any Christmas apart and I'm hoping by next year, I will be strong enough to not wallow pathetically.

Now, our family is curled up in the living room with Henry's warm fire ablaze, watching The Santa Clause, like Regina and I do every year on Christmas Eve. Cora and Henry are snuggling in close on the small sofa, completely enthralled with the happy home around them. Regina and I are on the larger couch, with the twins between us, while the boys are on the floor.

"This really was a beautiful Christmas," Cora sighs happily, squeezing her husband just a little tighter around his waist.

"We are happy to be home," Regina professes while her fingers run methodically through Harper's hair.

"And don't you forget it," her father strictly demands even if there's a gentle smile tugging around his mouth.

"I think I've had enough fun for today," Cora carefully pats Henry's bulging belly and rises from the couch. "I know tomorrow will be a long day. Do you children still wake up at five a.m. for your presents?"

"They better not," I sharply quip while all of my children roll their eyes in true Mills fashion.

"I think they are too old for that now," Regina sadly replies, her eyes fluttering closed as she places a small kiss to Harper's temple.

"Very well," Cora sighs and begins kissing each child goodnight, her husband following her lead.

Once the older couple retires, Henry is springing up from the floor startling all of us.

"I think I'm calling it a night," he confesses, reaching out for his younger brother and dragging him to his feet. "I'll take Noah to bed as well."

"It's Christmas Eve," our youngest complains, but the look Henry shoots his brother, seals Noah's lips up tight. "Alright, I rather go to bed and get my presents sooner anyways."

"You kids don't have to go to bed," I cautiously explain because I have an inkling my children inherited Cora's meddling gene.

"Eh, we had a busy day," Sutton shrugs and stands tall from the couch.

"Who knew cooking was so exhausting," Harper mimics her sister's shoulder shrug and follows her lead to stand.

"You guys are _not_ being subtle," I declare with my eyes squinting at each one of my offsprings.

"Good night," they all sing song in unison and rush out the door while I stare in shock at their bold move.

"Well," Regina breathes behind me, grasping my attention. "It seems everyone in this house has ulterior motives."

I slump back against the couch and allow my gaze to travel up toward the boring ceiling. "I mean honestly, what the hell do they expect?"

"I'm not sure," Regina mumbles to herself as her eyes stay fixated on the door our children just disappeared through.

"Well, maybe we should go to bed as well."

"Or we could enjoy this fire, finish our hot cocoas and watch," Regina's eyes flick toward the screen to read what's coming up next. "...Four Christmases."

"I'm in the mood for a comedy," I admit and slowly raise my head to watch the opening credits.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Regina slides effortlessly off the couch and sweeps up my mug along with hers and disappears into the kitchen. My anxious nerves are on high alert from just the idea of being alone with Regina again after last night, but I fight against every instinct to remain calm. Soon she returns with fresh hot chocolates, mine piled high with extra whipped cream and slides back into her seat.

"Thank you," I shyly mutter from the thoughtfulness and hate how my mind immediately wanders back to our divorce.

 _Why can't she be this attentive and sweet at home?_

Regina smiles politely and I watch in awe as she dips her finger into the fluffy white cream. My eyes are glued to the finger, just waiting for her to lick it clean provocatively. My heart starts to pick up it's pace, pounding fiercely in my chest as she raises her dirty finger.

 _That finger always was so talented..._

Before I know it, Regina leans across the couch and slides the melting cream down my nose.

"Hey!"

"For earlier," she muses and then pops her finger into her mouth to wash away the sticky residue.

My nose scrunches up as I set down my drink onto the coffee table. My hands drop to the center cushion while I lean forward into her personal space.

"Clean it," I command.

Regina smiles fully proud of herself, but her eyes are stuck on the television in front of us. She slowly sips her steaming beverage and ignores my instructions completely. So, I lean a little further in, my nose just a hair away from her mouth and breathe in her sweet aroma.

"Lick it," I demand sternly, but she just chuckles under her breath and pretends to watch the holiday flick. "Regina Maria..."

My ex rolls her eyes and reaches out to wipe my nose clean with her index finger. Slowly she pops the sticky mess into her mouth and smiles innocently while her throat hums suggestively. I groan and slowly fall back into my seat. I use my sleeve to clean up the rest and try my best to focus on the movie.

Not even five minutes slip by before Regina shifts her position to face me. She curls up on the couch, tucking her Christmas stocking feet beneath her bottom and smiles softly in my direction.

"I'm so glad I came," she professes while she leans against the back of the couch. "Remember our first Christmas together in Sicily?"

"Yes," I allow my mouth to form into a grin from the distant memory as my eyes fall to stare aimlessly in my mug so I don't become trapped in her hypnotizing eyes. "I was so pregnant," I laugh nervously.

"You were so beautiful," she whispers like the notion was a reflex, causing my head to jerk up to meet her wistful gaze. Her features soften and for the first time in a long time, I actually see her. I see the woman I fell madly in love with eighteen years ago. "You still are."

"Regi-"

"No Emma, except the compliment. You deserve it."

"I-" I exhale slowly and find myself nodding along. "Thank you," I choke out, barely audible for either of us to hear.

"I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel otherwise because Emma I swear you are the most stunning woman I have ever laid eyes on."

My throat instantly constricts and cuts off my oxygen in take, so I scramble to sip my drink hoping that it will open up those airways once again. A burning flush fires rapidly through my veins and I know this hot chocolate has nothing to do with the sudden rising heat in the room.

I quickly set my beverage down and turn to face the woman who means more to me than I know how to deal with. I mirror her position, curling up and leaning against the back of the couch and I sigh heavily.

"I-I don't know what to say," I admit.

"Can we just talk?" She meekly recommends and I find that I can't actually tell her no, so I nod my response in agreement instead. "I'm terrified of the potential love interest in our daughter's life." At this I bark out a laugh and soon Regina is laughing along with me.

"Do you think he's some drama kid?"

"I don't know, all I know is I am terrified for our baby girl. I don't want her pure heart to be tampered with."

"I know," I breathe out and scoot just a tad closer because there's an unsettling sensation creeping up my back and I need Regina's presence to ground me. "But it's inevitable. They are all going to fall in love and they all will endure heartache, one way or another."

"No, they are my babies," she whines and it's the cutest little pout ever. I inch closer. "They need to stay little forever. Do we have more sperm laying around?" I chuckle again and roll my eyes at her adorable antics that she has been keeping hidden away from me for almost ten years now.

"I don't think my body can handle another pregnancy," I chuckle, watching through amused eyes as Regina squirms just a little bit closer.

Those long eyelashes are batting swiftly against her dancing irises. Her entire face is smiling and glowing with adoration and I'm at a complete loss for words. I hold my breath knowing tonight will be the night that I will fall for her all over again.

"You'd be surprised what your body can endure, besides you never had an issue with slimming right back down to your normal weight," she vocalizes with a broad smile and for a moment I actually believe that little tale.

"Far from it," I huff and curl my body tighter into a pretzel. "Are we honestly talking about me being pregnant again?" I question absolutely outraged and perplexed by the idea.

"Indeed we are," her smile morphs into a wicked grin, provoking my hand to reach across the space between us and slap her knee.

"Stop that!" I demand, but the light laugh hidden in the back of my throat sells me out.

She snickers lightly and all too quickly we run out of things to say and fall silent. I can't take my eyes off of hers, she's scanning my face like she can't believe I'm actually here. My own eyes flick across her soft features, finally free from makeup, my favorite Regina style.

"Do you know what the best thing about tonight is?" She whispers, her upper body leaning just a smidge closer into the dimly lit room. I hum in questioning and stare deeply into her glowing eyes. "We're not fighting."

"Haven't we been here before? A time when we stopped the fighting to try again and wound up right back to where we started?" I softly inquire because I don't honestly want to admit that out loud, but it is something that's blaring in my mind and needed to be said.

"I know you think that I'm not trying, and nor should you, but I swear I am," her soft tone wavers recklessly, informing me of all I need to know about just how sincere she's truly being.

Regina hasn't actually been vulnerable since we were wed. Sometime during our marriage and after all the heartache she suffered through from past relationships, she built up a wall. I think after our breakup, before Henry was born, she swore to herself she would never reveal that kind of vulnerability ever again. I swear I haven't seen a drop of remorse until this trip.

My body trembles violently from the thought and I can't seem to control the way my body is reacting toward this conversation. I beg and plead with me body to stop quivering, but it's useless, it's an involuntary spasm from my pain and there's no stopping it now.

"I know you're trying Regina, but-"

Regina shifts even closer, bumping our knees together as she reaches forward and curls her fingers around my bicep. "Emma, you're shaking," she exhales, those enchanting eyes searching my body for some physical sign of trauma thanks to her medical education.

"I'm fine-"

"No, no you're not," she dismisses and wraps her arms around my back for comfort. My mouth pops open to protest the hug, but her chest is so warm and her calming lavender scent is already ebbing away the tremors. "I'm so sorry Emma, I can't tell you enough and I don't know if there's anything I can say or do to fix this, but I swear I'm so so sorry. I know I failed, miserably, but I swear I have always loved you. I vowed to prove my love everyday and I didn't."

"I swore I'd always stand by you and I didn't," I confess while slowly pulling away from her inviting arms. "We both failed." I quickly stand from the couch because there's no way I can relive this heartache so I busy myself with cleaning up our mess.

"Emma," Regina softly pleads for me to look at her just once more, but I can't find it in my heart.

"Let's just call it a night," I suggest and disappear into the kitchen to place our mugs in the sink.

I take a moment in privacy to breathe through my nerves. My body is trembling all over again from the nervous energy coursing through my extremities. I don't know what the hell Regina is trying to accomplish here, but I don't think I can wait around to find out. Half of me wants her to beg for a second chance, but the other part of me just wants her to leave me the hell alone.

I take one last deep breath, shake out my quivering hands and head back out into the living room. Regina has turned off all the lights, the television as well and is now slipping into her boots. We don't utter one word as we lock up and walk back toward our cabin.

We silently step inside our addition and I turn to close and lock the door behind us.

"Uh, where's Sutton?" Regina whispers, inspiring my body to whip around to face the empty bed.

"What the hell?" I snap and quickly fumble out of my boots.

Regina and I pad across the room to examine the empty bed more closely in the pitch black room. The only light is offered by the watery moon spilling through the windows, but it's hardly enough. As we suspected the bed is void of our teenage daughter, so we tip toe into the room that should have been hers with Harper.

Of course, we find Sutton in her own bed fast asleep. For some reason I have a sneaky suspicion that she's not actually sleeping, most likely pretending just like her brunette mother loves to do. I glance over my shoulder and roll my eyes, but Regina is just smiling softly. She rolls her neck, gesturing for us to exit the room and I quickly obey. I gently close the bedroom door and follow Regina back into the room we once shared.

"I can go back to my parent's cabin and sleep on the couch," Regina quietly whispers and treks back toward the door.

My hand immediately reaches for her arm, silently requesting for her to stop. There we stand, in the dark room with my fingers curling around her dainty wrist, staring deeply into one another's eyes with no words left to be spoken. She's patient, waiting for me to process and sort out all my rambling thoughts until I can find the right words to say.

"Stay," is all I can mutter and it comes out hoarse and strangled, but she smiles back at me like I just proposed and again my insides turn to mush for her.

Regina nods once while I drop her wrist and then proceed to retrieve pajamas for the both of us. I keep my eyes focused on the hardwood planks below, counting every groove and indent that makes this wood unique while I strip my clothes away. The air is growing thicker between us and if I'm not mistaken the walls are closing in on us, but I just focus on changing and plead with my eyes to never fall upon her bare flesh as she changes on the other side of the bed.

My heart beats like a drum, a steady but strong hammering while my mind trips over what's about to come. I haven't slept next to Regina in almost ten months now and I'm feeling giddy and nauseous all at the same time.

I gently lift the covers and slip between the cool sheets with Regina mirroring my image. We make sure to keep an elaborate amount of space between us, with our arms pressing into our sides and our eyes glued to the ceiling. Neither one of us dares to move, we hardly even breathe.

Too many memories come tumbling back into my mind from the first night we ever met. We were strangers sharing a bed, but nothing ever felt so right. Now, I find that we are somehow strangers once again, even after eighteen years together, except this time I don't know what's right or wrong.

Just lying this close to the woman I am insanely in love with is causing my body to react in a way that I can't help but feel ashamed from. Energetic butterflies are flapping furiously in the lowest region of my abdomen. Wave after wave of scorching hot lava ripples through my bloodstream. My fingers wiggle, itching to skim across her tender flesh. My heart is pounding furiously, aching to jump right out of my chest to reach for her once again.

Regina slowly turns on her side to face me, but she doesn't say one single word. The world is painfully silent, I swear I can hear the air floating around us. Her gaze is burning a hole right through the side of my face and finally I can't stand the silence any longer.

"What?" I whisper, my eyes still staring at the blank ceiling above me.

Regina exhales slowly and I can only assume she's deciding if she should be open and honest or remain stubborn with her lips sealed.

"I'm really enjoying our time together," she declares, provoking my muscles to constrict painfully. I remain as still and flat against the bed as possible as I struggle to breathe from her admission. "Emma," it's almost a whine and her body scoots just a tad closer. I hold my breath. "I miss you so much." She swallows, her gulp is so loud that it rings like an echo in my ear.

I slowly turn on my side, against my better judgement and gaze into those loving eyes. It's too dark to make out the color, but I know they are pulsating with adoration just for me. Neither one of us says a word as we just stare deeply into each other's eyes, breathing each other in. The moment her eyes flutter closed, I find the courage to speak my mind.

"I miss you," I breathe, my eyes instantly glossing over from the words I've kept locked up tight in my heart.

"I know you don't believe me, but I'm yours to keep."

"Talk is cheap."

Regina timidly slides one hand across my cheek. Her hand trembles slightly as her thumb sweeps across my flesh and she leans in and I don't stop her. Her succulent lips delicately capture mine in the most tender kiss I think we have ever shared. My breath catches in my throat as we remain perfectly still, just our lips resting against each other's, because she is just as unsure as I am.

My body quivers from the small connection. Regina laces her fingers through my long tangled locks before she pulls me in closer and I sigh against her lips. The delicious sound of our lips breaking apart, cracks through the night, but she's already pushing forward to kiss me again.

My mouth parts painstakingly slowly against hers, allowing her to claim my mouth for old times sake. Her talented velvety tongue tentatively dips into my mouth and brushes against mine, creating two deep moans to pull from our chests. I'm not even ashamed because she clearly is feeling as much as I am in the moment and frankly I just want more.

It's been almost a year since I've kissed her, since we've made love. I haven't been with another person in all that time and my body is craving some kind of affection, no matter who it's from, but I'm so relieved it's her.

Ice cold tingles prickle just below my skin, generating shivers to run wildly up and down my body. I squirm closer, pressing my body up against hers. I absorb and relish in the thick heat pulsating around her body as we reconnect. My hand travels between us, burying itself beneath her thick tresses and gripping tightly onto the nape of her neck.

I pull Regina in closer, waiting for the sexy little whimper she always makes when I take control and my body shudders when I hear that sultry sound once again. My hips buck involuntarily and my clit is already throbbing greedily with pure need. Regina inhales sharply and presses her hot center against mine, just before she breaks the kiss.

"Em," she mumbles as her lips drift apart from mine causing my heart to sink because fuck I already miss her. "I'm serious, I miss you so much and I-I just..."

I cut her off with my lips crushing against hers and my fingers pressing further down into her soft flesh. I become raw and animalistic as my tongue dives into her mouth to reassure my mind that this isn't some dream or fantasy, she's actually here.

"Emma..." I suck her bottom lip into my mouth and bite down just a tad to awaken her sexual desires. "Please," she whimpers against my mouth, causing me to slowly release her lip.

"Please don't talk, just be here with me in this moment," I implore. Regina doesn't skip a beat, she stretches forward and feverishly kisses me once again.

I push right back, fighting for dominance and to ensure her that I am in control of this night. Without a moment of hesitation I roll on top of Regina, burying my fingers even deeper into the back of her neck and kissing her with every bit of fiery passion I have left in my soul. We become so caught up in the moment that we are strictly tongues, teeth and little gasps that send my hips rocking.

Every time I dip my tongue into her mouth I thrust my hips forward against her core. The air between us is already thick and sticky from our desperate need and has my mind swirling out of control. My free hand slips between our bodies and gropes her perfect little breast, forcing her head to slam back into the pillow while she moans erotically.

My clit throbs painfully from being forced to listen to all her sultry sounds and I find myself rocking even harder against her. Regina grows stiff beneath me, her hands slipping between our bodies and clutching my face painfully tight. I still on top of her as her warm eyes meet mine because I know she's asking me to stop. We are both panting heavily from the lust burning in our lungs, but I maintain eye contact, never shying away.

"Slow down Emma, I'm not going anywhere," she breathes heavily, the rich aroma of chocolate still coating her breath. I swallow thickly because too many insecurities are trying to crawl their way to the forefront of my mind. "I love you, Emma."

My nose tingles, my eyes water and I have to force myself to swallow down my tears and emotions. "I-I love you too," I admit against my own freewill.

 _Take it easy, with me please..._

Regina smiles lovingly and just like that I'm melting against her, our bodies modeling together as one like so many years ago. I smile in return and sigh heavily before resting my forehead against hers.

 _Touch me gently, like a summer evening breeze..._

Her warm fingertips slip beneath my tank top and glide effortlessly up my back. I shudder and squirm from her tantalizing touch but she never falters. Slowly, Regina lifts my shirt up and over my head, tossing the material aimlessly across the room. She smiles mischievously as her fingers continue to roam across my flesh, becoming reacquainted with every beauty mark, every dip in my spine and ribs along the way.

 _Take your time, make it slow..._

My nose nudges against hers persuading her lips to kiss me once again. She sighs through a content smile as her pillowy soft lips connect with mine again.

 _Andante, Andante, and just let the feeling grow..._

My body trembles against hers and I release a heavy breath into our kiss. Her soft fingertips press further into my back to hold me into place and let me know that she's right here with me. I slowly part her lips with mine and slide my tongue against hers, creating a new wave of arousal to spark through my extremities.

 _Make your fingers soft and light, let your body be the velvety of the night..._

My thumb sweeps across her warm cheek as we explore and become familiar with deep sensual kisses all over again. Gently, I pull her up from the pillow and straddle her hips. I gaze into her enchanting eyes and fully commit to being spellbound from her intense stare. I smile down upon her as she peers up at me with love. My thumb caresses her cheek before I cautiously lean in and place a small peck to her lips.

 _Touch my soul, you know how..._

At a snail like pace, I find the hem of her shirt and carefully lift the material over her tiny frame. Her raven hair sways from side to side as I drop her shirt somewhere off the bed. Her fingers glide soothingly up my bare back while I tread my fingers on either side of her face. I hover above her lips, our breath meeting halfway and tangling together like our limbs will be soon.

 _There's a shimmer in your eyes, like the feeling of a thousand butterflies..._

"Emma," she pants my name with her arousal evident in her tone and I fall forward, capturing her lips as I lay her back down.

 _Please don't talk, go on play..._

Regina moans softly into our kiss persuading my hips to rock timidly against hers. I slip slowly away from her desirable mouth and trickle down her prominent jawline. Her head falls back deeper into the pillow granting me better access to her neck. I skim my lips over her heated flesh, never truly kissing, but I never make it passed her collarbone before she turns the table and I am on my back.

She balances on one fist as her index finger travels down the valley of my breasts, exploring the old familiar path that she neglected for far too long. I watch through hooded eyes as that finger descends lower and lower...

 _And watch me float away..._

Goosebumps follow her tantalizing finger creating a hot tidal wave to wash over my body and drown out my thoughts. Regina lowers herself down to lightly peck my heaving chest and on instinct I slither my fingers in her tussled hair and hold her close. There's no denying how much I am wanting this when her face is this close to my beating heart. I close my eyes and allow my other senses to take over.

Her silky lips press a kiss between my bare breasts and linger, she doesn't pull away, increasing my heart rate even more. The damn organ pounds viciously beneath her lips, especially when she murmurs another, _I love you._

My lips part and release a shaky breath as she moves on, traveling further down my body with wet opened mouthed kisses that tingle and spark every nerve ending along the way. My grip tightens in her hair when she stops just above my waistband. She's completely still so I pop my eyes open to question her motives. Those big brown eyes are peering up at me, questioning if this is all okay, so I nod, encouraging her to remove my pajama bottoms.

I slowly lift my hips off the mattress to help her free me from the one thing that's separating our flesh from rubbing together. Regina continues to pepper my hips with loving kisses as she removes my bottoms and I could care less where they end up.

Regina falls back to her heels and takes a moment to really study my naked body. I squirm and wiggle under the scrutiny, every scar, every insecurity about my weight feeling like it's rising under her hot gaze. However, she clasps onto my ankles and slowly slides her hands up my legs, smiling like she's never seen me naked before and eliminating all those horrifying thoughts.

I observe through lust filled eyes as her dark tresses fall forward and cover her face. She slides further down the bed and places a small kiss to my ankle, slowly her head drifts toward my other leg and repeats this action. I swallow as I watch her eyes drift closed and she plants kiss after loving kiss up my leg while her hand runs tenderly over my other leg.

When she stumbles upon my knee, she lightly scrapes her teeth just above the bone causing me to shudder. Her lips curl into a smile against my flesh as she proceeds to pepper my thigh with more kisses. Her right hand grips my hip firmly as her lips ghost over my bikini line and then she stops in the middle. She leans down and cautiously kisses the sliver of a scar, knowing how sensitive the area is.

"I love this scar the most," she confesses, producing a whimper to rattle in the back of my throat.

Her wet tongue pokes out between her full lips to have a taste of my skin once again, but much to my disappointment she travels up instead of down. I try to mask my dismay, but she still hears my whine of protest and smiles against my lower abdomen.

Her tongue licks a path up my stomach and happily lands below my heavy breasts. My nipples are already stretching and pleading for her mouth and this time she doesn't let me down. Her left hand cups one full breast while her mouth sucks my perky pink flesh into her mouth. Instinctively my hand snatches a fistful of hair while a moan escapes my mouth. My hips sway, seeking friction to calm the pulsating ache, but she's too far away.

Her tongue eagerly swirls around the hardening bud while her hand gropes my other mound possessively. There's nothing hotter than Regina claiming me as hers, I turn to putty in her hands when she becomes possessive and hungry for my body.

Her hand continues to cup and squeeze but her mouth leaves my nipple, allowing the cool air to tickle against the wet patch. She places meaningful kisses across my chest and up my neck until she finds my lips.

"I love you Emma," she vows again into the kiss and slinks back down my body.

It's hair-pulling-out frustrating as she takes her time to worship my body. Deliberately kissing every inch of my flesh to prove her point that this just isn't some stupid mistake or desperate moment. Each kiss is promising to be better, each breath is a vow for a better tomorrow and my mind is spinning viciously out of control.

 _Andante, Andante tread lightly on my ground..._

I examine every single strand as it sweeps down my pale skin, contrasting beautifully because we have always been perfectly opposite. She untangles my fingers from her hair and slowly kisses my palm, then my wrist before she concentrates on my hip bone. She sucks the thin flesh into her mouth, determined to paint my flesh with her marking and I know she needs to see the purple stain as much as I do. If we only have this one night, we need to visibly see that we belong to each other in this moment. It's just us.

So, Regina scrapes her teeth, sucks my skin, bites my flesh until I am painted in ownership and writhing uncontrollably beneath her touch. I smirk to no one but myself and watch as she drops down to where I need her most. A single kiss that's more powerful than any orgasm is carefully placed against my slit before we surrender completely to one another.

Her hot breath connects with my thick arousal sending glorious shivers to tickle just below my skin. I sigh heavily, swimming my fingers once again through a pool of her locks. My eyes never leave the spot between my legs where I watch intently as her flawless face connects with my hopeless center.

I could be completely imagining the image before me but I swear Regina nuzzles her warm mouth against my entrance before her tongue teasingly swipes through my folds.

"Oh god," breathlessly escapes my mouth without truly processing in my mind.

Regina hums in appreciation as her tongue gathers up all the wetness coating my aching center causing me to grip her hair even tighter. She takes her time, memorizing my taste while her tongue just simply licks up and down my folds, never once entering or passing over my clit. Every swipe is tentative and almost shy and it's driving me mad, turning me on more than I ever thought possible.

I thrust my hips forward, silently requesting for more of that talented tongue because I know damn well what she is capable of. Her left hand sneaks between my legs and grips my hip, digging her nails divinely into my flesh, marking me once again. My bottom lifts off the mattress seeking more and I'm soon rewarded with that warm muscle diving straight into my center.

"Oh fuck," I croak out, holding my breath from her exquisite expertise.

I almost feel like I'm out of breath as the tip of her tongue swirls all around my silky walls, making herself at home once again. I release a deep shudder from the thought alone and instinctively praise her by raking my fingers through her hair. She immediately moans deep inside of me from my touch alone and I find myself echoing her dirty sound.

She curls her tongue in all the right ways, blurring my vision and forcing my eyes to slam shut even though I so desperately never want to take my eyes off her. Her nose nuzzles against my clit as she pushes even further, sending me inching up the bed.

"Fuck," my gut quakes with frantic butterflies and another wave of chills wracks my body viciously.

Regina's hand slips away from my hip and down my thigh, sliding around until she's pushing my leg up toward my chest. She forces my other leg up and I settle with hooking my legs over her shoulders. She moans again and the sound is so dirty, so erotic, I find myself dancing on the edge of my orgasm already.

She's relentless, devouring my slick center like she's starving for my essences. My chest is heaving murderously and I'm gasping for air as my intestines coil tightly. Her warm hands slither up the backs of my thighs and pushes even more so she can bury herself deep inside of me.

"Regina," I moan as I'm being spread wide open for her dirty little tongue.

My fingers push her head in even further as my hips move to their own accord, finding the perfect rhythm to fuck her face. A burning flush erupts through my blood, creating a sheen of sweat across my entire body. My mind spins, we both pick up the pace and I know I'm falling. I'm tumbling over the edge yet reaching my highest heights as I release into her mouth.

I fumble quickly for the pillow beside my head and throw it hazardously over my face so I can scream through my Earth quaking orgasm. My legs tremble and I'm somewhat aware that I'm suspended in mid air as pure ecstasy wraps heavenly around every inch of my body.

Finally, my bottom drops to the mattress while I gasp for air beneath the pillow. I feel the way the bed dips around me and I know Regina is crawling over my sweaty body. Ice cold air stings my face as this brunette bombshell steals away the pillow and gently places it beside me. She leans down and timidly kisses my lips like she's still unsure where we landed.

My fingertips firmly press into her back and absorb her warm touch as I travel up her body. I hold her close, still terrified that she might slip away while she kisses me with nothing but tender love. She slowly rocks her hips, matching her tempo with the way she's kissing me and I'm utterly lost in a sensational world I don't recognize.

My right hand tickles down her back, creating an adorable giggle to fall into my mouth while she squirms beneath my playful touch. We both smile into our kiss but never once break apart our lips. I slip my right hand between our bodies, already wheeling from the sticky heat pulsating from her smooth center. My middle finger timidly grazes between her soaked center and we both moan together.

I've missed her so much and I can't waste another second. I easily snake my middle finger deep inside her and tremble when I hear the raspy gasp pour out of her mouth like she's been holding her breath this entire time. I wiggle my single digit to stretch her silky walls and smile when she looses focus and forgets to kiss me back.

"God, Emma," she breathes against my lips, her forehead falling to rest against mine.

A second wind hits me and encourages me to continue, so I slither another finger deep inside and revel in the way her walls clench deliciously around my fingers. Slowly, I corkscrew my digits and listen for that sexy deep moan. I proceed to thrust at a steady pace, breathing in her familiar scent that sends my heart soaring.

Regina has always been so receptive and a firecracker in bed, even if she sometimes struggles to find her release, but that has never stood in my way and for some reason tonight I don't think we will find ourselves in that predicament. Her hips grind in the most seductive manner, popping her full bottom that I itch to sink my teeth into.

"Fuck you're so hot," I groan through our heavy panting and gasps for breath. My nose nudges against hers again, demanding that she kisses me and she obeys instantly.

We both inhale sharply and hold our breaths as we slam our lips together like this is our last breath of fresh air. My short nails drag down to the middle of her back where I dig in deep while she continues to fuck my fingers wildly.

The back of my hand rubs over my clit in all the right ways with every motion she grinds down on my fingers. Her moans are growing reckless and higher in pitch than I've ever heard her voice climb before.

"We have to be quiet," I whisper against her kiss swollen lips.

"I-I..." she shakes her head and vigorously slams her mouth against mine once again.

I quickly fumble my left hand between us and clasp my hand firmly over her wet mouth. I groan when I feel her moans and screams vibrating against my palm, creating a new wave of arousal to shock my throbbing clit. My hand clenches even tighter around her mouth and that's the moment she screams and stiffens on top of me. Her hips thrust one more time, rough, yet slow and so fucking sexy.

My hand falls away from her mouth so I can kiss her one more time. My fingers tread through her damp hair and hold her face into place while I kiss her, pouring all my love into that one action. I hastily retract my fingers so I can use both hands to kiss her with everything I have.

I don't actually know what's come over me, but I don't want this night to end. I quickly roll her onto her back, loving the way we both laugh into our kiss. I'm already dancing my way toward another orgasm from just listening to her raspy voice moan and scream incoherently. So, I grind down hard against her sensitive bundle of nerves and focus on bringing both of us into another mind blowing orgasm.

Her hands are everywhere, clawing at my back, digging into my ass, pushing me closer and burying deep into my hair. I snake one hand beneath her neck and hold on for dear life as we passionately kiss.

My lower abdomen is already clenching painfully tight, pleading on its hands and knees for my next orgasm. My mouth slips away from hers, releasing a deep moan from the gorgeous woman below me. My teeth latch onto her salty neck and suck the tender flesh into my mouth.

"Oh my god," she belts out far too loudly provoking me to clasp my hand over her mouth yet again.

"Are you gonna cum," I moan hotly into her neck, completely enthralled with the way she nods her head vigorously since my hand is obstructing her voice. "Good, cum for me," I demand because I know I'm on the edge and can't wait to release together.

This beautiful woman screams out a hearty moan into my palm before she bites down and sends me crashing over the edge. "Oh god Regina," I groan, biting down on her neck.

We both slump in defeat, breathing far too heavily as we struggle for our next breaths. I summon all my energy to lift slightly off her body. I brush her damp tresses away from her forehead and gently kiss her lips before rolling off her spent body.

"Don't go," she whines catching me totally off guard.

Regina flips to her side and pulls me flush against her sticky skin. "I'm not going anywhere," I pout, dipping down to seal my words with a gentle kiss.

She sighs heavily and snuggles in close, wrapping her limbs all around my body. Both of us too worn out to formulate any other words, leaving everything left unspoken as we drift off to sleep.

 _Andante, Andante, oh please don't let me down..._


	17. Chapter Seventeen

" _Momma," Henry's tiny little whisper resonates somewhere in the back of my mind, but I'm far too lazy to peel my eyelids apart._

 _"Henry?" Regina's raspy morning voice cracks through the air, only inspiring me to tighten my arms around her midsection._

 _"Momma, it's Christmas!" He squeals but still maintains a soft whisper._

 _My wife chuckles and lifts the comforter, silently requesting for our oldest to join us in bed. I peek through one sleepy eye and watch as Henry scampers up onto our bed, cuddling in close against Regina's chest. I slowly pull out my arm and run my fingers through his messy hair while my lips stretch forward to kiss the back of my wife's head._

 _"How long do we have to lay here? I think I was really good this year so there should be a lot from Santa!"_

 _Regina and I both lazily chuckle under our breaths and squeeze our son even tighter. "Just a few more minutes kid, your siblings aren't even up yet," I note and squirm even closer into Regina's warm back._

 _The distinct sounds of little pitter patter fills the air, the rubber footie pajamas sneaking across the plush carpet in the hall._

 _"Hide," Henry whispers and tosses the comforter over our heads. "Ssshhhh," he dramatically scolds Regina and I as we snicker under the blanket._

 _"Momma? Mommy?" Sutton calls out and I can just imagine both three year olds lingering in the door, confused on where their mother's whereabouts are._

 _It doesn't take long before the bed dips near our feet and both girls are climbing onto our bed. Henry squirms like he can hide even further into the bed from his sisters and I have to bury my face in Regina's back to keep from laughing._

 _Sutton and Harper are all pointy elbows and sharp knees as they climb hazardously on top of our bodies, producing small grunts from Regina and I. "Momma! Mommy!" Sutton squeals as she rips the comforter from our faces. "Henry!"_

 _"Aww man, you found me," he laughs, opening his arms wide so he can hug his little sisters._

 _Both girls jump on top of their brother and squeeze him impossibly tight. That's the moment a high pitch scream echoes through the morning air._

 _"Mommy, Noah's up," Sutton sweetly informs me._

 _"Thank you sweetie," I laugh and toss the blanket off my body._

 _"Come here my babies," Regina softly coos with open arms, encouraging Harper to cuddle on top of her chest and Sutton to huddle into Regina's other side._

 _I climb out of bed and take a moment to memorize the way Regina's eyes are peacefully closed with a sappy grin embedded into her lips. Harper is snuggled upon her chest, with Henry tucked into one side and Sutton on the other, all cute and cozy in Christmas pajamas, while Regina runs her fingers through their hair. My heart swells, my body flushes and I'm reminded how madly in love I truly am._

 _I sigh happily and exit our room to scoop up our infant. "Good morning bud," I whisper, reaching into the crib to gently lift our four month old._

 _Noah wiggles and whimpers until I cuddle him in close to my chest. He peers up at me, wide eyed and excited while I lean down to kiss his tiny button nose. I rock my baby side to side as I stroll back into my bedroom._

 _Henry is speaking animatedly about Santa when I crawl back into bed and place Noah upon my chest. Regina's hand reaches out to soothingly rub against Noah's back while I lean my head against her shoulder._

 _"Mommy, we open presents now?" Sutton curiously questions, squished between Regina and I._

 _"Just a few more minutes," Regina whispers and leans down to kiss the top of Sutton's head. "Mommies love to cuddle with you guys like this."_

XXXXXXXXX 

A warm sensation tickles against my chest. I groan inwardly and attempt to stretch out my lazily limbs. However, there's an extra added weight to my legs and my shoulder and a stiffness I'm not truly accustomed to. I inhale sharply, my senses greeted by a familiar scent of lavender and...sex. Reluctantly, I pry my eyes open to discover unruly raven tangles everywhere, attempting to suffocate me in my sleep.

The entire night with Regina comes flooding back to me, forcing too many emotions to wash over me. My body flushes from feeling embarrassed, excited, ashamed, hopeful, regretful and ecstatic all at the same time. Although, her warmth, her touch, her scent is all too soothing so instead of worrying myself into a frenzy, I wrap my arms around her and tug her in even closer.

A soft hum stirs in her throat and rattles heavenly against my chest. I smile to myself and without another thought place a delicate kiss in those wild locks. Regina slowly stretches, pressing her core against my hip in the most suggestive and provocative way creating a zap of electricity to spark against my sensitive bundle of nerves. That is always how she woke up when we first started out.

I hum in response and squeeze her one more time while her fingers find their way beneath my tank top so she can draw random patterns against my flesh.

"We have to be care-"

I'm immediately cut off by an obnoxiously loud throat clearing. My eyes spring to life knowing damn well that wasn't Regina and we both scatter apart from each other's arms as through someone lit a match and set this mattress on fire.

We both scrabble for the comforter to pull higher to cover our bodies, even though we woke up sometime in the middle of the night and dressed ourselves so we weren't found naked this morning.

"You two look comfy," Sutton smugly insinuates while she stands tall with her arms folded across her chest.

My eyes bounce between each child, all four standing in the same overly confident position at the foot of the bed. My eyes double in size while all the blood drains from my face and I scrape the bottom of the barrel in my mind for words but come up empty.

"Wipe those smirks off your faces," Regina strictly orders, but there seems to be a lack of authority in her tone this morning and I'm fairly confident I fucked the chip off her shoulder.

I clear my throat and attempt to defend my ex in this horrific turn of events. "It's not what you think..." _it's_ _exactly what they think_ , "our bodies kinda just drifted next to each other in our sleep. I mean eighteen years sleeping next to one another," I scoff and express my most nonchalant attitude, "it was our subconscious."

"Habit," Regina adds on while I nod vigorously. "Don't you four look adorable with your matching pajama bottoms?" Regina quickly changes the subject, but I know she is actually admiring their red and green flannel pants.

"Mom, made us wear them," Henry groans completely dissatisfied and drops his arms from their folded position.

"Where are the tops?" I pointedly question.

"You're lucky we are wearing the bottoms," Sutton dryly replies.

"You're lucky I didn't make you guys wear Christmas footed pajamas," I retort and narrow my eyes.

"What's wrong with them? They're comfy," Noah absentmindedly rebuttals as his hands admire the soft fabric.

"Nothing," I firmly demand. "Your siblings are just being brats. Christmas is more fun this way. Oh and don't forget your socks today," I enthusiastically remind them and luckily they don't fight me on the Christmas socks.

"So are we done with the interrogation," Harper confidently remarks, "because I'm not thoroughly convinced that you had no idea you both were cuddling this morning."

My eyes crawl toward Regina leaning against the headboard, all I have to do is flash her this look and she nods slowly. We both scramble across the bed and hastily snatch up our daughters' arms, tugging them fiercely into the bed with us. Harper and Sutton both squeal but not once do either of them protest the attack.

Noah instantly climbs onto the bed and jumps on top of Sutton and I while Henry just watches from the sidelines, far too old to play along. Regina and I pull the girls down into the bed with Noah tagging along behind them.

"Merry Christmas," I cheerfully acknowledge and kiss each one of my children on their foreheads. Regina repeats my action as the children happily repeat _Merry Christmas_ as well. My eyes flick toward my son who is watching us with his arms folded again. "Come join us, kid."

"Nah I'm good."

"No you're not," Regina rejects the claim and reaches out for our oldest. "This will probably be the last time our family will ever cuddle in bed together. You're going off to college soon." Henry eyes her carefully and I swear I can see the wheels turning in his mind. I'm sure on one hand he's embarrassed and thinks he's too old, but I really think deep down he misses these family moments. He always was so lovable. "Fine, indulge your mothers," Regina deadpans stretching even further for our son to take her hand.

Henry sighs, his arms falling to his sides and reluctantly climbing onto the bed. He finds his way next to Regina and lays stiffly beside her. Regina quickly pulls him into a hug and kisses his forehead, her lips lingering for just an extra second to breathe in this moment. Her eyes flutter closed and she sighs heavily, soaking up every minute as we lay here as a family.

"See isn't this nice," I softly reply and snuggle our family closer together.

"It wouldn't be Christmas if we didn't all pile into one bed," Regina comments as her eyes drift above Harper's head to meet mine.

Our eyes connect instantly, both shining bright and still dancing from the activities we shared last night. I'm uncertain what the future holds for us, but right now, in this moment, none of that matters. She smiles softly, persuading my lips to curl into a loving grin as well and together we memorize this special moment.

XXXXXXXXX 

After a breakfast straight out of the movies with every morning dish available thanks to Cora, we trudged into the living room to open presents. Cora and her husband are nestled tightly together sipping their coffees while Regina and I are on the opposite sides of the couch sipping our second cups as well. We seem to both be exhausted from staying up so late and maybe from all the exercise we accomplished. I smirk to myself and shake my head as the kids sit down on the floor in front of the brightly lit tree.

Again, soft Christmas music is swimming through the air and all the lights are glowing every vibrant color. I was dreading this holiday season, but now I know it couldn't have turned out better. I'm dancing on cloud nine and can't seem to wipe this stupid smirk off my face.

"How did everyone sleep?" Cora asks while Noah passes out the presents.

"I'm sure some of us slept better than others," Sutton offers over her shoulder and glances over at Regina and I.

"And what is that suppose to mean?" My mother in law muses with a cocky grin playing at her lips.

"Hey!" I glare at my daughter. "You're the one that wasn't in my bed last night."

"I missed my bed."

"Liar," I snip back at her proud smile, but never once does my tone phase her. "You didn't really give us an option.

"What are you two gabbing on about?" Cora exasperates and I'm not sure if it's for show or she truly is lost in this conversation.

"Nothing," Regina and I both hastily reply, but Sutton is already opening her big mouth and ratting us out.

"Moms slept together last night."

"What?!" Regina and I both shriek in unison. My heart hammers painfully in my chest as Hell's fiery flames ignite through my body and I break out into a sweat.

"I slept in my room with Harper, so they were forced to sleep in the same bed," Sutton clarifies causing me to sigh in relief. Maybe that's all she thinks happened.

I feel two sets of eyes weighing down on my soul so I snap my attention to my in laws, who are both wearing smug, knowing smirks. I shake my head at them, but they both just widen their grins and I have to quickly turn away before another blush sets up camp upon my cheeks.

"It was nothing," Regina dismissively replies, coming to my rescue before she turns her attention on the children. "Alright, let's start," she happily encourages our children to rip through their gifts.

"I don't get anything from you guys?" Henry harshly questions when he notices only one gift in front of him from his grandparents.

"You're too old for presents kid," I snap right back, but Regina's sideways glance is enough for me to zip my mouth shut.

"Of course we have something for you honey," Regina softly responds as she reaches in between us and offers the small red and green striped box.

Our son's dark green eyes shift curiously between Regina and I before he slowly reaches for the box. I smile softly as he finally accepts the gift, knowing how excited he's going to be. Henry cautiously unwraps the shiny paper like maybe this is some sort of sick joke and pulls out the small box.

He glances in our direction one last time, Regina nodding toward the present for him to keep going. He nervously peels the lid away and I swear his face lights up like a white beam of light just erupted from the package. His fingers fumble quickly to pull out the Sicilian keychain with the small black key attached.

"A car key...a new car? This doesn't look old or used," he rambles, expressing just how much of my genes he did inherit.

"It's a new key honey," Regina softly replies through a broad grin. "Now don't get too excited, we did use some of your savings for this car..."

"Hardly Regina," I roll my eyes at the notion knowing we barely touched anything, but Regina wanted to make sure he felt like all his saving contributed in a positive way, instead of just handing over a brand new car.

"Moms, this is..."

"It's for school. We want you to come home and visit as much as possible," I demand.

"Moms I haven't even picked what school yet."

"But you will soon and we want you to be safe," Regina acknowledges through a watery smile and honestly I feel my own emotions building up just thinking about my baby boy off at college.

"This is awesome, thank you. Thank you so much," Henry gushes as he scrambles across the floor to envelop both of us into his arms.

He's so big now that he easily wraps one arm around Regina and one around myself. We both rest our chins upon his shoulder and hug him back, eyeing each other the entire time. Pride, contentment, love, excitement, fear, all feelings we endure about our son departing for college, but we know we raised him well and he will be just fine.

The children continue to open their presents, Noah overflowing with video games and the girls both over the moon with new phones. Cora and Henry even open their gift from Regina and I and are elated with the plane tickets for their visit in June for Henry's graduation.

While everyone seems to be enveloped with their gifts, I slip into the kitchen to refill my coffee as well as Regina's. As I'm pouring the second cup, I feel warm hands slide around my waist, inspiring me to spin around and beam with excitement.

"Merry Christmas," I whisper, sliding my hands over her soft cheeks and pulling her into a slow kiss. She immediately slumps against me, sighing in relief as she kisses me back with nothing but love.

"Merry Christmas," she whispers into our kiss while her fingers play with the ends of my long hair. Her fingers wrap my strands all around her flesh and I wonder if she realizes she's even doing it or if it's habit.

I gently break apart our kiss, but I peck those succulent full lips just once more. "Like I was trying to say earlier, we need to be careful," I explain as I try to move back, but then I realize I'm trapped between her and the counter.

"I know," she pecks my lips just once more and sadly steps back. "We need to figure out what we are doing before the children find out."

"Exactly, we can't string them along just to break up our home again if this doesn't work out."

"Right," Regina firmly agrees, but her pout clenches my thumping heart.

I don't even think, I just bury my fingers into her dark locks and pull her into a searing kiss that takes me so high, I fear I may never come back down. My thumb absentmindedly caresses her cheek while her fingers curl around my wrist.

"I still love you," I confess, breaking apart the kiss yet again and resting my forehead against hers.

"I love you to Emma," she breathes with her eyes peacefully closed. Even though I'm kicking myself, I untangle myself from her warm gentle touch and turn around to offer her the coffee I made. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, we should probably get back out there before there's more speculations and sideway glances," I muse.

We barely make it passed the threshold before we stumble into Cora. "Back into the kitchen," she coldly commands, forcing Regina and I to shuffle backwards. "What happened last night?"

"Nothing," we both exclaim in unison but our high pitched tone and whine don't help our declaration.

"Bull," Cora retorts, crossing her arms firmly across her chest. "You both are giddy and seem to be floating around like some silly Disney princess all morning." She squints her eyes at me and instantly my cheeks flare up. She hums softly to herself as her eyes dart toward Regina, she squints again. Her hand slowly rises between us and carefully swipes against Regina's neck. "What's this?"

"Nothing," Regina instantly replies, but her hand moves far too quickly to cover up this, nothing. "You didn't," she hisses under her breath, even though her mother is standing right there.

"I didn't."

"She didn't," Cora smugly replies and pats her daughter's cheek, "but you _did_ just give yourself away my darling." She retracts her hand and grins like that mischievous Cheshire Cat. "So, what does this mean?"

"Mother please."

"Cora please don't say anything right now, we need to figure out what we are going to do before we go shouting this from the rooftops."

"We don't want to hurt our children again," Regina sadly adds on.

"Besides we have a lot we still need to work out," I explain.

"Good," Cora firmly states with a curt head nod. She brushes between us and begins fixing herself another cup of coffee. "You two should work on your relationship and take your time. Don't just rush things now that you two slept together."

"Uh, thanks," I reply because I really don't want to discuss my sex life yet again with this woman.

"Alright my dears, let's get ready. Marco and Augusto should be here soon," she concludes without another word on mine and Regina's relationship.

 _Thankfully_.

XXXXXXXXX 

"Hold on, he's helping Henry bring in some firewood," I explain to three wide grins, all trying to squish their faces into the screen.

Since our family wouldn't be around for the holiday's, Neal and Tamara invited my father over for Christmas this year. My father and Neal have always been very close so I had assumed from the beginning of planning this trip that my dad wouldn't be alone this year for Christmas.

"Regina, I'm so glad you were able to take sometime away from the office and spend Christmas with your family," my father graciously praises my ex who is sitting beside me, pretending to be busy with Harper's hair and not at all interested in me.

"Thank you so much, David. I've had a wonderful week," she conquers and smiles sweetly, before Henry grasps her attention. "Henry your father is on the phone," she informs our son.

"Oh great," he mutters mostly to himself before he hazardously plops down next to me on the couch. "Hey dad, granps, Tamara, Merry Christmas," he breathes, clouding my senses from the bitter cold air still clinging to him from the holiday weather just out front.

"Merry Christmas!" They all cheer in unison with wide toothy grins sure to split their faces in half.

"How's your vacation going?" His stepmother inquires, leaning a little further into the screen for his response.

"Great, thanks," Henry rubs his free hand furiously against his jeans to warm himself up, but still maintains a bright smile. "I'll come visit when we come back, I promise."

"Good kid, I miss ya," Neal chuckles and nervously scratches his tiny goatee. "Hey let me say hi to your siblings," he requests while Henry nods along and flips the camera onto his sisters. "Hey! Merry Christmas girls!"

"Merry Christmas," our daughters sing song happily, sitting on the ground and waving at the screen.

"Where's Noah?" My father inquires, his soft blue eyes scanning our living room.

"He's probably sneaking dessert again," I roll my eyes, but laugh anyways because it's Christmas and nothing can damper my mood right now. "Noah," I bellow through the cabin, "Neal and your grandpa want to say Merry Christmas!"

Instantly we hear our son's heavy footsteps pad across the wooden floorboards before he jumps onto the couch beside me, sticking his face into the screen.

"Merry Christmas," he mutters around some treat he shoved into his mouth before making his appearance.

"Hey bud," Neal beams at the little boy who resembles him more than any of the other children. "Merry Christmas and hey you might wanna finish that cannoli before you spit half of it out when you talk," he jokes with a permanent smile embedded into his cheeks.

He was always so good with all the children, even if we didn't share custody. He never once was bitter and happily accepted the terms before ever handing over his contributions. It made mine and Regina's life so much easier and that's why we have always remained such great friends over the years.

Noah giggles and shakes his head before turning his attention to the other people on the screen. "Hi Tamara, hi grandpa!" Noah hardly waits for their cheerful greeting back before he is scurrying off toward the kitchen again.

The front door bursts open, sending the sharp bitter cold air to blow angrily through the doorway. "Buon Natale!" Marco and Augusto cheer as they stumble over the threshold.

"Buon Natale!" Our whole family repeats Merry Christmas in Italian and smile at the father son duo.

"Hey Neal, we are about to have dinner now. So, Merry Christmas and we all love you guys!" I enthuse, while everyone around me shouts the same goodbyes.

After I hang up the phone, we all stand up to greet our friends in welcoming hugs and kisses. My father in law pours three glasses of scotch on the rocks for himself and his guests while Cora pours some wine for herself, Regina and I. We all gather around the dining room table, enthusiastically decorated with a red table cloth and Cora's most expensive China.

Regina and I sneak off into the kitchen to help Cora serve the dishes and make sure everything is on the table and ready to go for our family meal. When I notice Cora is lagging behind, I take this opportunity to sneak up behind Regina at the counter.

"Hi," I softly whisper, startling her just the slightest, but she excitedly turns around.

"Hey," she mumbles, draping her arms over my shoulders and leaning in for a kiss.

I only allow her lips to brush against mine before I hastily pull away. "We shouldn't, I don't want us to get caught," I confess, but she's already tugging me closer with force and I'm melting into her warm familiar touch.

"Ssshhhh," she coos and eagerly steals another kiss that promises she's been dreaming of my lips all day. I'm tumbling down this never ending hill and I don't truly believe I will ever stop when she kisses me with such determination. "I miss you," she moans into our kiss, producing hot sparks to prickle just below my skin and sending every hair on my body to bolt upright. I smile into the kiss and bend her back, deepening the kiss even more, despite the lack of tongue action. "Do you think we can trick Sutton into sleeping in her own bed again tonight?"

I groan against her lipstick stained mouth and deflate against her body. "God I hope so," I exhale slowly and rest my forehead against hers before straightening her back up and taking a step back. "Need help?" I question with my eyes glancing at the dishes in front of her.

"Sure, the mashed potato tray is hot so use a towel," she instructs before swiftly lifting her dish of green beans and heading out into the dining room with me following closely behind.

We carefully set down the last dishes and claim our regular seats, always beside each other.

"Now that we are all settled, Marco will you do the honors?" Cora sweetly questions and smiles with adoration at the older gentleman.

Marco beams with pride before he bows his head and neatly folds his hands in front of him. Our whole family mimics his action and fall silent as he rapidly fires off his prayer in Italian. When he finishes up with Amen, we all echo him and smile up at the man.

"Mangiare!" Augusto chants for us to eat full of joy and excitement, forcing even bigger smiles upon everyone's faces.

Our family falls into a happy chatter buzzing endlessly around the table as we dig into our holiday meal. Cora is speaking rapidly in Italian to Marco even though the man does speak English. Henry engages with Augusto speaking about college and his new car in Italian and to everyone's surprise Harper chimes in.

"How do you remember Italian?" Sutton exasperates as her forehead creases painfully.

"I started practicing again when I found out about the trip, but I don't know, as I studied it kind of all came flooding back to me and I just remembered," she shyly explains while twirling her fork nervously from being under everyone's attention.

"Well you could've told me," Sutton exhales and tosses her fork down with a loud clink. "I would've practiced with you, now I feel dumb for not understanding."

"It's okay bella, we can speak English," Augusto kindly offers with a warm gentle smile curling around his lips.

"What the hell?!" I shriek, whipping my head in Augusto's direction. "You speak English? Have you spoke English this whole time?" I gasp as my mind shuffles through every encounter I have engaged with this man for answers to my own question.

"Yes, I-," he pauses for a moment, his dark brows furrowing in concentration as he ponders what to say next, "I always spoke English, but umm, wasn't very good, until, uh, recently," he smiles brightly through his broken English thick with his Italian accent and I beam at the man with pride.

"That's amazing Augusto, I'm so happy for you!"

"Grazie bella," he thanks me and smiles with nothing but pride dancing over his handsome features. "Maybe I go to America sometime."

"We would love to have you," Regina softly states with a delicate smile just for her friend.

I catch a glimpse of her radiant smile and her relaxed features and I find myself smiling back at the woman, beaming with positivity for our future.

Regina shifts slightly in her seat, elegantly crossing her right leg over her left beneath the dining room table. I continue eating, not truly paying any attention, that is until I feel her Christmas stockinged toes graze against my shin. My body reacting immediately to her touch and flaring up hot and brighter than any of Henry's lit fireplaces.

I can practically hear her smirk from beside me as she reaches for her wine glass and sips the deep red wine as if she isn't doing anything suspicious beneath the table. I stifle back a moan as her toes continue to crawl up my leg in the most tantalizing manner. My mind is screaming for her foot to find the heat pulsating between my legs but I know her foot can't bend that way from her seated position.

So for the rest of dinner, I sit, itching and squirming in my seat for more of her touch as she teases me beneath the table.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Wine was flowing, scotch was tossed back, the children were giggling, Italian and English were meshing together as one while Christmas music swarmed all around us. The holiday cheer was contagious and every single person was submitting to the wonderful feeling that warmed our hearts and souls.

Everyone was in hysterics, laughing uncontrollably at the game my in laws purchased for Noah this year. Telestrations is an entertaining game that is a mix between telephone and Pictionary. One person would draw what the word was, the next person would guess what the drawing was and the following person would draw what the person had guessed until the board is passed around the entire group. Our family was still in stitches over Cora's confusion as to why my oldest son would draw a banana and a hammock for the word speedo.

"I just think that it's a silly name," Cora defends as she avoids everyone's tear soaked eyes and wipes her board clean.

"You get it though, right Nana?" Henry presses on, his cheeks still tinged a bright red from either embarrassment or his insistent giggles.

"Draw a card, Henry," she hastily orders, her voice void of any enthusiasm.

During the outbreak of laughter Regina's foot has managed to slither its way up my legs and set up camp between my thighs. After dessert I asked myself why she chose the seat opposite of me instead of her regular chair beside me, but now I am quite aware of her evil plan.

Her cold toes brush against my warm center and I can easily feel the icy sensation through my thin leggings. Her naughty big toe wiggles mischievously over my clit, cranking up the heat in my system to boiling point. I stifle a groan by biting down hard on my bottom lip and avoid her eyes at all costs.

Regina leans back in her seat, lazily lifting her wine glass to her lips and sipping all while managing to appear bored. She slides her foot up my clit in a tantalizingly slow manner until her heel presses down against my throbbing bud and I choke on nothing but air.

"Ma? You okay? Need a refill on wine?" My oldest kindly offers, but I shake my head and fake a smile. "Alright then, let's start the next round," he happily concludes, silencing everyone in the room to focus.

With one hand I pick up my maker and begin drawing, with my free hand I slip it beneath the table and latch onto Regina's foot. I feel the way her body stiffens, terrified as to what may come, but I simply press my thumb into the sole and gently rub her foot. We continue to play the game until the round is over and I'm slowly placing her foot to the ground without too much movement.

I slowly slide my chair back and gather up the glasses to refill in the kitchen. "Ma, can you get some chips or something?" Noah whines before I leave the room.

"Of course bud," I smile and exit the room.

I stroll through the kitchen overly ecstatic with the way this day has been going and set down the three wine glass on the counter. I pop the cork from the bottle and slowly pour the mulberry wine carefully into each glass as I hear a small ping echo through the room. I glance around wondering if I'm not alone, but come up empty. I shrug to no one but myself and finish pouring.

The ping rings again and that's when I notice Regina's phone that Cora confiscated earlier this week. The screen is glowing lightly, slowly drawing me in. Despite my mind screaming that it's not acceptable to look through my ex wife's phone, my eyes are still fixated on the device. I swallow thickly as I feel my will power seeping out my pores and sliding through my fingertips. The light is shining bright, demanding that I focus on it and nothing else.

The ping rings again and that's when I notice the name Fiona. Instantly, my blood runs cold, my stomach flip flops, my heart plummets into the abyss and a wave of nausea wracks my body angrily. My muscles clench painfully together and begin quivering uncontrollably as my eyes subconsciously read the messages before me.

 _Merry Christmas babe!_

Babe? Babe? Regina hardly even allowed baby, unless she was half asleep wrapped up in my arms.

 _I hope you're having a wonderful Christmas with your children. You deserve this!_

Fuck off!

 _I know we never discussed it, but how about you come to my place New Year's Eve for a change? I know your children will still be in Sicily so I thought I could cook you dinner and we can enjoy the night in?_

Fuck off!

Another unsettling wave of nausea hits me like a semi truck barreling down on me at full speed, knocking me off balance and forcing me to grip the countertop to steady my balance. For a moment I think I might actually be sick as every nerve ending trembles violently through my body.

The walls are closing in on me and there's definitely not enough oxygen to fill my lungs at the moment so I release the counter and bolt straight out of the kitchen, out the front door, leaving the screen door to smack loudly in my awake.

Even outside the house I can hear Regina's voice calling my name.

XXXXXXXXX 

_My shaky hand reaches out to light the last candle in the dimly lit bathroom. Since the first surprise of candles and a bubble bath didn't work out how I had hoped for, I decided I would try again. There's no way she will miss out on my plan tonight._

 _The flames flicker against the wall and sparkle reflectively in the mirror setting the romantic mood just for my wife. Her favorite lavender bubbles are popping in the scolding hot tub and I sigh feeling that old familiar scent wash over me._

 _I strut confidently toward the mirror and check my appearance one last time. The smoky tan and dark green eyeshadow highlight my shimmering irises and create a smile to break across my lips. My long blonde hair is styled to perfection with soft loose curls cascading elegantly down my chest. My eyes sweep a little further down to inspect the ruby red silk lingerie I chose for this evening and my smile spreads even further until my cheeks actually hurt._

 _The children have been asleep for almost a half an hour by now and I honestly thought Regina would have been home hours ago considering the special occasion. At first, when she was a no show at dinner, I was of course upset considering I spent all day preparing her favorite meal, her mother's famous lasagna. I brushed my agitation away and focused on how I could plan a romantic evening that will still be memorable for my wife._

 _As the candles slowly flicker out and the bathroom grows colder, vanishing from existence before my very eyes, my blood pressure increases. With every minute that ticks loudly into the dead of the night, my palms sweat with fury and tremble with rage. While the water runs cold and all the bubbles dissipate into nothing more than soapy liquid, my stomach flips with more somersaults than an acrobat in a circus._

 _My feet pace back and forth, no longer able to sit still when they pulsate with murderous anger. I stew in my own thoughts, cursing under my breath and shaking violently from the rage running wildly through my veins. I wear down the carpet in our bedroom, trekking the same beaten path over and over again until the door creaks open._

 _"Hey," Regina whispers and swallows uncomfortably enough that her gulp echoes throughout our room._

 _I glare at my wife, jaw flexed and grinding fiercely while my heart pounds in vengeance. She softly closes the door behind her and smiles weakly in my direction, but I've had enough. I'm so far passed done that I don't feel one ounce of remorse with every negative thought shuffling through my mind._

 _I fold my arms across my chest, my nails biting into my flesh to keep me from actually screaming on the top of my lungs at her. "Where were you?" I grit through my grinding teeth._

 _"Work," she calmly replies as her eyes scrutinize my outfit for this evening. I watch as patiently as possible while her brows draw closely together and she tries so very hard to comprehend what's occurring in front of her. "Em, did I...oh," she whispers, her voice fading out to be swallowed by the deafening silence invading our lives._

 _"Oh," I mimic, my nails sculpting perfect crescent shapes into my bare biceps. "Do you even realize what today is?" I breathlessly inquire feeling utterly shocked that she might not even understand what's happening right in front of her. Her nose scrunches and I think the date just smacked her upside the head. "It's your fucking birthday Regina!"_

 _"I-I didn't...it's just a birthday," she shakes her head to try and down play the situation. "We can celebrate anytime," she enlightens me with a weary smile that makes my insides crawl in horror._

 _"Regina," I snap, "what the hell is the matter with you?" My arms break apart my protective barrier as one hand flies out in the space between us to gesture toward the door. "Your children were waiting to celebrate with you! I made your mother's lasagna. I drew you a bath, with your favorite bubbles and decorated the room with candles," I bellow because truthfully I can't control my anger any longer._

 _It's been so long now that we have the same redundant fight over and over again and I'm finally mentally exhausted. I'm drained and I can no longer push down these feelings of neglect and pretend that everything's okay when honestly I'm dying on the inside. I don't even feel like myself anymore, it's like I'm watching this person's life but it's not me. This isn't me._

 _"Em-I'm-sorry," she rushes out and takes a few hasty steps forward, but I'm in sync with her footwork, stepping back with each step forward. "Please," she reaches out, provoking my hands to fly up and stop her unwanted touch._

 _"No," I shake my head violently and close my eyes for just a second to remind myself to stay mad. I cannot allow her to walk all over me anymore because I can't be her doormat any longer._

 _"Emma-"_

 _"No Regina, I'm done. I'm so fucking done with all of this."_

 _"Excuse me?"_

 _"You have no regard for my feelings, as a matter of fact, you have no regard for anyone in this house. You're never around, you don't ever stop to think how your actions might effect our family. You don't give a shit about us."_

 _"Emma," her voice wobbles recklessly as her eyes gloss over with thick tears. "Don't say that! That's not true at all. I lo-"_

 _"I swear to god if you say you love me, I will scream," I coldly remark causing her to flinch before my very eyes. "You don't give a damn about me. I have been telling you for years now that I'm not happy and you have yet to do a damn thing about it."_

 _"Em-"_

 _"No! I have begged and pleaded for you to change your work schedule, to hire more staff, anything to help free up your time, but you never fixed your schedule. I did everything for you and you never seem to notice."_

 _"I notice," she weakly defends but her voice is barely loud enough to claim as a whisper, tossing her credibility out the window, along with our relationship._

 _"No you don't! I was constantly doing research to find new ways of expressing my love and affection but you never even acknowledged them. Do you have any clue how hurtful that is? This is the second night this week that I tried for romance, a bubble bath and candles and this is the second time you've missed it. It's your fucking birthday," I exasperate and tremble hazardously from the anxiety wracking through every inch of my soul. "And you didn't even know. How the hell did you not remember it's your own fucking birthday?"_

 _"I-I don't know Emma, because my birthday is the least of my concerns right now. I have a million other things that rank so much higher than the day I was born. I'm in my forties, I don't have time for something so...so...minuscule," she bellows, her anger slowly consuming her and I'm not sure if she's lashing out because of embarrassment or she hates me right now for bothering her yet again with my neediness._

 _"Minuscule? Do you even hear yourself right now? I had a nice evening planned to celebrate your life tonight and you want to lash out at me?"_

 _"I'm not lashing out!"_

 _"Yes you are!"_

 _"You're the one that started yelling at me," she growls and takes an assertive step forward, but I hold my ground, despite the fact that I'm all too aware of my inappropriate lingerie. I feel overly exposed and the thought alone creates a wave of goosebumps to ripple down my flesh. "You're the one that started in on me the moment I stepped through that door, Emma."_

 _I fold my arms protectively over my chest again, feeling helpless and small in this stupid outfit. "Because you don't get it!" I scream a lot louder than I intended, but I can't stop now she plucked the last straw that has sent me spiraling out of control. "You think I'm just always going to be around. You think you can come and go as you please and never show me any type of attention and just expect me to sit here and wait like some loyal lap dog for you to come home. Well I'm not doing it anymore Regina. I'm done!" I yell, inching my face closer with a rush of heat burning through my veins._

 _"You're done, just like that?" She patronizes me with a glare of disbelief._

 _"Not just like that! I have been warning you and pleading with you for years! You never listened, you would change for like a day and then forget about me all over again until I couldn't stand the silence anymore and would complain all over again. Well I've had enough Regina, I'm done! I'm so fucking done!" I scream as my nails tear deeper into my skin and my body quivers violently._

 _The room falls silent for a moment as we both try to regain our composure and think about all the things we've kept bottled up for far too long by now. A very distinct creek cracks through the quietness and my heart plummets while bile crawls up my chest and burns the back of my throat. I know someone is outside our door listening, if not all four of our children._

 _Seventeen years and not once did we ever fight in front of them. We always strived to keep our intimacy issues between us. We never once verbally fought in earshot of our children and now all of that was just washed away with one night._

 _"I want a divorce," I whisper in hopes that whomever is eavesdropping outside that door won't hear my words._

 _Regina's scornful eyes snap up to meet mine and the intensity is so overpowering that I gulp down my fears and clench my biceps even tighter. "What?" She gasps, but her voice barley escapes her lips. "Emma, you can't-"_

 _"I want a divorce and I want you out of this house," I reiterate with conviction so she understands this isn't another game._

 _This isn't another day where she kisses me, says she's sorry and vows to work on us just so that I can be let down once again. Another day where she wraps me in her arms and I feel safe, positive she won't ever let me fall again, just to have her arms drop out from under me and I tumble down into the lonely abyss yet again._

 _"Emma, I said I'm sorry-"_

 _"You've said it a million times before. I'm done Regina. I can no longer be in this relationship. It's not healthy for me. I don't- I don't even feel like a person anymore. I feel invisible, like a ghost and I can't continue on like this. I'm exhausted. I'm drained. I have nothing left to give in this relationship. I'm already depressed and if you don't leave now I don't think I can survive much longer," I confess, revealing the cold hard truth that rips through my soul and produces a harsh sob to tear through my throat._

 _I can't look at her. I keep my eyes focused on my folded arms, shaking recklessly in front of my frail body. I hear a small sniffle and watch her feet disappear. She doesn't mutter one single word as she slides her duffel bag out from under our bed. All I hear are small sniffles and gasps as she shuffles around our room to pack whatever she may need for the time being._

 _Involuntary spasms control my body as tears stream down my face, but I try to keep the heavy sobbing hostage in the back of my throat. My stomach is tossing and turning and I'm fairly certain I'm about to lose my dinner all over this carpet. She is my everything and I don't understand how we got here._

 _The door creeks open and my eyes finally flick up to watch as she exits not only our bedroom, but our marriage as well without any fight._

 _"Mom?" Henry's voice cracks with fear and uncertainty and my whole world comes tumbling down around me._

 _"I'm going to stay by Aunt Ivy's for a few days," Regina whispers in shame._

 _"No momma," Harper whimpers as she throws her arms around her mother and cries silently against her chest._

 _"Your mom and I just need some time apart, don't worry, everything will be alright," Regina promises causing another harsh sob to erupt from my mouth. I clasp my hand over my gasping lips and plead with myself to stop these insistent tears for my children's sake._

 _"Please don't leave mom, please just try," Sutton begs through her own thick tears and holds onto her sister's back._

 _Regina kisses Harper's forehead, then her lips stretch to meet the crown of Sutton's head, before she untangles herself from the twins. My wife cups Henry's strong chin that's wobbling despite his best efforts._

 _"I'll see you guys tomorrow," she croaks out as a tear from each eye trickles over the edge and slides effortlessly down her flushed cheeks. She leans forward and kisses our son's forehead, lingering for a moment before she decides to break apart, rushing out of our home._

 _She broke that promise, staying away from our children for a week and away from our house for months before she came to pick up her stuff._

 _I had to explain to Noah by myself since he was asleep when everything occurred and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do besides asking my wife for a divorce._


	19. Chapter Nineteen

The world around me is peaceful on this Christmas evening and if I didn't know any better I would assume that it was just me left in this quite world. The sky expands in a dusty grey across the town, representing the limbo my life has somehow found itself in. The temperature is dropping by the second, Jack Frost biting and stinging my tear soaked cheeks as I gaze out into the miraculous city.

The steady thumping of hooves quake against the cold hard ground below, but I don't bother turning around. I know it's Bandit and I know he's not alone this evening.

"Emma." Bandit exhales loudly from his snout just before I hear her boots connecting with the grass below. "I knew I would find you hear," she cheerful acknowledges and I can sense the smile in her soft voice. I close my eyes and fight against all the pain that I have accumulated over the past ten months. "Emma," she repeats with a little more edge in her voice of concern. I thrust my balled up fists further into my skimpy jacket and ignore her pleas for attention. "I thought you might be cold," she kindly suggests just before I feel a thick wool blanket draping over my shoulders and her presence lingering right beside me. "Emma, please talk to me. What happened? Why did you run out like that?"

Her voice is so sweet and so tender that I can't help but reply. "I don't know if I can try again, I don't think I can trust you to change?" At this Regina flinches and backs up just a hair.

"What? Why? Emma, I meant every word I have said on this trip," she implores as her gloved hand cups my bicep, urging me to face her properly and stop staring out into nothing. "I thought I was proving to you that I'm trying. I thought you could see that," she explains through her trembling voice and I know her tears are lurking around the corner just waiting to break free.

"We've been down this road before and I...I just..." I'm tripping on my words because my mind is flashing hazardous images of Fiona cuddled up with Regina calling her _babe_.

However, all of that is so rudely interrupted when Regina slams her lips against mine. Those soft silk lips are bitter cold as they connect with mine feverishly, but they are still warming up my body like a hot bubble bath. Her fingers tread beneath my knotted strands and clasp onto my neck with determination. The force is so strong it sends me tumbling back, but she's there's, holding me firmly into place and creating an unsolicited moan to stir in my chest. She accepts that dirty sound as the green light to continue, provoking her mouth to part against mine before she sucks my bottom lip between her perfectly straight teeth.

I whimper and push her back with enough anger that she staggers before me. She's perplexed, completely dumbfounded on what's occurring between us right now while we both heave and gasp for our next breaths.

"Stop," I wipe my lips furiously with the back of my cold leather jacket and fight against another stupid set of tears. "I can't. All I see is _her_!"

"Her, who?" Regina interrogates, so blatantly ignorant to the reality around us.

"Fiona," I blurt out as my eyes slam shut because I'm struggling myself with this harsh turn of events.

"What?" She gasps in pure shock or maybe she's attempting to play stupid, I'm not entirely sure just yet.

"Yes, I know! I _know_ you are fucking her!" I spit in disgust as my face scrunches up from the vile words leaving my mouth, trailing behind a bitter aftertaste upon my tongue.

"What?" She shakes her head and stumbles forward, reaching out for me, but I'm also shaking my head and holding my hands up to still her movements. "H-how...she's...she's just a colleague. Emma, it's-"

"I _know_ , Regina! Stop playing dumb! I saw you," I exasperate even though my voice is loosing willpower and sounds more like a begging whimper.

Regina clasps onto both of my biceps, the blanket securing around my body, but that's not stopping the tremors. "Emma, wha-" the word fades away and evaporates in the thin air that's meant for just us to share. She shakes her head and forces my eyes to peer into hers. "What do you mean you saw us?"

"I saw you," I whisper, the harsh bubbling sob popping up in my chest but I swallow it back down and she waits patiently for me to find the courage to continue. "About a month ago, Harper left her guitar at your place," I inhale sharply as my stomach flips upside down and nausea attacks my intestines. "We dropped Noah off at karate and I was going to swing by your place to grab Harper's guitar. We saw you, we saw Fiona press you up against your front door and..." I squeeze my eyes shut and pray for the images to dissipate, but they never do. "God Regina, I can still see her hand wandering up your thigh," I spit angrily and try to fight her off of me, but she digs her fingers in deep and hangs on for dear life.

"Em-Emma, I'm-" she's panting heavily and I can clearly see the fear swelling in her eyes.

"Sorry," I deadpan, "I know. You're always sorry." I attempt to brush her off me again, but she refuses to release me or this blanket.

"Yes, I know. I'm always sorry, but you have to see that I'm working on us. I'm trying so very hard. You have to see that," she begs and I swear her grip is tightening around me. "I'm so sorry you saw that, ugh, I can't believe our children," she shudders as her eyes flutter closed for just a moment.

"Are you going to tell her you cheated on her?"

"What?" She tosses her thick tresses all around us as her face constricts painfully as though I just slapped her across the cheek. "No, I didn't cheat on her because we aren't dating. She is not my girlfriend, I told all of you that before. It was stupid, meaningless sex, we've never even gone out on a date," she scrambles frantically for anything to have me trust in her words, but I'm struggling with what's real and what's not.

"It ruins every-"

"Wait! You don't think I cheated on you, do you?" She shrieks so loudly that I wince in response. My mouth pops open to answer, but I find my mind drawing blank. "Emma, answer me, I need to know."

"No," I breathe out, quickly shaking my head to affirm my single word and I mean it. I know in my heart that she never cheated on me. "I don't think you cheated."

"Good, because I didn't Em, I would never do that. I didn't even touch Fiona until a month ago. It was eight months after we split and three months after I had already signed the divorce papers _you_ demanded."

"Yes," I harshly snatch my arms away and fold them across my chest to keep my heart from spilling out onto this cold hard ground. "I asked for the divorce, but you left so easily. You walked out that door without a single fucking word."

"I had to."

"What?" I question in disbelief while my upper lip twitches in anguish.

"I couldn't stand there anymore and listen to all the ways I broke you. I ruined you. When I first met you, you were so full of life," she swallows harshly, producing thick tears to spring against her big brown eyes. "Even though your mother had just passed, you still had this vibrant light beaming inside of you and I snuffed out that light. I killed the part of you that I fell madly in love with and I couldn't stand there any longer listening to how I crushed you and you pleading with me to go so you could survive." Her voice trembles coaxing those tears to spill over her rosy cheeks. "I asked you for chance after chance and I took advantage and I finally saw it that night and I couldn't hurt you any longer."

A hiccup breaks passed my lips, forcing the tears to slide down the tracks from earlier tonight. Regina tugs me close to her chest and for some reason I can't muster up any strength to pull away, so I bury my face in her neck while the blanket slips off my back. Regina quickly scrambles to catch the woven cloth and wraps us up tight.

"Please Emma, I'm trying so hard, please tell me you see it," she expresses, her warm breath tingling against my bare neck causing me to shiver.

"I see that you are trying, that's why it was so easy for me to sleep with you last night-"

"Please don't say _but_ ," she cries into my neck and then I feel her lips brush against my flesh, generating more chilly shivers to run wild down my spine.

"But," I croak out in spite of myself, "I don't know what's to come. I don't know if this will all be like this when we go home," I cry even harder into her neck and ball her jacket into my fists. "It's easy here in Sicily when work is thousands of miles away, but what happens when we go home?"

"I know how it seems, but I swear I'm slowly working on it. That's why I hired Ashley, that's why I took this vacation, to prove my steps forward."

I nod slowly and finally open my eyes to find the world crying around us as well. The gloomy dark sky is dripping down heavy white snowflakes matching the thick tears streaming down our faces. I quickly adjust the blanket, tossing the heavy wool over our heads to shield us from the bitter air.

Regina nudges her nose against mine and sniffles away her tears. "I love you Emma, I swear I'm going to fix this," she vows breathlessly just before her lips hesitantly connect with mine.

I release the blanket and cup her cheeks to deepen the kiss. Ever so slowly I peel apart my lips, persuading hers to mimic my action and proceed to dip my tongue into her mouth, humming at the warmth enveloping all around us.

"I love you Regina," I whisper against her mouth, beneath the blanket and hidden away from our cruel world. "Let's go back and enjoy the rest of our Christmas," I recommend.

Regina nods and slips the blanket off our heads. She slides her hand inside of mine and leads the way back toward Bandit. We both climb upon the strong steed, Regina molding into my back as she wraps her arms around my waist and rests her head against me.

"This really is beautifully perfect," I acknowledge as I watch the snowflakes brighten up the night sky over the sleepy town of Catania.

"Only because we are together," she mutters and places a gentle kiss below my ear. "Let's go home."

XXXXXXXXX 

The rest of the evening was spent playing more games with the cheerful holiday spirit accompanied by far too much alcohol flowing into the night. I lied to my children saying I wasn't feeling so well so I went back to our cabin for a moment. Of course they all eyed me suspiciously, but luckily not one of them found it in their hearts to press the issue.

It wasn't long before I found myself tangled between the sheets with Regina once again. Sutton claiming to want to spend the evening with her sister, but we all aren't dense.

Regina's fingers have found their way beneath my tank top, her nails dragging slowly up and down my bare back as she gazes lovingly into my eyes. Those magical irises are smiling back at me with nothing but hope for our future causing my heart to swell with unconditional love. I squirm just a tad closer, enclosing the gap to press my lips gently against hers. She sighs contently, persuading my eyes to flutter closed to enjoy the way she smiles against my mouth.

"Emma," she mumbles into my mouth, "I need to know, are you just caught up in the holiday and vacation or are we really going to try again?" The strain in her voice pushes me back against the pillow to catch her worrisome eyes.

The frown is settling upon my lips before I have time to register the action. "I want to work on us, but we have to go slow and I need to know that this isn't like all the other times, where you promise to focus on our marriage and it only lasts a week."

"Emma, I have seen my life without you and I never ever want to be there again. I love you," she vows as her warm palm rests upon my cheek and her thumb tenderly caresses the flesh.

"Okay good, because I can't take another heartbreak."

"I know," she concedes and stretches forward to seal her devotion with a small peck, but I push forward and deepen the kiss, rolling her onto her back.

I easily maneuver on top of this beautiful brunette and take a moment to memorize the way her lips curl into a smile against mine. She's reaching to slip her hands beneath my tank top again, but I am quick to snatch them up. I lace my fingers between hers, holding her hostage and pinning them to the mattress near her head.

"You know," I taunt in a low moan, "I can't stop thinking about last night," I confess, slowly rocking my hips against her in the most tantalizingly manner.

Regina instantly groans from the feeling and squirms beneath my teasing touch. I tighten my hold on her hands because she's just so damn sexy and it's almost impossible to keep myself in check.

"Good because every time I think about your hand over my mouth, I immediately break out in chills," she moans in a low husky tone that expresses her true state of arousal.

I dip down below her prominent jawline and trail featherlight kisses down her long neck, provoking her body to writhe even more beneath my touch. Her desperate center bucks off the mattress in search of the calming friction that only I can soothe. I'm there, meeting her halfway and shuddering when we connect like some magical spark electrifies through our bloodstream.

Regina turns her head to the side, granting me better access to take what is rightfully mine. She's already a panting, heaving mess and I find myself smugly grinning to nobody but myself. My tongue pokes out between my lips and drags slowly up her warm flesh before I suck her sensitive pulse point into my mouth.

"Emma," she breathes heavily, her body attempting to coil up tightly from the sensation, but I firmly hold her hands into place and press my hips further down to pin her into submission. "Emma," she whines this time and squeezes my hands to convey what her mouth can't seem to say.

"What?" I taunt maliciously as my open mouth ghosts down her neck once again. My hot breath tickling the wet patch I created, driving her mad from her needy state. "Tell me what you want?" I encourage in a low growl, my teeth grazing over her collarbone that is jutting out, just waiting for me to capture it.

"I want you," she pleads through a gasp, but I don't appreciate the way the phrase popped out like a reflex.

I hum, skimming my wet lips further down her heaving chest, never releasing her hands. "I don't know if that answer is good enough," I drawl slowly, eliciting a whimper from plump lips above. "Try again," I nonchalantly order, continuing with my path of insanity down toward the valley of her small breasts.

"I-" she croaks out and I can feel her head shaking against the bed without ever having to truly look at her.

"What do you want, Regina?"

Her gulp is audible while my tongue lightly trails between her twin mounds. "I _need_ you Emma," her shaky voice cracks through our small room and somehow punctures straight through my beating heart. "I need you to take away the memories of the last ten months," she pants, her hips gyrating frantically for more of me.

I moan against her heated chest, her flawless skin flaring up a deep crimson as I torture her body. I use my chin to push down her tank top. "I'm sorry, I think my mind is a little fuzzy," I tease, sliding my lips over to her left breast and swirling my tongue around the hardening bud. "Why do you need me again?"

"Emma," she drags out my name is a stern warning, but I ignore her and bite down on the sensitive pink flesh. "Fuck," she gasps, throwing her head black hazardously into the cloudy pillow below.

"Now, try again, why do you need me so desperately in bed?" I mock.

"Please, you know why," rasps from her achingly needy windpipes.

"Say it," I coldly demand, slowly edging away from her body.

"You know I have a hard time reaching my orgasm without you," she hastily replies to win my body back against hers.

I take this opportunity to peer down at Regina as I lean back. Her hands erotically pinned on either side of her tussled, wild hair. Her face is absolutely flustered and frustrated as her parted lips suck in small sharp breaths. Her chest is spotted with red flares as she heaves, but my favorite detail about this scene is the way her one breast is spilling over the top of her cami. I smirk to myself knowing I have riled her up and lean further back to sit upon her waist.

I release her hands from my vise, but she doesn't dare move them and there's an expression flashing across her face that tells me she's unsure where she should rest them. I quickly reach for the hem of my tank and rip it away from my flushed skin. I don't waste another minute, ripping my pajama bottoms away and move to strip down Regina as well.

Gradually, I lay my naked flesh on top of hers and shudder when we connect as one again. My long unruly locks form a curtain around our faces, shutting out the world. Regina smiles up at me, but it's a sad expression while her hand finally moves to curl some of my hair behind my ear.

"I mean it Em, you're the only one that can make me come undone," she whispers delicately before her lips stretch forward and steal a passionate kiss from my lips.

"Remember that next time you think you can _fuck your problems away_ ," I harshly demand, but she's already frantically nodding, her pouty lips in search for mine once again.

"Never again," she vows through a heavy moan and slides her tongue easily into my mouth, forcing my hips to thrust against her smooth core.

The heat that's emitting from her greedy center has my head spinning deliriously. With every thrust my thick arousal is mixing with hers and spreading all around us, coating us perfectly for what I have in store for this woman.

I break apart our kiss and glide my mouth over to her ear. I moan hotly against the shell causing her to tremble in response. "Turn over," I seductively instruct and that alone makes my heart hammer viciously in my chest.

I slowly back away and watch in triumph as my ex quickly flips over, exposing her long bare back and protruding spine. My index finger trails lightly down the dipping path, leaving goosebumps to erupt in my awake, but she holds her composure, lying perfectly still.

Optimistic me, had cleaned our toy the day after Regina had found it beneath the bed. I lean over the mattress and scramble for the sleek black phallus that has been neglected far worse than I have. The moment the smooth item is in my hands, my heart skips a beat from excitement and a new wave of arousal slicks my folds. I don't even remember the last time Regina and I used anything in bed. Our sex life dwindled away and even if I was able to convince her to sleep with me then it was strictly our fingers.

I slowly edge the tip into myself and collapse forward onto one hand from the overwhelming sensation. Slowly, I lower myself onto Regina's back, brushing her delicate strands to one side so I can see her face. I place a loving kiss to her shoulder, producing a smile through her sighing lips.

The cold toy rests perfectly between Regina's plump cheeks, generating a wave of chills to wrack her body. I smirk and lean forward to capture her soft earlobe between my teeth. She groans as I allow the flesh to slip between my teeth. She instantly pops her ass higher, begging for some kind of attention and sending a wave of pleasure to wash over me.

"What do you want?" I husk making sure my warm breath vibrates deliciously in her ear.

"You," she moans, swaying her hips from left to right to stimulate her throbbing clit against the warm sheets.

I slither my right hand beneath her squirming body and still my fingers near her hood. "Say my name," I demand and lick the shell of her ear.

"Emma," she gasps, my fingers inching closer to where I'm needed most. "I need you _Emma_."

I lean back just the slightest and push her hip back to allow my fingers more room. "That's what I thought," I reply and press my fingers down hard against her awaiting clit. She releases a ragged breath while I begin to slowly draw circles, but I make sure my touch is teasing.

My fingers slide through her soaked lower lips, spreading her juices all around to prepare her for what's to come. She's a writhing hot mess below me and honestly it's one of the sexiest positions I have seen her in, trapped beneath me and silently begging for an orgasm that I can only grant her.

I lean back just a tad and remove my fingers so I can line up our toy. She pops her bottom, somewhat requesting that I push inside her, but also preparing for the rude intrusion. Inch by inch I watch as she swallows the phallus whole and it vanishes from my very eyes. Regina groans, burying her face into the pillow as I lay all my weight against her back. I brush back the hair that has fallen to hide away her blush and whisper into her ear again.

"Now you can scream all you want into that pillow," I lick her ear for good measure and listen to the hoarse moan from below. "And I promise you'll be screaming by the end," I vow and nip at her neck just as she whimpers.

I thrust my hips hard to ensure that the tip of the toy will slam against her sweet spot inside and sure enough Regina buries her face into the pillow and moans in the most erotic tone. I swallow thickly and shiver from the sweet sound, but I need tonight to be about her. I need to make sure I embed this memory into her head so she'll never forget how good she has it with me.

"Emma," she mumbles into the pillow coming out all muffled to my ears. I thrust again, harder this time and bite down on her sexy bare shoulder. She pants heavily and it's like music to my ears. "Fuck me," she groans, bucking her ass higher and rubbing gloriously against my clit, forcing my teeth to bite down even harder upon her flesh. She groans again just before she bites down hard onto the pillow.

The tangible need from both of us is far too much and I somehow become lost in the foggy atmosphere around me. I balance myself on one hand near her mouth and bury my free hand into her thick hair, roughly gathering up a fistful.

I've been with Regina for eighteen years now and in the early years of our marriage we experimented with pretty much everything. I know this woman inside and out and I know what turns her on most is when I'm rough with her and possessing her. It always does far too much to both of us actually and always has her toppling over the edge so fast, that she doesn't have time to even think about struggling toward her climax.

Regina was brought up in a loving home with two attentive parents who taught her to be a strong independent woman, but a few scumbag boyfriends later and she lost that inner strength. Those men, especially Robin, tore down those concrete walls and planted insecurities in her mind that no matter how much she loves and trusts me, they always randomly sprout up and whisper maliciously in the back of her mind. That's where her complex to be possessed in bed roots from. She needs to be claimed and owned at times so she feels wanted...needed.

A heavy gasp escapes her succulent lips as I pull hard on the strands wrapped securely like vines around my fingers. I shudder from the sight of Regina's head tipping back, her parted lips heaving for her next breath and her eyes closed and lost in the sensation.

My hips move roughly, slamming into her slick pussy over and over again as I yank again on her hair. "Oh god," Regina cries out forcing me to release her hair and push her head back down into the pillow. I lean down upon her back, crushing my weight on her tiny frame, but my hips never stop ruthlessly slamming into her.

"You need to be quiet," I groan into her ear and smack the side of her hip as punishment, but really that's just another thing that sets her off.

Regina hides her face into the fluffy pillow below and moans loudly, enough that I can feel her vibration rippling off the pillow. I slowly lift off her olive toned back and run my finger down her spine, making her squirm once again. I balance on my knees, gripping Regina's hips in the process and forcing her body up with mine.

"Fuck Emma," she pants almost out of breath as she peeks over her shoulder.

Those kiss swollen lips are parted, breathing in her last breaths. Those enchanting brown eyes are almost all black with lust as she watches me fuck her from behind and I melt. A violent shiver runs through my body and kick starts my heart to take off racing in a marathon I'm not properly trained for.

This gorgeous woman pops her bottom once again, stimulating my clit in the most scrumptious way. I watch through hooded eyes as her back dips and it's one of my favorites things when I take her in this position. A scorching hot heat wave burns below my flesh causing my skin to grow slick with sweat.

My left hand travels down the expanse of her smooth back admiring the way her muscles clench beneath my touch. My fingers tread through her hair to claim her once again. I thrust harder and harder until her upper body grows weak and she falls recklessly into the mattress, belting out these high pitched screams that coil my muscles deep in my lower abdomen and I feel myself dancing on the edge.

"Do you need to cum?" I whisper in a taunting manner, knowing damn well she's crumbling within the grasps of my fingertips.

"Yes," she breathes heavily, tearing her face away from the mattress below to peek over her shoulder again. My body ignites with heat once again from the sexy pose.

"Do you deserve to cum?" I mutter, yanking on her hair and digging my fingertips into her hip. She bites down on her pouty lip, making this scene even sexier if possible. She shakes her head and fights back a whimper. I tug on her hair again until the word _no_ tumbles out of her mouth. "No, you don't," I confirm with a sharp smack to her ass.

"Fuck Emma," she gasps through her dazed arousal. "I-I..." she has no words, I know she's too tied up at the moment to string a coherent sentence together.

"Who makes you feel good?" I mock in a low growl and I fight against my own release.

"You," she hisses through her clenched teeth and I smack her full bottom again, loving the way it ripples in affect.

I lean down across her glistening back and tug harder on her hair. "Who owns your orgasms?" I taunt maliciously in her ear, producing another sharp gasp from her parted lips.

"You," she cries out and slams her eyes shut.

"Damn right," I cockily reply and reach around to grope her bouncing breast with vigor. "And who..." I snake my hand down to her soaked center and cup the front of her quivering mound, "owns this?"

"Fuck, you do Emma," she rushes out inspiring me to reward her. I press down firmly against her clit and pull upwards. "Oh fuck, Emma," she screams, sending both of us over the edge.

She collapses onto the bed, fully spent and dragging me along with her. I close my eyes, breathing in this moment while my body buzzes deliciously from another outstanding orgasm. Her frail body trembles viciously beneath me, so I snake my arms between her and the mattress and hold her close while she tumbles down from her ecstasy.

Gently, I roll us onto our side, but she's already spinning around in my embrace to capture my lips once more. She inhales sharply, pressing her swollen lips firmly against mine while I hold her flush against my sweaty body.

"I love you so much Emma," she exhales against my mouth before she rests her head on the pillow beside me.

I squeeze her tiny little frame, admiring the aftershock tremors still rippling through her body.

"I love you too, brat."


	20. Chapter Twenty

The day after our miraculous Christmas spent as a family, Regina was heading back to New York. It was utterly horrendous saying goodbye at the airport and not being able to pull her into my arms and kiss her with every ounce of fiery passion that burns in my soul just for her. We said goodbye in the privacy of our cabin before we left, but it still wasn't enough. An awkward wave and shy smile for our children's sake just didn't suffice.

The days seemed to drag on in Sicily, even though the kids kept me busy with new activities everyday. I wanted them to soak up the most of this wonderful place, I just wished Regina was here with us. Besides, the unknown for what's to come when we are both at home again was nail bitingly nerve wracking.

The first day Regina was constantly texting and I was ecstatic thinking that this was it, she finally saw the light and she was going to work harder on us. The following day was sporadic with messages, but I understood she was probably overwhelmed with her return to work after a week away. The next three days, I only received good morning and good night texts accompanied by I love you's. My heart was slowly sinking into the pit of my stomach and I thought it was safe to assume she had so easily fallen back into her daily routine.

The day before we were scheduled to return home, I decided to call Regina so I could decipher what is really happening right now.

"Emma," she exhales as soon as she answers the phone, "hi." I can already tell she's busy by the ruffling of papers in the background.

"Hey-"

"How are you and the kids?" She quickly interrupts me, right before I hear her fingers tapping away on her keyboard.

"The kids are great..." the fierce tapping immediately stops.

"What's wrong Em?" There's nothing but silence in the background and I believe I have her undivided attention now.

"Nothing, I'm just...I don't now Regina. I guess with this distance between us, I'm a little confused as to where we are?" I quietly admit and run my trembling fingers through my hair.

"Emma, I told you, we are going to work on us. I know I have probably seemed quiet the past few days, but I just needed this week to catch up. I was behind on some things when I returned, you can understand that, right?"

The silence that creates a thick wall of tangible tension is unnerving at this point. I swallow down my fears and contemplate what I really am doing with my life. There's just so much riding on this already failed marriage and I'm not sure if I can go through this type of worry all over again. I know I was miserable without Regina, but there was also this weight that had been lifted because I no longer had to worry myself into a panic attack whether or not Regina would change.

"Sure," I squeak out and swallow through my quivering voice. "I get that you need sometime to catch up."

"Just give me a few more days to get all of this under control and then I promise we will work on us, okay?" I hum in response because truthfully I don't trust myself to speak just yet. Her fingers begin typing away again and my stomach doubles over from uncertainty. "I really have to finish this up, can I call you later?"

"Sure," I mutter into the phone not really wanting to hang up just yet, but before I can find anything else to say, I hear Ivy in the background.

" _Are you all set? We have to be there in twenty minutes?"_

"Yes, of course," Regina replies as her fingers desist their tapping once again. "Emma, I really have to go, I'll talk to you later."

"Alright, bye," I quickly hang up the phone and try my best to ignore the pang in my gut.

XXXXXXXXX 

"Alright mom, close your eyes," Noah excitedly instructs me while his little body is itching to jump around with joy. I smirk to myself, but allow my eyes to flutter closed.

When we arrived home from Sicily, Henry explained that him and his siblings had purchased my Christmas gift before we left, but couldn't travel with it. Henry, Sutton and Harper have been gone for almost two hours now to pick up the item and I'm actually very nervous to see what they could have purchased.

"Are you sure I'm going to like this?" I prod my youngest hoping he will slip a little information my way.

"I think so," he happily replies and I can hear the smile stretching across his round face. "You need it anyways."

"I need it?" I question, baffled on what it could possibly be. "The only thing I needed was a vacation and I got that."

Noah chuckles to himself and I can just see in my mind's eye how he's shaking his head at me right now. "Okay, Henry's coming, keep your eyes closed!"

I can't help the way my body prickles with anticipation as I await in the dark. I clench my fists tightly to try and remain calm, but I am utterly nervous. Then, there's a weight upon my lap and I don't even have to open my eyes to know there's a furry dog in my presence.

"Henry!" I scold as my eyes fly open. "A dog?" I shriek even more perplexed why my children would think bringing a dog into our home would be okay. I already have enough people to take care of.

"Just here me out," Henry begins with his hands help up in surrender and panic washing over his face. That's when this little mutt tilts its head back and licks just below my chin. I groan inwardly, but my hands are already running through her pure white fur. "She's cute right?"

"Henry..."

"Alright listen, you have been so depressed in this house without mom lately. You refuse to go out and interact with people, so we thought you needed a companion," he quickly rushes out his words in hopes to persuading my mind into allowing this crazy idea.

"Her name is Ava," Harper coos as she kneels beside my legs and scratches just below the dog's floppy ears.

"We will help take care of her mom, we promise, but we think she will be good for you," Sutton sternly explains as she runs her palm over Ava's little head.

I scoff and slowly lift the dog into the air, spinning her around to face me. I hold her up, her black little nose almost brushing against mine. I purse out my lips as I decide what I should do. I tilt my head to the side just the slightest, lost in thought and this adorable dog, mimics my action. Her big black eyes gaze into mine as she studies my emotions displayed across my face.

"Where did you get her?" I inquire as her wet black noise twitches to sniff my scent.

"She's a rescue, so she's already trained. Her previous owner worked a lot so she was kinda neglected," Henry explains as he watches the dog and I intently. "The owner thought she would be better off with a new family."

"Of course she was," I huff, wondering if my children thought this dog and I could bound over our past relationships. "Alright," I sigh, fully surrendering into the temptation, inspiring Ava to wiggle forward and lick my face aggressively. "But I mean it," I lay the dog back in my lap and absentmindedly stroke her short fur, "you will all be pitching in."

"We will!" All four chant as a united front before they shower our new dog with love.

XXXXXXXXX 

I glare at the amber folder in front of me, completely lost in my thoughts swirling around in my mind. My elbows are resting on the office desk, my cheeks scrunched up by my fists indenting my flesh while my knees bounce uncontrollably. Ava has taken it upon herself to attempt soothing my anxiety by laying across my feet and it does help, a little.

"Mom?" There's a timid knock at the door before brown locks are peeking around the corner.

"Yeah," I quickly snatch up the folder and shove it back into my desk drawer, but it's stupid, my son has already seen the envelope.

"Can we talk a minute?" Henry inquires as he calmly struts closer toward my desk. I smile up at those eyes that are all my mother and watch as he slips into the seat across from me. "Let's pretend for a moment, that I'm not your son."

I roll my eyes at the idea. "Henry..."

"Just listen," my handsome son straightens his posture and that's when it hits me like a bolt of lightening, he's a man. He's no longer my precious baby boy who grew jealous for affection when Regina and I would kiss. "I know something happened between you and mom in Sicily."

"Henry..."

"Let me get through this while I still have the courage." Just the one corner of his mouth corks up and I find myself smiling along with him. "I know something happened, the last two days I could see the small smiles and the longing looks and flirtatious gestures. I'm not a kid anymore and I saw it all. I don't need to know the details, I know what happens when two people who love each other share a bed..."

"Okay kid, lets skip over that."

"Yes please," he nervously chuckles and anxiously swipes his hand through his styled hair. "So moving right along, does this mean you both are willing to try again?"

"Henry," I exhale a ragged breath that I didn't quite know I was holding. "I-" I'm coming up blank, no words are forming in my mind and I'm growing more nervous by the second. I fold my arms over the desk and lean heavily onto my forearms. "I don't know honestly."

"What has you on the fence?"

"Kid, this is between your mother and I and it's really not appropriate to be discussing this with any of you kids."

"I get that and you don't have to give me all the details, but maybe I can help you sort some things out?" He kindly suggests and leans onto the desk, mirroring my pose to a tee. "Do you think she's changing?"

"Kinda," I shrug mindlessly, "I don't know."

"Are you willing to give her another chance if you see some improvements?"

"I don't know kid."

"You keep saying, _I don't know_ , but why? There has to be something that's keeping you so indecisive." He pauses, scratching the side of his head as he mulls over his thoughts. "Is it Fiona?"

"No, no," I rush out and vigorously shake my head at the accusation. "They aren't dating, we talked about that. I'm sure Fiona doesn't see it that way, but that's not my concern."

"Mom, please just tell me," he implores with his big puppy dog eyes that I have never really been able to say no to.

"If she is trying...and we work on us...and things go well and she moves back in, whose to say she doesn't fall into her old routine?" I fall back into my leather chair and exhale all my worries. "I-I don't think I could go through a split again. I don't think my heart would survive."

Ava must sense my torment because she quickly leaps from her position upon my feet and jumps into my lap. I offer the pup a small smile and ruffle her fur just below her floppy ears. She actually does ease some of the tension, despite my previous assumptions.

"I'm sorry ma, I know it must be hard. I don't know how either of you feel but I think seeing your heartache is enough for me to somewhat understand." He clears his throat and straightens his posture once again, expressing his mature side. "But here's the thing, you'll never know if she's changing unless you give her a chance. Yeah, you'll have to risk another heartbreak, but that's up to you to decide. Do you risk it and maybe win a happily ever after with her? Or do you protect your heart, call it quits and save yourself the pain?"

"I know Henry, but I really really don't know what to do," I breathe out and cuddle Ava closer to my chest to calm the erratic beating.

"Take your time mom," Henry smiles weakly before he stands tall and strolls right out the door.

I glance to the drawer on my right that is so obviously taunting me. I stretch around Ava and yank open the drawer to retrieve those divorce papers once again. I toss them angrily onto my desk and glare at them for what seems like the millionth time. I can't be in this limbo any longer. I need to make a damn decision.


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

My shoes squeak against the floor as I rush into my office during this hectic day. I can't help but ask myself why children with runny noses was my dream job. What the hell was I thinking? I snatch up my coat, quickly sliding my arms inside and check my phone.

 _Dr. Black: This sushi place looks amazing. I just walked in. Are you on your way?_

My fingers fumble to type out the word _yes_ , as I scurry through my office. I have about forty-five minutes for lunch before my next patient. My heart is already pounding murderously within the confines of its cavity, but I continue speed walking out of the office and across the street through the sharp bitter wind of New York.

A cheerful bell sings over the door as I abruptly push my way inside. I glance around and spot my colleague in the back of the restaurant waiting patiently. I take one deep breath and summon the courage to walk over to her. My feet shuffle across the room until my body is sinking into the seat across from her.

"Hey, I'm glad you could make it." She flashes me her most enticing smile and leans into the table. "I've been trying to meet up with you all week since you've been back."

"I know, I've been-"

"I know you're swamped from missing that week," she smiles sweetly and is about to reach across the table for my hand, but I shy away, hiding my hands beneath the table. She frowns, instantly noting my odd behavior. "Is that the only reason you've been dodging me?" She accuses in a more stern tone, but I can see the hurt glistening in her eyes and the wince she's trying desperately to cover up.

"I think you are misunderstanding what this is," I sigh, hating what's to come because I know she feels more for me than I ever could for her. Truthfully, she's been very kind to me and I don't actually want to hurt her.

"I thought we were enjoying our time together? I assumed we were getting to really know one another," she softly explains, but her brows are pinching painfully together and I see the confusion washing over her.

"We were enjoying our time together, but it was never meant to be anything more than a few fun times. I'm sorry if I mislead you or I wasn't more upfront, but this isn't the start of anything," I gently explain, hoping I can spare her feelings. "I didn't have my phone during my vacation, but when I read your texts," I sigh heavily, my fingers fiddling anxiously beneath the table as guilt consumes me. "I think I realized that maybe I lead you on."

"I'm a big girl Regina," she scoffs and folds her arms protectively over her chest. "I understand that I was a quick fuck to keep your mind busy from your failed marriage and children."

"Fiona-"

"No, I do understand, but apart of me thought we were really connecting and enjoying one another's company," she sadly defends as her arms break apart in defeat. My stomach clenches from the guilt of being so blind in my own depression to see that I was misleading this woman.

"I'm honestly very sorry," I genuinely state as my eyes trail up to meet her hardening gaze.

"So, what? No more sneaking around and endless nights in your bed?" She questions and I can hear the way her foot is anxiously tapping below the table.

"I'm sorry, that-that can't happen anymore."

"Let me guess, Emma realized tossing you out of your own home was a mistake?" She snips, her nails digging deeply into her scrubs and wrinkling them in the process.

"Don't disrespect Emma, you have no idea what our marriage was truly like," I retort with a pointed glare, threatening her silently never to speak about my wife again.

"I know that Emma kicked you out of your house and out of your children's lives as well. I was there Regina," she sighs scooting just a tad closer in her chair. "I watched you fall apart and I tried to help you in whatever way I could."

"And I appreciate all your support, I do, but the fact of the matter is, Emma is still my wife and if she's willing to offer me another chance, then I need to take that. We were together for eighteen years, I can't just give up on her or our family."

"You really want to rush into being tossed out on your ass again?"

"Yes," I reply without a second of hesitation. "I love Emma with all my heart and she's worth the risk." Fiona inhales sharply through her nose and quakes slightly as she releases her breath. "I'm sorry I mislead you and I'm sorry you were caught in the crossfire, but this was never more to me than a few fun evenings. I wanted to explain this in person rather than over the phone, I thought you deserved that."

"Well thanks for that at least," she sincerely states. I smile politely and watch as she fidgets from the awkward tension building between us. "Well do you want to order some lunch?"

"I really should be heading back, besides I really don't think that's appropriate anymore."

"So, this means we can't even be friends anymore?"

"I'm afraid not," we both frown slightly, "I'll still maintain a professional relationship with you. I wouldn't allow the children to see any other orthopedic," I smile, but it's weak and we both know how uncomfortable it is now between us. I slowly rise from my seat and thrust my hands into my coat pockets. "Goodbye Fiona."

She doesn't mutter a word, she sits back in her seat with her lips pursed and only god knows what's running through her mind. I slip out the door and rush back into my office building across the street to finish off my day just as my phone vibrates in my pocket. My heart flutters it's love sick wings in hopes that it's Emma, but I frown slightly when I see that it's my mother.

"Hello," I sigh, not at all hiding the disappointment etching in my tone and push passed the two heavy doors to my office building.

"Regina," she snaps and I know exactly what this phone call is about. She promised me a scolding before I left Sicily and with the holidays I was able to tip toe around the discussion. "We didn't have a chance to speak about a matter that I find quite appalling," she clips and snaps her tongue to express her disappointment in my behavior.

"Mother, now is really not the time. I am finishing with my lunch break and I have a patient in," I quickly pull my phone away from my ear to check the time and exhale slowly, "five minutes."

"Oh we are not starting this same old song and dance again."

"No, no. Of course not," I shake my head violently even though she cannot see the gesture. "I'm just very busy right now since I missed that week. I promise I'm almost all done catching up and by this evening I will be ready to prove to Emma that I'm moving in the right direction," I happily explain, feeling that added weight from my divorce fluttering away from my shoulders and inspiring an extra spring in my step as I enter my office.

"Are you sure?" My mother hums in a low accusing tone that brings me back to a time when she would scold me for lying to her because somehow this woman always knows everything.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Really? There wouldn't be some other woman lingering around to cause more issues between you and your wife?"

"Whatever you heard about Fiona, doesn't matter anymore. She meant nothing to me, she was just a distraction through a couple of lonely nights, that's it _and_ Emma and I have already discussed all of this together," I say with conviction because I know in my heart where my relationship stands with Emma now.

"How dare you do that to Emma," my mother growls into the phone causing my eyes to roll.

"It's not like I cheated mother! It was eight months after her and I split. Everyone seems to forget how hard this was on me as well. I never wanted a divorce. I was kicked out of my house, separated from children and it nearly killed me. Everyone thinks because I was the one who screwed up my marriage that this wasn't as hard on me as it was for Emma and that's just bullshit."

"I never said that one had it easier than the other. Don't put words in my mouth Regina Maria," she berates me once again and my eyes roll around in my head to their own accord. "You need to stop assuming that sleeping around will take your pain away because it does not."

"I never said that it did. I was lonely and for one hour a week, I wasn't drowning in my sorrows over my failed marriage and the ache from missing my children. That's all that it was," I declare just as there is a rapid knock against my door.

Bright blonde hair cascades through the creek in my door before Ashley's timid smile nervously appears. "Dr. Mills, your one o'clock is here," she politely informs me.

"You can call me Regina, we've been through this dear," I smile kindly, but she still is holding the same anxious grin upon her lips. "I'll be right out." She nods and slips through the small gap, closing the door behind her. "I have to go mother, I will speak with you tomorrow, I promise."

"Alright darling, I love you."

"I love you too, goodbye," I sigh again and end the call, carelessly dropping my phone onto the desk before rushing out of my office.

XXXXXXXXX 

"Was that the last appointment for the day?" I ask my receptionist as my fingers anxiously tap away against the laptop to finish off the last report.

"Yes, everyone is finished," she informs me, her eyes glued to the bright screen in front of her.

"Very well," I acknowledge and slowly shut the laptop, staring down until she notices my gaze and her eyes drift toward mine. "I meant what I said, no more late appointments. I don't want anything booked after five o'clock," I sternly remind her once again so she won't even think about budging on my request.

I have made my decision, my family comes first. I almost lost them once and I will never allow that to happen again. I made a vow to not only Emma, but myself as well to be more present so I started off with demanding no more appointments scheduled after five o'clock. It's a small gesture, but that will free up some time to finish things in the office before I head home. Another vow I made to myself includes not allowing any work to follow me back home at night. Maybe once a week I will stay late in the office or bring my work home, but I am only granting myself that one late night.

"I understand, Regina," she curtly nods before her tired eyes crawl back toward her screen to finish up her reports for the day.

"Wonderful, Ivy, Ashley and I have one more late meeting this evening so please just lock the door when you leave. Have a nice evening."

"You as well," she replies flatly, her fingers rushing to finish her work so she can head home to god only knows what, most likely her cats.

I lift my laptop off the counter and trek back through the narrow hall into my office. The phone begins ringing so I rush inside and place my laptop down before swiftly snatching up the phone.

"Dr. Mills," I answer and can't help but cringe when I hear the way I'm practically sighing from exhaustion into the phone.

My lawyer begins spewing off information while I wait patiently for him to finish. He's reviewing everything we have already discussed so my mind is somewhat wandering away. My eyes begin scanning my desk for the files I will need for my meeting this evening, my free hand rummaging through a million other sheets until a strange amber fold catches my eye.

I furrow my eyebrows just as Ivy opens my office door with Ashley and a young woman with shiny auburn hair trailing behind. I glance up through my eyelashes to stare down my friend and lift the folder for Ivy to see.

"Yes, George that all sounds correct, but I'm going to have to call you back in the morning. Please go ahead and draw up those papers for us to sign," I quickly instruct and hang up the phone with the mysterious folder still dangling mid air.

"Emma stopped by to drop those off," Ivy nonchalantly replies as she slides into one of the seats next to my desk. Her eyes are already shifting through her papers not at all expressing concern for what might be inside.

"Why didn't you tell me she came by?" I pointedly question as my fingers fumble to unclasp the metal piece on the back.

"You were with the Gibson family and I know they need your attention. Besides, Emma specifically told me not to bother you," she shrugs carelessly as she pulls out the packet she needs and rests it on top of her pile upon her lap. "Alright, shall we begin?" She smiles politely, but I can see the boredom straining in her eyes.

"Of course," Ashley shyly responds as her and the other woman take a seat in front of my desk.

"One moment please," I softly request and peel back the flap keeping these papers hidden from my curious eyes.

All I see is one word, _divorce_ , in big block letters, staring me down like some black hole, sucking all the air from my lungs. My heart thunders angrily in my chest as I rip the packet out from the folder. My stomach flips upside down creating an acidic burn to crawl up my chest and burn the back of my throat. I quickly flip the pages to where the little _sign here_ tabs are purposely marked and I crumble.

My knees give out completely before I fall back recklessly into my chair. I blink, thinking that maybe I'm seeing things and even my thumb has to reach out and touch the curly penmanship of one Emma Swan-Mills.

"Regina? What's wrong? We need to begin," Ivy's voice resonates somewhere in the distance, but it sounds all muffled to my ears.

I swallow back my tears and quickly snatch up the folder lying upon my desk. I shove the papers inside and leap to my feet without another moment of hesitation.

"I have to go," I firmly state, avoiding every set of perplexed eyes gaping at me.

"Regina," Ivy protests as she reaches for my elbow, but I'm quick to jerk away from her unwanted pleas to stay. "We have to go over everything-"

"No Ivy, I have to go. All of this can wait," I strictly declare and rush toward my door to retrieve my black pea coat.

There's a moment of silence and just as I reach for the door handle I take a chance and look back at my friend. She's smiling softly and there's a glint of pride shimmering in her eyes. She nods slowly toward the door and breathes out, "all of this can wait."

I flash her my most grateful smile and rush out the door without another word. I know she will explain a family emergency to Ashley and the other woman for my benefit and I'm so thankful that she is so much more than a partner in our business, but my dear friend as well.

I speed walk down the halls of the building, rushing passed people I hardly ever see who are leaving work for this evening. My heart is beating about a mile a minute and I'm fairly confident that I have stopped breathing sometime between now and when I first laid eyes upon these vile papers.

What on Earth was Emma thinking when she dropped those papers off today? She's been sitting on them like a bird trying to protect her egg for months now and the day after she comes home from Sicily, where we vowed to work on us and spent the entire time airing out our differences, she just tosses them on my desk at work like this wouldn't be a slap to my face?

My mind is buzzing with too many hazardous thoughts that truthfully I don't really want to dive into and worry myself into a frenzy of unknown possibilities. Nonetheless, my hands are trembling violently against my steering wheel and I'm constantly squirming in my seat the entire way to Emma's.

When I finally arrive, my hair is a mess from frantically running my quivering fingers through my knotted strands. My stomach is in such tight coils that I don't think I will be able to properly stand straight up. My legs feel like jiggling jello as I step out of my vehicle and I debate if I will find the strength to keep the stomach acid from bubbling up to the surface.

I run, my mind suddenly stops racing and my feet pick up the slack, dashing toward the front door faster than I have ever ran before. My hands shake like an addict suffering through withdrawals as I sort through my keys for the one I haven't used in eleven horrendous months. I jab the metal into the lock and quickly turn the key while pushing my way across the threshold.

Four heads snap in unison, each one decorated with wide eyes and bewildered expressions gaping over the back of the couch. Every single one of them are wearing the same exact frazzled Emma Swan look upon their faces and I am reminded again to be thankful for Emma carrying all four of our beautiful babies.

I quickly shut the door behind me and shove my hands into my coat pockets. "Where's your mother?" I sternly question and watch as all four sets of eyes drift toward the long winding staircase.

I nod curtly and begin climbing the stairs two at a time not even bothering to remove my shoes at any point in time. When I reach the top of the stairs, I swallow down all my fears and squeeze some of the tension out through my fists. I glance down the dark hall and am greeted with a closed bedroom door.

My hand springs out of my pocket to reach for the handle, but I somehow lost my confidence somewhere upon those stairs. My hand quakes viciously, hovering over the knob while fear for my future wracks my bones like a savage hurricane. This is it, this is the moment where my life is about to change. The answers to all questions lay on the other side of this damn door. When I walk through that door I'm either going to win my wife back or I'm going to be informed that my marriage is now officially over and I will leave this house more alone than ever.

A small sniffle echoes from the other side and suddenly I'm not scared anymore. I muster up all the courage I need and barge right through that door. However the scene that is laid out before me, steals all the energy from my body once again. My heart free falls from my chest into the pit of my stomach and I feel like someone just punched me in the gut, forcing all the air out of my burning lungs.

I gently close the door behind me, eliminating the dim light completely. Emma had closed all the blinds in the room, allowing her peace to cry in the dark. I slowly kick off my boots, peel my coat away and pad across the fluffy carpet toward the bed we once shared. My heart is aching just seeing this bed again, but as fast as thought enters my mind is as fast as it flees.

Gently, I crawl onto the fluffy bed, watching Emma's long back dip further into the mattress from my added weight. She sniffles but that's the only sound through the deafening silence engulfing us. I don't even think or hesitate as I slide behind my wife and drape one arm around her frail looking body. I bury my nose into her silky tresses, inhaling sharply as I squeeze her body closer into mine and drown in her vanilla aroma. Her body molds perfectly into mine like the last piece to a jigsaw puzzle and we both release a deep sigh from the comfort of being wrapped in each other's arms once again.

I don't say a word and neither does she because we both know, right now, all we need is to be held. My heart rate slows down immensely in her presence and I slowly feel that constricting tension drift away from my body. I snuggle in closer and kiss the back of her neck producing a strangled sob to escape her trembling mouth.

"Emma," I softly whisper, slamming my eyes shut because I don't think I'm brave enough to face this world. "What happened? Why did you bring me the divorce papers today?" Another heavy sob erupts from her trembling body so I just hold her closer and tell myself to never let go, never again. "Please talk to me," I plead and fight against my own wobble developing in my throat.

"I-I don't think I can try again. We've been down this road too many times and I always end up getting hurt. I can't risk it. Not again," she stammers through her thick tears and convulsing body.

I place a gentle kiss to her neck again and allow my lips to linger while I find some words to fix this mess we have found ourselves in. "But Emma I swore to you that I would make things right. I told you I'm trying and you promised me that it wasn't just our time in Sicily, you swore...we could work...on us," I struggle with my own words as my dream about a better tomorrow slowly drifts further and further away from my fingertips. Just like that, hot tears burn my eyes and slide down my cheeks like lava spilling down a volcano.

Emma cries hard in my arms, her weak body trembling hazardously while I hold her tight and soak her hair with my own tears. She never responds once to my claim and time just seems to be slowly ticking by, never do our harsh sobs quit.

"Please Emma, don't do this," I beg as another reckless hiccup escapes my mouth.

"I don't know what to do Regina. I don't think I can trust you...not to fall into the same bad habits...again," she sniffles and wipes her nose with a crumbled up ball of tissue she's been clenching between her fists.

"Is this about this week?" I suddenly sober up and my tears vanish into my flushed cheeks, leaving them sticky in the process. I balance myself on one elbow and lean over her trembling bones. "Emma, please look at me, we need to talk," I implore and cautiously reach out to guide her pointed chin in my direction, demanding her undivided attention.

"Regina," she whines, but I hold her wobbling chin into place.

Her eyes are glossy, filled with fat tears that don't seem to be quitting anytime soon. Her flushed cheeks are already stained from the tracks of the hateful liquid and god I wonder how long she's been crying today. My grip tightens upon her chin as I lean down to make sure she's listening to my words.

"Emma listen to me, I..." my mouth snaps shut because I know if I don't say everything I need to right now, I will lose my wife for good and I know I will never be the same. "While you and the children were in Sicily this passed week, Ivy and I purchased a new building for our office. We had been thinking about it for quite some time now, but when I came back from Sicily and I knew you were giving me a second chance, I knew I had to change my life."

Those beautiful green eyes disappear from view as she slams her eyes shut and cries even harder. I rest my forehead against her cheek and absorb as many of those tears as I possibly can.

"Please listen to me," I softly request through my own persistent tears. "I knew it wouldn't be fair to you knowing I worked in the same building as Fiona, so that was the little push I needed to purchase the new building. Ivy and I were talking about it for awhile because Gold kept raising our rent like a greedy little imp," at this a small chuckle breaks through her lips because she never did care for the man. It's not much but it's everything I need to keep pushing forward for our future.

"So, while you were away, Ivy and I found some places, we purchased one and I was trying so hard to have everything done before you came home so all I had to do was focus on us and our children."

"Regina-"

"Please wait," I sigh, lifting my head away from hers and when I peer down, she's staring up at me with a terrifying expression, like I'm the one about to leave her. "Ashley is doing very well and she even brought in someone else. We were about to have a meeting this evening about her new position, but then I saw those stupid divorce papers and I left."

Emma slowly shifts under my weight to look me square in the eyes. "You left?"

"I left. I ran out the door with barely a goodbye and came straight here. I'm sure I will receive a few red light tickets in the mail, but it's fine," I brush off the incident and carefully cup her cheek. "Please Emma I'm doing so much to prove that I can change, please tell me you see that?" I beg as my eyelids flutter closed and I rest my head against hers all over again. I just can't be too far away and risk not showing her enough attention to want to stay with me.

"I-" she falters and my breath hitches because dread washes over me like a crushing wave and I can't seem to keep my head a float. There's no more air left under this tidal wave and I'm struggling to hold my breath. "I see that you're trying," she exhales slowly and squirms into my arms.

My mouth pops open and I suck in as much air as possible while she buries her face against my chest. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around her and hold her impossibly close. I'm not even confident she can breathe but I won't ever let her go.

"Why her? Why not me?" Comes out all distorted and muffled against my shirt, her hot breath warming my aching chest.

"What?" I softly question, slowly running my fingers up and down her back to remind her that I'm right here with her.

"Why sleep with Fiona, when you couldn't even find time with me?" She sniffles and buries her face even deeper into my embrace.

"Emma, you know why," I retort and slowly lift my left hand to run through her long locks. I sigh knowing I have to explain everything if she is ever going to move passed this. "After eight months of being so damn alone, Fiona showed up on my doorstep with a bottle of wine and a sincere smile. I was so fucking tired of being alone with no one to turn to," a new wave of tears fill my eyes and I can't stop them from leaking over the brim.

"You had Ivy, Ruby and Belle," Emma scoffs and I can tell by her tone she doesn't quite understand.

"Ivy is so self involved, besides, she was my friend for so long, she would just call me an idiot every time I tried to express my feelings. Ruby completely took your side and I don't blame her, but it was really unnecessary for her to cut me out of her life altogether. Belle, well Belle would just sympathetically frown, but never offered true advise and I could tell I was making her uncomfortable because she was all _Team Emma_. And my mother, well we all know how critical she can be..." I trail off as Emma nods against my chest, her tears slowly subsiding and just sniffles are left to stop her leaky nose.

"Anyways, I just wanted to talk to someone and express my feelings about being kicked out and missing my children without someone being so bias. So, I stepped aside and allowed Fiona inside. I poured my heart out, she listened intently and most importantly quietly, while she poured glass after glass of wine. She left that night and I felt somewhat better, finally releasing some of the stress that was weighing down on my heart."

"That's what psychologists are for, you know," Emma deadpans but I swear there's a hint of humor lingering behind that statement.

"Do you want the whole truth?"

"Keep going," she exhales and nuzzles closer to my chest, tucking her fists beneath her chin.

"The following week she showed up again at my doorstep with another bottle of wine and take out and I hadn't eaten in god knows how long so I stepped aside again. Things...occurred that night...and I didn't stop it because for once my mind wasn't beating my soul down with everything I did wrong in my marriage." My fingers abruptly stop in the webs of her tangled hair and I ponder for a moment about what I truly want to say next.

"I know you think I was making time for her and not you, but you need to understand that, that wasn't the case. When I came home from a long day at work, I had to walk on eggshells, terrified I upset you once again while trying to pay attention to our children. When Fiona came around, our children weren't there and I was lonely. She only turned up once a week, never requesting any more attention then the few hours I offered late in the night. I never called, texted or showed any type of attention. It was easy and I know it kills you and I'm so sorry Emma, but she never asked for my love and devotion. It was just sex, nothing more. With you it was always more, you needed my love and attention and I'm not blaming you at all, I just need you to see everything for what it truly was."

Emma sighs heavily against my chest before she slowly drifts away and gazes up at me with these pleading puppy dog eyes that instantly break my heart all over again. Those dull green eyes are coated in thick tears and I just want to kiss away her pain, but I don't, not wanting to push her in anyway.

"You say you never called or texted but I saw messages," she rebuttals, intensely holding my gaze and daring me to make up some excuse.

"Yes, I would say the last two weeks before I left she started coming around more and offering more of herself. I was too wrapped up in arguing with you and worrying about our children that I didn't really pay attention to what was happening. She was developing feelings that I just could never return." I gently place my index finger below her sticky chin and guide her head up just a little more so I can really lock onto her enticing eyes. "My heart belongs to you. It always has and always will."

Her breath catches in her throat as her eyes dart all around my face, searching for some uncertainty in my confession. My mind is screaming to capture her lips and seal my love with the most passionate kiss but I can't find the courage. She looks so small in this moment and I can't be selfish and hurt her anymore.

Emma's eyes slowly flutter closed as she spins around in my arms, never uttering one single word. The world falls silent around us and it's the loudest silence I have ever heard, urging me to bury my face in her soft curls and pretend this world doesn't exist. She doesn't make a move to extract herself from my arms so I pull her flush against my body and cuddle into her back.

My mind is swarming with negativity, stinging and inflicting my brain with thoughts of her leaving me yet again. I can't stop the tears as they trickle through my clenched eyes and my body succumbs to crying all over again. I hold on for dear life and silently pray that she gives me just one more chance to prove my love for her.

"Please," I bark out through a heavy sob, clinging onto my wife just one last time. "Please don't leave me again. I love you so much Emma." Her stomach clenches beneath my arm and I feel the way her tears consume her entire body once again. "I-I can't..."

"I know," she cries out and slithers her fingers in between mine, holding me even closer. She kisses each one of my knuckles and I honestly have no idea if she's kissing me goodbye or kissing promises for our tomorrow.

The room falls silent all over again while we hold each other through the evening. I'm not sure how long we lay like that, unmoving without any sounds, until we hear feet padding through the hall. I think Emma may have fallen asleep, but I don't risk popping this intimate bubble to check. I listen to our children, faint whispers and laughing as they prepare for bed and my heart warms with a kind of love that could never be replaced. I would give anything to be in this home again.

Out of nowhere there's movement at the foot of the bed, demanding my full attention. I snap my head toward our feet to find a small fluff ball cuddling between mine and Emma's feet.

"Emma? What the hell is a dog doing in this bed?"


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

A thundering repetitious knock beats down against my door, but my bones have reached their limit of exhaustion. So, I cuddle further into the thick air radiating heat and hum my appreciation. The pounding continues though, ignorant to my needs and provokes the warmth I'm absorbing to shift away.

"Moms?" Henry's timid muffled voice squeezes itself through the hard wood separating us. "I-uh..." his words die on his tongue and I can just picture him out in the hall shifting his weight from one foot to the other while nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

I groan while stretching out my stiff muscles and grimace when I notice how sticky my face feels from all the tears that were determined to pour out of me last night. I know Regina is still cuddling up beside me, I woke up several times in the middle of the night to find her clinging to me like a security blanket.

Ever so subtly, conscious not to disturb her, I maneuver onto my side and blink away the sleep clinging to my long lashes. There's still a very prominent pout still molding her lips and forcing them to stretch forward with a small crease in her forehead informing me that she's still worrying, even in her sleep.

I reach through the delicate space between us and brush the back of my fingers against her smooth cheek, creating a soft moan to rattle in her chest. My lips curl into a gentle smile from that adorable sound and suddenly I find myself leaning forward to kiss away that sexy pout. My lips are stiff and dried out from all the salty tears, but that doesn't stop me from stealing a tender kiss from her plump flesh.

"Uh, Moms?" Henry shyly calls out again while his knuckles tap against the door.

Regina groans softly, but her lips move to meet mine for a delicate kiss that flips the switch to the furnace in my heart, spreading tingling warmth throughout my bloodstream. I break apart the kiss when I hear Henry's voice once again.

"Yeah, kid?" I croak out through my froggy voice, still sore from the harsh sobs that wracked my body.

"Uh...I didn't want to just...walk in..." he begins stammering while I brush my knuckles against Regina's flushed cheek once again.

"It's time for us to get up," I whisper into her ear for only her, but she just groans and buries her face into the crook below my chin. My fingers move to their own accord, tangling through her knots while I shake my head, stifling a giggle. "I know you're not sleeping," I muse, but I'm also not breaking apart from our loving embrace.

"Moms!"

"There's nothing for you to worry about," I shout over Regina's head. "You can come in if you want," I acknowledge so he understands that nothing inappropriate occurred last night. I lower my voice and lean into Regina's ear. "Okay, now its time to get up before our son finds us in a compromising position," I declare, but she just moans and places a small kiss against my chest. "Don't be a brat," I tease and lightly swat her outer thigh.

The door handle clicks and that's the key to motivate Regina to spring to life. She sits up elegantly, wiping the sleep from her eyes and rests her back against the headboard, attempting to comb out her unruly hair with her fingers. I chuckle to myself and slowly slide myself up in bed just as the door swings open.

"Good morning, Henry," Regina greets our son through her sleep induced voice, still hoarse and raspier than ever from her tears as well.

"Good morning, kid."

"Hey," he slowly strolls into the room, anxiously shoving his hands into his coat pockets while his eyes flick everywhere but in our direction.

"Going somewhere?" I question when I notice his winter ensemble.

"Yeah, uh, I was gonna take Noah and the girls out for breakfast this morning so we could give you guys some privacy to discuss...well whatever you need to," he shrugs his broad shoulders while his eyes lock onto the foot of the bed, never wanting to actually look us in the eyes right now.

"Kid, you don't have to leave the house, it's-"

"No, no, it's fine," he blurts out as his eyes dart up to meet my sleepy gaze. "I was going to meet Violet there anyways. I should probably see her before I get an earful," he chuckles lightly causing Regina and I to become all watery eyed from the acknowledgment of his true age. "Do you guys want anything? Mom, will you still be here when we get back? I can bring back food," he sweetly suggests and a small sigh of happiness escapes Regina's parted lips, but she never responds.

Regina curls a thick chunk of hair behind her ear as she slowly turns to gauge my reaction. I know she doesn't want to answer Henry, because we sort of left some things in the air last night. I flash her a small smile before I answer for her.

"It's actually your sibling's weekend with your mom," I notice right away, even out of the corner of my eyes as Regina's entire body tenses. "After breakfast, can you drop them off?"

"Oh, uh, yeah. I can do that. Mom?"

"Yes, honey?" Regina struggles to choke out her response as she glances over in his direction, never meeting his eyes.

"Can I stay with you this weekend?" He questions even though he knows he doesn't have to ask.

"Of course. I would love that," she professes through a broad grin and brightening up her mood.

"Alright then we will see you later." Henry turns his attention toward our feet and smiles softly. He pats his legs grabbing the sleepy dog's attention. "Come on Ava, outside," he enthusiastically calls, fully waking up the pup. Our new dog stretches, shakes out her short fur and happily hops off the bed to follow Henry out the door.

Henry slowly walks backwards out of our bedroom and shuts the door behind him. There's a moment of silence where we just sit and listen to his heavy feet trample down the stairs. The moment the door slams shut, I reach out, gripping the back of Regina's neck and forcing her lips to meet mine.

She gasps, completely taken by surprise as my mouth presses firmly against her succulent lips. She shakes her head vigorously and struggles to pull away from my demanding kiss.

"Emma, I'm so-"

"Ssshhhh," I place my finger against her puffy lips and frown at the confusion and fear flashing across her features. "I don't want the kids to know just yet that we are working things out, I don't want to get their hopes up," I enlighten her and slowly drag my finger away just to replace it with my lips.

"Seriously?" She mumbles into our kiss because I know she can't find the energy to pull apart, just like I can't.

I nod, my lips curling into a sappy grin and edge my way on top of her body. She sighs, releasing all those fears and worries while she latches onto my face with both hands, pouring all her love into that single kiss. I slide one hand behind her back and tug her down onto the mattress. She chuckles a deep throaty laugh while I continue smiling into the kiss like a lunatic.

Regina delicately skims her thumbs over my cheeks and the sincerity is enough to break apart our kiss. I gaze down into those enchanting eyes while she peers up at me through a watery smile.

"You mean it? No more games. We will work on us and burn those awful divorce papers?"

I chuckle while dipping down to peck her sweet lips just once more. "Yes, no more games. We are doing this."

"I love you," she breathes and slams her mouth against mine while I attempt to reiterate the same loving expression.

My body melts on top of hers, producing two heavy sighs of contentment in the process. We both hesitate for a moment, smiling back at one another knowing in our hearts just how much we mean to one another. I place a small kiss to the tip of her nose and watch as her eyes sparkle with love. I place another kiss to her chin while my right hand slithers beneath her work scrubs, then I pause.

"Shit, it's Saturday, don't you have to go in until one?"

Regina smiles back at me with this adorably soft expression and pulls my face down against her lips again. "I don't work Saturday's anymore," she confesses. Her hands slip away from my face as I try to truly comprehend her words because honestly I'm a little shell shocked at the moment. Her warm fingertips slide under my tank top, lightly grazing my skin and sparking a fire just below to create delicious goosebumps. "You see, I have this wife at home and four adorable children," she slowly states in a long drawn out tone while her nails begin to rake down my exposed back. "And I don't want to waste another minute of their time."

A tiny laugh exhales through my nose before I dip down and capture her full lips again. "I love you."

"I love you, Emma."

"Come on, why don't we shower and get dressed so you can meet the kids in a little bit. You can borrow some clothes," I offer and kiss her lips one last time before I roll off her inviting body.

Regina hums softly as she slowly rises from the bed and runs her fingers through her messy locks once again. "I don't even remember the last time we showered together."

"Who said I was joining you?" I tease, but this stupid sappy grin won't wipe clean from my lips no matter how hard I try.

Regina stands from the bed and quickly swats my pajama covered bottom. "Be nice," she sternly scolds with a pointed glare that instantly delivers a chilly set of shivers to run down my spine.

"It's just so much fun to tease you," I admit and strut confidently into our en suite.

She doesn't hesitate to chase after me, pushing me into the bathroom and sliding her skilled fingers around my hips while her body drapes over my back. She gently rests her chin upon my shoulder, forcing my body to slump back against hers.

"I don't believe it would be in your best interest to tease me," she husks hotly into my ear, burning every nerve ending this body of mine contains.

"No?" I innocently question and peek over at her makeup free face.

Her manicured nails scratch lightly above the waistband of my pants before she trails her fingertips beneath the soft fabric. Her fingers dip just below my scar, knowing how sensitive that area is, and teasingly rakes her nails over my mound. I shudder violently in her embrace as my eyes flutter closed from the overwhelming stimulation.

"I'm sure my teasing will be far worst than your words," she moans before reaching forward to nip at my earlobe, provoking my head to fall back against her shoulder and granting her all the access she desires in this moment. She chuckles against my exposed neck while I mentally plead with her to just do more; she could kiss my neck or latch on like some crazed vampire or maybe her fingers could slip just a little further, but she does none of this and just remains perfectly still behind me. "Is something wrong Em-ma?" She purrs like some temptress sex goddess.

Abruptly, I spin around in her teasing arms, forcing her hands out of my pants and shove her against the bathroom door. Assertively, I step closer, placing my palms flat against the wooden surface on either side of her face and smirk. Ever so slowly, I drag my thigh between her legs and press my body firmly against hers. My nose lightly brushes against hers, demanding that her wandering eyes meet mine and she quickly complies.

I watch with great fascination as the warm chocolate is slowly taken over by the spilled ink of black pupils from her desire. A cocky smirk tickles the corner of my mouth as I lean forward and ghost over her full lips.

"We don't really have time for teasing," I mutter and listen for the small hitch in her throat that I know is to come. "And I would really love to claim you before we have to pretend that you aren't mine again."

Regina instantly slams her mouth against mine in a panicked frenzy, her hands not wasting a single second as she finds the hem of my tank top. She tears the cotton fabric away from my body as though it's physically harming my sensitive flesh. We break apart the kiss for just a split second, but we both dive right back in, opened mouthed and ready to explore each other's tongues for old times sake.

Regina whips my top to the ground like she's so angry with the garment for keeping my body hidden from her greedy hands. Without warning I slide my thigh higher between the apex of her legs, creating the most delicious moan that inevitably falls into my mouth. Her nails sharply scratch into my flesh as she scrabbles for my pajama bottoms, ripping them down harshly to expose my full bottom. That's as far as Regina can move though because my body is still pinning her to the door.

My thigh falls away from her heated center so I can finish prying my pants away, but my eyes never leave her sexy little frame. As I kick away my pajamas I am caught in a trance, watching as she crosses her arms over her lower abdomen and rips her shirt up and over her body. I groan to myself when I watch her thick tresses swaying all around her face, but more importantly when my eyes fall to her black lacy bra that's pushing her swollen breasts together.

I rush forward, pinning her back to the door while her fingers tread hazardously through my tangled hair so she can pull my face as close as humanly possible. I inhale sharply as our lips mesh together as one, my nails scratching down her rib cage, admiring every dip along my path.

My chest rises to meet hers in a desperation that I've become too familiar with. The soft lace of her enticing bra scratches against my nipples, forcing the tender flesh to pucker for attention. The sensation is dizzying as hot sparks of electricity shock my needy clit. I groan against her mouth and quickly suck her pouty bottom lip into my mouth earning myself a mumbled whimper that does delicious things to my body.

Regina's hands vanish from my cheeks and slide between our bodies until she's digging her nails in deep to the thin flesh over my hip bones. She pushes herself off the bathroom door and expertly walks me backwards toward our shower. She's right, I have no clue when we shared our time beneath a shower head last, but by the way my heart is racing I know it's been far too long.

While Regina's warm velvety tongue slips into my mouth and curls around mine, my fingers find the drawstring to her scrubs and yank the knot free, ultimately causing her to stumble closer into my body. I smirk when a puff of air escapes her mouth from the colliding force and tug her bottoms down even further. When my eyes catch a glimpse of her silky smooth center, my mouth instantly dries up and I fall to my knees.

My heart is rattling wildly in my chest and if I wasn't so focused on her glistening folds, I would fear I was on the brink of a heart attack. I rest my hands on her outer thighs and stretch my fingers all across her burning flesh. I slowly run my hands up her thighs and melt when I hear that sexy groan from above. My fingers trail around her thick thighs and continue exploring until I'm groping her full bottom. Another deep and raspy groan echoes through the bathroom but I'm too mesmerized by what's in front of me.

I lean forward, brushing the tip of my nose ever so delicately up her slick slit. She exhales a long drawn out shaky breath that sparks a fire just beneath my skin. A million little needles prick my heated flesh as I nuzzle into her pulsating pussy. One hand buries itself in my hair to hold me close to her dripping center and another rests upon my shoulder to steady herself from toppling over.

"Fuck I've missed you," I pant heavily, inspiring her grip to tighten in my hair only increasing my state of arousal.

"I know," she whines and I don't have to even look at her to know her eyes are closed and she's completely lost in the moment.

My tongue pokes out to wet my lips, and as the muscle retracts, my teeth graze across my bottom lip as I memorize this moment. I don't ever want to forget this moment of desperation. I want to...no, I _need_ to always remember this feeling of finally having the love of my life back in my arms. It took so long, but I know it's what we needed so we have a reminder to never give up on our love or to ever take our relationship for granted again.

My wet tongue peeks out again and gradually licks up her entire slit like she's my most favorite lollipop and I need to savor her flavor. Her nails pierce my scalp, but I don't mind, in fact I welcome the pain with open arms because it twists divinely in my gut and licks my clit with fervor.

I smile against her warm mound and press a loving kiss to her clit, just before I open wide, dragging my teeth against her tender flesh like I'm taking a bite out of the most scrumptious apple.

"Fuck Emma," she gasps sharply, the air hissing all around her mouth.

"This is mine now," I declare with all the confidence in the world.

I peer up through my lashes and watch as her bottom lip pouts out. Her grip on my scalp loosens as she drags her hand away to cup my cheek. Her thumb grazes over my flushed skin as she guides my head to tilt back so I can meet her eyes.

"Yours," she whispers in a fragile tone, her eyes glossing over with too many emotions to count.

"I mean it. Forever," I reiterate so she understands my demand.

She smiles down on me and nods, her thumb still caressing my cheek to confirm that I am still there and this isn't some mind trick or an exotic dream.

"Forever," she agrees wholeheartedly, inspiring me to jump to my feet and kiss her with everything I have.

Regina reaches behind me and slides the shower glass open, edging me closer until we are tumbling inside with our lips still furiously rubbing against one another's. As she slides the door closed behind her, I turn the handle to extra hot, just the way she likes it and pull her out of the spray zone so we don't get attacked by the first burst of icy waters.

She shivers when her back connects with the cold tile, but I press my naked body up against her front as a blanket to keep her warm. I lean forward to kiss her softly this time as my hand creeps around her backside. I find the clasp easily and unhook her bra that we seem to have forgotten about during our frantic state.

Lazily, I trail my index finger around the ridges of her rib cage and up toward her bra cup. As tantalizingly slow as possible, I dip my finger into the cup and skim her perky nipple before dragging the fabric down.

"As sexy as this is...it needs to go," I husk just over her kiss swollen lips. Words seem to have escaped her because she just swallows thickly and nods while her eyes seem fixated on my lips.

In a teasing manner, to drive her absolutely insane before I claim one of her orgasms, I pull down just one cup and expose her heavy mound. I admire the small breast that's slightly swollen, the dusty pink nipple standing tall just begging for my mouth to consume her and relieve some of the aching tension. My head dips down automatically because I could never deny these exquisitely perfect breasts anything and I carefully sweep my tongue around the hardening bud. Regina reacts instantly, arching off the cold tile, forcing her greedy breast further into my mouth. Her fingers find their way back in my hair so she can hold me impossibly close to seek more of my pleasure.

I begin to peel away her bra while I suck her hypersensitive peak into my mouth. "Emma," she calls out through a strangled groan, but I just moan against her warm skin and continue ravishing up one of my favorite desserts. "A-are we..." she's stammering and I know this torture is fogging up her sharp mind. "Time," comes out in a garbling moan.

I release her nipple with a pop, leaving the reddening area extra wet so the air will tickle her senses. "Do we have enough time?" I ask, thinking that's what she was trying to inquire a moment ago.

She pouts, her nails scratching down my back and leaving the most delicious red marks behind. "I don't think we do," she sadly vocalizes, but I simply shake my head in response.

"Probably not, so we are going to have to hurry," I growl in a low taunting voice that I know will kick start her heart into overdrive.

This wonderful creature shoves me backwards into the spraying scolding water and stalks toward me like I'm her weak prey, but I'm anything but. I reach out for her hips, tugging her flush against my body and we meet somewhere in the middle for another hysterical kiss.

I don't have time to worship every inch of this body like I'm craving to do, so my hand snakes down between us and gently circles her awaiting clit. A ragged breath falls into my mouth and we both shudder from the intense intimacy between us. She curls one arm around my neck while her other hand slithers between our slick bodies so she can graze my entrance in the most appealing way. The way she's teasing me feels like hundreds of fleece blankets wrapping lovingly around my muscles and keeping my body all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

My hips rock closer pleading with her to just make her move, stake her claim, fucking make me hers. I sigh in relief when she happily obliges my silent request and thrusts just one talented finger deep inside my quivering walls. I groan into her mouth as though my insides are melting away.

My fingers slip away from her throbbing bundle of nerves and easily slide right into her soaked folds. She cries out in the most glorious way that tightens my gut deep inside and flutters my clit anxiously. Her hopeless walls suck my two digits like she's never going to have me again. I quickly pump my fingers to help relieve some of the tension and almost collapse when I hear all those dirty little noises coming from her drenched center.

I know we are running out of time and our position is awkward and we really won't reach our highest potential, but I am determined to make this woman scream my name just once before we finish this shower. I quickly push her back against the damp wall, provoking a sharp gasp to spill over her lips when her she connects roughly with the tiles.

I reach around and drape one of her legs over my hip. Her fingers wiggle suggestively deep inside of me and I feel my knees grown weak, but I push that aside and know I need to focus on her. I carefully remove her fingers and whimper from the loss, but I know how much she can struggle with her orgasms and so I need her to focus on only herself. She corks up an eyebrow in questioning, but I just smile and lean forward to kiss her with so much intensity that she forgets what she was just about to ask.

I slowly pump my fingers in and out to stimulate every tortured nerve ending clenching in that beautiful pussy of hers while my thumb slowly spins at a steady pace against her clit. She sighs heavily, stilling our kiss for just a moment so she can allow the sensation to wash over her trembling body. Our hearts pound viciously between our smushed chests and just feeling them in sync together is a powerful realization that I can't possibly try to explain. So, I nudge her nose, encouraging her to stay here with me and she happily captures my lips once again.

The water rains down on my back, but I don't even hear the shower anymore, all I can focus on are the soft moans and pants coming from the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. To this day, I have yet to find another woman who can walk into a room and stun everyone into silence like this woman unraveling before me.

Regina gasps when I increase the pressure against her sensitive bud, breaking our kiss apart. So I dip my head down and lick the water droplets running down her neck like a peaceful river. With one hand she reaches out and gropes my breast with enough vigor and I feel the pulsating stimulation deep in my clit. I shudder against her body and moan when my hips move to their own accord to seek my own pleasure against her tone thigh.

"Emma," she breathes hotly, her raspy voice bouncing off the shower walls in the most glorious acoustics. My needy core presses more firmly against her slick thigh, grinding ruthlessly because her voice is just too damn sexy. I dive right into her neck, sucking her pounding pulse into my mouth. "Oh god," she groans as though the words are tearing viciously through her throat leaving scars in their awake.

I plunge my fingers savagely into her clenching center as deep and as hard as her body will allow while I use my body weight to press heavily onto my hand. The scream that she allows to rip from her chest is the highest pitch I have ever heard her voice climb to, but this only encourages me to press harder onto her clit and twist my wrist against her sweet spot.

"Emma," she yells hysterically while her nails claw at my skin like some untamed beast in the wild.

My blood boils, producing a sweat that will surely mix and become lost with the water pelting my skin. That tight sensation builds in my lower abdomen and encourages me to grind harder against her heavenly body. Between her frantic wails, her piercing nails and the noises my hand is making deep inside her, I'm unraveling far too quickly.

"Oh god...Emma...I'm...fuck...I'm...gonna..." she rambling incoherently so I latch onto her mouth and shut her up so she can focus on me.

Her gasps for fresh air and pants are fiercely following each other, one after another just as her back arches off the tiles and presses further into my hand. Her hips circle one time hanging in the air before I feel the familiar warm gush coating my fingers.

My body trembles violently as I break apart our kiss and bite down hard on her shoulder, relishing in the way my body washes over with a sharp orgasm that leaves me dizzy and feeling intoxicated.

The only sound left in the room seems to be the water showering down upon us and for some reason it sounds amplified. My mind is spinning at an alarming rate, forcing my eyes to slam shut. That's when I recognize Regina's heaving, along with mine as we struggle to fill our lungs.

"A-are...you...okay?" Regina gasps between sharp inhales and wraps her arm firmly around my body to help ground me.

I breathe in the thick steamy air that I swear is trying to suffocate us and nod against her rising chest. She presses her lips to the crown of my head and exhales slowly, causing her body to tremble beneath me. Very cautiously, I extract my slippery fingers, waiting for her to wince in the process. I place my hand against the wall behind her and attempt to regulate my breathing and slow down the world zipping passed me.

Her nails lightly trail up and down my back, skimming over the angry marks she left behind and provoking me to squirm beneath her touch. She chuckles softly and squeezes me closer to her slick body.

"I love you so much Emma. Thank you," she chokes out, persuading my heavy head to lift and meet her watery gaze. "Thank you so so much for giving our marriage another try," I frown slightly and lean forward to kiss her worrisome lips, but she keeps spewing more of her thoughts. "I mean it Emma, thank you for believing in me enough to offer me another chance."

The sincerity in her voice melts my heart and I can't stop from wrapping her up tight and holding her for just another second before we have to leave this perfect private moment. My hands wander to the front of her body, gripping her face as I place a long, delicate peck to her lips.

"We are going to make it this time," I vow against her pouty lips.


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

The weekend was absolutely one of the worst weekends of my life. After spending two weeks with my children glued to my side and one glorious week with Regina, having to spend an entire forty-eight hours without any of them seemed down right cruel.

The house was painfully silent and I was all too aware of every creek this house makes at night when no one else is around. I became so bored I was sure I was on the brink of losing my sanity, so I gathered my children's laundry, but by the time that was all complete, I was alone yet again.

Luckily, Regina spent the entire day texting me with flirty little messages to help keep my mind busy. When the evening rolled around I sat down with a nice glass of wine and cuddled into my couch with a good book, but it was more than hard to focus when my phone was begging for my attention every five minutes.

 _"I miss you."_

" _I miss you too and this sneaking around is going to be so hard with our four children who I believe are secret spies._ " I smirk to myself and send the message, ready to place my phone back down, but those three little bubbles pop up and already have my full attention.

" _You're an idiot._ " I roll my eyes and decide to just put my phone down so I can concentrate on my book, but then the damn device is already vibrating in my hand, alerting me that Regina has more playful banter awaiting for me. " _Are you free this evening? I was wondering if you would be up for a date."_

I blink at the screen and furrow my brows as I read the message over again. There's a swarm of butterflies flapping around in my stomach and tingling sparks zapping through my bloodstream, but I sigh knowing I'm getting my hopes up for nothing.

" _Regina, you have the kids tonight. You can't go out."_

 _"I know, but what I'm suggesting is more of a coffee date. I was hoping you'd be willing to sneak over around midnight. We can sit on the couch and drink coffee. We can stay up all night talking like we used to."_

The corners of my mouth begin to ache and I realize it's because I'm frowning at the brightly lit screen before me. My heart flutters rapidly in my chest and I think the damn organ might just fly away. This has to be the sweetest thing she has ever suggested.

" _You don't think the kids will hear us?"_

" _No, I don't believe so. They are heavy sleepers like a certain blonde I know..."_

 _"Are you seriously pointing the finger when I'm always up before you. You pretend to sleep all the time!"_

" _Pretending and actually sleeping and being dead to the world are two very completely different things_." I can practically hear the smugness in Regina's voice dripping from that text. " _So, do we have ourselves a date?"_

" _Coffee at midnight...can't wait!"_

XXXXXXXXX

My palms are sweating despite the bitter January bite of New York City. A few light flurries are beginning to fall eloquently from the sky and I can't help but tilt my head back to watch the snow descend. Between the peaceful midnight air and the white specs contrasting beautifully against the black sky, I am able to relax for just a moment before I sneak into that house.

I never felt comfortable in Regina's new home because I knew it was just another barrier wedging it's way between our marriage. Now tonight, as I stand outside the door, it's just another thing on my checklist to make my stomach flip recklessly.

Technically, this is a first date. This is the first attempt at setting our marriage back onto the right track with both of us agreeing to this new step forward. There's so much pressure riding on this evening and I just want everything to go well. I don't want to argue. I certainly don't want to cry anymore. I just want us back to who we were before a stressful job, before our kids and even before our marriage. I want the fun, adventurous, Emma and Regina, who teased and laughed when we first met.

 _How do we get back there?_

One last deep breath and I'm reaching for the doorknob, turning it as slow as possible so I don't make a single noise. Once the handle has spun as far as allowed, I slowly push the door open and slip into the smallest gap before closing the door softly again. I carefully lock the door and tip toe into the living room.

The house is painted in shadows from only the dark moonlight washing through the front windows. Regina left the hall light on near the living room so I could find my way without bumping into anything and disturbing our children.

When I stumble into the living room, I find her curled up on the couch with her feet tucked beneath her and a plush throw blanket draped across her legs. An oversized black knit sweater is the only clothing showing, and I'm already stunned by how beautiful she looks tonight.

The canned lights above are turned down to the lowest setting, just barely providing enough light for this evening, but it's perfect. In the corner of the room there's an electric fireplace, the illusion of real flames dancing and sparking to keep the room cozy warm. I find myself rushing over to the couch with the stupidest grin slapped across my face. She smiles back at me and my heart magically sprouts wings and flutters away.

"Hi," I softly whisper and bend down to place a small kiss to her lips.

"Hi," she hums just as our lips break apart and she's smiling up at me with nothing but love.

Suddenly, I feel like a young girl again when we first met and my cheeks are growing hot from just her gaze alone. I kick off my boots and slide onto the cushion beside her, mirroring her position. Regina reaches behind her and retrieves another coffee mug just for me.

"Thank you," I reply with that dumb smile still trying to spread even wider, threatening to split my face right in half. I decide to sip the steaming beverage just to cover up my sappy grin.

"I'm glad you could make it," she comments and produces another throw blanket from behind her. She carefully opens up the perfectly folded fleece and lays it gently across my lap as well.

"I wouldn't miss this for anything. This is really great. I love the blankets and you know how much I adore coffee," I conclude before sipping the sweet hazelnut beverage once again.

"I know, I'm fairly confident you love coffee more than you love me," she smirks wickedly and I know she's testing me.

"You're right there, just a tad behind my hazelnut coffee," I tease with the most impassive face I can pull off right now.

She scoffs, feigning hurt, but then we both break out into carefree smiles and my entire body relaxes. I'm no longer nervous about how this evening will end up or tense from the fears of our future. Now, I'm just living in the moment and truly enjoying her company, because Lord knows how much I've missed this woman's presence.

"So, tell me about this new office building," I inquire and scoot just a tad closer so our knees are touching. I sip my coffee, but my eyes never leave hers so she understands that's I'm truly interested.

"Well," she carefully sucks in the hot liquid and then rests the mug in her lap, her fingers curling around the cup to absorb the warmth. I smile again to myself because she's just so adorable. "Ivy and I found a great little building that's only five minutes away from our current location. We thought people would appreciate that they don't have to drive too far away."

I nod along, transfixed on the way her plump lips move when she talks and the way her eyes light up when she speaks about her patients. She explains the details of purchase, including price and I think it's probably so I feel involved in some way or that we are still a team.

"So, when's the big move? Do you need any help?"

A genuine smile forms upon her lips and I can see the gratitude sparkling in her warm eyes. "One month we move and yes, I would really appreciate the help moving. We have accumulated a lot over the years."

"Well count me in. I can't wait to see the new place. I'm sure you guys are going to love it, not to mention the break on the bank account. It seems like you'll be saving a lot each month."

"We will. It's astonishing how owning our own building will be far cheaper than rent each month. I highly doubt Gold is going to find another person who is just starting out and desperate need for office space like we were at the time."

"No, he's screwed and it's about time he gets what's coming to him," I coldly remark, because I never liked that snake, but Regina just flashes me a smile like I'm cute and I'm relaxing all over again. "So, did you and the kids have fun today?"

"Yes, and I'm so happy Henry decided to come this weekend. You have no idea how much that means to me," she sighs heavily and it's like the weight of the world was finally freed from her shoulders.

"I know Regina," I softly whisper, reaching across our laps to run my thumb over her fingers that are still warming up against her mug. "I know you and Henry always shared a special bond so I could imagine how much that must have hurt when he was acting out."

"That Sicily trip was the best thing that could have happened to our family."

"Absolutely," I state with conviction and lean forward with my lips already puckering out. She laughs lightly and meets me halfway for a small peck before we both fall back into our spots.

"Now, wait," Regina abruptly says, creating a flabbergasted expression to sweep across my features. "Are you seriously considering keeping that dog?" Her tone is so cold, I can't stop the bark of laughter that tumbles from my mouth.

I shake my head while she purses her lips and glares at me completely unamused. "Yeah, why not. She's cute, well behaved and you saw Henry take her out this morning, I think they are going to help out. Why? Are you not going to move back in with a dog running around?"

I realize about a half a second too late what I just said and feel the blood drain from my face far too quickly. I swallow, but my mouth is already dried up and somehow was filled with sand. I shouldn't have brought up her moving back in, it's way too soon and the last thing I want to do is rush things.

"That was my home, way before hers," she snips in her most stuck up tone.

"Don't be a brat," I chuckle and lightly swat her outer thigh, creating the most salacious smirk to stretch across her cheeks.

This gorgeous woman leans forward and lowers her voice to a seductive whisper. "Maybe I like being a brat," she argues with pure sex curling suggestively around each word, catapulting electric shockwaves straight down to the apex of my legs. I squeeze my thighs together and right away those dark eyes flick toward the movement below the blanket. She smirks again, mostly to herself while her eyes crawl back up to meet mine. "And I know you like it too."

My body automatically falls forward as though we are magnets being forced together, slowly enclosing the gap between us. My nose is just a hair away from hers, filling sweetly with that alluring lavender scent that I dream so desperately for. We lock eyes for just a moment before I gently brush my lips against hers.

"I love when you're a brat," I mutter into our slow and lazy kiss. I reluctantly pull away and lean heavily into the back of the couch cushion. "So, how the hell are we going to pull this off without our children finding out?" I laugh lightly and dive right back into my coffee.

"Maybe you take up a hobby or class that requires your attention once a week, that way we can sneak off on dates," Regina casually suggests that leads me to believe she has already spent sometime thinking about this.

"You think that will work?"

"Of course. Henry can watch the children when you are...at spin class."

"Spin class?" I shriek and instantly shake my head. "No way, not believable."

"Okay, then what do you suggest?" Regina watches me carefully, a small glint of amusement dancing smugly in her eye.

I strum my nails against the mug as I contemplate what I could get away with where the kids won't grow too suspicious. "Bowling league."

"Bowling?" Regina doesn't even attempt to hide the look of disgust upon her face. "Emma, honestly, when was the last time you bowled?"

"I don't know," I shrug because I have no freaking clue when I bowled last.

"How about kickboxing class?"

"Ugh, but then I would have to leave the house in workout clothes. If I'm going bowling I can get away with jeans."

"Just pack a bag and say you are going to change at the gym," she rebuttals instantly, so I know she's put a lot of thought into this.

"And when I don't come home all sweaty..."

"You showered at the gym."

"Maybe...I'll think about it," I playfully respond and sip the last of my coffee.

"Would you like another cup?" Regina kindly offers, already reaching for my mug, because she knows me so well.

I smile gratefully while nodding and watch as she stands up from the couch. It could be my imagination playing tricks on me, but I swear there's an extra swing in her hips as she sashays out of the living room.

My insides feel all tingly and my heart hasn't slowed since I kissed her pretty pink lips. So far, I would say everything is going really well. I'm truly enjoying just sitting here, relaxed and chit chatting. Our playful banter has easily found its place again between us and I'm really looking forward to the rest of the evening. I really did miss her.

After a few too many minutes, I realize that she's taking an awful long time to just refill our coffee cups. So, I toss the blanket from my legs and stroll to the edge of the living room. Carefully, I peek my head around the corner and notice an empty kitchen. Part of me wants to check on her and discover her whereabouts, but the other part of me doesn't want to risk being caught but our kids.

I wait another minute or so and decide to venture out into the dark. I tip toe down the hall, my fists clenching and unclenching nervously by my sides. It's terrible that my biggest fear right now is seeing my own child. I roll my eyes at the stupidity and trek into the foyer where I immediately spot a shadowy figure lurking at the bottom of the staircase.

My heart pounds viciously, alerting me that it's fight or flight time, but I take a deep breath and push all of that aside because I know it's Regina. I carefully approach her, determined not to startle her, but she still jumps when she notices me.

Her hand flies over her heart, but it's far too dark to make out her features flashing across her face. "What are you doing?" I whisper into her ear.

Regina leans back into mine and whispers her explanation. "I heard a creek and then another. Then I heard a door opening and closing, twice."

"Maybe someone's going to the bathroom," I suggest but the way she's humming to my response tells me she doesn't believe that reasoning at all.

"Maybe I should go up there..."

"Why? What could they possible be doing at almost two in the morning?"

"Clarke is over."

"What?" I whisper shout into her ear causing her to hastily press her finger to my lips, demanding that I be quiet. "Why didn't you tell me Clarke slept over. I thought we were undecided if she should sleep over anymore."

"Well Sutton swore they are just friends," Regina defends, but her eyes are fixated at the black hole on top of the stairs.

"Go up there. I have a sneaky suspicion that someone is up to no good," I declare as I nudge Regina closer to the staircase.

"Well that's just calling the kettle black," Regina flatly retorts and takes the first step up the stairs.

I watch as her figure tip toes up each step, slowly evaporating into the darkness of nothing. My body automatically leans forward, straining to hear any noises from above. I'm not quite sure if it's my subconscious at play, but I think I hear a door opening and closing and then the action repeating itself again. The house is enveloped in nothing but deafness as I wait alone at the bottom of the staircase. Finally, a shadowy outline comes into view and soon she is swiftly floating down the stairs.

Regina doesn't say a word as she wiggles her finger for me to follow her back into the living room. We stop in the kitchen to reclaim our coffee cups and head back into the living room. We curl up on the couch again, our feet tucked under the inviting blankets as we face one another.

"So..." I begin, promoting her to explain if there was any monkey business going on behind our backs upstairs.

Regina swallows her coffee while shrugging her shoulder casually. "So, nothing. Harper was asleep in her room and Sutton and Clarke were asleep in her room."

"And nothing looked suspicious? Where is Clarke sleeping in Sutton's room?" I interrogate and find myself leaning just a little closer from an itchy anxious feeling nagging at the back of my mind.

"Clarke is sleeping in Sutton's bed," Regina nervously answers while her thumb mindlessly scratches at absolutely nothing on the side of her mug.

"Is that okay? Did anything look suspicious? Or out of place? Or...disheveled?"

"Emma relax, they are fourteen. I don't believe anything is going on. Sutton swore to us that she didn't feel that way about Clarke," Regina confidently defends and for a brief second, I almost believe her.

"I don't know, something is going on. I can feel it," I profess while running my hands through my long tangles.

"Well for tonight they are all asleep. So, let's get back to our date," she flashes me her most wicked smile and leans forward to kiss away my pouty lips from my anxiety about our twins.

"Don't look at me like that. Technically, we are starting fresh and this is our first date. I'm not putting out," I firmly demand with my most serious face, but Regina's carefree laugh instantly brings a smile to my face.

"Well that's nice to hear, because I wasn't planning on being so easy either." This sultry woman leans forward, dropping her voice a few octaves while her eyes dim darker. "Besides, I have memories from this morning still playing in my mind like a broken record," she husks, dragging goosebumps to rise to the surface.

"You're evil," I muse and lean back to sip my coffee.

"Maybe," she hums, fully proud of herself and drinks her beverage as well.

The room falls silent and right away I feel this awkward tension lingering around us. I'm unsure where the shift in air has come from, but I don't like having any sort of distance between us anymore. It always makes me feel self-conscious to where I second guess myself and that's the last thing I want to do right now.

I carefully lean over the couch and gently place my mug onto the coffee table. I reach across my lap and steal away Regina's as well, placing it right beside mine on the table.

"Well just because I'm not putting out doesn't mean I don't want you near," I admit while lacing our fingers together. Her hands are so warm, so welcoming that I feel my entire body loosen. Cautiously, I lean back and pull Regina along with me, not once does she protest. She follows my body all the way down until my back is sinking into the comfy couch and she's laying on top of me. She readjusts the blankets to drape over our bodies then smiles down upon me. "Better," I confirm as my fingers slip beneath her cozy sweater to lightly scratch her back.

"Much." Regina dips down and delicately places a small kiss to my lips. "What does our future have hidden away from us?" She questions, but I don't believe she's truly paying attention to anything but my lips.

Her thumb is lightly tracing the fine line that designs my thin lips and she seems so utterly lost in the task. My fingers reach up and tuck her ebony strands that are tickling my face, behind her ear.

"I believe..." I draw out my words to capture her attention and right away her bright eyes flick to mine. "...that we have a struggle coming up soon with Henry leaving for college. I know we have a battle with our moody twins lurking around somewhere. And as for Noah...he seems pretty tame," we both chuckle at that. "And between just you and me...well I foresee plenty of orgasms in our near future." A deep throaty laugh escapes her mouth, the remnants of the chuckle vibrating between our connected chests deliciously.

"Even though I agree wholeheartedly with that last statement..."

"Of course you do."

She laughs lightly and nods happily agreeing to my playful speculations. "I also believe more travel is in the future for us. I think with the extra staff I am taking on, I will have more availability for vacation time and I would love if we could travel more."

"Yeah? Any places in particular?" I curiously question with my fingers continuing to lazily drag up and down her warm back.

"Honestly?" I nod enthusiastically. "Australia."

A very surprised laugh forces its way from my mouth. "Seriously? Australia? I have never once heard any indication that you would be interested."

"I know, but that's because I thought it would never be possible. I'm changing that though and I would love to visit there."

"Really? Huh. Kids or no kids?"

"Either way, I'm not really picky. I just know that's some place I really want to visit." I nod along, joyfully agreeing to whatever her little heart desires. "And you? Any places you would love to see?" She inquires while her fingers trace my jawline in the most tender way possible.

"Ummm, I'm not sure. You know I love beaches so I think traveling around the Caribbean would be a lot of fun."

"Kids or no kids?" She repeats my question as her finger dips down my neck and follows the curve of my collar bone.

"No kids. I want to spend that vacation sprawled out in the warm sand sleeping and drinking frozen tropical drinks with lots and lots of sex with you," I admit and trusts my hips forward suggestively.

I watch with great amusement as her body bounces on top of mine from the small action. Her thick raven tresses tumble all around our faces and bury us in a sea of black. She hums in such a sexy tone that it almost comes off like a growl before she leans down to capture my lips in a forceful kiss.

Her plump lips slowly peel away from mine, but her mouth never retracts the least bit. "I like this plan. Let's make this our goal. When we make it happily together a year from now, that trip will be our reward," she promises and kisses me once again.

"When..."

"Yes, when. Not _if_ we make it, because you already promised that we are going to make it."

"Okay," I delightfully agree and pull her body even closer toward mine.

We spend the next hour discussing more trips and places we would love to visit. The conversation somehow falls back toward our children, before we lightly breeze over my job. Again, our children are mentioned because truthfully, they are our world now and then we talk about when we might make our way back to Sicily. We promise to spend two weeks in summer there from now on and then vow at least one week during winter break since Cora and Henry are growing older.

The moonlight is slowly burning out, all his energy slipping away just as the night. The stars are fading into the dusty sky, warning us that our time is almost up and I sigh heavily not wanting to part again.

I cup her cheek tenderly and slowly stretch forward to mold our lips together for one last passionate kiss. Regina's slender fingers slither into my hair while her thumb presses firmly into my cheek, holding me into place because she too is having a hard time accepting our terms to part ways this morning.

Tentatively, I part my lips, encouraging hers to follow my lead and of course she doesn't waste a second opening her mouth as well. I dip my tongue inside her warm mouth, hazelnut and coffee still fresh on her tastebuds as we meet halfway. My nails dig deeper into her back and before I know it my hips are slowly lifting, greedily searching for attention.

Regina is the one to break apart the kiss and rest her forehead against mine. "You should go before the children wake up."

"I know," I whine, but she pecks away my sorrowful childish pout.

She scrambles awkwardly to her knees and holds out her hands to help me stand from the couch. We each fold a blanket and drape them on the back of the couch then proceed to clean up our coffee mugs. I carefully place mine in the washing machine, along with hers so no evidence is left behind.

Regina walks me quietly to her door, but as I reach for the knob she whips me around and pulls me impossibly close, stealing all the air from my lungs.

"I love you, text me when you get home," she whispers in my ear before awarding me with one last kiss goodbye.

"I love you too."

And just like that I'm slipping out the door and angrily trudging to my car because I just want to crawl in her bed and sleep the day away with her in my arms. That truly was a perfect date and I'm already itching for our next one.


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

" _You must be so bored."_

I roll my eyes at Regina's vague text and laugh to myself. Of course I'm bored, I spent the entire day Sunday sleeping most of the day away since Regina and I were up all night Saturday with our coffee date. I warmed up some leftovers for dinner and ate in my bed while binging Netflix. Luckily for me, this dog totally gets me and spent the entire day curled up by my side. I worked Monday, spent the evening doing chores while missing her ridiculously because now that I've had a taste of her fun side again, I'm addicted far worse than I would've ever expected.

Tuesday came around, Henry was out with Violet while Harper and Sutton were out with some friends and I was home with Noah, working on a 3-D cube book report. Regina spent the evening sending flirty texts that provoked me into some trouble with my eleven year old for not paying attention.

Now, it's Wednesday afternoon and our office closes at one o'clock every Wednesday and I'm bored out of my mind. The washing machine is filling with water yet again as I begin loading the dirty clothes that never seem to actually go away in life. All too quickly, my body is suddenly pressed up against the machine and I'm struggling like a stray cat cornered in an ally to fight against my attacker.

"I missed you," her raspy voice hotly whispers in my ear and relaxes my body within seconds.

"Jeez Regina! What the hell!" I try to spin around in her arms but she has me securely locked up right against the rattling machine. "Do you want me to have a heartache and die?"

"I know CPR," she muses and nips my earlobe as though that sentence should have been the single most sexiest thing I have ever heard.

I chuckle to myself and shake my head, brushing my hair against her warm cheek. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I'm on lunch," her husky voice murmurs in my ear while her fingers sneak between my jeans and vibrating machine. "I only have thirty minutes if I want to make it back on time," she continues as she hastily pops open the metal button and rips down the zipper in the process.

I have to bite down on my lip to keep the heavy gasp from spilling my dirty secrets of arousal. "I-I thought we were taking it slow?" Breathlessly tumbles out of my mouth as her hand shoves beneath my thong and cups my mound possessively earning herself a soft moan.

"We did on our first date," she assertively declares as her palm presses firmly against my throbbing clit before she squeezes. A heat wave rushes through my bloodstream and tingles my extremities coaxing my hips to rise to the occasion, seeking more of her exquisite touch. It's as though her fingers are magical and send electric sparks shooting through every inch of my needy body. "I know how much you want my attention." Her free fingers dance teasingly up my abdomen before she cups my left breast, a breast I was very unaware was pushing forward for attention. "I also know how insatiable you are," she whispers her hot breath into my ear, persuading my skin to break out in quivering goosebumps.

"Only for you," I confess and reach behind me to thread my fingers through her thick hair.

I attempt to spin around in her arms once again, but she presses her body further against my back, pinning me into submission. Her middle finger swipes up my slick entrance, but my body is hypersensitive to something else pressing into my backside.

"Regina?" I breathe out and grip her hair even tighter in my fist. She hums in my ear before her velvety tongue sweeps up my neck. "A-are you wearing a..." my words fade away into the thick fog of anticipation swarming around us because her finger has quickly thrusted inside my tight walls.

"Mmm," she moans against my neck, her finger pumping quickly while her palm massages my sensitive bundle of nerves. "We don't have much time," she coldly remarks and before I know it, she's tearing my jeans down my thighs so roughly, I stumble and grip the edge of the washing machine to steady my wobbly balance.

I attempt to spin around for the third time, but she's quick to thrust her hips forward and pin my hands to the washing machine yet again. I growl under my breath from my frustrations, we usually fight for dominance, always taking turns, but never has she ever been so assertive, only allowing me to submit fully to her wants and needs. I'm usually the more aggressive one in the end, but I'm not complaining right now because my nerve ending are on high alert, tingling deliciously as a new wave of thick arousal coats my desperate core.

My head bows slightly, cascading my long wild locks all around my face, covering the blush that's inevitably painting my cheeks.

"Regina?"

"I'm going to release your hands for a moment. Don't you dare move," she strictly commands in such a dark tone that I swear I feel restraints wrapping around my wrists and locking me into place.

"Fine," I huff, pretending to be annoyed but we both know that's a blatant lie. "But I swear to god Regina if you are wearing a strap on, you better show me," I firmly demand, letting her know that I mean business.

She claimed a very long time ago when we purchased our first toy together back in Sicily, that maybe she would enjoy being the one to reverse the rolls. However, that day never came in eighteen years of marriage. I was the one who always wore the toy and we never really discussed it any other way.

Regina is quick to remove her pants behind me, while I stare at the white machine trembling almost as much as my knees right now. My ears strain to hear every move this gorgeous woman is making behind me, increasing my heart rate and my breathing from the unknown. I grip the edge of the appliance even tighter as my mind reels with different scenarios from my fantasy dreams. My thighs clench together from just the idea of Regina taking control and pounding into me from behind.

Soon Regina's warm hands are covering mine, holding me into place. Her perky breasts slowly pressing into my back, her hardening nipples dragging teasingly against my sensitive skin. Her lower region though is obviously missing and I know she's just building up the desire even more.

"You're going to keep your eyes on that machine," she instructs into my ear, delivering cold shivers to tickle their way down my spine.

"No Regina, I need to see."

"You can see once you come," she bargains while her one hand slips away from mine. "That will be your reward," she offers as incentive, but I'm all too aware of her movement just behind me to truly pay any attention to her words.

Then, I feel the cold tip graze along my soaked slit, spreading the liquid that is always there just for her, all around my pleading pussy. My head falls forward while my ass pops further in the air, begging for whatever she has planned for me. She doesn't tease or hesitate because she's on a tight schedule this afternoon.

The tip of the toy slowly pushes into my tight hole, evaporating all the air from my lungs and prickling every nerve my body contains. I tremble slightly and grip the machine even tighter, creating a slick sweat to form between my palms.

"Oh fuck," I choke out as the overwhelming sensation washes over my body and I squeeze my eyes shut to focus on the phenomenal feeling of being filled so completely again.

Regina's hand that is holding mine into place slowly slithers up my arm in the cruelest tantalizing touch imaginable. She travels over my shoulder then proceeds to flatten her hand beneath my shoulder blade. Her palm presses into my muscles and roughly slides into the middle of my back where she forces my torso down onto the rumbling machine below.

I gasp when I feel that magical toy slide further into my swollen walls and my face connects with the running machine. Her hand remains firmly planted against my back while her other hand finds its destination upon my hip, digging her perfect nails into my thin flesh.

She doesn't say one word which only increases the anticipation and the desire I am so desperately craving for her. Nonetheless, she was never much of a talker during sex anyways. I'm usually running my mouth and forcing her to answer me while she becomes swept up in the whirlwind of pleasure I funnel around her.

She slowly retracts the toy, allowing every ridge to tease the silky walls inside and I clench tightly hoping to keep her deep inside of me. I can faintly hear her smug laugh from behind me, but I chose to ignore the husky sound. Without preamble she slams into my awaiting mound, forcing a deep moan to tumble out of my mouth. A ragged breath that's dripping with lust falls somewhere behind me and I know she's becoming lost in the sensation already. This is new for both of us and everything about this is so unbelievably sexy that I don't think either one of us will last much longer.

Regina's fingers clench deeper into my skin and for a split second I believe she might draw blood, but then she's thrusting her hips against my ass and the only thing I can focus on is the pleasure she's offering.

The mystery of not seeing that damn toy, that I know will be unimaginably stunning on her, and the lack of her voice is doing unspeakable things to my throbbing clit. The suspense of not knowing or seeing is driving me insane and only adding to the pleasure buzzing through my veins right now.

Small gasps of breathless desire fill the laundry room and I'm not even sure if the beautiful noises are coming from me or Regina. None of that matters because soon her hips are rocking expertly against my backside and my gut is starting to twist and my toes are starting to curl against the cold hardwood below.

"Emma," she pants heavily and I know by the sound of her voice she's so close and she's wondering if I'm there yet.

"Not until you cum," I say through my clenched teeth and will my body not to unravel just yet.

Regina thrust deep and hard one last time, firmly attacking the sweet bullseye deep inside that blurs my vision. Her hips move quickly in a circular motion stimulating her own clit while pushing me closer and closer to the edge.

"Oh...god..." she moans in the most strangled, raw tone that effectively pushes me over the edge.

My hand flies off the washing machine and latches onto her hip, digging in deep as I cry out and rock onto my tip toes. Something rips through her throat again, but I'm so lost in a euphoric state that I have no idea what's occurring around me.

After a moment of heavy breathing, I notice the added weight to my back. Her forehead is pressing heavily between my shoulder blades while her hot breath tickles my sweaty skin. Her arms have somehow found their way around my waist, just holding me close as she floats back down to Earth.

That's when I realize, we are both done. "Oh god let me see!" I hysterically cry and wiggle in her arms to try and shake her off of me. She chuckles, presses a tender kiss to my spine and slowly untangles herself from my back.

I recklessly bolt upright and spin around causing my brain to slosh around in the ocean of arousal still filling my head. I sway slightly and slam my eyes shut to regain my composure. A warm palm cups my cheek and softly caresses my scorching flesh.

"You alright?" She whispers in concern while I nod and slowly pry my eyes open.

"Head rush," I shrug, my eyes immediately dropping down to the shiny, wet, red toy lingering between us. "Oh my god," I gasp and quickly spin Regina around by her waist to inspect this sexy little number she purchased.

"So, you like it?" She timidly inquires as she peeks over her shoulder.

My head is already nodding, while my mouth pops open to speak, but I'm at a loss for words as my eyes roam over all the details. Black leather is draping across the small of her back with a red satin ribbon crisscrossing down over her perfect plump ass and tying in a perfect bow at the bottom. Leather straps are impeccably placed just below the curve of her ass, firmly lifting that scrumptious bottom higher into the air.

"This is so you," I comment in awe as I spin her around again to gaze at the leather biting into her flesh around her tiny hips.

Carefully I slip my index finger between the straps and her flesh, gently caressing her slick skin between. I hum my appreciation and yank her flush against my body, the red dildo skimming my core once again, prompting my body to shudder. With my free hand I cup her cheek and pull her into a passionate kiss that hopefully express my gratitude for this surprise.

"That was...remarkable," I praise against her pillowy lips, creating the most shy and timid smile to grace her gorgeous face.

Regina bites down hard on the corner of her lip, tucking a chunk of hair behind her ear while her eyes cast down. "I enjoyed myself as well," she confirms just before I dip down and capture her lips again in a slow sensual kiss that only consists of our lips and heavy gasps. "Shit, what time is it?" Regina questions as she fumbles for her phone trapped inside her pants that are still around her ankles. I lean down as well, pulling my jeans up again and fasten the button while Regina glances at the time. "I have to go," she whines.

I reach forward and begin unclasping the straps around her hip. "I keep this, yes?" I teasingly inquire with one eyebrow raised while I continue to remove my new favorite item.

The flustered brunette laughs lightly and presses her palm against my still raging heart. "Yes, for next time," she seductively vows, placing a quick peck to the corner of my mouth prompting my lips to break into a goofy grin.

Regina quickly dresses herself and rushes toward the bathroom to fix her hair and makeup. I gather the clothes from the dryer into a basket and make my way into the living room, feeling lighter than ever.

"So, that was fun," I call out through the house and smile even wider when I hear her small chuckle.

"Yes, yes it was," she hollers back and I could just see her concentrating as she reapplies her ruby lipstick.

"We should make this a weekly thing," I suggest and begin folding Noah's laundry.

"I'm not sure if I can sneak away every Wednesday when I no longer work evenings," Regina comments just as she appears from the hallway.

I smile softly her way, because she's still the most stunning woman I have ever laid eyes on. "It doesn't have to always be you sneaking out. Maybe I can stop by the office and bring you lunch," I offer as she struts confidently toward me with that salacious grin taking over her soft features.

"I would love that," she replies and steals a kiss from my sappy smiling lips. She pulls away slowly, my eyes still closed as I try to remember where I am and what the hell I'm even doing because she always clouds my mind with nothing but her. "When do you start kickboxing class?" She questions while making her way toward the front door.

"Next week," I confirm our plan and follow her to the foyer to politely see her out.

"Perfect," Regina sits down on the bottom step and slips into her shoes, producing the biggest grin across my lips thus far. "What?" She laughs when she notices my love sick smile.

"Nothing," I shrug happily and tuck my thumbs into my back pockets, still beaming with love and adoration.

I never knew what a small, simple action as tying her shoes on the bottom step of our staircase could mean to me. It was such a constant in our lives that I didn't truly understand the meaning until I saw her tying her shoe while we were going through our divorce. It was then when I realized how much I missed the gesture and right now I'm taking the time to appreciate her and memorize this moment.

Regina stands tall and stares into my eyes knowing that something spectacular is running across my mind right now. She drapes her arms carefully over my shoulders, inspiring my hands to slide out of my pockets and wrap around her waist.

"I'll see you soon?" She questions, leaning her forehead against mine.

"Definitely," I confirm with a slow kiss. "I absolutely loved this surprise."

"Good, there's plenty more to come," she winks mischievously and slips out the door while I scramble to say a goodbye.

XXXXXXXXX 

The weekend had come and gone faster than I expected, which I was so grateful for because I couldn't wait for my next date with Regina. Last week I had planted the lie, explaining to my kids that I would be starting a kickboxing class on Tuesday's. Henry was to be left in charge and nobody was allowed inside the house while I was gone. Way too many teenagers in this house for me to put all my trust in.

"Sutton, I'm leaving in five minutes," I inform my daughter as I peek inside her bedroom. Two blondes snap their attention in my direction, but my eyes slide over to the shy blue eyes staring back at me. "Clarke, sorry kid, but you have to get going."

"That's alright, Mrs. Swan-Mills," she quickly replies and hops off my daughter's bed.

"Thanks kid," I comment and slip out into the hall.

I take one step down onto the stairs, the wood creaking below my foot as I realize I almost forgot my workout bag. I rush back into my bedroom for my reliable cover story and toss the duffel onto my shoulder. I roll my eyes at myself as I spot my phone on my dresser and shove it into my pocket.

When I step back into the hall I hear Clarke whispering so I pause for just a moment. "Your mom said I have to leave so I...uh...just wanted to say goodbye," she vocalizes nervously causing my nose to scrunch up in confusion.

I glance to my right in Sutton's room and find my daughter laying on her bed with her feet in the air and her head hidden behind her laptop. My eyes dart anxiously to my left as I lean just a tad further and my heart pounds viciously in my chest.

Harper has her balled up fists shoved into her back pockets as she leans forward, her lips pressing firmly against Clarke's. My eyes double in size as I take in the private moment between the two girls. I know Regina would kill me for spying, but...my house, my rules.

Clarke's fingers are nervously fiddling between them, unsure where she should place them, and they look so uncomfortable, so nervous and yet so fucking adorable at the same time. I can't stop the smile from forming, so I suck my lips into my mouth and bite down to suppress my emotions.

Harper slowly pulls away from the other blonde, both smiling like idiots and that's when I panic and quickly rush back into my room so they don't find me lurking around the corner like a creep.

"I'll text you tonight," my daughter says before I hear the creak on the first step, informing me that Clarke is now leaving.


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

Those raven strands, that are so much longer than I ever remember them being, rest elegantly upon her chest. Her chocolate eyes scan the room coaxing that little vein in her forehead to rise in search of me. A soft smile relaxes her features when she spots me in the corner and she sighs in relief.

Regina strolls through the crowded room and leans down to greet me with a small kiss that only lasts a split second, but is enough to send my heart soaring. The doctor slides her coat off and drapes it across the back of her chair before she slides in next to me. She crosses one leg over the other and leans dangerously close into my personal space. Her eyes are dancing with mischief, but I can't keep a secret any longer.

"Harper and Clarke," I blurt out, stunning my wife and persuading her body to jolt back in confusion. Her brows pinch tighter as she tries to work out my word vomit, but I'm already pushing on. "I saw them! God Regina we were so wrong! How were we this wrong about our own children?" I shriek as she just shakes her head completely dazed about what's spewing uncontrollably from my mouth.

"Emma, what the hell are you talking about?"

My mouth springs open ready to explain, but then a younger teen girl stops in front of our table and places a white ceramic bowl between Regina and I. She smiles nervously before her eyes meet mine.

"There's the chocolate, I'll, umm, be right back with the rest," she explains before quickly scrambling back behind the counter to retrieve the rest.

"Emma," Regina begins in her warning tone that tells me all too clearly that I better divulge in any information I have locked away behind my sealed lips.

"Hold on," I motion my head to where the young girl is carefully carrying a plate with all different items spread out for our viewing.

"Enjoy!" The girl happily states and rushes off to attend to other customers.

"This looks amazing," I gush as my eyes take in the assortment of fruit, pretzels and crackers.

"Emma! Our daughter!" Regina scolds for my short attention span just as my hand is reaching for a strawberry to dip in the warm gooey chocolate.

"Oh sorry," I shake my head, but still proceed to indulge in this amazing fondue. "When I was leaving I saw Harper kiss Clarke," I explain in a hushed whisper so nobody around us can hear.

"What? Are you serious?" Regina blurts out as her eyes follow my hand, bringing the chocolate covered strawberry to my lips. I nod along and take a big bite out of the juicy fruit.

"Oh my god," I moan around the scrumptious dessert, "you have to try this," I encourage, shoving the plate closer toward my date.

"I will, but you sort of dropped a bomb on me right now."

"I'm sorry," I wince and swallow down the rest of my food. "I told Clarke it was time to leave, she had been hanging out with Sutton," Regina nods along, solely focused on my words so I pick up a piece of apple and dip it into the chocolate. "So, I forgot my fake duffel bag in my room and when I came out, Clarke was in Harper's room. She was whispering which caught my attention," I pause, holding up the fruit in front of Regina's mouth and wait.

Her eyes flick toward the delicious forbidden fruit, even more enticing now that it's slathered in melted chocolate. I lift the apple closer to her mouth and raise my eyebrows, silently demanding that she takes a bite. My date rolls her eyes and hastily takes a bite, nipping my fingers purposely along the way.

"Good, right?"

"Keep talking," she mumbles around the treat while I smile in return.

"So, Clarke was like, ' _I wanted to say goodbye_ ,' all shy and cute and then Harper leaned in and kissed her on the lips. It was all tight lipped and they were awkward, unsure where to place their hands and it was too freaking cute," I gush while Regina stares wide eyed, a glint of amusement tugging at her pouty mouth, but also fear striking in her eyes.

"Emma," Regina lowers her voice and scoots in closer while I begin dipping a pretzel, my eyes sparkling with excitement knowing how good the sweet and salty will taste together. "Emma!"

"Hmmm?"

"Aren't you concerned that maybe Clarke has been sneaking into Harper's room during sleep overs?" Regina whispers as her eyes fall to my lips that are licking the chocolate from my fingertips. I shrug one shoulder and hum my indifference response. "Weren't you the one freaking out last weekend about Clarke with Sutton?"

"Well, yeah..." I shrug again and offer Regina a banana slice smothered in chocolate. She quickly takes a bite, chocolate dripping down her bottom lip and prompting my tongue to poke out from the desperation of wanting to lick up that sweet spill. Regina's index finger swipes up the chocolate and slides effortlessly into her mouth in the most provocative way. "We need to get one of these fondue pots for the bedroom," I mindlessly profess earning myself a swat upon my thigh beneath the table.

"Stop! Focus," she orders and narrows her eyes.

"Sorry," I mutter again and shake my head. "After seeing how shy and timid they both were, I don't know...I just don't think too much is going on besides stolen kisses in the dark."

"Are you sure? I need to know if I should be worried about Harper moving too quickly. She is your daughter after all," Regina teasingly mocks as she dips a strawberry into the thick chocolate and pops it into her mouth effortlessly.

"I wasn't that bad at her age," I exasperate and roll my eyes at the playful woman.

"Harper will be fifteen this month, that is only one year younger from when you lost your virginity," she accusingly declares like I'm the culprit egging our daughter on.

My heart sinks while my stomach jumps up into my throat. "Oh god," I mumble as the realization washes over me. Regina flashes me that smug, _I told you so_ , look while I slump back in my seat. "Well," I huff, folding my arms protectively over my chest as nausea wracks my body. "...at least we know she can't get knocked up."

"You're the absolute worst," Regina acknowledges and steals another piece of fruit. "Why did I ever agree to another date?"

"Because you love me," I confidently reply and lean forward to continue devouring this astonishing dessert.

Regina hums softly, pecking my cheek before she consumes another chocolate covered apple. "That I do," she replies with a shit eating grin plastered across her flawless face.

"So, should we talk to her about it?" I inquire, very uncertain how we should approach this topic, knowing all too well how sensitive the issue will be.

"I think it would be best if we did. I want her to know that's its perfectly normal and that she can come to us."

"Regina," I narrow my eyes and wave a hand between us. "Look at us, obviously she knows it's okay."

"Just because we are together doesn't mean that she still feels comfortable yet with the idea for herself. She's very young and I'm sure it's confusing for her," Regina softly explains while maintaining eye contact, expressing just how concerned she is for our baby girl.

"You're right," I confirm while holding up another bite for Regina's pouty lips. "Alright, we will have the talk with her." I sigh heavily as my mind begins to wander. "No wonder Sutton has been such a crab ass lately."

"Do you still wonder about her?" Regina quietly questions, barely loud enough to qualify as a whisper.

"I honestly haven't a clue. I was so wrong about Harper, I never would have..." I shake my head and lean my cheek heavily onto my palm. "I don't know anymore."

"Well this is a lovely topic of conversation for our second date," Regina sarcastically quips, moving the crackers around the plate as she decides what her tastebuds are calling for.

"Third date," I mumble around a mouth full of pineapple.

"Where was I for the second?" Regina snarks with one perfect eyebrow slithering up her forehead.

"You were behind me, slamming me against a washing machine," I retort and really try my hardest to suppress my laughter which only results me into snorting.

Regina's nose scrunches either from my distaste of words or my childish snort and glares at me, her hand hovering over the warm chocolate.

"That was _not_ a date," she remarks coldly and proceeds to dip her plain cracker.

"Hey, I'm not some piece of meat that you can toss against a washing machine and screw," Regina's lips twist in amusement while she tries to hide her smile. "It was a date, otherwise it was a booty call that I should be very embarrassed about."

Regina finally breathes out her giggling through her nose and shakes her head at me. I smile back at her and lean forward, meeting her halfway for a gentle kiss.

XXXXXXXXX 

The next evening Regina had to work late so I asked her if she would be available Thursday night instead to speak with Harper. Each kid was scared shitless when they saw Regina walk through the front door, each one thinking that they were in trouble for some rule they had clearly broken behind our backs.

"Everyone upstairs please," I order after Regina hugs her babies with unconditional love.

Our kids groan their protest as they each climb the stairs, completely in the dark as to why their mothers are conversing in private. Once we hear all four doors close, I lean forward and press my lips firmly against Regina's. The taste of vanilla coffee lingers on her breath as she smiles into our kiss and pulls me closer by my hips. My fingers snake into her hair while my thumb sweeps lovingly over her jawline.

"Hi," I whisper against her mouth, slowly breaking our kiss apart.

"Hi," she sighs heavily while her thumb slips beneath my shirt and caresses my hipbone. "Ready?" She softly inquires, pulling out a disgruntle groan from the back of my throat.

I shake my head and pull away from her warm embrace. "No, not at all," I confirm and intertwine our fingers, "but we have to do this," I state, guiding her toward the stairs.

In silence we climb the stairs, forming a united front even though both of our nerves are high strung right now. I have thought about this conversation for such a long time, planning exactly what I wanted to say and how gently I would state it. I thought about a thousand different scenarios and what she might say, except it was never with Harper. I always thought about this conversation with Sutton, with the wrong daughter and now my heart aches, because how could I have been so wrong?

My daughters are both very different and everything I planned for Sutton would never work with Harper. Sutton is so blunt and forthcoming, but Harper is shy and timid and I'm not exactly sure where I should even begin. My baby girl has always been sensitive and such a sweetheart and I'm absolutely terrified that I might say the wrong thing.

Far too quickly Regina is strumming her knuckles against Harper's door and I'm slightly panicking on the inside. My fists are clenching and unclenching before I anxiously wipe away the sweat forming on my palms.

Harper slowly cracks open her door and peeks her head out, finding Regina and I nervously hovering outside her door. She purses her thin little lips and the action reminds me so much of her brunette mother that I relax just the slightest bit.

"What's wrong?" Our daughter quietly whispers as her hazel eyes shift frantically between the two of us.

"Nothing baby girl," Regina gently coos and reaches between the small gap to grasp her chin. "May we come in and speak with you?"

Harper swallows hard, straining the muscles in her throat as she slowly steps back and grants us permission inside. Regina and I both can't help the sighs as we step inside and I close the door behind me. Our daughter folds her arms across her chest and she looks so small that all I want to do is scoop her up as though she was still a tiny toddler and cradle her in my arms to protect her from this cruel world.

"How about you sit baby girl?" I suggest and gesture toward her bed.

"That's the second _baby girl,_ instead of my name. What's wrong?" She questions again with more determination this time.

Regina's fearful eyes flick toward mine and I can so clearly see the hesitation etching into her face. My lips automatically curl down into a frown as we both exchange sorrowful glances. Regina sighs again and steps forward, cupping our daughter's chin once more. She peers down into those glossy hazel eyes and she smiles just for her baby.

"Nothing is wrong. We just need to speak with you about something important."

"Okay," Harper slowly drags on the word, but her fingers are digging deeper into her biceps, expressing how much she's not ready to open up just yet.

I calmly walk over to her bed and sit down on the edge, patting the space in front of me. Harper sighs and eyes the spot like maybe there's a mouse trap ready to attack that she is struggling to see. Regina nudges her forward and proceeds toward the bed as well, sitting opposite of me. Harper finally drags her feet over to the bed and sits down in front of me, still gripping her upper arms in fear.

Regina and I remain quiet, hoping that maybe Harper will start off the conversation, but as time stretches on and tension builds between us, we are reminded that this little girl is just as stubborn as both of us combined.

"Okay, I'll start," I finally vocalize and shift uncomfortably upon the bed. "Harper, I'm just going to be honest here and I hope you will be too," I smile encouragingly, but her face remains impassive, almost cold. I swallow thickly and clear my throat. "Well, Tuesday night when I was leaving, I saw you and Clarke." She doesn't speak. She doesn't blink. She just stares. I'm not even sure she's breathing. My eyes crawl toward Regina for some guidance in which she slowly nods for me to continue. My eyes trail back toward our daughter and I sign again. "So, yeah...I saw you two kissing...in your room...". _More silence_. My eyes keep flicking back and forth between my wife and daughter completely unsure what I should say or do next. "Look, we just wanted to talk to you about all of this." _Ungodly silence_. "Um, is Clarke your girlfriend? Is that why Sutton was so angry?" _Why won't she speak_? "Your mom and I are totally cool with it."

 _This is fucking horrible! Why won't she answer me?_

"Baby girl," Regina softly interrupts thankfully saving me from drowning completely in this disaster alone. Harper's stoic hazel eyes drift toward her other mother, paying very close attention. "Is there anything you want to discuss with us? We understand how scary this can be. As much as we like to think our world is revolving it's still something that is different in some eyes."

My eyes widen as more silence effortlessly rolls off our daughter, like she's not even here. We are speaking out loud, correct? Regina's eyes stay glued to Harper's blank face, but I can feel how badly she wants to look at me for guidance like I did moments ago.

"Harper," I try again, resting my hand upon her knee. "Are you confused?"

"No," she murmurs weakly and the terrifying whimper in her voice shatters my heart into millions of little pieces. Her big beautiful eyes fill immediately with tears and Regina is far quicker than I am, pulling her close to her chest and holding her so tight, I worry if she can breathe for a moment.

Regina delicately runs her fingers through those long golden locks, just as she has always done since Harper was a baby. Those full lips pucker and kiss the crown of our daughter's head, provoking thick tears to tumble down those pale cheeks.

"It's okay baby girl," Regina whispers, rocking our daughter ever so gently. "I promise, it's okay," she vows and holds Harper even closer.

My vision blurs and I'm hardly conscious of the fact that hot tears are clinging to my own eyes. "Harper," my thumb sweeps across her knee for comfort, but the contact alone inspires my tears to trickle down my cheeks. This is my baby girl and I never want to see her hurting in such a way. "Don't cry baby, it's all okay. We love you so much and who you love will never change our opinion on you. You're our baby girl," I softly confess, but she just buries her face into Regina's chest and cries even harder.

My chin wobbles recklessly as my watery eyes drift toward Regina's. She's silently crying, her tears rolling down her cheeks and vanishing somewhere in Harper's locks.

"Why are you crying?" Regina questions through her own trembling voice.

"I-I don't want to be different."

"Oh honey-" Regina begins, but Harper pushes off her chest and angrily wipes at her persistent tears.

"No moms, you don't get it. You two act like it's all okay, but don't you see the way people look at you sometimes when we are out?" Her voice is raw and pleading and there's nothing I can say in this moment because she has stunned me into silence. "I don't want to live like that. Not in high school when kids are so mean," she whimpers and sniffles back her tears. "I don't want to be treated differently. I don't want people looking at me like I'm odd. You know how much I hate attention on me," she confesses through a small hiccup that has me reaching forward to comfort her.

Surprisingly, she allows me to pull her into my arms and hold her close to soothe those pesky tears. "We love you Harper," it's the only thing that I can say right now, over and over again, until her body stops shaking in my arms and the tears slowly dissipate.

"We don't know what you could possibly be going through," Regina cautiously begins as she leans down toward our petrified daughter. "We were in our twenties when we started acting upon these feelings. You know your mother and I were both with men before we found each other. So we have no idea how you must feel in an environment like high school." Regina places her index finger below Harper's chin and guides her head up to meet her gaze. "But I do know high school won't mean so much in a few years and you won't feel this type of pressure in college or in the real world. Of course there will always be some jerk, anywhere in life, but that should never stop you from being who you are."

"Harper, of course we see the strange sideways glances or people just staring because they are intrigued, but we don't allow any of that to effect us because our love is far more important. Besides, they are just jealous because we make a pretty hot couple," I laugh lightly as Regina's sad face morphs into a painful scowl from hiding her laughter.

"Not anymore," Harper annoyingly comments and rolls her eyes, reminding Regina and I that we are _not_ suppose to be together right now.

"Baby," Regina timidly drawls out the nickname, causing fear to cross my mind that she might confess our secret to try and cheer up our daughter. My eyes widen, horrified of what's to spill over those full lips while my hearts hammers from anticipation. "Whenever you feel comfortable, is when you confess. You don't have to tell anyone in school right now and you can still be happy with Clarke, if that would make you feel more comfortable, but eventually you have to live true to yourself."

I smile at my wife's explanation and run my fingers through Harper's long hair. "How does Clarke feel?" I tentatively inquire, unsure if she will open up about her...maybe girlfriend?

Harper tugs at her sleeve and wipes her nose across the garment, prompting Regina to cringe inwardly. Our daughter shrugs and sweeps away the tears below her eyes. "She likes me, but she's not really sure about herself as I am. I know she still crushes on boys as well," she quietly confesses like the words taste foreign upon her tongue.

"And how long have you known?" I gently ask.

"Awhile I think." She nibbles on her bottom lip and I can just see the words tumbling around in her mouth just begging to come out. She worries her bottom lip a little more before her mouth finally pops open to allow her confessions to pour out. "Sutton and I played spin the bottle in sixth grade at someone's house and I just remember hating every minute while all the other girls squealed over the cute boys. God, even Sutton was ecstatic." Her nose curls in disgust from the distant memory that has been clearly burned into her mind. "In seventh grade, we were playing truth or dare and John dared Clarke and I to kiss and it just clicked. I felt so much more in that one kiss than all those boys combined."

"How many boys were there?" Regina harshly interrogates while Harper and I pointedly glare at her expressing that's the least of the problems right now. "Right," she curtly replies and nods for our daughter to continue.

"I don't know, when I first met Clarke I just...I just knew." Regina and I both soften at this, both our smiles slipping into lazy, lovesick grins. "She's so..." her words fade away into nothing as the world around us slowly quiets down. "I really like her a lot."

"How long have you been seeing each other?" I ask, only half expecting her to answer truthfully.

"Two months," she happily offers, those beautiful hazel eyes shining brighter than I have seen in quite some time. With the tears still lingering against her irises, I swear her eyes are like diamonds sparkling against a midnight sky.

"So you're officially together?" Regina pushes for just a little more information.

"Yes," she nods enthusiastically to help persuade her admission. "But I asked her if we could keep it a secret, which she didn't mind. Obviously Sutton knows, why we were fighting," she mumbles under her breath and rolls her eyes in true Mills' fashion.

"So does Sutton know Clarke sneaks out of her room during sleepovers to spend time with you?" Regina sternly questions causing our daughter to freeze instantly. My eyes flick toward Regina's just like Harper's, terrified what she might say next.

"Uh-I," Harper shakes her head vigorously, but we all know she's lying.

"We know," Regina strictly informs our daughter, promoting an audible gulp from Harper.

"Y-yes...she knows. That's how she found out about us. But I swear nothing has happened!" Harper implores, her hands trembling in her lap. "I promise moms, we've only kissed. We mostly just talk when she comes into my room."

I catch a glimpse of Regina's face softening as she listens to our daughter panicking from the thought of us thinking more has occurred between the two young girls. She nods along slowly and grips our daughter's chin once again.

"We can't forbid Clarke from sleeping over anymore because that would be punishing your sister, but things will change. There will be no more sneaking around in the middle of the night," Regina narrows her eyes at our daughter and holds her gaze firmly expressing how serious she truly is. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes mom," Harper frantically bobs her head in agreement knowing she dodged a bullet when it comes to her brunette mother's punishments. "Can we...maybe...just keep this between us? I'm-I'm..."

"Relax Harper," I gently rest my hand upon her shoulder and squeeze some love and reassurance back into her tightly wound muscles. "Whenever you are ready," I vow and smile to help ease some of her worry.


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six

"Emma? What are you doing here?" Ivy questions as she glances up from her laptop behind the receptionist's counter.

"Just thought I'd swing by," I state while holding up two bags of takeout.

"You better have something in that bag for me as well, otherwise we are in a huge fight," she coldly comments while her fingers continue to tap away against her keyboard, but I know this woman well enough to know she's just teasing me.

"How about," I quickly dig through one of the bags and pull out a plastic container, "a chicken salad wrap with a side of fruit?" I offer while dangling the lunch in front of her face.

"Sold," Ivy snatches the container from my hand and gathers her laptop as well. "Regina is just finishing up with her last patient before break, I believe you know where her office is," she replies as I follow her down the narrow hall toward the back offices.

"Yup," I confirm and squeeze passed her so I can enter Regina's office. I place the two bags on her immaculate desk and begin pulling out its contents. Ivy's eyes are heavily boring into my back so I quickly spin around on my heels to confirm the brunette leaning against the doorway. "What's up?"

"How are things going?" She softly inquires showing off her sensitive side that she hardly ever allows anyone to see.

I smile warmly back at our friend and hook my thumbs into my back pockets as the familiar giddy feeling tickles my gut. "Really well."

"It's been about a month now..."

"Almost..." I slowly drawl waiting for her to elaborate on what she might be hinting towards.

"How long until you tell the rug rats?" My friend rolls her eyes at me as though she's annoyed for having to actually ask the question out loud.

"I don't know," I shrug casually and turn to finish unpacking the food. "I think we will know when it feels right."

"And it doesn't feel right yet?"

"We are getting there. It's barely been a month, that's not very long in the dating world." I set down my container and peek over my shoulder at my friend who is watching me curiously like I'm some strange animal new to this world. "We want to make sure it's right before we drag our children into the mess."

"Emma," Ivy gently whispers, fully grasping my attention. "You and I both know that you two are forever. Look how much she has changed for you, she's not going anywhere and I truly don't believe that she will revert back into her old habits. She was miserable without you and she's not willing to risk loosing you again."

I inhale sharply through my nose as I take a moment to really register my friend's admission. As I look back on this past month, I know I see a significant difference between Regina a few years ago and this Regina I have today. I know winning my heart back is a main priority for her, I just hope that when she finally knows that I'm not going anywhere either, that she doesn't fall back into her destructive patterns once again.

"Emma," Regina's delicate voice rings through my ears and snaps me back to the now. She walks over to me within two long strides and places a loving kiss to my cheek. "What did you bring today?" She hums happily as she peeks into the bag closer toward her chair behind the desk.

"Wraps," I flash her a cheeky smile, because every time I see her, she flips a switch in my brain that instantly brightens up my day. "I ordered you a grilled chicken wrap with avocados."

"Sounds delicious, Ivy would you like to join us?" Regina tosses the invite over her shoulder as she rounds her desk and sinks down into the comfort of her chair.

"No thanks, I have some work I need to catch up on in my office. Enjoy your lunch date," our friend sly comments and slips out the door before we can mutter a word.

After Ivy shuts the door behind her, I continue fishing out napkins and condiments before I fall back into my seat. I pull my feet up onto the soft cushion and crisscross my legs as I lean over Regina's desk. She sits regally across from me, her posture perfect as always and I smile at her strive to always appear professional.

"So...do you know what tomorrow is?" I inquire and pretend like I'm very interested in unwrapping my sandwich, my eyes straining to watch the paper unravel.

I feel her eyes on me, watching, assessing and I don't even have to look up to know there's a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Yes, Emma, I know what tomorrow is. It's my birthday."

"Oh it is?" I play stupid, my mouth hanging agape for dramatic effect, which earns me a cold grape thrown at my face. We both chuckle and I watch with great interest as she consumes the smallest bite ever so she doesn't make a mess of her face or desk. "So, tomorrow is Thursday and I don't have ' _kickboxing_ '," I make sure to use air quotes knowing they always bring a smug smile to her beautiful face. "...so, I was thinking you should come sneak into my house at midnight."

"But Emma I work Friday, I will be so exhausted," she whines for about a half a second before I lean forward in my seat and cut her off.

"I don't think you will be because the relaxing lavender from your cozy bubbles will soothe your strained muscles. Not to mention the full body massage I have planned. And once your body is completely relaxed, I figured we can cuddle up in our bed and sleep for a few hours before you sneak out in the morning," I explain hoping to persuade her mind into coming over.

"Full body massage, huh?" She playfully remarks as she sways her chair from side to side like she is mulling over this new information.

" _Full_ body massage...no parts will be neglected."

Regina seductively pops a grape into her mouth and hums around the juicy fruit washing over her tastebuds. "I do like the sound of that," she praises, her hips shifting in her chair demanding my full attention.

"Don't," I coldly state and quickly take a bite of my wrap.

"What?" She innocently inquires.

"You know what," I declare and motion toward the spot between her legs that's so obviously being clenched between her crossed legs from her desire. "We don't have time for a quickie."

"Who said?"

"I said," I demand and lean back just a smidge. "Come over tomorrow if you need that issue taken care of."

XXXXXXXXX 

All the candles are set. The lights are off, just the trusty moonlight guiding the path from the bedroom to the ensuite where the candles are working hard to set the romantic mood. The bubble bath is fizzing with extra bubbles and do to some last minute changes from the information Regina provided, everything seems to be in place.

The door slowly cracks open while Regina's shadow slides through the small gap she provided for herself. She carefully closes the door behind her and sighs her relief from not being caught. Ava jumps down from my bed and immediately greets Regina at the door. The birthday girl bends down and scratches just below those floppy ears and that's when her eyes land upon the small surprise waiting at her feet.

Regina reaches out with one hand, the other still busy showering the puppy with attention, and retrieves the candy bar resting in the middle of the floor. Those big brown eyes slowly crawl up until she spots another candy bar, then another and another until her eyes land on me waiting patiently in a red silk skimpy lingerie set.

"Happy birthday," I whisper as she lazily stands from her kneeling position with an ever growing smile, showing off her pearly white teeth.

"Thank you," she murmurs and follows the path of chocolatey treats, picking up each one along the way with Ava hot on her heels. Both have seem to taken a liking toward one another with all the sneaking around over the past few weeks. "What's all this?" She quietly asks while holding up the candy bars. My hands reach for her waist and tug her flush against my body, forcing the air from her lungs to brush against my lips. "You look stunning," she compliments, tenderly kissing me as a thank you for tonight.

"So," I unhurriedly pull away from her wonderful mouth, "I know you said you had a visitor come this afternoon and you're really not in the mood, so that's why I exchanged rose pedals for chocolate."

A joyous, carefree laugh bubbles from her mouth and we both wince from how loud it actually came out. "That's so sweet. I love you," she whispers while cupping my cheek and kissing me softly once again.

"You still up for a bath? I have your lavender bubbles and extra hot water," I sing song in hopes of coaxing this sexy woman out of her clothes.

"Of course, I would love to," she happily complies and pecks my cheek one last time before leading the way into the bathroom.

"Go lay down," I instruct the white fluff ball bouncing around my feet and point toward my bed. Ava happily follows my command and jumps back onto the bed, curling up at the foot into a tight ball.

When I enter the bathroom, I softly close the door behind me and discover Regina bending down to tear away her black underwear.

"Someone's eager," I point out as Regina just smirks and carefully steps into the fluffy bubbles, popping some in her awake.

"Aren't you going to join me?" She innocently inquires as her body slowly emerges into the extra hot water.

She's absolutely perfect and I just need a moment to watch as the bubbles slowly envelop her olive toned skin, swaddling her muscles in warmth that will slowly loosen her knots and wash away her stress. Her long eyelashes flutter closed as she leans against the back of the tub, resting her head on the edge as she fully allows her body to relax.

After a moment, she pries one eye open and takes in my lingerie. "Aren't you going to join me?"

"Of course," I assure her with a genuine smile and peel away the silk clinging to my warm skin.

Regina slowly rises from the back of the tub and sits forward, allowing me all the space I need to slip behind her naked body. My entire body relaxes as the hot water swallows me whole and I rest against the tub, pulling Regina's back against my front.

My fingers slide behind her, finding the rough knots inflicting pain upon her tired shoulders. I press a light kiss to her temple and begin working on those tense muscles. A small groan slips passed her lips as her neck rolls from side to side, fully enjoying her birthday present.

"This is so sweet Emma, I love this," she hums, her voice already sounding drunk between my touch and the warm bubbles soothing her soul.

"I'm so glad you're enjoying your birthday present, you need to relax. I know you're stressed with the move coming up at work," my lips seek out her temple for another tender kiss as I whisper into her hair, "and I know you're trying to hide the anxiety for my sake."

"I just don't want to add anything that might screw this up," her head falls back, resting comfortably against my shoulder, "we've been so happy."

"I know," I sigh with another kiss into her head. "But we cant just avoid stressful situations because we are scared they might ruin our relationship. We need to still be open and honest if we want our relationship to succeed."

"I understand, I do, it still doesn't help ease the fear of loosing you again," she confesses as her hands tread through the water, skimming my thighs before she squeezes them with love and affection.

My hands slip away from her shoulders, sliding down to her biceps where I squeeze away some of her tension. I travel all the way down her arms, clenching at the stiff muscles until my fingers dance across to her abdomen. My palms lay flat against her hips, my fingers splayed out as I slowly move up her tight abdomen with added pressure. A small groan stirs in her chest as I make my way up her goddess figure. Carefully, I cup each breast, tenderly kneading them while my lips pepper slow sensual kisses down her neck.

Regina's hands begin to caress my thighs while she absorbs all the attention I'm providing for her body. After I believe I showed her breasts with enough affection, I travel up toward her chest and begin gently massaging that area as well.

"Emma," she chokes out and I can't tell if she's emotional or half asleep from the bubbles and my hands working over her body. I simply hum in response, my lips too eager to move away from her warm neck. Regina takes me by surprise, when she flips over, splashing water over the tub and onto the tile below. "Emma," she repeats, balancing on her hands between my thighs. Those beautiful brown eyes are glossy and pleading as she gazes into mine with a small pout ghosting over her full lips. "I want to come home," she whimpers and it's the saddest sound I've ever heard her mouth utter.

My heart cracks from the vulnerability lacing her words, forcing my hands to fly out from under the water and cup both of her cheeks. I stare right back into those sorrowful eyes while my thumbs caress her flushed cheeks. I know in my heart it's far too soon, but then I feel my heart crack even further from the acknowledgment. If I don't say yes, I know my heart won't with stand the pain and I don't think I would be able to forgive myself.

"Don't you think it's too soon?" I timidly question in fear that I might hurt her feelings because that's the last thing I want to do.

"Yes," her voice shattering on such a small word. She swallows down her emotions and tries her very best to appear calm, but I know her well enough to know she's petrified on the inside. "I known its way too soon, but I can't help how much I miss you and the kids. I hate being apart like this when I know you are mine."

"Regina, I promise I'm not going anywhere. I love you deeply and I'm not about to give up on us again." I lean forward to seal my vow with a kiss that will hopefully convey my love. "I'm sure this is harder for you because you're away from the kids as well, but I just don't want to rush anything." Her face falls, absolutely devastated that I'm rejecting the offer, forcing a pain in my heart that I haven't felt in awhile now. "Can we try keeping it a secret for another month? Just to be on the safe side. Maybe we can start having family dinners to ease the idea back onto the kids, so it's not like, ' _okay mom's moving back in, p.s. we are back together_!', you know what I mean?"

"Of course," she offers me the best smile she can muster up as she curls her fingers around my wrist. "You tell me whenever you feel comfortable. I'm not going anywhere," she promises with a kiss that starts off slow, but quickly turns into a fiery passion that's borderline frantic.

Regina floats effortlessly through the bubbles, her hands slipping on either side of my hips while her body ghosts over mine. A surge of desperation sparks through my veins encouraging my hands to pull her face even closer to mine. This temptress moans erotically while parting her lips, her warm velvety tongue dipping into my mouth and dominating my willing tongue.

My fingers and toes start to feel all tingly as I groan deeply into her mouth, needing more of whatever she has to offer. Regina expertly sucks my bottom lip into her mouth, biting down with force and allowing her teeth to drag across the flesh, all while she rolls her body against mine. Those perky, hardening nipples skim across mine, sending a shockwave of arousal to clench my gut. The sensation provokes my hips to buck up, seeking more of her euphoric touch.

My fingers slither into her damp locks, fisting a chunk into my hand before I tug with enough force to break apart our kiss. We are both heaving and gasping messes when our eyes meet.

"We have to slow down, otherwise I'm going to take you right now," I profess while loosening my grip on her hair. She simply nods, still attempting to fill her lungs with much needed oxygen. "Unless you changed your mind, I have no problem-"

"No, my cramps have been brutal all day. I just want to cuddle up with you and relax," she states with a lazy grin sliding across her face.

"That I can do," I reply with a quick peck to her kiss swollen lips. Regina spins back around, falling into my arms once again while I snake my arms around her and hold her tight. "I love you," I declare just once more into her ear and appreciate the way her body sinks further into mine.

"I love you too, Emma."

We spend the next half an hour in the tub together, our fingers lazily mapping out every inch of each other's warm skin. My fingers massaged and caressed every muscle to loosen the worries in her mind. Regina's fingers danced across every freckle, every scar, becoming reacquainted with my body once more.

Soon we are stumbling out of the tub, our bodies so relaxed that our minds feel like they are drowning in a heavy fog that makes us appear intoxicated. Very naked, we curl up beneath the sheets, tangling our limbs together as we face one another, sharing the same pillow in the process.

"I'm so exhausted," Regina whispers just as her eyelashes flutter closed.

"Sleep, I'll wake you in the morning. I promise." I kiss the tip of her nose and watch as a content smile stretches into her cheeks.

"Good night Emma, thank you for the best birthday ever."

I frown slightly at her statement because I'm fairly confident she was hoping I would allow her to move back into our home as a present. Despite her best efforts to seem unfazed by my rejection, I know it's still killing her.

"Just one more month and if all goes well, you can move home. I promise."

"I love you Emma," she puckers her lips but is far too tired to move any further, so I stretch the rest of the way and kiss her goodnight.

"I love you too. Good night baby."

The corner of her mouth deepens into a lazy, half smile while her eyes remained firmly shut. "I thought I told you not to call me that."

"You love it."

"That I do."


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

A tingling buzz vibrates in the back pocket of my jeans and as much as I want to drop everything to check the text message that is taunting me, I know I can't. My fingers slip just a little on the edge of the cardboard box so I balance on one leg and use my knee to readjust the heavy weight in my arms.

"Uh, can you two stop gossiping and move a little faster," I berate the twins as they help each other carry a box in front of me, hardly paying any attention to their surroundings.

"This is heavy mom," Sutton snips complete with her mother's eye roll, "we are doing our best."

I breathe out my frustrations and glare at the ceiling, summoning all my strength to work hard on not dropping this box. Finally, my daughters take the hint and move their feet just a little faster. I practically tumble into the front office and drop the box that is filled with books onto the counter.

As I attempt to catch my breath, I find my hand already moving to fish out my phone because somehow over the last month, I've become obsessed with checking the device. One would assume my phone is the real reason behind all my nightly orgasms for how much attention I'm showing the damn thing.

My thumb sweeps across the screen to unlock the device, already diving right into my messages. The moment my thumb clicks onto the green box, my face is splitting into a giddy grin.

 _You curled your hair to move boxes all day?_

I really try hard to suppress my stupid smile, especially with her amused eyes boring a hole right through the side of my head. My fingers rapidly beat down against the screen, ready to pretend that her words don't effect me.

 _Should I not take pride in my physical appearance?_

I nibble on the inside of my lip as I reread the message and then press the send button. I shove my phone into my pocket and begin opening the box of torture from earlier. I glance through my eyelashes at Regina across the room, unpacking, calm as ever as she effortlessly lifts items from the box and places them in their new spots.

"Where do you want all these books?" I question as my eyes flick back toward my task at hand.

Ivy strolls up behind me and peeks over my shoulder to take a gander at what's inside. "Hmm, probably on the small table for now, I guess we need a shelf for all the children's books. The other office had built in shelves on the wall."

"I already ordered a shelf, it should be here tomorrow," Regina calls out as she dutifully continues her work, driving me slightly mad because I know she hasn't checked her phone just yet.

"So, yeah, you can just lay the books out on the table until the bookcase comes," Ivy kindly recommends before drifting away for another project.

My phones buzzes again in my pocket, sending electrical sparks to course through my body and kick start my heart like a gunshot at the beginning of a race. I fumble quickly like some needy junkie and pull out my phone again.

 _I like the curls. I missed those soft curls that used to easily wrap around my fingers._

I bite down hard on the inside of my cheeks to keep my smile from spreading. I quickly type out my response and try to ignore the feeling of her warm eyes on me all over again.

 _You've been doing so much to prove that you are trying. It's about time that I try too._

"Ma?" Henry's voice jerks me back to the world spinning around me and I quickly shove my phone into my back pocket while I meet his tired eyes. "Are we almost done? I'm starving."

"Me too," Sutton huffs from somewhere on the other side of the room.

"Regina? What do you think?" I call out while finally moving the box to the table like Ivy had asked.

"I think we can be done for the day," she agrees, slowly lifting herself off the floor. "How about I buy everyone pizza as a thank you?"

"You better order a lot, because I'm about to scarf down an entire pizza to myself," Henry chuckles as he slips into his coat.

"Are we going out for pizza or ordering?" Harper softly inquires with her phone clutched tightly in her hand.

"How about we go home and eat? Is that alright with you Regina? That way we can all relax," I suggest cautiously, hoping our children won't sense anything too out of the ordinary.

"Of course, I can stop by tonight."

A small snicker comes from the corner of the room, causing Regina and I to snap our attention toward the culprit. Ivy is staring down at nothing of importance while she attempts to cover up her laughter.

"Something you would like to share with the class?" I mock.

"Nope, you guys head on home and enjoy some family time, I'm going to finish up a couple things in my office," she claims before she hugs our children goodbye and scurries into her office.

"Alright, you kids ready?" I ask while sliding into my coat even though my body is burning up from all the heavy lifting.

"Hey mom," Harper softly says as she timidly approaches me, "would it be alright if Clarke comes by for pizza?"

A gentle smile forms around my mouth from her sweet disposition. I glance over at Regina to confirm, but I notice Henry next his other mother with a perplexed expression consuming his face.

"You're hanging out with Clarke now?" Henry chuckles and lightly shoves Sutton's shoulder playfully. "Are you going to be pissed all night now that Harper is stealing your best friend."

"Henry, knock it off," Regina quickly intervenes before Sutton lashes out. "Of course Clarke can come over, Harper," she confirms just as Sutton punches Henry in the bicep earning herself a childish yelp.

"You're so dumb," Sutton scowls as she storms off, leaving her brother to absentmindedly rub his wound and appear even more dumbfounded than before.

"Alright, enough, lets go home," I comment and push my kids toward the door.

XXXXXXXXX 

"Thank you for having me over," Clarke politely says as she stands between Harper and Sutton, waiting for Henry and Noah to finish piling their plates with pizza.

"You're welcome sweetie," Regina replies with a soft smile, apparently trying her hardest to express her support for the puppy love, even though she thinks our children are too young to date.

"Clarke, did you finally realize Harper is easier to get along with than Sutton?" Henry teases through his deep chuckle, but no one else in the room is laughing...well beside Noah who is clueless as to what is happening around him.

"I-I-no-"

"God Henry, shut up!" Sutton bellows and shoves his shoulder roughly.

"I'm just kidding Sut, what is your problem? Why are you so violent?" He teases again, but it isn't helping the three anxious blondes standing beside him.

"I'm just gonna go eat in my room tonight," Sutton says as she hastily snatches up a few pieces of pizza.

"We will join you," Harper softly mutters to help ease her sister's worries.

The three girls head toward the staircase and just as they begin to climb Regina is opening her big mouth. "Keep the doors open!"

I squint at my wife, silently scolding her for not thinking before she speaks. Just as I'm about to say something Noah cuts me off. "Why do you want their doors open? Do you think they are going to have a food fight and get sauce everywhere?" He innocently asks with his head tilting to one side.

"Yes bud, that's exactly why, we don't want a mess up there," I quickly respond while Henry shoots me a quizzical look and I can only assume he's starting to piece everything together in his head about his sisters.

"Henry, why do you have to constantly tease Sutton?" Regina exasperates as we all sit down around the dining room table.

Regina maybe focused on our children at the moment but I can only focus on the fact that we haven't sat around the table together in over a year. We had our family dinners for that week in Sicily, but around _our_ dining room table has been far too long. It's just the start of our family back together again.

Suddenly, I'm leaping to my feet, startling everyone at the table. "Sorry, I think the girls should eat with us," I reason and quickly run up the stairs to retrieve the girls before anyone can protest. I'm finding it very important that the twins be present at the table for our first family meal again.

I run up the stairs and find all three girls sitting in Sutton's room all talking quietly. "Hey girls," I lightly knock against the open door as I enter my daughter's room. All three sets of eyes crawl over to where I'm just lingering over the threshold.

"Hey mom, what's up?" Sutton asks appearing so much calmer now that Henry's not bugging her.

"Your mom is downstairs eating with us and I think you should join. It's been awhile since we all ate in this house together, right?"

Hazel eyes flick toward green for that crazy twin conversation that they can hold so well without any words spoken. Clarke continues eating, completely accustomed to their behavior and just waiting to be told what they plan on doing.

"Sure mom, we'll come down," Harper happily obliges as all three girls slide off Sutton's bed.

"Great, I think it's a good idea, since your mom and I are getting along so well," I smile and follow the girls into the hall.

"Sure mom," Sutton begins, flashing me her most condescending smirk that reminds me so much of Regina. "That's why."

My feet stop dead in their tracks feeling as though they were suddenly filled with thick fresh concrete. "What's that suppose to mean?"

"I don't know mom...is there anything you would like to tell us?" She mocks in a tone where it would be impossible to deny that she's clearly making fun of me. She gently places a hand upon my shoulder and pouts out her thin bottom lip. "We will love you and support you, no matter what," she claims in a sticky sweet voice causing me to shrug off her touch.

"You kids are the worst," I over exaggerate while all three girls laugh in my face. "You're lucky you have parents who are so accepting," I declare through a scoff of annoyance.

"We know," Harper quietly comments as her eyes flick toward Clarke's. Her girlfriend smiles that adorable shy grin and casts her eyes to the stairs as we descend.

"Just know you don't have to lie to us either," Sutton states with conviction, any signs of humor quickly vanishing into thin air.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"We aren't stupid mom," Harper rolls those big hazel eyes and brushes passed me on the stairs. "The boys maybe, but we aren't."

My heart races as I watch my twins bounce happily down the stairs without a care in the world. A prickly sweat breaks out at the base of my neck and creates a chill to wash over me. Paranoia kicks in and my mind starts stumbling through every encounter Regina and I had in private, wondering if one of them was snooping in the shadows.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," I stammer as I try my very hardest to come up with something intelligent to say.

"Sure you do, because nobody looks at their ex wife like the way you two do, unless something was happening," Sutton confidently states as we reach the bottom of the stairs. "But don't worry we won't tell the boys until you and mom are ready."

My mouth pops open to protest anything at this point, but the girls are rushing off toward the dining room, leaving me a discombobulated mess. I slowly approach the table with caution, absolutely terrified what else my girls might taunt in front of everyone.

I sink into my chair with Regina's questioning eyes watching my every move. The suspicion and curiosity are beating in those dark eyes, knowing that something is clearly off with my face. Then, the sudden burst of laughter from my children tears our eyes apart so we can focus on just them.

Suddenly, my world becomes a foggy haze and for some odd reason all I see are my babies when they were little. Noah bouncing in a high chair next to Regina. Henry smiling through a mouth full of food while he tries to make his sisters laugh. Sutton and Harper giggling at their older brother, while Sutton slyly places her vegetables onto Harper's plate.

I remember thinking back then that I just wanted my kids to grow up. Every time we sat down for dinner, the evening always felt chaotic and rushed. The children were always so loud and hyper, not to mention we would always be fighting with one of them to just eat. It was like a permanent headache was always waiting nearby every time dinner was served and I wished for a time when my children were older and things would quiet down.

Now, I would give anything to turn back the clock and see my kids as babies once again. I long to hear their carefree giggles and playful banter that filled our home with joy. Henry is leaving in a few short months to college and our family, as a whole, now has a distinct expiration date slapped across our home.

There isn't much time left where we can enjoy our family all together in this house and suddenly I'm asking myself why I'm so reluctant to have Regina back in our home. I should be taking this opportunity at a changed Regina and running with it.

"Emma?" Her soft voice breaks through my thoughts like a baseball crashing through a glass window. I blink. I blink again and slowly turn to face a very concerned frown. "Are you alright? You haven't touched your pizza and that's just not like you," Regina says through a very faint smile because worry is still etched across her forehead.

My heart flutters as I take in her soft features and for the first time in a long time, at this dinner table, she appears relaxed.

"I'm just fine, maybe a little tired from breaking my back for you all day," I tease while lifting my slice of pizza up toward my mouth, "but otherwise I'm more than just fine." I smile to reassure her that everything truly is alright and take a big bite.

She reciprocates the same gesture while her eyes linger just a little bit longer on my face. I reach beneath the table and squeeze her thigh, silently expressing just how content I am in this moment.

This is all I need in life, my family all around one table.


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight

My limbs are weightlessly floating as the warm sun beats down around me. The golden rays seeping into my skin and warming my bones, eliminating all the stress that I've been carrying around for far too long. A sudden squawking from a bird above grasps my attention causing a scowl to appear upon my face. I watch as the giant bird hovers over my body, swarming in the same circle while he screeches, disturbing my peaceful bliss.

My eyes begin to flutter open as the miserable squawking continues and I'm being dragged from my dreams, back to reality. On instinct my hand reaches for my phone on the nightstand and jerks the devices closer to my face. I pry one eye open and squint as I shut off my alarm.

A deep, raspy groan vibrates against my bare chest, snapping away the foggy haze around me and fully waking me up. I toss my phone back onto the nightstand and pull this gorgeous woman even closer into my embrace. Calming warmth emits from her silky naked flesh and I can't stop myself from snuggling even closer.

A grin threatening to split my face in half, spreads like a crack in fragile glass. My lips stretch forward to place a small kiss on top of her head, becoming lost in a mess of dark tresses. My wife stirs, her hips thrusting forward against my thigh, heating up my skin instantly from the heat emitting from her center.

I scoot down between the sheets and brush my nose against hers. Her eyes are peacefully shut, but there's a faint smile lingering upon those full lips. My nose nudges hers once again, silently requesting that she tilts her head back so I have better access to her mouth that I desperately crave.

Regina obeys, her head falling back and her thick lips already puckering for mine. I smile as I lean forward and connect our mouths for a long kiss that remains closed. Never once do we push for more, because our lips resting against one another's is more than enough for this tender moment.

Regina sighs heavily as she slowly begins to break apart our kiss. "I should be going before the children wake," she groggily mumbles with her eyes still firmly closed.

I tighten my arms around her back and squeeze her even closer, despite the fact that we are already molding into each other's fronts.

"Or you could stay," I whisper before tenderly brushing my lips against hers again. This statement is the switch that forces her eyes open to meet mine.

"Or...I could...stay..." she utters incoherently as her mind tries to pick apart and analyze what I'm trying to say.

"Stay," I breathe barely loud enough for it to be considered a whisper and peck her delicious lips once more.

"Em...the children..." she stammers between my insistent kisses and tries to back away to study my face for more in depth answers.

"So," is all I mutter before biting down on her lower lip and sucking on the warm flesh.

She whimpers from my teasing, her nails scratching down my back until she reaches my bottom, roughly grabbing the meaty portion and forcing my body closer.

"Em," she moans as I release her bottom lip and slither down until I'm peppering her neck with sweet kisses.

"Stay," I whisper again and squirm further down with my delicate kisses. "Forever," I breathlessly request, placing one firm and meaningful kiss to her chest, just above her heart.

Her slender fingers tread through my hair while her other hand cups my cheek and gently guides my head up to meet her glossy gaze.

"A-are you sure?" Her voice wobbles on the small little question and my heart beats faster for this woman.

"Positive." I lean back down and press my lips against her chest again. Her strong heart thumps powerfully against my lips, creating a smile to form around my mouth. "I love you Regina and I don't ever want to let you go again."

"Come here," she encourages, slowly pulling me up her body again. When our noses touch, we both smile back at one another. "I am so in love with you Emma and this time we won't be so foolish." She leans forward sealing her vow with a long kiss that is only lips meshing together as one.

"So, I figure we make a huge breakfast and tell the kids you are moving back in before school."

"Perfect," she hums, rolling her hips against my body once more. "And how long do we have until they are up?" She seductively inquires while her sexy little frame rubs deviously against mine.

"Hmmm, maybe an hour?" I reply, already loosing myself within her teasing touches. My hips buck forward seeking more of her torture before she easily pushes me down onto my back.

"Plenty of time to celebrate the step forward in our relationship," she husks as her center circles deliciously against mine.

XXXXXXXXX 

After we enjoyed our intimate morning together, we then proceeded to shower and get ready for the day. We snuck downstairs before the children appeared from their rooms and whipped up some French Toast and bacon for them. We had just finished filling four glasses of orange juice when we heard the first set of feet trampling down the stairs. Noah.

"Mom, it smells so good, did you make-" our youngest stops dead in his tracks, his eyes frantically shifting between Regina and I, who are sitting and waiting patiently for our children. "Oh man, you both are here? What did Sutton do?" Noah laughs as he shuffles closer toward the table. "Or is it Henry?" He absentmindedly questions and sinks down into his seat.

"Neither honey," Regina softly replies and sips her coffee as if she never left.

I smile at my wife and slip my hand beneath the table to squeeze some love into her thigh. I think I love her more now than I ever have before. We almost went through with our divorce, papers signed and all, yet somehow we were able to fight our way back to each other. In my eyes, that is more impressive than a couple that has never called it quits.

Noah shrugs his shoulder, ignorant as to why his mothers are both sitting across from him and beaming with pure love. He eagerly claims two pieces of French Toast and a few pieces of bacon, diving right in.

Next, Henry is running down the stairs like someone lit his shoes on fire, the staircase creaking under his heavy feet. When he enters the kitchen, he suspiciously eyes Regina and I before a smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. He chooses not to comment and slides into the empty chair beside his little brother. He mutters, _good_ _morning_ , but concentrates on filling his plate.

Whispering chitchat fills the air and that's when we know the twins are coming down the stairs, because we can never hear their soft feet pad down the steps. The girls enter the kitchen, their mouths snapping shut as their eyes take in the morning view. They slide into their chairs and begin starting their breakfast, never saying a word.

"So, what gives? Mom, you've eaten dinner here three times this week and now breakfast?" Henry interrogates around a mouth full of syrup.

"Well, kids," I begin as Regina's hand slides under the table, her fingers lacing through mine. "Obviously you all know your mom and I have been spending more time together since the trip to Sicily." All four heads bob up and down, but only the twins are watching us closely.

"I've been working very hard to spend less time at the office," Regina admits.

"Yeah, you've been around a lot more," Noah chimes in and smiles up at his mother through the goofiest looking grin.

"I'm glad you noticed, honey."

"So, your mom and I have been talking and we are going to fix our marriage. She's going to move back in tonight," I explain and watch as all four heads snap in our direction, mouths agape.

"Really?" Henry chokes out over his breakfast. "I mean, I figured you two were like...a thing again, but really? Mom is gonna move back in?"

"Yes."

"Wait, you knew?" I quickly question as my nose wrinkles in confusion.

"Kinda." My oldest shrugs and continues stuffing his face like what he just confessed was no big deal.

"It was pretty obvious in Sicily," Sutton adds on as she finishes up her plate.

"Did everyone know, but me?" Noah sadly questions as his fork falls from his hand and clinks against his plate.

"It's okay bud, your mom and I weren't even sure what was happening at first. You're still young, you shouldn't be worrying about us anyways," I gently explain.

"I'm not young!" Noah harshly defends and shoves his plate away from his rigid body. "I knew about Harper and Clarke dating _way_ before any of you."

" _Noah_ ," Harper groans under her breath and turns her head to glare at her younger brother.

"What?" Henry squeals, choking on his breakfast for the second time this morning. "Harper...you and Clarke..." he coughs through his questions while Sutton smirks and Harper blushes profusely.

"Noah, you knew?" I inquire, completely baffled by his confession. "How long?"

"I don't know," he mumbles, his eyes casting down to his lap as he shrugs, silently embarrassed for spilling his sister's secret. "Awhile I guess. She just-" he shrugs again and slumps against the back of his chair. "She just looks at Clarke...differently from the way Sutton looks at her."

"Thanks a lot for telling," Harper grumbles under her breath and leaps to her feet to place her dish in the sink.

"I've kept it a secret for a long time now and played dumb for you," he quickly defends.

"Harper, don't be upset," Regina gently begins, "everyone in this house knew, except for Henry. Your secret is still safe."

"What the hell? Everyone knew but me? Why didn't you tell me Harp?" Henry quickly jumps to his feet and crosses the kitchen to meet his sister by the sink.

"I-I don't know?" She shrugs, her poor face turning a darker shade of red by the second. "I didn't really tell anyone. One way or another, they all found out..."

"I found out first," Noah rapidly interjects just to prove himself in this family.

"You did," Harper sighs and nervously tugs at her sleeves. "I-just-please Henry, please don't tell anyone," she pleads with her older brother as her fingers tremble.

"I won't. Why would I do that to you?" Our oldest son opens his arms, but his little sister refuses to move from her spot. So, Henry pulls her close to his chest and squeezes her especially tight. "I promise."

"Thanks," she mumbles and quickly pulls away from his embrace.

"Mom, I'm glad you're moving back in," Sutton states as she stands from her seat. She picks up her plate and rounds the table to place her dirty dish in the sink. On her way back, she wraps her arms around Regina from behind and hugs her close. "Love you."

"I love you too, sweetie."

Regina beams with love as each one of our children hug her and express how happy they truly are for her to be moving back in.

The children run upstairs to brush their teeth before school while Regina and I clean up the kitchen. As the children put on their shoes Regina watches them in the foyer with a permanent smile upon her face. I'm not exactly sure how long it's been since I've seen her smile this much and the day has just begun.

"Noah? How about I drive you to school instead of the bus this morning?" My wife offers as I enter the foyer.

"Sure mom, that'll be great," he smiles as he slips on his backpack.

Regina sits down on the bottom step of our elaborate staircase and begins putting on her white work shoes. I watch through the sappiest grin as she ties her laces and just like that my heart takes off racing. Her hands press against her knees as she stands tall from the step and begins sliding her arms into her coat.

"Alright? Is everyone ready?" She asks as she checks her pocket for her keys.

All four children nod in response and even though Henry is driving the twins to their school, all of them are waiting to walk out with Regina. I smile at my family, that is finally all under one roof again and stretch my arm forward toward Regina.

Those big brown eyes fall down to the space between us and I watch through amused eyes as her entire face glows with love. Her fingers wrap around the traveler's mug and she sighs, completely happy in this moment.

"Have a good day," I offer as we both lean forward for a goodbye kiss.

"I'll see you tonight," she whispers into our kiss, producing two sappy smiles in the process.

"I'll have dinner waiting for you."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," she states with conviction and plants one more kiss to the corner of my mouth.

And I watch as my family leaves for the day, already counting down the minutes until we are all under the same roof again.


	29. Epilogue

"I'll get it!" Cora shouts from the living room the moment our doorbell rings loudly through the house.

"Mom, relax, I can get the door," I insist as my feet scamper across the hardwood floors, but the older woman is already waving me off and reaching for the doorknob.

"You and Regina have your hands full and I'm not as incompetent as you two believe that I am since I moved in here," she scolds complete with the famous Mills eye roll that I secretly love after all this time.

Cora moved in with Regina and I just over a year ago when Henry senior had passed away. My father in law suffered from a heart attack one morning just after breakfast. We were all devastated, but the man lived a long and healthy life, well into his eighties. Even though his death was hard on all of us, I couldn't really be mad, knowing he lived such a happy and full life.

So, we packed Cora up and moved her back to New York with us. The woman is now in her eighties and it's just not ideal for her to be living alone and so far away from us. We didn't have it in our hearts to sell the farm in Sicily, so we are keeping it for our family to use whenever they would like.

My mother in law jerks open the front door and beams when she finds one of my daughters shivering on the porch.

"Merry Christmas!" We all shout in unison before Cora pulls Harper into an overbearing hug, crushing a small toddler in the process.

I reach around my daughter and help Clarke with the bags she's holding all while trying to balance a homemade apple pie as well.

"Thanks," Clarke breathes out while I place the bags on the floor and pull the woman into a tight hug. We both lean in for a quick peck to the cheek before I shut the door behind them.

"Where's my baby boy?" I cheerful exclaim and pull the toddler out of my daughter's arms.

"Thanks Ma, Merry Christmas to you too," Harper sarcastically quips, dropping the heavy diaper bag onto the floor.

"You know I love you baby girl, but I miss my grandson. Isn't that right, Hunter," I babble in the most sticky sweet baby talk and attack his chubby cheeks with playful kisses.

Those piercing baby blue eyes light up with excitement as he squeals in delight. I laugh along with the two year old and settle him upon my hip, inspecting his adorable red and black plaid shirt with his little khakis. My fingers skim across his silky soft blonde hair that's styled up and gently tossed to the right and I can't help but grin at how beautiful he is.

"He looks more and more like you everyday Clarke," I acknowledge as my eyes take in every delicate feature this little boy has to offer.

"Really? I don't see it," Clarke mutters as she helps Harper peel away their son's extra layers from the bitter cold. "I know it's impossible, but I swear I see Harper."

"It's the facial expressions," I laugh and nuzzle my nose against the little button one before me. "It's a Mills trait that they all inherit and it has nothing to do with blood," I firmly state, my mind reminiscing back to a time when my children were little and always reminded me so much of Regina through their expressions.

"Well, I can vouch for that," my daughter in law chuckles, hanging up all their winter gear.

After high school, Harper and Clarke attended different colleges, ending their relationship for about a month, before they decided that they couldn't stand the break up. They stayed together all through college, Harper graduating as a registered nurse and Clarke becoming an elementary school teacher. When they were twenty-four they were wed.

Harper has always been family oriented and wanted children right away. They choose a sperm donor and Clarke was the one who carried Hunter. I expected them to be pregnant with their second right now, but for some reason they aren't.

"Where's mom?" Harper asks, but her eyes are already wandering to the kitchen behind me, knowing exactly where her mother is.

"She's in the kitchen. Come on, she'll want to see this little boy." I tickle his pudgy tummy and lead the way with the warming sound of baby giggles filling our home once again. "Look who I found," I sing song.

My wife spins around abruptly from her task at the stove and just glows from the sight of our grandson. After all these years, she's still as breathtakingly beautiful as she was the day I met her. Regina has spent her entire life, eating right and making sure she stayed fit. Sure her skin is etched with a few more extra wrinkles around her eyes and mouth from all the laughter that filled our home, but she's still as stunning as ever.

Regina quickly wipes her hands free from any lingering red sauce and instantly reaches for the baby in my hands.

"Hi, my sweet boy!" She lifts Hunter into the air and presses a firm kiss to his chubby cheek.

"Hi."

Regina and I both freeze and spin around to face the two mothers, both smiling with such love and adoration.

"He just said, _hi_ ," Regina excitedly squeals and hugs Hunter even closer into her arms, kissing him and squeezing him tight.

"Yup, he has ' _hi_ ', down pat now. Along with, bye, hot, out, on and off," Clarke happily admits while I catch a glimpse of my daughter who appears slightly conflicted at the moment.

"He's getting there...slowly," she admits. "The therapist said it's just going to take some time."

"He'll be fine," Cora waves off any implication that anything could be wrong and bends down to meet the inquisitive little blue eyes. "You just need practice, right? We need someone to be more direct with you," she demands while Hunter recoils and buries his face in Regina's chest.

"We work with him every day, Nana," Harper begins and already she sounds utterly exhausted. "You don't understand, he has something called motor planning, and his brain just can't tell his mouth how to form the sounds. It's very complicated for him."

"Harper, he will get there, it will just take some extra time," Regina softly encourages, but our daughter appears more flustered than ever.

"That's what the therapist says," Harper grumbles under her breath and gently peels her son away from Regina. "I'm going to take him to the bathroom before everyone gets here. Let's go potty," she kisses her son's forehead while Hunter nods along. They quickly disappear with Clarke offering a weak smile and scrambling to catch up.

Regina and Cora both sigh heavily beside me while we watch the small family leave together. "Well it seems as though Clarke is handling Hunter's speech therapy better than our daughter," my wife comments and distracts herself quickly with finishing her sauce.

"That must be hard to deal with and I'm sure everyone would handle that situation differently."

"In my day, we didn't have speech therapy. If a child didn't talk then that was that. We just said they were late talkers and that's it," Cora exasperates as she slides onto a chair at the counter.

"Things are different now, mother. People who specialize in speech have a better grasp on understanding the details and especially how the mind works. Now, we can jump on the issues and help the child before the problem becomes worst."

Cora waves off the explanation, being far too old to follow along with how things work now and ignores her daughter completely. "That little boy is just fine."

Regina's annoyed eyes dart in my direction, already rolling from her frustrations. I offer my wife a weak smile just as the doorbell rings again. I shuffle backwards out the kitchen and scurry to greet our next guest.

As my hand is reaching for the doorknob, faint whispers linger on the other side of the door. I recognize my son's voice as he quietly scolds the others for their poor behavior. My heart cracks just the slightest from the sharp edge in his voice and I know how overwhelmed he is already.

"Lucy, please."

"Merry Christmas," I chant enthusiastically in hopes to drown out the unwanted negativity loitering on my front porch.

"Hey ma, merry Christmas," my oldest heavily exhales as he leans forward to place a quick peck to my cheek before he walks right passed me.

Henry carefully places all the presents down on the floor while Lucy stomps behind her father. I watch as my granddaughter quickly hides behind Henry with a scowl that would put the Grinch to shame.

"What's with the lip, kiddo?" I question as I softly close the door behind my daughter in law.

"Nothing," she huffs, fully exposing her true attitude.

I glance over at my son who is nervously rubbing the back of his neck and then over at his wife who is trying to appear busy with the fascinating zipper upon her jacket, which apparently, she has never seen before.

"Well there's no pouting in this house, so check your attitude at the door with your coat," I playfully tease the moody seven year old, but my comment only seems to be causing more damage.

"Lucy, can I please have your coat to hang up?" My daughter in law patiently requests, but Lucy's upper lip quivers in distaste.

With all the rage her tiny little body can summon, Lucy kicks off her fluffy boots and angrily shakes off her jacket. Instead of handing over her jacket to the one person who requested it, she forces the garment into her father's arms and storms off toward the kitchen.

"It's Christmas, what the hell could she possibly be that upset about?" I inquire, still in shock by my granddaughter's poor behavior.

"I'll go talk to her," Henry grumbles and chases after his daughter with a heavy heart.

"What's wrong?" I softly question when my son is out of earshot.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Emma. She hates me. Absolutely, hates me."

"I highly doubt that-"

"No, she does. Apparently, I'm the reason her mother and father aren't together and I'm the worst and oh that's right, I ruin everything."

"Violet, honey, she's seven. I remember Sutton at that age, full of sass and defiance. She'll grow out of it...eventually," I tease lightly, playfully bumping my shoulder into hers.

"God I hope so, because I don't know how much more stress I can take with this little one on the way," she sighs as her hands subconsciously find the swell of her full baby bump.

My eyes travel down to watch her fingers lovingly caress the baby that's hidden away beneath a thick red sweater. My lips curl instantly into a giddy grin, absolutely ecstatic about my next grandchild to come barging into this world.

Sometime during college, my oldest son had caught the commitment bug. He realized that the only woman he had ever been with was Violet and suddenly he wasn't so sure what he wanted in life anymore. Much to mine and Regina's disappointment, Henry broke up with Violet and jumped at every opportunity that came waltzing passed him during every college party blur.

I had hoped my son learned from my...accident, not to sleep around and to always make sure you are extra protected, but he didn't. He slept with some girl named Jacinda, a few too many times and then realized how much he missed Violet.

Violet has always been so mature and she easily took back my son, knowing he was her future. She understood that they needed to date other people before finally settling down which in fact made their relationship even stronger.

Three months after Henry and Violet reconciled, Jacinda showed up on my son's door explaining her pregnancy. Luckily for my son, Ruby and Belle raised an angel. Violet swore to stand by Henry and the baby.

Henry and Violet were wed three years ago after every obstacle and hurdle life threw at them. They decided to add onto their family about a year ago and now my lovely daughter in law is six months pregnant.

I never thought Lucy would grow up to resent Violet or blame her for anything since she's been around since Lucy's birth, but I guess I was wrong.

"Don't worry, Lucy loves you, she's just going through a phase right now. Who wouldn't love you?" I wrap my arms around Violet and jerk her into a tight hug, ensuring her that she's always loved in this home. "Come on, lets see what horrible things are spewing from Cora's mouth now," I tease, dragging my daughter in law into the kitchen with everyone else.

Just as we enter the kitchen, I find Harper sitting in between Cora and her wife at the counter with Hunter in her lap. Lucy is on Clarke's lap, talking to her baby cousin while Henry is annoying Regina by dipping his finger into her sauce.

"Stop that!" Regina scolds our oldest, swatting at him like a pesky little fruit fly, but they are both chuckling, instantly warming my insides and turning them into mush.

"Where is everyone else?" Harper asks, mindlessly running her fingers through her son's silky hair.

"Harper, we have a family now, that means we are responsible and always early," her brother teases, still testing all the food out in front of him.

"We weren't early, we're on time."

"Well it's disrespectful to be late," Cora chimes in, "I thought we raised you children better than that," she reprimands our children, because with each passing year, Cora seems to become more and more cranky and outspoken.

"Sutton should be here shortly," Regina replies, but her attention is on her cooking, "and we aren't even sure Noah will make it this year."

"Seriously?" Henry rolls his eyes and pops a black olive into his mouth. "Where is he now?"

"Last I heard, Greenland," Harper responds, her hazel eyes flicking back and forth between Regina and I for confirmation.

"He's in Iceland now," I correct my daughter and pull a postcard off the fridge. "He's writing some piece for the magazine," I hand the photo to Henry and watch as his eyes light up, truly appreciating the beautiful scenery. "I thought he would be back in time."

"He should've been back a month ago," Regina mumbles before throwing her wooden spoon down with such force, everyone in the kitchen jumps in their own skin.

"I'm sure he's fine, mom," our daughter tries to reassure Regina, but my wife has officially run out of patience for our youngest son.

When Regina and I decided to work on our marriage again, after our family trip to Sicily, an inspirational fire was lit in our son. Noah discovered something deep within that none of us really ever saw coming, a passion for nature.

Regina and I made a vow to travel more and with Noah being so young, he experienced a lot more trips than the rest of our children. He wanted to travel the world right out of high school, but we made him promise us that he would attend college first and then we would support his decision to explore the world.

Noah became a writer, creating beautiful pieces on different hidden treasures this world keeps secret. He works for a popular magazine, making great money, but all of that means nothing to our son. His main focus is the grassy hills, the highest peaks of mountains, the crystal water trickling through streams, just becoming one with nature.

Sometimes, our baby boy is gone for months at a time. There has been a few occasions where Noah has finished an article, but stays behind, exploring and becoming lost in time. No matter how many times we plead with him to make sure he checks in, our twenty-four year old always seems to abandon technology and just disappear into nothing.

"What about everyone else?" Henry questions as he places a magnet onto the postcard back in its spot upon the refrigerator. "I know Belle and Ruby will be here soon."

"Grandpa is on his way and Neal and Tamara will come by for dessert," I explain before another shout from our doorbell echoes down the hall. "I'll get it."

I quickly rush to my front door and yank the heavy wood wide open, finding a brunette smiling from ear to ear on my porch.

"Merry Christmas, ma!" Sutton squeals as she wraps her arms around my neck, inspiring my hands to lock behind her back and squeeze her with all my might.

"Merry Christmas, sweetie!" I pull my daughter over the threshold and slam the door shut behind her. I rapidly untangle my daughter from my body so I can inspect her new chestnut locks. "You dyed your hair."

"I did," she hums as her fingers subconsciously rake through her long bouncy curls. "I thought it was time for a change." I pout slightly, because Sutton has always been the spitting image of myself and I can't help but feel she's trying to separate us. "I don't always have to look just like Harper," she teases as she pries off her coat. "What about you?"

"What about me?" I fire right back, taking her jacket and hanging it up on the hook for her.

My daughter reaches out and plays with the bottom of my loose waves that end just above my shoulder. "When did you chop off your hair? I'm not used to seeing you with such short hair," she mimics my pout as her fingers slowly fall away from my hair.

"I'm too old now to have such long hair. It's easier this way," I shrug, locking my arm into hers and leading her toward the rest of our family.

"Look who I found!"

"It's so nice of the busy celebrity to finally grace us with her presence," Henry teases, but he's already pulling his little sister into a warm hug.

"I'm not a celebrity," she grumbles under her breath, but there's a rosy tint prickling at her cheeks and selling her out.

Sutton found her place in the fashion world, surprising every single person who has ever met her. She now works for an ever growing company, designing the latest fashion trends and in charge of some of the biggest runway shows.

In her twenty-seven years, she has never once brought someone home for us to meet. Our daughter enjoys her single life, mingling at bars and expensive parties that our family would never truly fit into, well maybe Regina could. I would love for her to bring _anyone_ home, just to see what gender she's into, because after the huge miscommunication in high school between Clarke and the twins, Regina and I never spoke of her sexuality ever again.

Still to this day, Sutton always surprises us in everything she does in life.

XXXXXXXXX 

Shortly after my daughter's arrival, my dad along with Belle and Ruby joined us. We all sat down for Christmas dinner together as a family, just like we have done for too many years to count now.

"Hunter, please take a bite," Clarke whines as she flies the fork through the air like a plane, but her son seals his lips shut and narrows his eyes at his mother.

"Hunter, please," Harper begs, but he doesn't budge.

He shakes his little head in defiance and pushes the spoon away mumbling. "N-oooooooo daddies!"

"Daddies?" Henry laughs as his eyes flick back and forth between Clarke and Harper.

"Yes," Harper sighs while Clarke is giggling to herself. "He can't say mommy or momma or even ma, so Clarke and I are both daddy."

"I'm sorry, but that's amazing!" Henry laughs and shakes his head while Hunter giggles at his Uncle. "He has two mommies and he says daddies, that's too good."

Everyone is laughing lightly around the table, even Harper, but then suddenly all of that stops when we hear Sutton's voice.

"Hunter," she softly whispers, encouraging baby blues eyes to crawl into her direction. My daughter pouts her bottom lip out as her hand moves in a circular motion over her chest.

My eyes flick toward my wife's, meeting her gaze somewhere in the middle as we silently question Sutton's action. Regina smirks before we both direct our attention back toward Sutton. Our daughter presses her fingers to her thumbs and taps her fingertips together before repeating the circular motion over her chest.

"Da-nnnnn," Hunter firmly states, lifting his hands in the air, flicking his wrists to flash his palms and the backs of his hands.

"No, you're not done," Harper strictly commands.

"Why are you encouraging the boy not to speak?" Cora mutters as she sips her wine glass. "Of course the boy isn't going to talk when you are all using sign language."

"Nana," Harper exhales her frustrations, but Sutton cuts her off immediately.

"Nana, when Hunter uses his hands _while_ attempting sounds, it helps spark the part of the brain for speech. It's easier for him to correlate a sound with a motion, it will actually help his speech in the end," Sutton educates the table as we all watch with our jaws hanging to the floor in shock.

"Since when did you learn sign language?" Regina inquires with a proud grin stretching into her cheeks.

"I don't know a lot," Sutton shrugs, morphing quickly into a shy disposition. "I just studied some important signs that I know Hunter has been working on," she admits, planting a proud smile across her twin's face and for the first time this evening, Harper actually appears relaxed.

"So he understands sign language? And doesn't have any issues learning the motions?" Belle curiously questions, paying close attention to Hunter.

"He actually picks up on it very quickly," Clarke proudly states, running her fingers through her son's soft hair. "His therapist has been signing while speaking and he picked up all the colors within an hour."

"He's so smart," Harper sighs and I can so clearly see the pain straining in her beautiful eyes. "He just can't form the sounds together." My daughter kisses the top of Hunter's head and squeezes him impossibly close to help ease her sorrows.

"He's very intelligent and he will get there," my dad smiles softly at my daughter in a way that is so comforting, that I myself begin to relax from the stress. "Boys are just slower," he chuckles to himself and dives right back into his food.

"Besides, he is so damn cute that he doesn't even need to speak right now," Ruby laughs along with my dad while everyone nods along to show their support.

Hazel eyes immediately drop to the table, my daughter focusing on feeding herself and Hunter and avoiding all of our eyes so we don't see the pain or maybe even the thick tears starting to build up from all the stress of having a child who needs special attention.

"Daddy, I'm done," Lucy whines as she pushes her plate away from her personal space.

"Honey, you hardly ate, you need to eat more," Violet says in a tone that expresses how serious she is, yet still so tender. She must have learned that trick from my wife.

"No, I'm done."

"Lucy," Henry begins, but his daughter is quick to rebel.

"No, she's not my mommy!"

"Lucy!" Regina quickly scolds, snapping every mouth shut that was ready to interrupt the family quarrel. "You will not disrespect Violet in such a manner. She has been around since the day you were born. She is your stepmother and you will respect her."

"But Nana-"

"No buts," Regina firmly commands, holding up her hand to silence the disgruntle seven year old. "Violet has been apart of this family since she was six months old. She is as much of my daughter as Sutton, Harper and Clarke are and I will not allow anyone to disrespect her."

Lucy folds her arms over her chest and slumps back in her chair, pouting even more than ever.

"Listen Lucy," I decide to add on, hoping I can shine some light on her darkening mood. "When your dad was born, his parents weren't together either. Neal and I were already broken up, just like your parents were. Your dad had Tamara as a stepmother and your Nana Regina as another mother as well. So, if you are struggling with your parents being separated why don't you _talk_ to your dad? Instead of blaming him and Violet and being rude, maybe he can help you feel more comfortable with the situation." Lucy sighs heavily, but I can see the little wheels turning in her mind and loosening up her tight muscles. "Like it or not, Violet isn't going anywhere and besides she's carrying your baby sister so you better be nice to her."

"Lucy, apologize to Violet," Henry demands in a stern tone that I have never heard my son ever use before.

"Sorry Violet," she mumbles under her breath.

"It's alright Lucy. I understand how you must be feeling, but you have to know I love you," Violet vows as she smiles so sweetly, because she has always loved that little girl and always took care of her as though she were her own.

"We love you too, Lucy," Belle smiles down at the little girl with her most sincere grin.

"You're our granddaughter in our hearts," Ruby adds on, resting her hand on top of Belle's to appear as a united front.

However, the moment is quickly interrupted when we hear the front door opening and slamming shut. Everyone around the table quickly snaps their attention to the doorway, listening as heavy boots thump across our hardwood floors.

"Merry Christmas!"

"Noah!" Everyone chants in unison as Regina and I leap to our feet to pull our son into overbearing motherly hugs.

"Oh my god bud, you stink!"

"Honey, you couldn't shower before you came home?" Regina chokes on his stench as her nose wrinkles in disgust.

"What is with that ugly beard?" Cora bellows across the long dining room table.

Noah chuckles a deep bravado as he scratches the thick straggly beard. "Oh my god, you are the spitting image of Neal." I shove my youngest son which only makes him giggle harder and warms my heart so much. My fingers curl into his sweatshirt and tug him back against my chest. "I missed you, bud."

"I missed you too, ma," he whispers and squeezes me so tight that I almost burst into tears because my baby isn't a baby anymore. His shoulders are so much broader than Henry's and he's just bulkier from all the hiking he must be doing.

"Noah, why don't you go upstairs and shower," Regina suggests before she grips the dark beard covering most of our son's face. "And maybe trim this," she tugs gently, earning herself another deep chuckle from our son.

"That I can do," he leans forward and kisses her cheek gently before running off toward the upstairs.

The chatter around us picks up again, along with the clinking of forks and knives as everyone dives right back into eating. Regina softly kisses my cheek and smiles from ear to ear.

"Finally, we are all home again," she whispers into my ear before we join the rest of our family.

XXXXXXXXX 

"Damn, I thought Henry looked like me," Neal laughs as we gather around the living room, the Christmas tree shining brighter than ever in red and gold.

Noah chuckles, the exact same laugh as Neal while he bounces down our stairs and engulfs his biological father into a bear hug. "Good to see you old man."

"I am not _that_ old," Neal weakly defends, because now we are climbing the age ladder and we have definitely passed the halfway mark a few too many years ago.

"Hi, Tamara," my youngest sweetly greets the woman and hugs her gently.

"Merry Christmas, Noah," she kindly replies and pats his cheek softly.

"Tell us all about Iceland," my father requests from his recliner that we bought especially for him when he visits.

"The most beautiful place on Earth, really," Noah excitedly replies, grasping everyone's full attention. "Ariel, the photographer that I was working with on my last piece, her and I decided to stay a little longer and really explore every inch of that wonderful place."

"What's that look for?" Henry teases his little brother as he pokes his cheek playfully.

"What look?"

"The one that has you blushing harder than a nun in a strip club," Sutton adds on even though she's playing with Hunter on the floor.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Noah nervously chuckles as Henry locks an arm around his neck and pulls him into a rough hug.

"How old are you two, honestly?" Regina huffs as she hands her mother another glass of wine.

"Stop rough housing," I scold, but secretly I could watch them fight all day. The sound of my children's voices filling our home again is more satisfying than any gift laying beneath that tree.

Henry releases Noah, but shoves him for good measure to remind him that even though Noah might be bigger now, Henry is still the oldest. Our youngest anxiously slides between Regina and I and rests his cheek against my wife's shoulder. A depressing frown curls around my mouth when I notice how small Regina is compared to our baby now.

"Mom..."

"Yes, honey," Regina coos as her nails tap against her wine glass, knowing our son is about to ask for something.

"Can Ariel come by in a little bit?" He whispers for just us to hear. We both jerk our attention toward our youngest and glare at him to continue explaining. "We've been seeing each other for a little while now," he nervously shrugs his broad shoulders, but to me I still see my shy little boy. "I really want you two to meet her."

"So, is this serious?" I interrogate in a hushed whisper.

"Yeah...kinda."

"Kinda?" Regina repeats, appearing a little perplexed by our son's vague response.

"You know I'm kinda a drifter, but she is too. We are both so compatible, especially when it comes to travel. We just...make sense."

"We would be delighted to have her," Regina smiles proudly and lightly pecks his temple, settling all his fears about introducing his girlfriend to our family.

XXXXXXXXX 

After we exchanged gifts, our family lounged around the living room, reminiscing and laughing as we always do. My eyes kept wandering over to Hunter though, he seems especially attached to Sutton. Just seeing those two interact together sends wave after wave of warmth to wash over me. It's absolutely adorable and I never thought of Sutton to be the type of person to engage so well with children, until now.

"Ems," my father breaks apart my concentration and demands my full attention. I glance to my right and find those crystal blue eyes that always bring a smile to my face. "I miss Henry Senior. Don't get me wrong, I love having Neal around and the boys, but I miss that man."

"I know dad," I gently rest my hand upon his knee and offer my most loving smile. "I miss him too. We all do. He would be so happy to watch the entire family together and he would love those babies so much," I gush as I watch my grandchildren play together with Sutton and Harper.

"He's here. Just like your mother," he pats my hand and hums softly to help ease the heartache, we know both of us are feeling in this moment.

"I know." I curl up against my father as we both fall silent and watch our happy family together.

I watch from a distance as Regina kneels between our twins. She plays with our grandchildren, but I know she's speaking to Harper. Sutton quickly interjects, swooping in to her sister's rescue as she always does, but Harper quickly stands and excuses herself from the small circle.

My lips twist as I ponder what the hell could have just happened. So, I excuse myself from my father and follow Harper into the kitchen. When I enter the kitchen, I discover my daughter gripping the edge of the counter so tight her fingers have lost all blood and color.

"What's up baby girl?" I carefully ask, busying myself with a cup of coffee to make sure she doesn't feel like too much attention is on her.

"I know mom is trying to help with all her pediatric experience, but for once I just want people to understand where _I_ am coming from," she breathes out in a rush like she's been holding onto that secret for far too long.

"And where are you coming from?" I softly question, making sure I tread lightly through this conversation because I don't want to upset my daughter anymore on Christmas.

"I-I just wish people could understand what he's going through and just stop pretending that it's all fine. Because it's not, he's struggling and I'm struggling every day with him. Clarke is so positive and that's great, it is, but I'm so tired. I'm so tired of breaking down every syllable and feeling like I'm not getting anywhere."

Those beautiful grey irises morph into a shiny silver as they glisten from her thick tears. She immediately stares up at the ceiling to stop the traitorous liquid from spilling over her cheeks and grips the counter even tighter.

"I'm trying so hard to stay positive, but it's so hard when I feel like I'm stuck. I feel like my legs are trapped in quicksand and I'm trying so hard to move forward, just an inch, but I can't," she explains as her tears bubble up in the back of her throat. "I'm struggling, ma."

With that small statement, I pull my daughter close to my chest and hold on for dear life. "I know baby girl, but you're doing such an amazing job. You and Clarke are wonderful mothers and you need to remind each other of that every day." I place a small kiss to the top of her head and run my fingers through her golden locks. "You're doing everything you can. I know it's hard and nobody wants to see their kid struggle..." I pull my daughter's face away from my chest and gaze into those adorable eyes. "...no matter how old. Hunter will get there. It's going to take a long time and it's going to be very difficult, but all that matters right now is all the love you give him, I swear," I whisper and kiss the tip of her nose.

"I know," she whimpers while brushing away her tears. "Thanks mom."

"No need to thank me, that's what moms are for."

XXXXXXXXX 

Long after our guests had left for the evening and our children settled into their old rooms, Regina and I found ourselves sinking deep into our mattress after a long, exhausting day.

"That was so nice, I missed our babies so much," Regina softly murmurs into the night.

My hand slides across her stomach and carefully tugs her torso to scoot closer to mine. Regina laughs lightly as she turns onto her side to face me and slides her thigh between my legs.

"I hope they all stay for a few days, I love listening to them bicker," I admit.

My wife hums peacefully, "I agree." She leans forward and connects our lips into a slow sensual kiss. "But I missed you today," she utters into our kiss. "I felt like I hardly seen you."

"I know," I inhale sharply and squirm even closer into her comforting warmth. "I thought about sneaking away for a quickie." This earns me a slap to my bottom, but also a hearty laugh as well.

"We are too old to be sneaking around for spontaneous sex," she demands, instantly breaking my heart from the reminder of how old we actually are.

"Don't be a brat," I capture her full bottom lip between my teeth and roll my hips against her strong thigh, "we are never too old," I seductively suggest.

Regina's slender fingers glide effortlessly across my cheeks as she kisses me with enough force that I lose all the air within my lungs.

"Prove we are never too old," she husks against my lips, provoking me to roll on top of her and deepen our kiss. "And please, don't let me down," she moans before diving right back into our kiss.

 _A/N: Thank you so much for sticking with this story, even though it was quite angsty. I hope everyone enjoyed this series! I really loved all of these characters and I hope you did as well!_


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